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It must be out of print as it's got a fairly hefty price tag. The cheapest I could find, other than Kindle for just over two quid, is on World of Books for £14.00
I got mine off eBay for a tenner but I think it’s out of print so you pay over the odds.
That alternaticity boards thread is one heck of a bizarre read. Why are these people so utterly obsessed with someone they didn’t know? All the details about the time she died, the date she died etc are just beyond weird.It weirdly does seem possible doesn't it! I also came aross the strangest old thread of weirdness that highlighted all the connections of another hero of mine had with the fam, Nick Cave. He was Peaches Godfather. It's one of those long and rambling threads involving a lot of conspiracy talk but I do wonder if there aren't a few truth hidden in there. https://alternaticity.boards.net/thread/19/strange-twisted-world-peaches-geldof
I am packing sandwiches and preparing a deeeeeep old dive on the scientology but currently it stands that she lied about the std's that's proven, she and family are scientologists and those weirdo's love putting out fake info and working peoples weaknesses, I shall return once the snow has ceased and have more than tenuous, but very possible, suspicions!
Jim Carrey cleared of ex's wrongful death and was BLACKMAILED over fake STD
JIM Carrey has been CLEARED of playing a part in his ex-lover’s suicide after his lawyer showed she allegedly tried to blackmail him with faked STD results. Irish-born Cathriona White’s…www.thescottishsun.co.uk
If you hear hoofbeats think horses, not zebras. Recovering addict relapses and dies.
Utterly heartbreaking and tragic, but surely no mystical meaning to the sadness?
Yes, it’s an odd read and some parts don’t really make sense. With conspiracy theories though, and using your analogy, I tend to think along the lines ‘it’s 99% likely it’s horses but for as long as there’s a slim chance it could be zebras, I’ll keep my mind open either way’.
Quoting myself though because the more I read of that website, the more it seems like a parody of a conspiracy theory forum! I think they’re really reaching with most of that.
Its not a silly question at all!
So when i was using heroin and crack on a daily basis, i was pretty high functioning; i mean i managed to do my MA degree and get a merit for it! I was then able to work in a high pressured job, paid all my bills, took care of myself in terms of my appearance, socialised with my friends who have never taken drugs, and no one knew i was secretly battling this terrible addiction.
Although there can be some generalisations regarding the behaviour of people on heroin and crack, the truth is everyone is different. For me, i found heroin gave me a little bit of energy, and i thought i was much more productive on it. I would "nod off" only at the end of the day when i was in bed and settled. Crack cocaine made me so confident and i felt like i could take on the world. Combined it felt beautiful, i cant lie. There is a reason why people become addicted- i literally felt like i was being wrapped in cotton wool. It was the perfect combination to help me numb my past trauma and make me feel better about myself.
However, the withdrawals are awful. It is literally the worst pain in the world- its like flu but a million times worse, and i wouldnt wish it on anyone not even my worst enemy. It is a very real thing, and i only understood that when i was going through it; in the past i thought it was just made up and naively thought that it was just an excuse addicts used, but its very real and very horrible. But i never had financial issues, and i had a good relationship with my couple of trusted dealers.
I can only talk about my own experience, and other people may have different experiences to me. I am aware i have never fit the stereotypical image of an "addict"; as i said i never had financial issues, never been in trouble with the police, was able to complete my MA degree, and work in a "proper" career. However, im so glad i am not that person anymore and nowadays i take my 20 ml of methadone each day, i dont even drink alcohol anymore, i live a very boring life; but im clean and no longer living a lie or dicing with death.
I saw PG in a large shopping centre in Kent (Bluew) 3 months before she died and there's no other way to put it, she was glazed and totally out of it. Her husband was solely caring for the kids and she was just walking ahead of them in a daze. She wasn't well.It weirdly does seem possible doesn't it! I also came aross the strangest old thread of weirdness that highlighted all the connections of another hero of mine had with the fam, Nick Cave. He was Peaches Godfather. It's one of those long and rambling threads involving a lot of conspiracy talk but I do wonder if there aren't a few truth hidden in there. https://alternaticity.boards.net/thread/19/strange-twisted-world-peaches-geldof
I am packing sandwiches and preparing a deeeeeep old dive on the scientology but currently it stands that she lied about the std's that's proven, she and family are scientologists and those weirdo's love putting out fake info and working peoples weaknesses, I shall return once the snow has ceased and have more than tenuous, but very possible, suspicions!
