One Day of Winter #3 Queen Raven still ruling the roost.... even the Pea has reproduced.

[Sven]

That fb post with someone calling her out about moaning about schools made me cringe inside out !!

I coslept (for my own sanity, she wouldn’t sleep any other time). She’s now 3.5 and insists on her own bed - if she wakes in the night she won’t leave it but needs a bit of help to go back. She gets told no on a daily basis.
She also gets told how proud I am of her, she thrives at nursery, she’s excited for school, she’s kind, says she loves me several times a day, and is told how much she is loved and is more confident than I ever was as a child.

You can be gentle and have boundaries and balance! It must be absolutely exhausting to do what she is doing

 

[TheLastLolo]

I wish she'd take her out of the fucking sling. In that story, she's sat down just watching TV. Cuddle the poor girl properly. She's not a bumbag, Pea, she's your baby! She doesn't even seem to talk to her. She used to film loads of videos chatting away to baby Raven.

 

[Cubalibra]

Went down the instagram rabbit hole again. I circled the paragraph that echos what previous posters have been saying. How her loss of winter, which is tragic is far more greater loss than a miscarriage or a neonatal.

 

[maytoseptember]

She calls herself a “natural term breast feeder”. She’s not allowed to say no to R. It’s her very identity.

I can’t imagine how horrible it must feel to have a newborn on one boob and a preschooler demanding the other. I would have a breakdown.

 

[Booboothefool]

The videos she posts like that where the camera is on her, then pans to the baby/Raven/her tits or whatever, then back to her are so odd. She always looks so creepy and smug.

 

[justfortonight]

What are the comments like on her post? Please tell me she’s been given some actual useful advice not just the usual ‘you got this mama’

 

[Theplantmum]

Why on earth in Nic doing this to herself? R might very well be 'so into water right now' but seriously, she's just had a baby. Tell R no, mummy needs to sit down and give her colouring in or tv and snacks. Why get bowls of water out? And create all this bloody work for yourself? It really baffles me.

 

[EmilyChambers]

By labelling her parenting style and trying to define every single aspect of her parenting choice, she has boxed herself into a situation that she cannot get out of because she has not allowed herself the flexibility that comes with actually raising a child(ren).

Our hypothetical, fantasy children are SO well behaved aren't they. Our made up scenarios all work out perfectly and put other non-worthy parents to shame. Then you actually give birth to them and it all goes out of the window because children are human beings with free will!

Not all parenting tactics will work for your child/family/lifestyle. You have your principles/values/rules that are important but for a lot of it, you are flying by the seat of your pants!

I wish this was explained to parents more, then there wouldn't be half as much stress and guilt.

The fact she will not listen to those around her, including her husband and children's father by the sounds of it, is disturbing.

She hasn't boxed herself in with the term at all,theres nothing wrong with the label she's giving the parenting style

What she has done wrong is taken it to the very extreme which was doable for 1 child that was compliant. However, she's still acting like she has only 1 compliant child and she can't work out how to gentle parent both of them. Because she's taken it to the extreme, she now can't discipline or use the word no with Raven so Ember will suffer.

Hitting and biting teachers and children at nursery, hitting at home because she can't have exclusive access to the boob, Dean not allowed in any room that Raven is in because Raven doesn't like it, scared to turn on her back on Raven of a night time incase it breaks their bond (presumably turns her back on a newborn baby instead)

Fantastic Parenting Nicola, you must be so proud

Imagine letting your child get to the age of 3.5 years and never laying down boundaries or routines?!

She won't manage as Ember gets older as she can't discipline her as it's against her ethos, she doesn't even believe the nursery should have disciplined Raven for hitting and biting and she won't put boundaries in place for Raven as she's scared of breaking the bond.

If I was Dean, I'd take Ember and my hat and leave. Give at least one of the children a fighting chance

I follow someone else on insta whose just had a baby before Nicola and they also have a 3 year old. Her photos and stories show lots of their 3 year old kissing the baby and posing for photos and trying to give the baby toys and of the child singing to the baby.

I've seen nothing of Raven with Ember, other than her first day home from hospital.

And the walls are full of Winter and Raven photos. Be interesting to see if any Ember ones make it up!

 

[TruthTeller1036]

I know them...well used to. Dean is honestly such a nice guy - he’s a bit shy. I never really clicked with Pea (knew Dean first).

When they lost Winter I reached out to her and understandably she was devastated. We then lost our baby and I reached out to her again in hope of being able to talk to someone who could relate and offer similar tones of sympathy.

I asked her if she’d like to get together but just got a load of coping mechanism tosh, a feeling that her loss was greater than mine and how I SHOULD be feeling and how connecting on Instagram would help me (I’m just not this kind of person).

I did carry on following her for a little while but then unfollowed her because of the gentle parenting shite (I’m gentle with boundaries) and the constant baby loss triggers. Having lost my own baby, I would put a trigger warning on if I was to ever share photos just because of the emotional wave that I know I get when I come across anything baby loss related. But I feel the photographs are personal to me & my family and they don’t depict that my baby has passed in them but I think baby loss captioning can be just as triggering...

