Pregnancy #37 Surviving summer with bras off and bumps out

[watermelon sugar]

I’m 14 weeks and I’m having a scan tomorrow morning and feel really nervous, I had a scan at 7 weeks because I had some bleeding but everything was fine then so hopefully tomorrow goes well. I had a MMC in the past so I’m a bit nervous.

hope it all goes well lovely, will be thinking of you! And congratulations

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Thanks guys. Our GP surgery has online consultations where the GPS review requests and then pass information along so the message from the reception was exactly what the GP wrote if that makes sense. I’ll have a good look online tomorrow when I’m off work

 

[angelicajames]

Does anyone fancy helping me out with names? Having a little boy and his big brother is called Ezra. Names we like so far are Bowie, Rex, Forrest, Dawson etc. I just want something cool, not TOO out there but not super common. I love the name Oliver but there were 8 Oliver’s at my sons nursery and it really puts me off.

 

[Clickbait]

Does anyone fancy helping me out with names? Having a little boy and his big brother is called Ezra. Names we like so far are Bowie, Rex, Forrest, Dawson etc. I just want something cool, not TOO out there but not super common. I love the name Oliver but there were 8 Oliver’s at my sons nursery and it really puts me off.

I wish I could help but we’re having a boy and struggling with names. The only thing I’ve been considering is whether a name you use now because it’s cool or it’s cute for a little boy will stand the test of time when they’re an adult. Sadly there can be judgement of someone because of their name and that’s why it’s hard to pick unless of course you’ve fallen in love with a name and don’t give 2 shits what anyone else says!

I’m not sure I could get on board with Forrest - would just imagine “Run Forrest Run!” being shouted at him all the time



But as with all of this it’s personal preference.

 

[GlennCoco]

Baby's heartbeat was all okay must admit that there is a serious lack of communication between departments or even consultants and midwives I've been told I need a cervical scan by the consultant in our phone call but then I mentioned it to the midwife and she had no idea why and couldn't even find mention of it on my notes

 

[fairylights2000]

First pregnancy vom at bang on 11 weeks, I don't even feel better afterwards I thought nausea was meant to start getting better now, not worse!

Thinking of everyone who has been suffering this particularly during the heat!

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Does anyone fancy helping me out with names? Having a little boy and his big brother is called Ezra. Names we like so far are Bowie, Rex, Forrest, Dawson etc. I just want something cool, not TOO out there but not super common. I love the name Oliver but there were 8 Oliver’s at my sons nursery and it really puts me off.

I think the thing to bear in mind is that even if you think you’ve got a really nice “different” name sometimes the stars align and it’s somehow very popular at the time the baby is born

Dawson is a lovely name. My friends little boy is called Heath and I think it’s a wonderful name.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Does anyone fancy helping me out with names? Having a little boy and his big brother is called Ezra. Names we like so far are Bowie, Rex, Forrest, Dawson etc. I just want something cool, not TOO out there but not super common. I love the name Oliver but there were 8 Oliver’s at my sons nursery and it really puts me off.

They’re not for me personally but that’s not the point - if you like them then why not? I guess you just have to be prepared that some people are going to turn up their noses to the name and like the other post said bear in mind that when they’re older and working it could have a negative impact. That being said though those less traditional names are becoming more common so actually maybe that won’t be as much of a problem as we think

We have three Oliver’s in our family too, it’s very popular!

 

[Gidget00_]

My scan went great, baby’s heartbeat is good and everything seems fine I’m so relieved!

 

[anything at all]

First In person app done
The midwife was really lovely and they were also confused why the person who did my booking in app didn’t think I needed consultant led care, they are going to double check the requirements but they thought it sounded like I should have it.

They’ve also moved my 16 weeks appointment to an in person one, they asked me what I would prefer, so nice they gave me the option

 

[anon1405]

Right this is a bit heavy but my brother was looking through his school books today and it prompted me to raise something on this forum I haven’t mentioned before.

