Pregnancy #2

[orange club biscuit]

Had a minor meltdown earlier to my husband. Just realised I don’t have a clue what type of stroller we need or how many layers a newborn should wear or what type of thing baby should sleep in. Feel like I know nothing and don’t want to mess up. What’s the best way to learn this stuff?! There’s so many products out there how do you figure out what you actually need? Feeling a bit overwhelmed.

When you have no baby siblings, nieces/nephews or friends with kids it’s such an unknown isn’t it? I feel the same! Although I do know how to change a nappy - my husband and I once ‘babysat’ our friends’ kid whilst they popped out for an hour or so and of course she did a massive poo. My husband had a complete meltdown and was like a headless chicken. Bodes well for when we have an actual child of our own

 

[Stimpii]

How are you doing?

We’re doing really good She’s feeding well so be interested to see what she weighs tomorrow at her check up.

 

[Hbirdette]

We have had the results back from cvs and baby is postive for Down syndrome. We are speaking to hospital tommorow to talk everything over xxx

Sending lots of love to you, I feel like everyone on this thread is very supportive & hopefully you get some more answers tomorrow xxx

 

[Kitt]

I think men are just a bit useless in general aren’t they? Even the best ones are just not on our level hahaha

 

[Flumperooni]

Just been reading on another thread and the talk is pregnancy related. And it’s actually really scaring me! People talking about your uterus hanging out, wearing tena pants while smelling like a corpse! I know they are talking about an influencer not being realistic about babies/ pregnancy/ birth- but it’s actually really upset and scared me. I know these sort of things happen but it’s making me so anxious. Like really badly this morning. Been crying to my other half about it because I feel like I won’t be able to do this whole birth thing! I was trying to be so positive about it, but as soon as I hear negative stories I completely feel washed over with anxiety and that down there will never be the same again and that I will be uncomfortable and pee myself for the rest of my life! It’s making me so panicked and I feel like I’m getting terrified of the birth!! Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I just being a wimp?Iv never been pregnant before and I just feel like I’m in another world at times. Any words of advice welcome xx

If it helps at all, I have had 4 babies, 3 of them were lovely (painful as hell but lovely!) homebirths (I was terrified of birth before my 1st) my uterus is just fine and stayed where is was supposed to be, i have never worn tena pants or peed myself. Admittedly I don’t think I have been on a trampoline since I had kids, but it has definitely never happened in day to day life. Even when I have been desperate and there were no toilets around as for smelling like a corpse I had never heard of this until I saw your message. If you want to ask anything feel free, I promise you will be fine. Millions of women do it every single day. I won’t lie. I think labour is hard and painful, but it ends and in the grand scheme of things. Even if it’s a long labour it is still short lived.

 

[Definitelyme]

@Upintheair83 i think people tell the absolute worst of the worst stories. They almost want to out do each other in the bad births stakes. People who say “oh mine was fine” don’t say it much, and it’s easily overlooked (especially online) when others are writing huge scary rants.

But that said, I think being realistic is also important going in to labour. Knowing things can go wrong and being prepared to make changes to your birth plan as you progress, or throw it out altogether. And I think being realistic about the effects afterwards is important too. As someone else mentioned, very heavy bleeding is common. Mine lasts up to 8 weeks. But I’ve had 3 kids and never pissed myself yet, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that!

I think striking a balance between realism and sticking your head in the sand is important. If you start reading an awful birth story, just stop if you find it is making you anxious, and go and look at some facts about birth instead

 

[Kitt]

My husband just told me I need to eat healthier cause all I can manage at the moment is bland carby stuff.

Does anyone want my address to help me hide the body?

 

[Macmama]

@Kitt thinking of you for today!

 

[WhatABore]

On to a new thread

 

[elloelloello]

What time is your scan tmrw? You poor thing ive every sympathy for you i was in your exact position last October, cried the night before, cried even harder at the scan when they showed me my little blob. Now 21wks pregnant. You're gonna be just fine.

9am I booked it in nice and early so I can’t stress too much before hand. Aw thank you so much that gives me so much hope, congratulations by the way! I’ll update you all as soon as I get home!!

 

[Vivian124]

I have my scan tomorrow morning and I feel sick with anxiety. Last week it was too early and only saw a tiny sac so hoping I see a tiny baby and even better a heart beat.. been in tears all day I’m an emotional wreck I’m sure it will all be fine but I’m just so nervous!

