Odd Neighbours / Neighbour Problems #2

[50sGirl]

Sadly not

They did leave but now they’re back. I think they’re going to my neighbours house but I can’t see as my camera only covers the drive and part of the front garden.

Shocking isn’t it! It will be a criminal matter if it’s still there when I get home as the window will be smashed and the hand brake released

I’d be inclined when I returned home to say there was on oil leak on your drive and bill them for it!

 

[MycatElvis]

This is the ultimate in passive aggressive behaviour from a couple of old gits that live opposite us... We used to say 'hello' for years but since we didn't partake in ' clap for the NHS ' every Thursday during Covid they now blank us .. This note was so obviously about their next door neighbours, yet they would rather put up this tit instead of addressing the neighbours directly.

 

[whoareyouu]

I’d be inclined when I returned home to say there was on oil leak on your drive and bill them for it!

Eeeee imagine! It’s block paving too so would cost a fortune

This is the ultimate in passive aggressive behaviour from a couple of old gits that live opposite us... We used to say 'hello' for years but since we didn't partake in ' clap for the NHS ' every Thursday during Covid they now blank us .. This note was so obviously about their next door neighbours, yet they would rather put up this tit instead of addressing the neighbours directly.

I hate people like that. It’s so much easier to just speak to people!

 

[MycatElvis]

Eeeee imagine! It’s block paving too so would cost a fortune



I hate people like that. It’s so much easier to just speak to people!

I hate living here . We're the only house that is council.. The hostility is shocking but I'm glad it's not us ( for a change) thats on the receiving end of their 'slights'

 

[Catnmouse]

Hi friends... bit of a moan from me.

Long story short - I've had a terrible time of late. Poor health (I have multiple health problems), death of a relative, breakup, employment issues. Literally nothing is going right :-(

I had developed a fairly convivial friendship with a neighbour but have always kept her slightly at arms length as, if I'm really honest, I don't quite trust her. Not sure why, just a gut instinct.

Well, today, I apparently didn't give her an adequate enough greeting when I saw her in her car in the street. I said hi but I accept I could have been 'more' chatty/friendly. (For info - she does know some of what I've been going through lately, mainly related to relationship breakup.)

Got a text this afternoon having a massive go at me - apparently I confused her sons, and didn't give an adequate greeting. I apologised and said I didn't mean to do a face, and kind of left it there, but then she kept pressing the issue. She said I 'acted like I didn't know' them and that the 'look' I gave her was "not ok".

I then thought sod it - gave her the full gamut of what's been going on including that I might need hospital treatment. She took ages to respond but then said she was "ready to talk when you are". No 'sorry to hear about XYZ', nothing.

I live only a few yards away from this person. My question is, do I cut her out completely (my preferred option as she's not a good friend), or do I try to keep it civil until I can move away from the area which is my longer term plan once I get a job sorted?

SHe's a very needy/clingy type and I don't think she has many friends. She has talked about us going on holiday before but I barely know her. I think her reaction to me today was a symptom of that... if someone I was friendly with seemed down, I wouldn't assume they hated me.

I'm trying to be more boundried (may have given away too much info about my personal situation) but she really pushed me and I have so little energy at the mo both mentally and physically.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Hi friends... bit of a moan from me.

Long story short - I've had a terrible time of late. Poor health (I have multiple health problems), death of a relative, breakup, employment issues. Literally nothing is going right :-(

I had developed a fairly convivial friendship with a neighbour but have always kept her slightly at arms length as, if I'm really honest, I don't quite trust her. Not sure why, just a gut instinct.

Well, today, I apparently didn't give her an adequate enough greeting when I saw her in her car in the street. I said hi but I accept I could have been 'more' chatty/friendly. (For info - she does know some of what I've been going through lately, mainly related to relationship breakup.)

Got a text this afternoon having a massive go at me - apparently I confused her sons, and didn't give an adequate greeting. I apologised and said I didn't mean to do a face, and kind of left it there, but then she kept pressing the issue. She said I 'acted like I didn't know' them and that the 'look' I gave her was "not ok".

I then thought sod it - gave her the full gamut of what's been going on including that I might need hospital treatment. She took ages to respond but then said she was "ready to talk when you are". No 'sorry to hear about XYZ', nothing.

I live only a few yards away from this person. My question is, do I cut her out completely (my preferred option as she's not a good friend), or do I try to keep it civil until I can move away from the area which is my longer term plan once I get a job sorted?