I’ve always wanted children but one of the things that absolutely petrifies me is that my brother and I were physically abused by our parents.

Because it’s all we knew I grew up thinking that’s how everyone was disciplined, but I have since learnt that that is not the case. For context we were hit, locked in the bathroom or the garage, pulled down the stairs by our hair et cetera.

My fear is twofold - one - that bad habits stick, because that is then how my brother and I interacted with each other when we got annoyed and I’m scared that I will hit my children, the other part is I am scared to leave my parents in charge of my children at any point during their lives. Has anybody got any advice?

edited to say: My brother and I still have a relationship with our parents, but needless to say, it’s tetchy.

 

[fairylights2000]

Right this is a bit heavy but my brother was looking through his school books today and it prompted me to raise something on this forum I haven’t mentioned before.

I’ve always wanted children but one of the things that absolutely petrified me is that my brother and I were physically abused by our parents.

Because it’s all we knew I grew up thinking that’s how everyone was disciplined, but I have since learnt that that is not the case. For context we were hit, locked in the bathroom or the garage, pulled down the stairs by our hair et cetera.

My fear is twofold - one - that bad habits stick, because that is then how my brother and I interacted with each other when we got annoyed and I’m scared that I will hit my children, the other part is I am scared to leave my parents in charge of my children at any point during their lives. Has anybody got any advice?

I would strongly recommend some counselling if you can afford it to talk through your worries and think about coping strategies. Not quite the same as your experience but I have some similar fears about repeating a parent's behaviour and leaving them in charge of my child. I have been seeing a counsellor for several years and it has helped in how I relate to my childhood (although it's still very difficult).

I would also see about a referral to your antenatal mental health service, they may be able to offer some support.

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Right this is a bit heavy but my brother was looking through his school books today and it prompted me to raise something on this forum I haven’t mentioned before.

I’ve always wanted children but one of the things that absolutely petrifies me is that my brother and I were physically abused by our parents.

Because it’s all we knew I grew up thinking that’s how everyone was disciplined, but I have since learnt that that is not the case. For context we were hit, locked in the bathroom or the garage, pulled down the stairs by our hair et cetera.

My fear is twofold - one - that bad habits stick, because that is then how my brother and I interacted with each other when we got annoyed and I’m scared that I will hit my children, the other part is I am scared to leave my parents in charge of my children at any point during their lives. Has anybody got any advice?

edited to say: My brother and I still have a relationship with our parents, but needless to say, it’s tetchy.

My mother was like this towards me growing up and we still have a very tense relationship because of it. She will never, ever be alone with my child. And if she wants to see them at all, then she abides by the rule….my baby, my rules or no contact.
I think the fact that you’re aware that how they brought you up was wrong, is already great self awareness and will help history stop repeating itself. It’s not an excuse but my great grandmother then grandmother then mother were all physically abusive as they felt it was “discipline” and that’s just what you did. Whereas I feel strongly that stops with me. My patience has been tested with my stepdaughter over the last 5 years, but I just take deep breaths, leave the room and then go back to her later and talk about things. I don’t shout because that’s how my mum always started. Good Luck, I think you’ll be an amazing mummy.

 

[Clickbait]

Right this is a bit heavy but my brother was looking through his school books today and it prompted me to raise something on this forum I haven’t mentioned before.

I’ve always wanted children but one of the things that absolutely petrified me is that my brother and I were physically abused by our parents.

Because it’s all we knew I grew up thinking that’s how everyone was disciplined, but I have since learnt that that is not the case. For context we were hit, locked in the bathroom or the garage, pulled down the stairs by our hair et cetera.

My fear is twofold - one - that bad habits stick, because that is then how my brother and I interacted with each other when we got annoyed and I’m scared that I will hit my children, the other part is I am scared to leave my parents in charge of my children at any point during their lives. Has anybody got any advice?

edited to say: My brother and I still have a relationship with our parents, but needless to say, it’s tetchy.

