Pregnancy #63

[Tretps29]

Hope you don’t mind me changing the convo but has anyone lost friends when being pregnant?

I’ve only told a handful of friends however I have a friend who isn’t as close but she guilt tripped me into telling her (my fault for caving). She randomly messaged and told me to promise her I’d tell her if I was pregnant and how I needed to confide in her blah blah blah I found it really manipulative. She didn’t know I was pregnant but I found it selfish like her needs came first.
She’s had ivf and unfortunately it hasn’t worked.
I’ve had trauma with miscarriages and I’m high risk due to my health so it’s not easy breezy.

I haven’t heard from her since then (a blessing) until I met up with her and some closer friends for lunch. She made me feel so awkward and shot down anything I said and dismissed me but she also lectured me on how I need behave whilst pregnant. I confided in my friend and she said she also witnessed it at lunch and I’m not going mad.

I’m shocked that someone I thought was a nice girl, someone who I thought had their tit together could be so selfish or just projecting her upset onto me.

She’s is obsessed with health so lectured me about my health conditions and how I need to act during pregnancy. It’s quite a niche illness to have and she knows tit.

Has this happened to anyone else? I’m happy if the friendship jogs on and leaves me alone but I am a little hurt x

 

[absolute-omnishambles]

Hope you don’t mind me changing the convo but has anyone lost friends when being pregnant?

I’ve only told a handful of friends however I have a friend who isn’t as close but she guilt tripped me into telling her (my fault for caving). She randomly messaged and told me to promise her I’d tell her if I was pregnant and how I needed to confide in her blah blah blah I found it really manipulative. She didn’t know I was pregnant but I found it selfish like her needs came first.
She’s had ivf and unfortunately it hasn’t worked.
I’ve had trauma with miscarriages and I’m high risk due to my health so it’s not easy breezy.

I haven’t heard from her since then (a blessing) until I met up with her and some closer friends for lunch. She made me feel so awkward and shot down anything I said and dismissed me but she also lectured me on how I need behave whilst pregnant. I confided in my friend and she said she also witnessed it at lunch and I’m not going mad.

I’m shocked that someone I thought was a nice girl, someone who I thought had their tit together could be so selfish or just projecting her upset onto me.

She’s is obsessed with health so lectured me about my health conditions and how I need to act during pregnancy. It’s quite a niche illness to have and she knows tit.

Has this happened to anyone else? I’m happy if the friendship jogs on and leaves me alone but I am a little hurt x

The friendship isn’t serving either of you well any more, so communicate your needs clearly and give it the slow fade if need be. Any lecture can be responded with a ‘I’d rather we didn’t discuss that’ or ‘Please don’t do x again, it’s upsetting me.’ And if she continues, then stop seeing her and being available.

I think it’s important to understand that not everyone can take infertility, and a failure to conceive with good grace- so I think she does need to be cut a bit of slack.

Some people can be genuinely happy and hopeful at a friend being pregnant when they are struggling to conceive.

Others can say the ‘right thing’ and go to the baby showers with a smile on but break down in private. Some need to detach entirely.

Others, like your friend, can become absolutely erratic as a result. I certainly was unhinged after three unexplained early losses before my child was born.

Sounds like she was desperate to be ‘normal’ and open about your pregnancy, but can’t really cope with it all- so is acting strange and domineering.

That doesn’t mean she is completely ‘excused’ from acting like an hole and upsetting you- you just need to relinquish your expectations of what she can offer you. She can’t be the friend and source of positive energy that you need right now, and it might be necessary to see each other less.

You might find each other again, you might not.

I would personally take solace in the fact that you are likely to make lots of new mum friends at NCT and baby groups as you enter this new phase of your life.

 

[Tretps29]

The friendship isn’t serving either of you well any more, so communicate your needs clearly and give it the slow fade if need be. Any lecture can be responded with a ‘I’d rather we didn’t discuss that’ or ‘Please don’t do x again, it’s upsetting me.’ And if she continues, then stop seeing her and being available.

I think it’s important to understand that not everyone can take infertility, and a failure to conceive with good grace- so I think she does need to be cut a bit of slack.

Some people can be genuinely happy and hopeful at a friend being pregnant when they are struggling to conceive.

