Niomi Smart #22 Vinyasa flow, not over Joe, 6am walks with nowhere to go

[Pundertaker]

It is a lovely gift. I’m Just glad Tanya burr didn’t get one and Lydia Millen is still begging.

What kind of relationship is she referring to, exactly? When brands give you free shit, it's not a relationship. More of a weird sort of prostitution.

I've written Niomi a poem to celebrate. I call it SELFcare:

Oh
For the days
When I shed not a tear for a toxic man
His toast, like a corpse, still blackened on the grill;
Bring me singular strawberries,
Dim sum(mer) nights,
The gift of tissue paper
Like newborn skin
And beneath,
A Dior bag

I shall manifest a bath
And weep
until
It overflows

[Arthouse clicking]

 

[Callan]

Niomi is an artist you guys. A scam artist.

 

[lilamay]

She still thinks big sunglasses = high fashion.
Niomi, high fashion = luxury pieces that look good on you.

 

[Pundertaker]

Well, I had carrot cake for breakfast. It was full of carrot, pineapple and walnuts, so really it was more like a smoothie bowl but with added flour. Progress towards a smoothie bowl, at least. The Dior of breakfasts?

(It really was a breakfast of dreamzzzz).

 

[Am88]

You guys missed the other stories on the PT’s gram with the starters, where he had fried chicken and Nimbobs had a clear broth to line her stomach before the bowl of leaves. This might be sadder than the kale soup with a side of kale lunch

 

[laplusheureuse96]

Omg this dimwit is seriously talking about “working remotely” in her newest vlog when all she did was literally lie the grass and scribble some stuff into her notebook. You’ve got to be kidding. When I have serious work to do, I’d never be able to do it in my bikini, laying on my stomach on a blanket in a busy public park it’s official, she wouldn’t last a day in a 9-5 job.

 

[Shutterbug99]

Maybe Anna's beauty wore thin. Or maybe Joe just wanted to "sow his oats" after Nimbobs, and it was just a fling. Or maybe he bored Anna to death....

Maybe Freddie decided they should split up!

 

[lilamay]

You guys missed the other stories on the PT’s gram with the starters, where he had fried chicken and Nimbobs had a clear broth to line her stomach before the bowl of leaves. This might be sadder than the kale soup with a side of kale lunch

And note her terribly applied lipstick

 

[laplusheureuse96]

I think it's a bit hypocritical of posters to condemn Niomi for making people feel bad about their bodies and what they eat, then post loads about how plain she is, which frankly is making me at least (who shares quite a few of her features) feel pretty damn awful about myself reading them.

She's definitely better looking than I am so I guess thank you for all the comments on how plain and below average I must be?

It's one thing to condemn beauty standards, but no need for personal attacks on people trying to live up to them.

People are only stating their opinions on here, which may be harsh at times, this is a gossip forum after all. If you feel personally attacked by them, it is because you may feel self-conscious about what others think of you and are therefore projecting criticism about Niomi on to yourself. I personally find her pretty, but I can see why others might find her plain. Everybody is entitled to their opinion on here.

 

[Ms.Marble]

#candid really? You know, for all of those times you're just candidly lying on a scooter's handlebars?

You mean to tell me that you don't casually lie on top of your vespa in a lacy black skirt, a stripy Dior shirt on, slippers on your feet and a handbag on your arm? All while the scooter is parked in a wallpapered alcove it barely fits in and the helmet, Dior branded of course, dangles from the handle bars. It's what you find in the dictionary when you look for 'candid'.

 

[Whowhowho2020]

Verity the ‘journalist’ who can’t get new and knew right. Presuming it was proof read at some point too?!

That folks, is where wallpaper books will get you.

 

[mindlessness]

I don’t think she misses Joooeeey at all. She just misses the control she lorded over him and how “good” he looked on her arm ( can you tell I don’t think he’s cute?). I’m sure she loved hearing people gush over him and his famous dad. She is so surface level, she’s a robot, she doesn’t have feelings to be able to actually miss someone. Yuck she grosses me out!!!