I think the fact you can recognise that what you experienced was not normal ‘punishment’ is a positive. The way you behaved with your brother was a learned behaviour when you were a child. Would you say you are physically aggressive towards family, friends or your partner now? When presented with a difficult situation - confrontation or frustration would your immediate response to be a violent one?

My mum was disciplined by her father quite strongly - use of a belt being one method and sadly she could be quite violent towards my brother and I. There are many reasons behind her behaviour - partly learned from her experience, partly down to undiagnosed depression. She is very different now and I am not concerned about leaving my baby when he arrives with her.

I will not follow my mum’s pattern of discipline with my own child, and if my mum ever did anything I considered to cross the line there would be a clear warning that it would be the very last time it happened.

You are in control of your own behaviour and how you wish to raise your children. If you feel you haven’t resolved past issues or trauma perhaps look to see if you can get some counselling. If you don’t feel that it’s safe to leave your child with your parents speak to them, lay down ground rules and see what they say.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Right this is a bit heavy but my brother was looking through his school books today and it prompted me to raise something on this forum I haven’t mentioned before.

I’ve always wanted children but one of the things that absolutely petrifies me is that my brother and I were physically abused by our parents.

Because it’s all we knew I grew up thinking that’s how everyone was disciplined, but I have since learnt that that is not the case. For context we were hit, locked in the bathroom or the garage, pulled down the stairs by our hair et cetera.

My fear is twofold - one - that bad habits stick, because that is then how my brother and I interacted with each other when we got annoyed and I’m scared that I will hit my children, the other part is I am scared to leave my parents in charge of my children at any point during their lives. Has anybody got any advice?

edited to say: My brother and I still have a relationship with our parents, but needless to say, it’s tetchy.

As a previous poster said, the fact you know it’s not normal or acceptable is important.

I tend to say that the way you were parented tends to either act as a blueprint for how you will parent or how you will not parent…

There was so much shouting and screaming when I was growing up that shouting stresses me out to this day - however, because it is the way I was dealt with when I was little I find that I often have to fight shouting myself, I fight really hard.

You will develop your own mechanisms to keep your behaviour in check when you feel anything rising in you - the best and most effective is to leave the room and take 2 minutes to breathe and calm down.

Also consider the process of escalation- if you succumb to shouting, what’s next? If you do the next thing, what’s next? Where are these actions going to end and where is it actually getting you and your child?

I know for a fact that whenever I was shouted at or hit it never taught me anything, it just broke my trust in the person doing it and it broke my confidence more and more. I don’t want that for my child.

 

[baxter2021]

Right this is a bit heavy but my brother was looking through his school books today and it prompted me to raise something on this forum I haven’t mentioned before.

I’ve always wanted children but one of the things that absolutely petrifies me is that my brother and I were physically abused by our parents.

Because it’s all we knew I grew up thinking that’s how everyone was disciplined, but I have since learnt that that is not the case. For context we were hit, locked in the bathroom or the garage, pulled down the stairs by our hair et cetera.

My fear is twofold - one - that bad habits stick, because that is then how my brother and I interacted with each other when we got annoyed and I’m scared that I will hit my children, the other part is I am scared to leave my parents in charge of my children at any point during their lives. Has anybody got any advice?

edited to say: My brother and I still have a relationship with our parents, but needless to say, it’s tetchy.

As other posters have said, I would really recommend counselling to help you work through your anxiety about having children.

However, I don’t think it follows that you will treat your children the same way. My father was emotionally abusive toward me and my mother. I don’t treat others the way he treated me, in fact, I think it taught me exactly the type of parent I don’t want to be and how I want to treat my partner and children. I’m very clear about how I want to parent, I’ve never felt like I’m becoming him because I was exposed to his unreasonable behaviour for many years.

Please don’t let your parents previous behaviour dictate how you live your life or the decisions you make. You are your own person and have every right to happiness regardless of what happened in your childhood.

