Prisoner Pen Pal?

[Blahblahahaaa77]

My uncle is in prison for quite a serious crime and having been to visit him I would in no way recommend reaching out to people serving long term prison sentences! Prison changes your mentality and these type of prisoners focus solely on ‘winning’, they manipulate everyone around them. It’s almost as if animal instincts kick in... what are you hoping to achieve from contacting them? What are you expecting them to say? How will you feel if they don’t reply?

If they are on that website you won’t be the only one writing to them. They will be actively hunting for the most vulnerable people to exploit.

 

[Bubblesandflowers]

My synagogue encouraged us to write to prisoners once and I never heard back. I always thought it was rude considering they have plenty of free time

 

[SoulRebel]

No because working in the system, I just find glamourising crime so odd and this type of thing usually appeals to the most vulnerable and boundary bankrupt of people, no offence. You're rewarding offenders and handing them the golden ticket to continue to manipulate. They will rewrite history and thoroughly enjoy the control and knowing someone (usually many women at one time) is enthralled by their antics and often wanting to 'understand ' the 'real them'. I think it's more valuable to address what is missing in your life and question why not many men do this.

I've just re-read this and it has struck a chord in me, how many men want to write to female prisoners? I bet that it isn't many compared to women writing to men.
This was an American trend to begin with and seems to have crept to the UK
As I said before, question your motives but stay safe and remember that lots of deserving and lonely people would love to receive a letter or email.

 

[HoGi]

I didn't know this was a thing to be able to write to the elderly in care homes. I would do that too though.

My dad was in a care home and a lot of the residents loved receiving letters or cards. Even if they couldn't reply (most had dementia) the process of looking at a card etc cheered them up

 

[Sunshine&clouds]

Being in possession of drugs doesn’t make you a drug dealer, it makes you part of a bad chain. But I can see the valid argument you’re making and I suppose that’s fair enough, it makes sense.

Being in possession of a small amount of certain drugs doesn't make you a drug dealer, but if they have been imprisoned, it will not be because they had a spliff on their person and it fell out of their pocket whilst they were eating lunch in Fortnum and Masons.

I don't know what your definition of a drug dealer is, but I assure you, if your teenage child died as a result of taking some illegal drugs given/sold to them by a mate who bought 5 MDMA wraps for his/her friends, you may think differently. Drug dealers aren't always dressed in black, walking around in a hoodie, with jerky movements and shifty eyes. From start to finish, illegally used drugs cause nothing but misery and death. They destroy lives. If someone provides a drug illegally to another person they are a drug dealer. Additionally, they won't know what those drugs contain. They have acted illegally and put people's lives at risk. They are not part of a 'bad chain'. They are criminals.

 

[Ohflogoff]

I haven’t and I wouldn’t.

 

[LittleMy]

Bit OT but wish you could put yourself forwards for jury duty, rather than it just being a lottery.

I think if the OP did that they'd get the "excitement" as being in the thick of law, but the grounding and understanding of actually who they could be communicating with.

I know it sounds patronising but I have no other way of wording this.... please don't think I'm making a dig. It's just a thought. I did jury duty for a domestic abuse case and let me tell you, it opened my eyes!

I did jury duty on a rape case when I was heavily pregnant with my firstborn, and I agree. Upon revealing our verdict, we were then given further background information about the perpetrator that wasn’t given to us prior. It turned out the person had a history of rape and criminal activity in their home country. It was shocking because there were many on the panel who genuinely believed he was innocent. Obviously, there was a guilty majority and he was sentenced. But I imagine most of those who thought he was innocent would have changed their minds after that.

 

[Pinkblush]

Each to their own but I wouldn't be able to do it. I was mugged once (long time ago) and our house was burgled when I was 12 years old. Many sleepless nights cowering under the covers in fear followed.
Also before I had a family I used to volunteer in victim support and mentoring women in refuges. I have little empathy for law breakers whatever the crime.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Like I said, some are girls my age (late 20's) who are in for 4/5 years for attacking their attacker/abuser.

I very much doubt it’s that clear cut, 4/5 years for a first offence? Which was pretty much self defence?
i do believe there are some people serving time who have been wrongly accused but that’s the exception not the norm.

again just my opinion.