Others can say the ‘right thing’ and go to the baby showers with a smile on but break down in private. Some need to detach entirely.

Others, like your friend, can become absolutely erratic as a result. I certainly was unhinged after three unexplained early losses before my child was born.

Sounds like she was desperate to be ‘normal’ and open about your pregnancy, but can’t really cope with it all- so is acting strange and domineering.

That doesn’t mean she is completely ‘excused’ from acting like an hole and upsetting you- you just need to relinquish your expectations of what she can offer you. She can’t be the friend and source of positive energy that you need right now, and it might be necessary to see each other less.

You might find each other again, you might not.

I would personally take solace in the fact that you are likely to make lots of new mum friends at NCT and baby groups as you enter this new phase of your life.

Awwwww I know I’m pregnant and emotional but thank you so much for writing such a clear, articulate and grounded response

I’d prefer if she recognised she was angry with me and said she needed to step back but that won’t happen. I’ll definitely be giving it the slow fade and thank god she’s not one of my closest friends.

She told my other friend she hated her when she saw she was pregnant (they didn’t know each other then) and said she liked her once she realised she didn’t have the perfect life. My friends marriage broke down. Anyway these comments understandably hurt my friend. As if their friendship is only viable if something tit has happened to you.

But you’re right it’s not serving me or said friend to be friends rights now.
Maybe it’ll change further down the line but I’ve seen a side I don’t like.

I’ve had a rough time of it with multiple miscarriages and illness which have caused complications in regards to pregnancy for me. It’s not been easy. But I can’t be honest with her and don’t want to talk to her about anything which says everything!

 

[cupcake_face]

I am in Durham but I am happy to travel a little - Newcastle etc.

This is my plan! Test drive then order online, it's so much cheaper it seems!

There is a lovely independent business called Newbles in Seaham if that’s not too far from you? May be worth a look

 

[anything at all]

Only 33 weeks and uncomfortable, feel like there’s constantly so much pressure between my legs, how do I do this for however many more weeks?

 

[Pixie123]

Only 33 weeks and uncomfortable, feel like there’s constantly so much pressure between my legs, how do I do this for however many more weeks?

Omg I’m the same. 33 weeks today and the heartburn is killing me off . I am up all night between that and leg cramps! I thought I would have a least a few more weeks before feeling this uncomfortable x

 

[101d]

Omg I’m the same. 33 weeks today and the heartburn is killing me off . I am up all night between that and leg cramps! I thought I would have a least a few more weeks before feeling this uncomfortable x

Also 33 weeks and very uncomfortable! Terrible back and pelvis pain! Absolutely knackered and fed up with work lol

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

Hi! I’m about a minute pregnant. Been TTC over 18 months and were on the verge of starting an IVF journey when I got a BFP on Sunday. Well. It was a bit of a squinter but not a complete squinter. MrDragName and I are in disbelief.

Didn’t even realise they date pregnancies by your last period so somehow I’m 4 weeks ‘pregnant’ even though I’m not?! Cannot wrap my head around that but anyway! I think I ovulated on Boxing Day or the day after maybe. Anyways. I had a telephone appt with the GP booked for Friday which was to talk to him about our private fertility assessment and the NHS tests the private clinic wanted us to have and to get a stronger folic acid at their suggestion but I guess now it’s a slightly different conversation we’ll be having!

I’ve never been pregnant before, never seen a positive line on an HCG test. Should I be expecting the line to get darker over the coming days if I retest? I use easy@home strips. I did a Clear Blue digital ultra early response test too (said positive!) but they catch the same strength of HCG which is 10 (whatever unit of measurement) and I wonder if a 25 (unit of measurement) test would even catch that I was pregnant?! I guess I’m scared and in disbelief and I’d like to see a stronger HCG line/see it developing.

Also, I’ve had the oddest twingey feelings. Nothing like period cramps, can’t describe them. Not super painful, more uncomfortable? A couple of times when I’ve belly laughed it’s felt like my muscles are sore in my lower stomach as well. Is this normal? My app says I have something the size of a poppy seed inside me so I was a bit confused, it’s too small to be causing me any grief.

I’m a bit torn between wanting to make every plan under the sun and being scared this doesn’t work out for whatever reason and not wanting to get ahead of myself. I’m sure lots of you have been there or are there with me!