In terms of leaving children with your parents, please don’t feel like you have to. If/when you decide to have children follow your instinct and do what you feel is right to keep you and your children safe. If this means they don’t have unsupervised time with your children, then so be it.

I hope you find some comfort in all the advice everyone is giving and please know that everyone on this thread is lovely, open and non-judgmental. We are always here to lend support. X

 

[anon1405]

As other posters have said, I would really recommend counselling to help you work through your anxiety about having children.

However, I don’t think it follows that you will treat your children the same way. My father was emotionally abusive toward me and my mother. I don’t treat others the way he treated me, in fact, I think it taught me exactly the type of parent I don’t want to be and how I want to treat my partner and children. I’m very clear about how I want to parent, I’ve never felt like I’m becoming him because I was exposed to his unreasonable behaviour for many years.

Please don’t let your parents previous behaviour dictate how you live your life or the decisions you make. You are your own person and have every right to happiness regardless of what happened in your childhood.

In terms of leaving children with your parents, please don’t feel like you have to. If/when you decide to have children follow your instinct and do what you feel is right to keep you and your children safe. If this means they don’t have unsupervised time with your children, then so be it.

I hope you find some comfort in all the advice everyone is giving and please know that everyone on this thread is lovely, open and non-judgmental. We are always here to lend support. X

Thanks, I’m 11 weeks so these fears are turning real. My boyfriend knows everything and is aware of how scared I am. I had counselling last year to process it but that was for me, not for future children… so now I’m pregnant, I think I may need to take it further. I am not a violent person but do have physical urges when I get cross. As a result, I grit my teeth A LOT.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Right this is a bit heavy but my brother was looking through his school books today and it prompted me to raise something on this forum I haven’t mentioned before.

I’ve always wanted children but one of the things that absolutely petrifies me is that my brother and I were physically abused by our parents.

Because it’s all we knew I grew up thinking that’s how everyone was disciplined, but I have since learnt that that is not the case. For context we were hit, locked in the bathroom or the garage, pulled down the stairs by our hair et cetera.

My fear is twofold - one - that bad habits stick, because that is then how my brother and I interacted with each other when we got annoyed and I’m scared that I will hit my children, the other part is I am scared to leave my parents in charge of my children at any point during their lives. Has anybody got any advice?

edited to say: My brother and I still have a relationship with our parents, but needless to say, it’s tetchy.

You’ve had some great advice already. I think it could help reading up on child development. A lot of “bad” behaviour is developmental and very normal although can be very testing. I’ve found it really helps me that I understand what the behaviour is and how to tackle it before I get shouty.
The Whole Brained Child is great for this and The Calm Parent or No Naughty Kids are good too. In terms of your parents there’s a counsellor on ig called @nedratawwab her page is great for resources on boundaries and tricky family relationships. I bought her book and that has really helped me with my own family problems that arose when I became pregnant/had my first.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Thanks, I’m 11 weeks so these fears are turning real. My boyfriend knows everything and is aware of how scared I am. I had counselling last year to process it but that was for me, not for future children… so now I’m pregnant, I think I may need to take it further. I am not a violent person but do have physical urges when I get cross. As a result, I grit my teeth A LOT.

I didn’t have a similar upbringing to you but have a very short fuse and if I’m totally honest the sound of any human under the age of 16 crying makes me want to smash my head into a wall I think you’ve got some great advice here and the fact that you’re so worried about is testament to how much you want to break that cycle.

A random aside, are ready made sandwiches ok to eat? Like Tesco meal deal… such a dumb question but I’m sure my sister was told not to but I can’t remember if that was to do with the meat or the sandwich itself (I’m veggie so no meat here, would get either a vegan meat substitute or a cheese one)

 

[watermelon sugar]

Is anyone else’s boyfriend as annoying as mine? I’ll go to him ‘omg I’m so tired’ and he’s like ‘you only found out you were pregnant two days ago how can you be tired’ Ermmmmmm cos I can!!