 

[Oohthedrama]

I am struggling to see how anybody could be writing to a prisoner for any other reason than personal curiosity

nobody can hand on heart say they’re doing it for any other reason than morbid curiosity and excitement.
I'm sure many can convince themselves they’re doing a positive thing for someone else, but I don’t buy it

 

[Annie101]

On a lighter note, in my single days i printed a picture of the meanest guy on death row and kept it on my desk. Told every one it is my soulmate

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Yeah I watched part of the documentary and remember him having a huge following. But then look at Charles Manson, though he started the cult and they did the dirty work, some women and men are attracted to people like that.
It's wrong but it's interesting

I absolutely loathe Charles Manson. I think he was an evil, twisted fucker who preyed on vulnerable, gullible people and got them to do his dirty work for him.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Can you look the thread please? I honestly came here for advice and to hear stories but the passive aggressive comments made by people haven’t really helped. I enjoy hearing as to why people think it’s a bad idea but it’s turning into a debate and not advice now...

if you look at threads in general that’s how it goes?

you don’t get to control how the conversations go once a thread is active,
65 posts on you can’t decide you don’t like the replies and therefore shut down the conversation, you can choose to ignore the thread if you wish, and it will eventually die off I’m sure.

members are always told think before posting, you might not always like the direction the thread takes.
you're also not the only one talking about corresponding with inmates, it’s not just your thread, so many in advice/general threads seem to do this

its an interesting topic!

 

[Oohthedrama]

Out of curiosity,

you make “friends” with this prisoner, under the impression they were wrongly accused or that they’re rehabilitated.

they seem normal and nothing shady goes on, it’s just a friendship and that’s that.

5 years down the line, after release, you find out they stabbed a 75 year old woman to death, or raped and killed a girlfriend, or hurt a child.

how would you (or anyone) feel that you offered them friendship.

 

[LittleMy]

I didn't know this was a thing to be able to write to the elderly in care homes. I would do that too though.

Yes, a lot of care homes do this. The one I work in is one of them. A lot of our residents don’t have any family or friends that are still living. Others’ adult children have moved away abroad so while they still speak on the phone etc, they haven’t physically seen them for a long time. Some didn’t have children or marry.

I’d sooner want to spend my time writing to them (and visiting, when Covid fucks off again).

 

[Apple In My Pie]

Something about this makes me feel really uncomfortable. I do find it interesting and can understand why you‘ve tried it out but, in all honesty, I couldn’t think of it getting very far before coming back to their crime/their innocence if that makes sense? I think it’s that sense of it being very one sided, e.g. you only really know what they’re telling you. if it then came out that the person I was writing to was a murderer or rapist, I don’t think I could live knowing I’d supported them and would worry if they had my details (address, phone number etc) or if they became manipulative toward me. I dont think I’d mind as much if i was using temporary details, like a burner phone or fake email type thing.

I also think that some people who use prisoners as pen pals - not you, but generally - think they’re ‘saviours’, that they can save and rehabilitate someone, that they’re doing something ‘good’, especially if the messages they receive in return are manipulative ‘I’m innocent’ type, and that’s why talking to prisoners has become so popular recently in comparison to, idk, making friends through a forum or sending letters to the elderly. Again this isn’t specifically towards you I’m just musing out loud.

 

[Herefortheteeeee]

Before I get anymore snobby comments

there are both men and women you can choose from. Some are in prison for standing up against domestic abuse or because they were involved in gangs from a young age and it was a matter of fight or die.
Not all crimes involve murder.

I think it is very admiral of you to do so. I think you have obviously made your choice of who to talk to and I am sure your letter will be welcomed. I absolutely do not condone crimes at all but I have to say that prison fascinates me. I watch crime/prison documentaries all the time. Some of the prisoners have amazing stories to tell. It’s a completely different way of life. Let us all know how it goes!

 

[Miss98]

Fair play to you for being non-judgemental and believing that people change and deserve second chances. But for me it would depend on the crime. Imagine if your daughter/sister/friend/whoever was murdered or mugged, raped whatever and you found out that the suspect got the privilege of people writing to them in prison and pen pals. I'd find it a smack in the face (again, depending on the severity of the crime).

 

[SummerLeaves2004]

I haven’t judged you, I asked a question. You’re awfully defensive, aren’t you.

It genuinely concerns me that this person, who can't see the perspective of other posters is communicating with criminals. With all due respect, I don't think she is very 'street wise' and that is me being polite.

Her Google searches apparently count as research.

In my opinion there must be something missing in her life - otherwise she would direct her energy to assisting those in genuine need. Not single handedly attempting to rehabilitate criminals.

 

[LinaLamont]

A woman I used to go to school with popped up on my 'FYP' on TikTok - her video had over 100k likes and it was a 'Get Ready With Me' video about how she does her makeup etc. to video chat with her inmate boyfriend. I was super curious so found her on Facebook and it seems she used the Write A Prisoner site and has ended up in a relationship with the inmate she was writing to. She has just set up a business with his Mum over in the USA so that she is eligible to buy a house for them to live in when he's out... Really hope it turns out well for her, I for one couldn't do it!

I’m sure it’ll all go swimmingly. . .