Jim Carrey cleared of ex's wrongful death and was BLACKMAILED over fake STD
JIM Carrey has been CLEARED of playing a part in his ex-lover’s suicide after his lawyer showed she allegedly tried to blackmail him with faked STD results. Irish-born Cathriona White’s…
Thank you for sharing - this is so interesting. I’ve never touched heroin but my partner smoked it a couple of times when he was a teenager - him and his friends nodded off pretty soon and left a pizza to cremate in the oven for hours! I understand that drugs affect people differently though and that tolerance can help you be high functioning on drugs that wipe the floor with more inexperienced users.Its not a silly question at all!
So when i was using heroin and crack on a daily basis, i was pretty high functioning; i mean i managed to do my MA degree and get a merit for it! I was then able to work in a high pressured job, paid all my bills, took care of myself in terms of my appearance, socialised with my friends who have never taken drugs, and no one knew i was secretly battling this terrible addiction.
Although there can be some generalisations regarding the behaviour of people on heroin and crack, the truth is everyone is different. For me, i found heroin gave me a little bit of energy, and i thought i was much more productive on it. I would "nod off" only at the end of the day when i was in bed and settled. Crack cocaine made me so confident and i felt like i could take on the world. Combined it felt beautiful, i cant lie. There is a reason why people become addicted- i literally felt like i was being wrapped in cotton wool. It was the perfect combination to help me numb my past trauma and make me feel better about myself.
However, the withdrawals are awful. It is literally the worst pain in the world- its like flu but a million times worse, and i wouldnt wish it on anyone not even my worst enemy. It is a very real thing, and i only understood that when i was going through it; in the past i thought it was just made up and naively thought that it was just an excuse addicts used, but its very real and very horrible. But i never had financial issues, and i had a good relationship with my couple of trusted dealers.
I can only talk about my own experience, and other people may have different experiences to me. I am aware i have never fit the stereotypical image of an "addict"; as i said i never had financial issues, never been in trouble with the police, was able to complete my MA degree, and work in a "proper" career. However, im so glad i am not that person anymore and nowadays i take my 20 ml of methadone each day, i dont even drink alcohol anymore, i live a very boring life; but im clean and no longer living a lie or dicing with death.
Sorry to be a bit obtuse but by ‘PG’ do you mean Paula Yates (as in Paula Geldof)? I didn’t realise her and Bob were co-parenting at that level at that stage. She looks so vacant in photos after Michael died that I can just imagine how she was when you saw her.
I read as Peaches Geldof
Oh of course! I had a late night out last night
Am sure this must of been posted before but I hadnt seen it, it's very sad hearing how awful Peaches childhood was and the last line is very prophetic.
www.dailymail.co.uk
Why Peaches can't keep out of trouble: A family friend reveals disturbing details of upbringing that explains so much
A shiver of public embarrassment at least is surely in order, following the publication of pictures of her, naked and cavorting with similarly uninhibited friends.
She seemed to struggle to establish an identity for herself and was always seeking attention and validation. I can relate to that a bit from my 20sAm sure this must of been posted before but I hadnt seen it, it's very sad hearing how awful Peaches childhood was and the last line is very prophetic.
Why Peaches can't keep out of trouble: A family friend reveals disturbing details of upbringing that explains so much
A shiver of public embarrassment at least is surely in order, following the publication of pictures of her, naked and cavorting with similarly uninhibited friends.
I first smoked it, me and my mates at uni while we were studying our BA; and it made us sick and it did make us nod off. It was quite a socialable occasion in a fucked up way, if you can imagine that? The whole process of sharing the foil, taking our time doing it and what not. But the taste was minging, and it made us all sick as duck. But that was short lived and after smoking it a few times we just stopped and it was not until a few years later i went back to it (following me becoming dependant on prescribed opiates).
But i realised in my previous post, i didnt really answer the question about how it actually feels. So i will try and explain how it felt to me (and it is nothing like what John travolta said in his prep for Pulp Fiction- get drunk on tequilla and take a hot bath).
So when you smoke, you dont get the initial hit, it slowly creeps up on you, and you still feel it but you dont get that first hit that many people enjoy.
