Oh wouldn’t that just be wonderful if it was standard!
Pregnancy #63
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I’m sorry the whole age thing has been commented on a lot. I’m 40 and have a higher bmi so I was gearing myself up but my first midwife app she was so lovely and said that in her view over 45 is when it gets really risky so she’s not concerned about my age.Looking for a little reassurance.
Had my bloods screening for Down's syndrome, Edwards' syndrome and Patau's syndrome on Friday the 14th.
Scan was all good. Hospital said I would hear by today (Wednesday) if I am high risk. I am relievedas I haven’t had a phone call so can I relax? Or would you wait one more day just to be sure?!
im 41 so ancient and I’ve been reminded so many times by the hospital that im geriatricim more than aware of the risks.
For those in the low risk category when did everyone receive their letter?
Thank you
This is great to hear. My friend who is a midwife said exactly the same thing. Thank you for your comment that’s really helpful.
im a bit sick of the age thing tbh. Yes I know im bloody ancient
but I don’t need reminding.When I had my scan last week I asked the sonographer will I get extra scans and before I could say ‘because of my medical history’ her colleague piped up ‘because of your age’
I self discharged this time! They wanted to keep me in because they didn’t think baby was taking enough at feeds, but according to my community midwives he was doing fine, he only ever lost 4% of birth weight and was back at it on day 8.The post natal ward is honestly hell. I was in a bay with 5 others and one poor baby was under the blue light so screamed constantly and his mum was crying 24/7. I self discharged
I only ever got 20-30mins sleep any time, there was the constant snoring all day, call bells always going off, lots of crying babies (expected
).. it was just too noisy for me to get any rest. I felt unsafe holding baby most of the time and at one point I was hallucinating people being in my bay. 🫠It was awful compared to my experience with my first but I think there was only 2 others on that ward with me compared the full ward I had this time !
So this isn’t quite the right place for me to post this and if there is another more relevant thread to post this please do direct me, I’ve looked and can’t find one.
Not currently pregnant but have just started trying, we as a couple feel ready for kids but as an individual I’m struggling with a few things and hoping some of you can either reassure me or point me in the right direction!
I am currently on a temporary contract with work until April. I have always been able to pay my own way and look after myself but am concerned that when I do get pregnant I won’t have an actual job that can provide me with maternity pay and will have to get by on what I get state funded and find a new job post baby. Please say somebody in here has managed this and can tell me it will all work out! We have crunched the numbers and know rationally we can get by. I’m just struggling with losing (albeit temporarily) the ability to be able to pay my way on my own should I ever need to.
I am a bit of a control freak and hate that I cannot control how my body will feel or react when I am pregnant. I do know that this is something that I cannot control and need to just accept - anyone else felt this before getting pregnant and how did you cope?!
It’s not a case of not being ready for pregnancy and a baby, just those little niggling things I need a bit of reassurance on! Like I say, not quite the right place to post as you ladies have already got over these little lumps and bumps in the road and I’m asking for your expertise! Do point me in the right direction if there’s somewhere better! TIA
Not currently pregnant but have just started trying, we as a couple feel ready for kids but as an individual I’m struggling with a few things and hoping some of you can either reassure me or point me in the right direction!
I am currently on a temporary contract with work until April. I have always been able to pay my own way and look after myself but am concerned that when I do get pregnant I won’t have an actual job that can provide me with maternity pay and will have to get by on what I get state funded and find a new job post baby. Please say somebody in here has managed this and can tell me it will all work out! We have crunched the numbers and know rationally we can get by. I’m just struggling with losing (albeit temporarily) the ability to be able to pay my way on my own should I ever need to.
I am a bit of a control freak and hate that I cannot control how my body will feel or react when I am pregnant. I do know that this is something that I cannot control and need to just accept - anyone else felt this before getting pregnant and how did you cope?!