What time is your scan tmrw? You poor thing ive every sympathy for you i was in your exact position last October, cried the night before, cried even harder at the scan when they showed me my little blob. Now 21wks pregnant. You're gonna be just fine.

 

[Definitelyme]

Yeah I've got a second opinion in March.

Her only reason was literally the chance of infection.

I told her I was fully aware of all the risks.

I said how worried I was about tearing again and needing surgery and she said "Well, it's only a 7 out of 10 chance you'll tear that bad again anyway"

She does understand numbers right?! 7/10 is high, what an idiot. It’s crazy how different things are in different places. But you have a legit medical reason for one, it’s not like you’ve just waltzed in and decided you can’t be arsed (no pun intended ) pushing another one out.

Ask her how she would feel if her odds of ripping to her anus and potentially shitting herself for life were 7/10, would she be happy to go ahead.

 

[Squiggle]

25 weeks today! Lil tiny hand my son has called the bump Bob until they are here anyone else have a nickname for bump?

 

[LittleMy]

I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my second and terrified to give birth in this pandemic

I have no personal experience of giving birth during the pandemic, but I have heard a lot of positive stories from new mothers who have. I feel for you, it must be stressful (as if being pregnant isn’t enough already), but I’m sure you will get through it just fine. Trust in yourself and your midwife/healthcare team

 

[littlepup]

I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my second and terrified to give birth in this pandemic

I'm 36wks and not going to lie, feeling anxious too but, I'm on a FB group for the hospital maternity unit and absolutely everyone that's had their baby has said you wouldn't know the difference. First time and veteran mums alike.
Everyone coming up to birth is absolutely raging of course, demanding more for partners, wanting their older kids to go in, outraged that they have to wear masks (and generally misunderstanding the rules) etc which of course isn't going to happen and seems like a big old upset and waste of energy at this stage.

My main anxiety is that my partner get symptoms of covid and can't attend, for his sake and that initial baby bonding rather than mine. But we're doing all we can to make sure this doesn't happen, concentrating on the things we can control, trying to accept that there's a lot that we can't (even in 'normal' times) and having 'plan b' in place to try to mitigate the stress of changes. If they can manage to turn this baby I'm not even going in with a birth plan, it'd only upset me if it didn't happen.

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Exciting!! What did you get?

I got the venicci tinum in dark grey! It's so lightweight and will suit for when I go up to the stables with the baby and can wheel it all over the uneven ground. Also the full travel system was only £699 with the isofix base included so I feel like I got a bargain

They've brought out a rose gold and black one and I nearly went for it till they told me it's the exact same pram just diff colour, no isofix base included and also nearly £300 more expensive it is beautiful though

 

[LittleMy]

After my birth I was kept in overnight and I'd never changed a nappy or anything before
I was constantly pressing the button and the nurse kept coming asking if my baby was due a feed or due to be changed and I just kept staring at her like uhhh?
Literally felt clueless!
And then she brought me a bottle and just told me to feed him the bottle and I was like Um... How often do I burp them and how do I do it?

I hadn't even thought to read up on these things!

I was in for a week afterwards with a poorly baby who screamed a lot, both of us on antibiotics for infections . My OH could visit between 9am-9pm but he also had uni work to do so wasn’t always able and the hospital was a pain for him to get to (he didn’t drive at the time). I was pretty much just left to get on with it, despite the surgery. I was on my feet as soon as possible and felt like I was in shock most of the time. It was hellish. I don’t like hospitals at the best of times.

Hello Has anyone experienced annoying responses to people finding out your baby's sex? Im already a mum of one boy who's almost 9 and we had a surprise lockdown pregnancy after trying for 8 years! Anyway, I found out yesterday we are having another boy and honestly some of the replies I've had from close friends when I msged them to tell them, are making my blood boil. Replies such as. 'Ah never mind - it's ok to be disappointed etc' ... 'atleast its healthy'. one of my friends actually said 'atleast you've got poppy' (her little girl).

Of course it would have been just as lovely to have one of each and I know gender disappointment is a real thing but I am not disappointed and its annoyed me that people would assume I am upset to have another baby boy????

Am I just super hormonal or are these awful things to say? I'm happy I'm having a boy! My blood is boiling again as I write this honestly.

Any mums of multiple boys / girls had experiences like this??? X

Oh, all the time.
I have two boys and the amount of times I still hear it, is beyond ridiculous. I love my boys and wouldn’t change either of them for the world. Would it be nice to parent a child of the opposite sex for a change? Yes. But it’s not the be all and end all. I had children because I wanted them, not because I was trying for a specific gender. Some people don’t know when to shut up and mind their own business.