SHe's a very needy/clingy type and I don't think she has many friends. She has talked about us going on holiday before but I barely know her. I think her reaction to me today was a symptom of that... if someone I was friendly with seemed down, I wouldn't assume they hated me.

I'm trying to be more boundried (may have given away too much info about my personal situation) but she really pushed me and I have so little energy at the mo both mentally and physically.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

She sounds like my neighbour from hell, when she finally kicked off and didn't speak to me housing suggested mediation and my thoughts were- actually Im ok with her not talking to me - because she wants way too much of my time and its always about her we were not even friends.
some people inspire and make you feel great other drain you.


Go with your gut, do you want to be forever walking on eggshells? ..

Be aware though that these people can make your life miserable with their pettiness and complaints if you don't pander to them, so also weigh that up before deciding

 

[50sGirl]

Hi friends... bit of a moan from me.

Long story short - I've had a terrible time of late. Poor health (I have multiple health problems), death of a relative, breakup, employment issues. Literally nothing is going right :-(

I had developed a fairly convivial friendship with a neighbour but have always kept her slightly at arms length as, if I'm really honest, I don't quite trust her. Not sure why, just a gut instinct.

Well, today, I apparently didn't give her an adequate enough greeting when I saw her in her car in the street. I said hi but I accept I could have been 'more' chatty/friendly. (For info - she does know some of what I've been going through lately, mainly related to relationship breakup.)

Got a text this afternoon having a massive go at me - apparently I confused her sons, and didn't give an adequate greeting. I apologised and said I didn't mean to do a face, and kind of left it there, but then she kept pressing the issue. She said I 'acted like I didn't know' them and that the 'look' I gave her was "not ok".

I then thought sod it - gave her the full gamut of what's been going on including that I might need hospital treatment. She took ages to respond but then said she was "ready to talk when you are". No 'sorry to hear about XYZ', nothing.

I live only a few yards away from this person. My question is, do I cut her out completely (my preferred option as she's not a good friend), or do I try to keep it civil until I can move away from the area which is my longer term plan once I get a job sorted?

SHe's a very needy/clingy type and I don't think she has many friends. She has talked about us going on holiday before but I barely know her. I think her reaction to me today was a symptom of that... if someone I was friendly with seemed down, I wouldn't assume they hated me.

I'm trying to be more boundried (may have given away too much info about my personal situation) but she really pushed me and I have so little energy at the mo both mentally and physically.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Always follow your gut instinct - you have it for a reason.
The last time I ignored mine I lived to regret it (Mine was neighbour related too).
Next time you see her be polite and nice but I wouldn’t confide in her anymore.

If I thought a friend had been “off” with me and not their usual self, I’d ask them either if 1. I’d done something to upset them or 2. if everything was okay?

You’ve told her what is wrong and perhaps her “ready to talk” was a clumsy way of saying “I’m here if you need a shoulder to cry on”
I’d see how she is next time you see her and if she pushes you just say “Thanks but I’m trying to deal with it myself at the moment.” Stay polite and nice if possible.
Follow your gut instinct. I ignored mine and gave my new neighbour “friend” 2 chances before I realised what she was really like. The day she moved in she was incredibly rude to me but I put it down to the stress of a house move even though I felt something wasn’t quite right. I ignored my gut instinct. She is the neighbour from hell. Next time alarm bells are going off in my head, I’ll listen to them!

I’m sorry you‘re dealing with so much crap in your life right now. There is a support thread on this forum to vent and ask for advice if you feel it would help.

Take care x

 

[flutternutter]

Hi friends... bit of a moan from me.

Long story short - I've had a terrible time of late. Poor health (I have multiple health problems), death of a relative, breakup, employment issues. Literally nothing is going right :-(

I had developed a fairly convivial friendship with a neighbour but have always kept her slightly at arms length as, if I'm really honest, I don't quite trust her. Not sure why, just a gut instinct.

Well, today, I apparently didn't give her an adequate enough greeting when I saw her in her car in the street. I said hi but I accept I could have been 'more' chatty/friendly. (For info - she does know some of what I've been going through lately, mainly related to relationship breakup.)

Got a text this afternoon having a massive go at me - apparently I confused her sons, and didn't give an adequate greeting. I apologised and said I didn't mean to do a face, and kind of left it there, but then she kept pressing the issue. She said I 'acted like I didn't know' them and that the 'look' I gave her was "not ok".