It’s not a case of not being ready for pregnancy and a baby, just those little niggling things I need a bit of reassurance on! Like I say, not quite the right place to post as you ladies have already got over these little lumps and bumps in the road and I’m asking for your expertise! Do point me in the right direction if there’s somewhere better! TIA
Re the job - I quit a job to relocate. Quit when I was 20 weeks and baby is now 4.5 weeks old. On maternity allowance which is £736pm for 9 months. On partners salary and using some of our savings I’ll have a year off and hopefully return to work when baby is 9months (im a nurse so finding work will hopefully be pretty easy). We have belt tightened a bit but in all honesty in the later stage of my pregnancy and obviously now we don’t go out - our only real big expense is a takeaway once a weekSo this isn’t quite the right place for me to post this and if there is another more relevant thread to post this please do direct me, I’ve looked and can’t find one.
Not currently pregnant but have just started trying, we as a couple feel ready for kids but as an individual I’m struggling with a few things and hoping some of you can either reassure me or point me in the right direction!
I am currently on a temporary contract with work until April. I have always been able to pay my own way and look after myself but am concerned that when I do get pregnant I won’t have an actual job that can provide me with maternity pay and will have to get by on what I get state funded and find a new job post baby. Please say somebody in here has managed this and can tell me it will all work out! We have crunched the numbers and know rationally we can get by. I’m just struggling with losing (albeit temporarily) the ability to be able to pay my way on my own should I ever need to.
I am a bit of a control freak and hate that I cannot control how my body will feel or react when I am pregnant. I do know that this is something that I cannot control and need to just accept - anyone else felt this before getting pregnant and how did you cope?!
It’s not a case of not being ready for pregnancy and a baby, just those little niggling things I need a bit of reassurance on! Like I say, not quite the right place to post as you ladies have already got over these little lumps and bumps in the road and I’m asking for your expertise! Do point me in the right direction if there’s somewhere better! TIA
it hasn’t been too much of a struggle but we do live in a low(er) cost of living area now. I also struggled with the idea of relying on my partner but I kept up my own personal bills like my phone, buying makeup etc
out of the MA so it doesn’t make me feel as guilty.Our big purchases for the baby - furniture, travel system, starting their wardrobe from scratch we have been lucky enough to have mostly gifted from family.
It will and does all work out - it’s only 9mths-1yr of your life, nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Thank you for this! We are planning something similar, with state funded maternity allowance, savings and husband’s salary to enable me to have a year off. I’m a teacher so like you I feel like finding a job post baby would be doable, though not many jobs currently at all in anything in my little corner of the UK! Really reassuring to hear from someone who is indeed doing what I’m hoping to do - thank you and congratulations on the arrival of baby, hope you are all well!Re the job - I quit a job to relocate. Quit when I was 20 weeks and baby is now 4.5 weeks old. On maternity allowance which is £736pm for 9 months. On partners salary and using some of our savings I’ll have a year off and hopefully return to work when baby is 9months (im a nurse so finding work will hopefully be pretty easy). We have belt tightened a bit but in all honesty in the later stage of my pregnancy and obviously now we don’t go out - our only real big expense is a takeaway once a week
I also struggled with the idea of relying on my partner but I kept up my own personal bills like my phone, buying makeup etc
Our big purchases for the baby - furniture, travel system, starting their wardrobe from scratch we have been lucky enough to have mostly gifted from family.
It will and does all work out - it’s only 9mths-1yr of your life, nothing in the grand scheme of things.
It didn’t occur to me I might be stuck in the hospital after birth even if I give birth naturally I devoted all of my learning time to TTC reading and seemingly none of my time on anything afterwards. I mean, it makes sense now I actually think about it but it sounds horrendous. I’ve been in hospital so infrequently in my life. Too noisy, too hot, too much going on for my liking . At the moment I am ‘high risk’ because of bmi and age and they also want the consultant to check out the fact I had my endometriosis lasered out like 15 entire years ago to see if that’s something to take into consideration 
which technically means I have to schlep half an hours drive to the local big hospital as the recommendation, but they also said I can choose to give birth wherever I want. The midwife led unit is a 5 minute walk. Or I could have a home birth. Ultimately, at a mere 9 weeks, it’s too early to consider it, I’ll opt for whatever feels safest. I was breech and not for turning so MotherDragName had a caesarian and then I had jaundice and needed a few days under the old lamp so she was trapped in the very same hospital I might end up getting stuck in!
must remember to remove my (self-purchased) usb rechargeable fan with remote control from my office when mat leave starts!