 

[clmay]

Oh what amazing news! Yes I did tests for about a week after my first faint positive and they got darker. I also felt incredibly crampy in most of my first trimester. I think I looked at the tissue every time I went for a wee expecting the worst. But cramping and twinging is also completely normal. I think all you can do is take it day by day for now and maybe book an early reassurance scan. We had one at 8 weeks and it was such a relief to hear a heartbeat.
Congratulations!

 

[FoksiOska]

Didn’t even realise they date pregnancies by your last period so somehow I’m 4 weeks ‘pregnant’ even though I’m not?! Cannot wrap my head around that but anyway!

This completely threw me too huge congratulations to you though

 

[Pixie123]

Hi! I’m about a minute pregnant. Been TTC over 18 months and were on the verge of starting an IVF journey when I got a BFP on Sunday. Well. It was a bit of a squinter but not a complete squinter. MrDragName and I are in disbelief.

Didn’t even realise they date pregnancies by your last period so somehow I’m 4 weeks ‘pregnant’ even though I’m not?! Cannot wrap my head around that but anyway! I think I ovulated on Boxing Day or the day after maybe. Anyways. I had a telephone appt with the GP booked for Friday which was to talk to him about our private fertility assessment and the NHS tests the private clinic wanted us to have and to get a stronger folic acid at their suggestion but I guess now it’s a slightly different conversation we’ll be having!

I’ve never been pregnant before, never seen a positive line on an HCG test. Should I be expecting the line to get darker over the coming days if I retest? I use easy@home strips. I did a Clear Blue digital ultra early response test too (said positive!) but they catch the same strength of HCG which is 10 (whatever unit of measurement) and I wonder if a 25 (unit of measurement) test would even catch that I was pregnant?! I guess I’m scared and in disbelief and I’d like to see a stronger HCG line/see it developing.

Also, I’ve had the oddest twingey feelings. Nothing like period cramps, can’t describe them. Not super painful, more uncomfortable? A couple of times when I’ve belly laughed it’s felt like my muscles are sore in my lower stomach as well. Is this normal? My app says I have something the size of a poppy seed inside me so I was a bit confused, it’s too small to be causing me any grief.

I’m a bit torn between wanting to make every plan under the sun and being scared this doesn’t work out for whatever reason and not wanting to get ahead of myself. I’m sure lots of you have been there or are there with me!

Omg hi! I remember you from the TTC thread. So happy for you congratulations.

Twinges are normal at the early stage I had them too!

 

[littlepup]

Hi! I’m about a minute pregnant. Been TTC over 18 months and were on the verge of starting an IVF journey when I got a BFP on Sunday. Well. It was a bit of a squinter but not a complete squinter. MrDragName and I are in disbelief.

Didn’t even realise they date pregnancies by your last period so somehow I’m 4 weeks ‘pregnant’ even though I’m not?! Cannot wrap my head around that but anyway! I think I ovulated on Boxing Day or the day after maybe. Anyways. I had a telephone appt with the GP booked for Friday which was to talk to him about our private fertility assessment and the NHS tests the private clinic wanted us to have and to get a stronger folic acid at their suggestion but I guess now it’s a slightly different conversation we’ll be having!

I’ve never been pregnant before, never seen a positive line on an HCG test. Should I be expecting the line to get darker over the coming days if I retest? I use easy@home strips. I did a Clear Blue digital ultra early response test too (said positive!) but they catch the same strength of HCG which is 10 (whatever unit of measurement) and I wonder if a 25 (unit of measurement) test would even catch that I was pregnant?! I guess I’m scared and in disbelief and I’d like to see a stronger HCG line/see it developing.

Also, I’ve had the oddest twingey feelings. Nothing like period cramps, can’t describe them. Not super painful, more uncomfortable? A couple of times when I’ve belly laughed it’s felt like my muscles are sore in my lower stomach as well. Is this normal? My app says I have something the size of a poppy seed inside me so I was a bit confused, it’s too small to be causing me any grief.

I’m a bit torn between wanting to make every plan under the sun and being scared this doesn’t work out for whatever reason and not wanting to get ahead of myself. I’m sure lots of you have been there or are there with me!