When injected, you feel the most amazing rush- you can literally feel it moving up your arm, into your mouth- i always got a taste in my mouth and then bang, that initial hit is like an orgasm. I cant lie about that, i mean there is a reason why its addictive! If it felt horrible people wouldnt do it. Sometimes my voice turned a bit funny, but generally it gave me a bit of energy- i just to describe it as a "little pick me up" and i really did think i was more productive on it. It also made me itchy! My back would need scratching, i never picked at my face although some people do. I think that is common for all opiates and its due to the histamine in them (i dont know the ins and outs of histamines tho).
When you add crack cocaine into it- i either smoked crack on a pipe which is like cocaine but stronger and hits quicker but doesnt last as long. Or you mix it with the heroin and inject it together; now that takes it to a whole new level and i loved it. And crack cocaine is an "upper" while heroin is a downer so mixed together is a very attractive combination for users.
As i said, i have never fit the typical stereotype of an "addict", i never had to do anything desperate or illegal to obtain money, on the outside i seem like a normal working class/middle class professional, and i kept myself to myself. I also never used other drugs such as pregabalin or valium (here a lot of seasoned users have died over the past year and the one thing they all have in common is they used pregabalin alongside heroin and crack to increase the feelings). I also never spent hundreds of pounds each day, in comparison to other users i probably took a very small amount- just enough to make me feel energised but not enough to cause me to nod off straight away. Although i havent used for ages, i still get cravings every now and then; and these can come out of anywhere. For example, i got a new face wash and the smell of it reminded me of the smell of smoking crack! Sometimes you can get a smell, or taste, or even listening to a certain song can make me have a craving; but im strong enough now not to act on it. I do have BPD and Bipolar2 so that complicates things a bit, i will always be impulsive but with therapy and support i am much better and dealing with things now. The truth is, i probably hated myself and thats why i used. I know i believed i was a nicer person, more productive and more energised on it, plus it made me forget my deep rooted internal problems and issues, and numbed the emotional pain. But now im much better at problem solving as i no longer use when i feel things are too much, i now have to face things head on. But that in itself can be quite scary, especially if you are so used to using and suddenly you have to deal with things sober. But i am much better now, and like i said i take my 20ml of methadone and thats all! I dont even drink anymore.
I know he is a bit of a head but i really enjoy listening to Russel Brand talking about his time as a user- his experiences resonate with me.
Also, there is a French-Canadian doctor called Dr Gabor Mate who is my hero. He is the leading academic plus he is an actual medical doctor who works with addiction and recovery. He is always on youtube and is just amazing. He says addiction is caused in part due to unresolved childhood trauma, and that is so true for me!
She must have felt quite overwhelmed with options as well - with her connections and the nepotism of the industry, she was able to explore so many different avenues (e.g. DJing, bring a tv presenter, writing, modelling, singing…) but none of them seemed to fit.
She was often called talentless, which is unfair. I just don’t think her talents lay in entertaining. I guess she would be a full-blown influencer if she was still alive today or maybe she would’ve found her niche.
I take my hat off to you - you’ve done so well to beat your addiction, especially in the circumstances. This is a really fascinating insight ! I have a new level of sympathy for addicts.I first smoked it, me and my mates at uni while we were studying our BA; and it made us sick and it did make us nod off. It was quite a socialable occasion in a fucked up way, if you can imagine that? The whole process of sharing the foil, taking our time doing it and what not. But the taste was minging, and it made us all sick as duck. But that was short lived and after smoking it a few times we just stopped and it was not until a few years later i went back to it (following me becoming dependant on prescribed opiates).
But i realised in my previous post, i didnt really answer the question about how it actually feels. So i will try and explain how it felt to me (and it is nothing like what John travolta said in his prep for Pulp Fiction- get drunk on tequilla and take a hot bath).
So when you smoke, you dont get the initial hit, it slowly creeps up on you, and you still feel it but you dont get that first hit that many people enjoy.
When injected, you feel the most amazing rush- you can literally feel it moving up your arm, into your mouth- i always got a taste in my mouth and then bang, that initial hit is like an orgasm. I cant lie about that, i mean there is a reason why its addictive! If it felt horrible people wouldnt do it. Sometimes my voice turned a bit funny, but generally it gave me a bit of energy- i just to describe it as a "little pick me up" and i really did think i was more productive on it. It also made me itchy! My back would need scratching, i never picked at my face although some people do. I think that is common for all opiates and its due to the histamine in them (i dont know the ins and outs of histamines tho).