I then thought sod it - gave her the full gamut of what's been going on including that I might need hospital treatment. She took ages to respond but then said she was "ready to talk when you are". No 'sorry to hear about XYZ', nothing.

I live only a few yards away from this person. My question is, do I cut her out completely (my preferred option as she's not a good friend), or do I try to keep it civil until I can move away from the area which is my longer term plan once I get a job sorted?

SHe's a very needy/clingy type and I don't think she has many friends. She has talked about us going on holiday before but I barely know her. I think her reaction to me today was a symptom of that... if someone I was friendly with seemed down, I wouldn't assume they hated me.

I'm trying to be more boundried (may have given away too much info about my personal situation) but she really pushed me and I have so little energy at the mo both mentally and physically.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Sounds a delight! Just try to withdraw slowly. If she complains tell her its because of xyz you have going on at the moment. Do not let her try to cheer you up or otherwise involve herself in your life.
Ive had to do this with a friend whos like this. No matter what i have going on its always about her... no thank you. Goodbye. Leave me alone lol

 

[Avenged7Fold]

Sounds a delight! Just try to withdraw slowly. If she complains tell her its because of xyz you have going on at the moment. Do not let her try to cheer you up or otherwise involve herself in your life.
Ive had to do this with a friend whos like this. No matter what i have going on its always about her... no thank you. Goodbye. Leave me alone lol

Came here to say this
Be polite but firm. Say hello then walk past. Don’t contact her unless she contacts you first. Hopefully she will get the message. Hope your circumstances improve soon x

 

[Catnmouse]

Goodness me, I am absolutely blown away by the kindness shown here, @Avenged7Fold @flutternutter @50sGirl @Purrrrrrr - thank you so much for making me feel as though I'm not going mad, not alone, and justified in how I feel. I actually had another issue with an even more vile neighbour who tried to threaten and intimidate me, and this girl tried to insert herself into the drama. I don't think she has much going on so feels the need to get involved in everyone else's business.

I do have a couple of really nice neighbours so it's not all bad, but I definitely need to protect myself and my energy. Thank you guys so much for the very sensible and practical advice. I think the most easy way of managing the situation is to be nice and polite when I see her (which I will find hard and which will be done through gritted teeth) but I have vowed to myself that she is never setting foot in my home again. My home is my sanctuary, especially at the moment.

xxx

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Goodness me, I am absolutely blown away by the kindness shown here, @Avenged7Fold @flutternutter @50sGirl @Purrrrrrr - thank you so much for making me feel as though I'm not going mad, not alone, and justified in how I feel. I actually had another issue with an even more vile neighbour who tried to threaten and intimidate me, and this girl tried to insert herself into the drama. I don't think she has much going on so feels the need to get involved in everyone else's business.

I do have a couple of really nice neighbours so it's not all bad, but I definitely need to protect myself and my energy. Thank you guys so much for the very sensible and practical advice. I think the most easy way of managing the situation is to be nice and polite when I see her (which I will find hard and which will be done through gritted teeth) but I have vowed to myself that she is never setting foot in my home again. My home is my sanctuary, especially at the moment.

xxx

Good for you..

If I see mine (very rare though) I always smile and nod as I'm not the type to blank anyone .. once I let her across a crossing in town and she walked across looking the other way the whole time

At first I found the whole situation stressful but chatted to a few people who made me see that its not about me and never was. and now I can laugh at it all. She is so petty there isn't much else I can do.

Just post here whenever you feel the need to get a sanity boost, because these people will make you believe you are losing the plot

 

[Catnmouse]

Good for you..

If I see mine (very rare though) I always smile and nod as I'm not the type to blank anyone .. once I let her across a crossing in town and she walked across looking the other way the whole time

At first I found the whole situation stressful but chatted to a few people who made me see that its not about me and never was. and now I can laugh at it all. She is so petty there isn't much else I can do.

Just post here whenever you feel the need to get a sanity boost, because these people will make you believe you are losing the plot

I can't tell you how much better I feel after posting here. You're right as well, it isn't about me at all.

 

[whoareyouu]

I can't tell you how much better I feel after posting here. You're right as well, it isn't about me at all.