Have been lurking/pondering about posting for a while with knowing them so will just be careful what I say

Although saying that Dean is a nice guy doesn’t make up for the fact he’s notably absent from pretty much everything

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too reached out to her when we lost our first baby and got the same response near enough. Made to feel that her grief for Winter was bigger than the grief I was experiencing. She comes across as incredibly patronising

 

[FraggleRock]

Here we go again with the activities at breakfast zzzz

Damiens back in her prison pen again. think Pea needs to get some advice about her speech, she still sounds like she’s babbling, and she’s nearly 4 - I can’t understand a single word the kid says!

 

[justfortonight]

That reply to her q&a telling her to relax and put on a face mask. Sound advice, but as if Nicola would ever buy herself a face mask. It would take 5 minutes to apply and those 5 minutes could be spent following Raven around watching her feed weetabix to some toy dinosaurs

Then there’s the cost, you could get at least 10 mind numbing phonics books for the price of a face mask

 

[Crazymum]

She really doesn’t look in a good place. That made me quite uncomfortable watching her in the car. Babies cry , they get distressed. It’s not like E is a first baby and it’s a shock to the system. I had 5 kids under 6 at one point. 2 of them were only 10 months apart one the older one was part of a twin pregnancy and I lost his brother. I can’t remember ever going on like that and my husband worked a 15 hour day 6 days a week. I don’t understand this showing every single thing on insta. And don’t get me started on R.

 

[TheLastLolo]

Makes me laugh how she ‘admitted’ she snapped at Raven and all the comments on her post are praising her for ‘keeping it real’ like Ian Beale. Not as real as she keeps it on the GP Facebook forums though

Like Ian Beale
Raven was screaming while Nicola settled a crying newborn. HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED, RAAAAY. When a newborn screams because it's mother is prioritising settling a 3.5 year old and it's hungry, this is acceptable. When a 3.5 year old is screaming because it's mother has to settle the newborn, this is not. Yet I get the feeling we were meant to feel sorry for the 3.5 year old in both of these situations.

 

[Theplantmum]

Anyone seen Nic's stories this morning? So E was still asleep this morning when R got up so Nic got up with R and left E in bed and Dean got in with her. Then she's gone on to say that E was cluster feeding from 4. Why not stay on bed with a finally sleeping newborn if you've been up all night? Does this sound odd to anyone?

 

[AfroCircus]

I remember she made Raven a settling in book for nursery and it said 'mummy will ALWAYS come pick me up', so that's probably why.

She will make herself ill the way she is carrying on. You don't have to sit in your pyjamas for 8 weeks post-partum (though of course you are quite entitled to!), but it SHOULD be a period of rest and recovery. Quiet bonding time with you baby. It is natural for older children to come second to the baby. This is actually one of the reasons I don't think I will want another baby for a long time - I like having my son to myself.

I am flabbergasted that she is having to 'latch (Raven) on' to get her back to sleep, whilst an actual newborn screams downstairs. That doesn't seem very gentle for the baby.

 

[TheLastLolo]

I wonder the same! I get that 'he's working', but surely he can help out sometimes?
Also, ember in the wrap again whilst raven has Nic's attention. Do you think that Nic knows she doesn't have to play with R ALL THE TIME.?

She knows it but it makes her a much superior mother if she does. Bonus points for never sleeping, eating or showering because Raven doesn't want her to.

 

[Cubalibra]

Apparently itll mean she can clean the house! She does know she is 3.5 and can easily walk out of her cage? I cant stand the way she sits on the table. Whats wrong with teaching them to sit on a chair? Or is that too mainstream? Dick...

 

[Squidward]

Queen Damien Rain, Ember’s baby grows have stains, support her head; it drives us insane!

 

[Macmama]

Honestly, there isn’t a an eyeroll emoji hard enough for this. Bet the washing machine needs it’s filter emptied.

Why would you only have one cot sheet, given how spewey babies are? Why doesn’t she have nappies? Why is her pooping in a vest such a big deal? Why wouldn’t you just send someone to nip to Tesco for more if you’re that stuck?

Don’t get me started on the cloth comment. All of mine were in cloth. It’s not some kind of martyrdom and it ain’t difficult. She ‘hasn’t managed’ aka she hasn’t bothered her arse to put one on BabyNotRae

 

[Cubalibra]

There is so much I could say, but she DOES read here and I don’t want to put my friend in a position that gets her in to “trouble” - remember she’s not gentle with adults!
I just read here and find myself nodding because so much of it is exactly what goes on. Raven regularly lashes out at adults, is rough and uncaring to other children, never gets told no or gets told off. Pea is setting her up for a difficult life as she does not get boundaries at all!
That Facebook group she posts in is her reality, Instagram is a lot of lies and pretending it’s all fairies and unicorns.

Gentle parenting is piss easy when they are babies but after the age of 4, my GOD! They are testing you, its normal. You have to stand your ground, because no one wants to be known as ‘the dickhead’s mum’

Yeah tbh I see all of this. Raven is totally the kid I would avoid at soft play/play dates because my daughter actually is a gentle little thing (despite me not breastfeeding her until she was 5!) and she’s always on the receiving end of the hitty kids - I become enraged haha, I would NOT be happy if I was one of the parents of the kids Raven has bitten or hit at nursery. Nicola has got to tell her that behaviour is wrong, she will learn nothing never being told no

Can you imagine Nicola at a playdate?!? She would disapprove on everything, then write a preachy post on the GP page about how she ‘saved’ the poor child from their mean parents...