When you add crack cocaine into it- i either smoked crack on a pipe which is like cocaine but stronger and hits quicker but doesnt last as long. Or you mix it with the heroin and inject it together; now that takes it to a whole new level and i loved it. And crack cocaine is an "upper" while heroin is a downer so mixed together is a very attractive combination for users.
As i said, i have never fit the typical stereotype of an "addict", i never had to do anything desperate or illegal to obtain money, on the outside i seem like a normal working class/middle class professional, and i kept myself to myself. I also never used other drugs such as pregabalin or valium (here a lot of seasoned users have died over the past year and the one thing they all have in common is they used pregabalin alongside heroin and crack to increase the feelings). I also never spent hundreds of pounds each day, in comparison to other users i probably took a very small amount- just enough to make me feel energised but not enough to cause me to nod off straight away. Although i havent used for ages, i still get cravings every now and then; and these can come out of anywhere. For example, i got a new face wash and the smell of it reminded me of the smell of smoking crack! Sometimes you can get a smell, or taste, or even listening to a certain song can make me have a craving; but im strong enough now not to act on it. I do have BPD and Bipolar2 so that complicates things a bit, i will always be impulsive but with therapy and support i am much better and dealing with things now. The truth is, i probably hated myself and thats why i used. I know i believed i was a nicer person, more productive and more energised on it, plus it made me forget my deep rooted internal problems and issues, and numbed the emotional pain. But now im much better at problem solving as i no longer use when i feel things are too much, i now have to face things head on. But that in itself can be quite scary, especially if you are so used to using and suddenly you have to deal with things sober. But i am much better now, and like i said i take my 20ml of methadone and thats all! I dont even drink anymore.
I know he is a bit of a head but i really enjoy listening to Russel Brand talking about his time as a user- his experiences resonate with me.
Also, there is a French-Canadian doctor called Dr Gabor Mate who is my hero. He is the leading academic plus he is an actual medical doctor who works with addiction and recovery. He is always on youtube and is just amazing. He says addiction is caused in part due to unresolved childhood trauma, and that is so true for me!
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I first smoked it, me and my mates at uni while we were studying our BA; and it made us sick and it did make us nod off. It was quite a socialable occasion in a fucked up way, if you can imagine that? The whole process of sharing the foil, taking our time doing it and what not. But the taste was minging, and it made us all sick as duck. But that was short lived and after smoking it a few times we just stopped and it was not until a few years later i went back to it (following me becoming dependant on prescribed opiates).
But i realised in my previous post, i didnt really answer the question about how it actually feels. So i will try and explain how it felt to me (and it is nothing like what John travolta said in his prep for Pulp Fiction- get drunk on tequilla and take a hot bath).
So when you smoke, you dont get the initial hit, it slowly creeps up on you, and you still feel it but you dont get that first hit that many people enjoy.
When injected, you feel the most amazing rush- you can literally feel it moving up your arm, into your mouth- i always got a taste in my mouth and then bang, that initial hit is like an orgasm. I cant lie about that, i mean there is a reason why its addictive! If it felt horrible people wouldnt do it. Sometimes my voice turned a bit funny, but generally it gave me a bit of energy- i just to describe it as a "little pick me up" and i really did think i was more productive on it. It also made me itchy! My back would need scratching, i never picked at my face although some people do. I think that is common for all opiates and its due to the histamine in them (i dont know the ins and outs of histamines tho).
When you add crack cocaine into it- i either smoked crack on a pipe which is like cocaine but stronger and hits quicker but doesnt last as long. Or you mix it with the heroin and inject it together; now that takes it to a whole new level and i loved it. And crack cocaine is an "upper" while heroin is a downer so mixed together is a very attractive combination for users.