 

[Tui]

Someone asked me if I had an affair !!!
My husband had cancer and treatment left him infertile so we had fertility treatment using a donor. And yep, some prick actually thought it was kind to ask if I had an affair cos “ *husbands name* fires blanks”
People are total dicks and it amazes me! There seems to be no filter when people think they can talk to a pregnant woman.

i would tell that person to straight up fuck off!!! How rude!

 

[Squiggle]

The dribble is real. From both ends sorry. I'm so sorry.

 

[Tui]

!!Continuing the trigger warning for anyone that doesn't particularly feel like reading about the above topics!!

I know this episode really well. We've talked about it at work over and over. As a NICU nurse, I have mixed feelings about it - it's a very realistic, stark look at what premature babies face, but I also think it can be very traumatic for parents to be. As a mum of 3 preemies, it made me sob too. That couple were so brave, and so strong together.

The very good news is that premature babies now live from much earlier gestations, with more complications, at lower weights, with far fewer long term complications. This gets better year on year. Research is developing, our understanding is growing. Babies now survive (and thrive!) in situations that they never would have previously. Our care is getting better and better, and will only continue to do so. I cannot speak highly enough of the dedication that my colleagues have to their jobs, that the doctors have to learning and developing their skills. There are some incredible stories that come out of the NICU. Caring for premature babies is often very humbling - they are the most resilient, adaptable, amazing little souls.

None of that helped me when it was my babies, in all honesty. Sometimes I wonder if it was worse because I knew more. With our boys, they had fairly straightforward times in the NICU and it was easier. With our girl it was a completely different story. At 30 weeks, and after a crash c-section with a large blood loss, I was just in shock. I had gone in with some abdominal pain and reduced fetal movements and a tiny amount of pink bleeding, and then her heart tracing was very poor, I bled more and suddenly I was being put to sleep. I was still unwell when they took me to see her, and she was so tiny, and so unwell herself, and all my nurse brain could tell me was that my colleagues were being kind to me, but I could read their faces. My husband was so encouraging, he was so positive (looking back, I think he was just so relieved we were both alive) but at the time, I can remember looking him in the eyes and telling him she was going to die, that he was being so stupid, that she was too small and too sick. I think I refused to bond with her initially because I was convinced she wasn't going to make it, and I wasn't setting myself up for that kind of hurt. It sounds insane now but it is very common with NICU parents - it is self protection. It is a traumatic place, most people have a traumatic pregnancy and/or birth that leads to a NICU admission, and even once they are born, it can be a real rollercoaster of a journey of constant ups and downs, sometimes very suddenly. It took until she was about a month old before I finally let myself start to believe she wasn't going anywhere. It still took months for me to really love her. It's a horrible admission that I hate myself for, and I adore her now 5 year old (very feisty!) self but it is the truth. I think people are so quick to paper over traumatic events, and it does nothing for improving your mental health.

My experiences really made me reflect on what it must be like for NICU parents in a way I maybe hadn't understood before. I always try and think of what I needed or wanted in those moments when I give advice. The biggest thing I think is understanding without dramatising or scaring yourself. Understanding that things could turn out one way, but that there are so many other ways too. I don't think it helps to see that on TV or in movies because although it's real stories, it's not always portrayed in a way that helps those that want it to. Could you speak to your consultant and ask to have a chat with the neonatal team at your local unit? They are usually very understanding and good people to speak to. Usually we offer unit tours to parents of babies that may end up under our care. Right now I know our unit is doing it through a Teams meeting and camera to let people see. Sometimes knowing all the facts (without the drama of good TV) can help you feel a little calmer and more confident. Please try to set time aside each day to speak to your baby. When you feel afraid or worried, try writing a letter to your baby. Normally, when you start writing it out, you realise that this fear and anxiety comes from such a deep love, and with my subsequent pregnancy, it certainly helped me to focus on that love, on my baby, on all the things that were good. We were one week forward. He was still wiggling away. I'd bought a daft outfit for him. His siblings had picked his name.

Sending you a big cuddle. Please make sure you speak with your midwife about how you are feeling. It is such a difficult path to walk, having a complicated pregnancy. You're going to be the best mum to your little bundle

Sandwiching this with a bit of oxytocin:

This is a lovely post

I see that baby stretching and just imagine that’s what is happening when I get the violent double punches and kicks