I hope things settle for you soon. Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. X

 

[MrsFishandChips]

Anyone else looking forward to the schools going back and not being subjected to screaming kids seven days a week? I can deal with weekends just about. My neighbour has four kids and they all scream constantly and I’m easily over stimulated and the noise drives me insane

 

[Catnmouse]

I hope things settle for you soon. Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. X

Thank you so much! x

Anyone else looking forward to the schools going back and not being subjected to screaming kids seven days a week? I can deal with weekends just about. My neighbour has four kids and they all scream constantly and I’m easily over stimulated and the noise drives me insane

Yes and no... will be nice for a bit more quiet in general, but the kids from the local secondary school near me are absolutely awful in terms of litter. They're also pretty rude, so I will not be looking forward to home time.

 

[Some People!]

I loathe screaming kids - I was bought up not to scream because yeah, it's obviously annoying and antisocial, but also because when you really scream it could lack impact. It goes right through me.

I'd love to understand how people who's household is the source of antisocial noises live with it themselves?
Like if my kid was the screamer I'd shut that down pretty fuckin quick because I myself don't want to hear that!
Ditto people who let their dogs bark for extended periods - surely it's annoying to them too?? Our neighbour's dog is set off by visitors to basically anyone, anyone's doorbells, postmen at any door, anything and nothing, and 90% of the time they do nothing at all and the other 10% they say "shaddaaap" in a soothing voice. The dog, naturally doesn't speak English and only knows that they make that sound once he's made his.

My piss is boiled away to a thick, angry urine syrup listening to it.

 

[Norfolking Good]

My parents had a West Highland Terrier and she used to bark a lot because their house backs into woods so foxes and owls etc… used to set her off and I used to go mad as they let her bark away when I stayed over. Somehow they tuned it out so it wasn’t until I said it’s 10:30pm and she is going nuts can you get her in that they noticed.
You might find the owners almost don’t hear it and the same for screaming kids, not to say that it’s in anyway acceptable or ok but another perspective.

 

[emm]

I loathe screaming kids - I was bought up not to scream because yeah, it's obviously annoying and antisocial, but also because when you really scream it could lack impact. It goes right through me.

I'd love to understand how people who's household is the source of antisocial noises live with it themselves?
Like if my kid was the screamer I'd shut that down pretty fuckin quick because I myself don't want to hear that!
Ditto people who let their dogs bark for extended periods - surely it's annoying to them too?? Our neighbour's dog is set off by visitors to basically anyone, anyone's doorbells, postmen at any door, anything and nothing, and 90% of the time they do nothing at all and the other 10% they say "shaddaaap" in a soothing voice. The dog, naturally doesn't speak English and only knows that they make that sound once he's made his.

My piss is boiled away to a thick, angry urine syrup listening to it.

Hundred percent this point, I was ALWAYS brought up to scream in an emergency and never otherwise

I don't know if this is just post pandemic, but even outside of holidays where I live there seem to be loaods of young children not in school

 

[Y0H0]

Not a massive problem but we have got a large headge between us. They are refusing to take any heigh off it (must be like 14 ft high). I pay to get my side cut and the top (only trimmed so they don't have a problem with that).
bleeping drives me mad as its called as theirs but they don't mind me paying to maintain it. We also pay for the other side which is legally ours so don't mind doing that.

 

[Singinginthewind]

Anyone else looking forward to the schools going back and not being subjected to screaming kids seven days a week? I can deal with weekends just about. My neighbour has four kids and they all scream constantly and I’m easily over stimulated and the noise drives me insane

Oh my god, yes! Why do some parents allow their children to scream at the top of their lungs like something terrible has happened?? I have a mixture near me, some parents do not allow it and their children are so well behaved but there are other parents that behave like chavs and allow their children to terrorise everyone! If I behaved like that as a child then I would get a swift kick up the arse!

Also, kids kicking and bashing the shared walls and fences....whhhyyyyy????!!

Counting down the days until they go back

Not a massive problem but we have got a large headge between us. They are refusing to take any heigh off it (must be like 14 ft high). I pay to get my side cut and the top (only trimmed so they don't have a problem with that).
bleeping drives me mad as its called as theirs but they don't mind me paying to maintain it. We also pay for the other side which is legally ours so don't mind doing that.

Do you know why they are refusing to take height of the hedge? Is it not a good privacy screen?
If it is evergreen and not deciduous and it's blocking your right to natural light then you can go to your local council about it. Legally not allowed to be over 6ft if is evergreen and blocking the light into your home. If that's the case, maybe you could explain to them how upset/depressed it's making you with the lack of light and they may understand and come to a compromise.....if they are decent human beings. If not, it's not worth the row in my experience.

Personally wish I had a 14ft hedge between me and my nosey neighbour

Good luck with it all