As i said, i have never fit the typical stereotype of an "addict", i never had to do anything desperate or illegal to obtain money, on the outside i seem like a normal working class/middle class professional, and i kept myself to myself. I also never used other drugs such as pregabalin or valium (here a lot of seasoned users have died over the past year and the one thing they all have in common is they used pregabalin alongside heroin and crack to increase the feelings). I also never spent hundreds of pounds each day, in comparison to other users i probably took a very small amount- just enough to make me feel energised but not enough to cause me to nod off straight away. Although i havent used for ages, i still get cravings every now and then; and these can come out of anywhere. For example, i got a new face wash and the smell of it reminded me of the smell of smoking crack! Sometimes you can get a smell, or taste, or even listening to a certain song can make me have a craving; but im strong enough now not to act on it. I do have BPD and Bipolar2 so that complicates things a bit, i will always be impulsive but with therapy and support i am much better and dealing with things now. The truth is, i probably hated myself and thats why i used. I know i believed i was a nicer person, more productive and more energised on it, plus it made me forget my deep rooted internal problems and issues, and numbed the emotional pain. But now im much better at problem solving as i no longer use when i feel things are too much, i now have to face things head on. But that in itself can be quite scary, especially if you are so used to using and suddenly you have to deal with things sober. But i am much better now, and like i said i take my 20ml of methadone and thats all! I dont even drink anymore.
I know he is a bit of a head but i really enjoy listening to Russel Brand talking about his time as a user- his experiences resonate with me.
Also, there is a French-Canadian doctor called Dr Gabor Mate who is my hero. He is the leading academic plus he is an actual medical doctor who works with addiction and recovery. He is always on youtube and is just amazing. He says addiction is caused in part due to unresolved childhood trauma, and that is so true for me!
Thank you; your perspective is really interesting and it sounds like you have turned everything around. If you don't mind me asking, will you have to take methadone for the rest of your life?
I worked in addiction services for a long time, and I can still remember the statistics - 75% of female users had been subject to abuse in childhood. That absolutely shocked me, until that time, I believed addicts were party animals for whom it had got out of hand. People self medicate to numb the pain but quite often they don’t even realise they are in pain.
I dont mind at all answering questions
So im on 20ml of methadone at the moment, i initially started on 30ml, had it increased for a while, and then ive been reducing it. But i asked them to stick with 20 ml for the moment. I see it as my safety net, and im worried that when it reduces i will be tempted to use. But the idea is for it to be reduced over time until im not taking it anymore. But tbh the thought of not having it scares me! I know i have probably swapped my addiciton to opiates to being addicted to methadone, but i dont feel ready to come off it. It doesnt give me a buzz or make me high or anything, but it stops me from having withdrawals. And i know deep down that im more than ready to come off it, but its a mental struggle i have and i just dont feel ready yet.
To this day i am still confused about methadone, and maybe someone else might have more knowledge of it. But to my knowledge, methadone is itself a partial opiate and is even given to some patients as pain relief. I remember in the past taking 60ml and feeling high of it, so i do think it mimics opiates in that respect. But i dont really understand the scientific aspect of it and how it binds to the opaite recepters and whatnot. I also know that for some people, methadone is their drug of choice and they are addicted to it.
Sorry for the long answer, but the short answer is no i wont be on it for it, but at the moment i have asked them to stay at 20 ml. But it will be reduced in the future.
Methadone is really interesting, it has no doubt saved my life and has been brilliant for me in terms of my recovery. But i think the idea is for it to be a short term thing in theory, although some people are on it for life. I am on quite a small amount in comparison to other people, i have known people who have been on 80 ml of it, or even more! Now if i was to take that much, it could even cause me to OD.
Its not really funny, but i remember talking about reducing it and i was so bloody naive that i really did think that once i got it reduced down to 0 then i would just start again at 30ml! That is how stupid i was about it all!!!
I wonder would Peaches have done well if she'd gone down an academic route and got a "regular" job and stayed out of showbiz circles, she seemed to me like a bright girl who'd be well able to hack it and could get really interested in something if she found her niche.
Remember when Peaches lived in New York with her first husband Max, and wrote a column for NYLON magazine? She got absolutely slated and mocked. Tbf not surprisingly as they were incredibly pretentious. Almost like a parody - but they weren't. Brooklyn Beckham reminds me a bit of her (though I think she was far brighter than him). Aimless, but overly confident. Both would have benefitted from not being born to famous parents or having unearned money.
Anyway here is her first article for NYLON.
Anyway here is her first article for NYLON.
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