I devoted all of my learning time to TTC reading and seemingly none of my time on anything afterwards. I mean, it makes sense now I actually think about it but it sounds horrendous. I’ve been in hospital so infrequently in my life. Too noisy, too hot, too much going on for my liking . At the moment I am ‘high risk’ because of bmi and age and they also want the consultant to check out the fact I had my endometriosis lasered out like 15 entire years ago to see if that’s something to take into consideration which technically means I have to schlep half an hours drive to the local big hospital as the recommendation, but they also said I can choose to give birth wherever I want. The midwife led unit is a 5 minute walk. Or I could have a home birth. Ultimately, at a mere 9 weeks, it’s too early to consider it, I’ll opt for whatever feels safest. I was breech and not for turning so MotherDragName had a caesarian and then I had jaundice and needed a few days under the old lamp so she was trapped in the very same hospital I might end up getting stuck in! must remember to remove my (self-purchased) usb rechargeable fan with remote control from my office when mat leave starts!
I had a quite positive experience on postnatal ward. Met one of my now closest mum friends at the time. Yes it is a noisy place and can be too hot, but I was too high on adrenaline to even contemplate sleeping etc. We were very fortunate my OH was allowed overnight, even definitely helped but neither of us knew how to change a nappy 
I hope that our second experience will be somewhat similar x
I hope that our second experience will be somewhat similar x
I don’t know if this helps or not but I had exactly the same feelings about my body that you’ve mentioned but once I was pregnant not before. My body didn’t feel like “mine” anymore - not because of how it looked but how it felt. I also struggled with sickness until 20 weeks and I have a massive phobia of being sick so that didn’t help. My issues are always the unknown and what I can’t control.So this isn’t quite the right place for me to post this and if there is another more relevant thread to post this please do direct me, I’ve looked and can’t find one.
Not currently pregnant but have just started trying, we as a couple feel ready for kids but as an individual I’m struggling with a few things and hoping some of you can either reassure me or point me in the right direction!
I am currently on a temporary contract with work until April. I have always been able to pay my own way and look after myself but am concerned that when I do get pregnant I won’t have an actual job that can provide me with maternity pay and will have to get by on what I get state funded and find a new job post baby. Please say somebody in here has managed this and can tell me it will all work out! We have crunched the numbers and know rationally we can get by. I’m just struggling with losing (albeit temporarily) the ability to be able to pay my way on my own should I ever need to.
I am a bit of a control freak and hate that I cannot control how my body will feel or react when I am pregnant. I do know that this is something that I cannot control and need to just accept - anyone else felt this before getting pregnant and how did you cope?!
It’s not a case of not being ready for pregnancy and a baby, just those little niggling things I need a bit of reassurance on! Like I say, not quite the right place to post as you ladies have already got over these little lumps and bumps in the road and I’m asking for your expertise! Do point me in the right direction if there’s somewhere better! TIA
however, I got through it and honestly don’t even really remember all that now and I’m 4 and a half months pp and feel like I could do it again
You dig deep and the thought of the fact you’re growing a little person and while your body is not your own it’s only for a short time in the grand scheme of things does get you through I promise.
there are times where it’s hard but they are so outweighed by the magical ones too IMO.
Oh gosh, me too! Massively! I am so afraid of the fact I cannot control whether or not I have any sickness, because it’s literally 50/50! I know my mum was fine with me and with my brother but I can’t guarantee I will follow her and I can’t control if I’m going to suffer with sickness or not! I’m also 38 so I do worry about the fact that being a bit older, pregnancy wise I mean, will make it a more difficult pregnancy. I could be fine but I also could not be and I cannot get my head around this
thank you for your response though, makes me feel much better when I know it’s not just me!On the job, I am on a fixed term contract at work and only getting SMP. It's peanuts and I do miss the fact I used to have more disposable income. My bf has a good wage so pays for most things I can't, but I do miss being able to save my own money or just having a bit more myself. I was always earning a little more than my OH so it has taken some getting used to for me, but I keep telling myself that it's my job to look after our son for 9 months whole he works.So this isn’t quite the right place for me to post this and if there is another more relevant thread to post this please do direct me, I’ve looked and can’t find one.