Your test should get darker in the early days but honestly it’s best to stop testing once you get a digital positive because it can get lighter and darker on and off and just cause you to panic and stress is one thing you don’t need. Plus, they can’t tell you if and how pregnancy is progressing. An early scan at 6-7 weeks is the best way to alleviate fears if you’re worried.

I found early pregnancy symptoms including the cramps to be exactly like period pains and pre menstrual symptoms which is so unhelpful but absolutely normal. If you have excessive cramping that’s constant and super painful you can ask to be seen at the EPU (early pregnancy unit) but they won’t do this until around 6 weeks as they can’t see too much before then.
Pregnancy hormones cause the body’s ligaments and muscles to relax and stretch and this can happen really early on so you might be feeling a bit of that and the tiredness can make you feel generally exhausted all over.

The NHS website has a helpful week by week guide that talks about different symptoms you might expect as you go on but remember every person and pregnancy is different and a lack of symptoms does not tell you anything about how you’re progressing so again, don’t let that stress you if you’re not seeing them yourself. Remind yourself people have cryptic pregnancies without a single symptom and have healthy babies!
You might also get symptoms they don’t talk much about, nose bleeds and bleeding gums can be common, aversions to smells and foods, all sorts of weird stuff!

Super happy that you’ve got your positive 🤍

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone and an extra hi to folk from the TTC thread. Honestly wasn’t sure I’d ever make it here

Thanks for all the hints, tips and responses I think an early pregnancy scan will help me and my overly anxious mind. I’m guessing they can’t see too much as it’ll be really teeny tiny? My Flo pregnancy app is now saying I’m 5 weeks pregnant with a epic sesame seed of a collection of beautiful cells hanging out in my body, but I thought the ‘5 weeks’ would start tomorrow. Who knows?!

 

[anything at all]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone and an extra hi to folk from the TTC thread. Honestly wasn’t sure I’d ever make it here

Thanks for all the hints, tips and responses I think an early pregnancy scan will help me and my overly anxious mind. I’m guessing they can’t see too much as it’ll be really teeny tiny? My Flo pregnancy app is now saying I’m 5 weeks pregnant with a epic sesame seed of a collection of beautiful cells hanging out in my body, but I thought the ‘5 weeks’ would start tomorrow. Who knows?!

Congrats !

I think after 7 weeks is an okay time for an early scan (though 9 weeks I found was better, if you can wait that long!) otherwise it can be too early and there might not quite be a heartbeat yet - which would cause possible unnecessary panic

 

[RedPotter]

Ahh congratulations! I am only 10 and a bit weeks myself but I went for an early scan at around 7 weeks as I have bad anxiety. It helped calm me a bit to see there is actually a baby growing in there and also hearing the heartbeat was exciting.
I did my first test at what would have been 4 weeks and it was super faint, did another a couple of days later and got darker.

 

[Keera]

I had a private scan at 6 weeks as I was too anxious to wait and saw a blob with a heartbeat - but it did reassure me. Went back at 10 weeks after a complete panic about symptoms and our little girl was distinctly baby shaped by then 🩷🩷

PS: IM STILL PREGNANT

 

[101d]

Just weighed myself for the first time since being pregnant. Why did I do that! I’m 2 stone up with 5-6 weeks to go!

 

[anything at all]

Just weighed myself for the first time since being pregnant. Why did I do that! I’m 2 stone up with 5-6 weeks to go!

I’ve no idea how much I’ve gone up, they weigh me when I have my growth scan and consultant appointments and thankfully its not done in stones and lbs so I’ve not paid attention to the number it says

I am dreading having to change my eating habits after pregnancy. I’ve been such a pig over Christmas and I’m always hungry

 

[Spencerskates]

Just weighed myself for the first time since being pregnant. Why did I do that! I’m 2 stone up with 5-6 weeks to go!

if it makes you feel better, I was super slim pre pregnancy and gained over 4 stone. I lost 2 stone within the first 6 weeks and was comfortably back to my pre-baby weight after 9 months and absolutely no effort! I definitely could have lost it quicker if I’d tried, but knew I’d want a second fairly quick so couldn’t be arsed!

 

[Beanpop442]

Has anyone developed varicose veins?! I’ve had such pain in my legs/ crotch and the Dr was lovely but I don’t know anyone whose developed them pregnant!