Not currently pregnant but have just started trying, we as a couple feel ready for kids but as an individual I’m struggling with a few things and hoping some of you can either reassure me or point me in the right direction!
I am currently on a temporary contract with work until April. I have always been able to pay my own way and look after myself but am concerned that when I do get pregnant I won’t have an actual job that can provide me with maternity pay and will have to get by on what I get state funded and find a new job post baby. Please say somebody in here has managed this and can tell me it will all work out! We have crunched the numbers and know rationally we can get by. I’m just struggling with losing (albeit temporarily) the ability to be able to pay my way on my own should I ever need to.
I am a bit of a control freak and hate that I cannot control how my body will feel or react when I am pregnant. I do know that this is something that I cannot control and need to just accept - anyone else felt this before getting pregnant and how did you cope?!
It’s not a case of not being ready for pregnancy and a baby, just those little niggling things I need a bit of reassurance on! Like I say, not quite the right place to post as you ladies have already got over these little lumps and bumps in the road and I’m asking for your expertise! Do point me in the right direction if there’s somewhere better! TIA
Since your trying now, you could start putting away a little money yourself each month until you go off on mat leave. Just a wee bit might help you when you go off. I spent all my savings the year before I got pregnant cause I was out of work due to a family bereavement and was only working part time when I got pregnant so we weren't really able to do that.
Everyone who has replied has been so helpful, thank you! Everyone around me who has been recently pregnant or is pregnant now, seems to have their life much more “sorted” in that they have permanent jobs and own their homes whereas I’m on a fixed term contract and we rent - I have been putting money away for the past while as we knew we wanted to start trying plus I inherited some from my Grandy when she passed so that has really helped boost my savings (thanks Grandy!). I know practically we can do it. I think I just thought that when we did have kids we’d be more “sorted” but we met (for the second time around, we had dated before when we were in our twenties) a little later (I am 38, he’s 40, we got married last August) and actually you can only control what you can control - and we know we can make it work with what we’ve got. I think just getting my head round the fact I will be completely reliant on my husband and my savings is a bit tricky!!
I’m not sure if there are any agencies near you but could you pick up some additional shifts via them on the teaching front as you can set your own day rate?
Something else to consider is that others may seem to be sorted but you really don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Personally, a solid relationship with your other half is the most important because a strong foundation can withstand the craziness of having a baby. Having parents who are a team and talk together about routines and support eachother is worth more than a mortgage “owned” home. It’s something you can’t buy.
It’s really true that’s there’s never a right time. Ive had babies in all sorts of circumstances, none of them particularly ideal but everything has a way of working out
Im a bit surprised on the age thing. I'm 39, high bmi and in all this process it was very shortly brought up during the discussion if I should get ivf as in "let's not waste time in other methods since we can try the most effective one". Maybe my obgyn just trusts that I'm well informed and don't need to be reminded of that (I'm not in the UK though)This is great to hear. My friend who is a midwife said exactly the same thing. Thank you for your comment that’s really helpful.
im a bit sick of the age thing tbh. Yes I know im bloody ancient
When I had my scan last week I asked the sonographer will I get extra scans and before I could say ‘because of my medical history’ her colleague piped up ‘because of your age’
The NHS are bloody obsessed with age because it’s a risk factor for them.. I imagine it’s different in other health services where things aren’t so stretched
When did everyone receive their dates for their 20 week scan? I was told at the 12 week this would be generated and I'd be sent a letter but almost 17 weeks now and nothing. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow so will check with her, but not sure if it's normal with this scan to be sent the date later as I got the 12 week one through quickly. I guess it probably does vary depending on the area you are in, I just like to know the dates in advance
I think UK is obsessed with age and pregnancy
i think a lot of research they use is out of date and doesn’t reflect modern society ie women having babies in their 40s. A lot of the data is decades old when it wasn’t as acceptable to wait to have babies.
i think a lot of research they use is out of date and doesn’t reflect modern society ie women having babies in their 40s. A lot of the data is decades old when it wasn’t as acceptable to wait to have babies.
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