I thhink she also misses what he meant for her life. Going in to her 30s with a marriage, home in the country, 2 kids soon etc.

 

[Pundertaker]

Not much then

Idk her body is so extremely unsexy it confuses me every time she tries to show it off. Like Niomi nope, get the hell out with that.
Also, thing is I usually wouldn't mind but she's so smug about showing herself off and for no reason cause she's nothing special as we can see. At least these photos are more realistic and not edited like these studied photos with fake smiling and tons of filters. Actually any photos of her are making me sick a bit. She's such a weird case of unsexiness. Flabby body, no neck, straw hair (never understood why so many people here believe she has nice hair - nope) and bland toxic personality make her super ugly in my eyes (added to the fact I never considered her to be very pretty to begin with). She should seriously stop.


Anna wanna be much lol

I get what you mean, but I don't see her as flabby in the slightest. I think we can both agree she's delusional and perhaps lacking in muscle tone, but not flabby (which implies she has fat to lose). We have a lot of people with EDs on this thread, myself included, so I'm quite conscious of wording in that respect.

 

[Yoyolady]

Her latest story has actually made me feel ill. The smug, simpering, cookie cutter, white, skinny female aesthetic is just so off putting. Do some charity work you total losers literally no once cares about the shit you are trying to shill..

 

[Pundertaker]

They would do it if it would be organized by a high end company or luxury designer...and not for the community close by but some kind of weird BS like an avocado sanctuary in Tanzania or providing eco friendly lip balms for women in need if you know what I mean .

Avocado sanctuary for all the poor rescue avos

"Albie was too small for Waitrose..."
"Timmy was abused on a vegan instagram account..."

 

[AryaStark]

Verity the ‘journalist’ who can’t get new and knew right. Presuming it was proof read at some point too?!

That folks, is where wallpaper books will get you.

I actually wrote down a couple of my favourites from her book:

- Her husband's 'forthwith manner' (forthright?)
- 'Scrawling the Internet for books' (scouring?)
- 'With one in six couples experience infertility across the world'

I suspect if it was proof-read, it was done by people with similar writing abilities

(Note: I'm typically not snarky about people's use of language since if you can get your point across, that's usually all that matters. Pedantry is often just another form of gate-keeping to keep people in their place. BUT, it's so tempting in cases like this!)

 

[QueenBW]

Can't see her and Bradley as a couple but I wouldn't mind her doing something actually interesting like having a fling or shagging about a bit

Problem is, I doubt Niomi has the energy to shag. I mean, she's living off 6 am coffee, smoothie bowls watered down, leaves, and going on two hour walks, an hour yoga, gym sessions. She constantly says how exhausted she is. She's so deprived that she probs would just lay there like a lettuce leaf.

And sure, you don't need protein in every meal but by the trainer's and Niomi's own words, she's trying to tone up. You can't tone up without protein and your body can only process so much protein in one sitting so it's best if you spread it through your meals. He should know that, and probably does know that but Niomi is clearly worse and worse in her food restriction. Going out to a restaurant to eat a bone broth and a salad. Madness.

 

[sitkx]

I think she and her family are very new-money, hence the horrible horrible sense of style

 

[missmina]

Thinking about her probably having orthorexia, a big sign of it is continuing to eat a strict plan even on special occasions. So I rewatched this old "WIEIAD at Christmas" and omg just look at the lunch she had.

View attachment 635263

Soupologie spinach and kale soup, two ricecakes, and some kale...

Also, found this video interview, look how uptight she looks, the way she's sitting

Diet & skin: Niomi Smart and Teresa Tarmey talk inside-out beauty with Bazaar

The wellness blogger and celebrity facialist discuss how our diets can affect our skin

www.harpersbazaar.com

Oh good luck on the moving, hope it's as smooth as a smoothie bowl!

Seriously this is the saddest and most disgusting meal I've ever seen. I'd prefer eating dry bread over this.

 

[Clover123]

Why do brands fawn over influencers like this and expect us to be interested enough to then buy from them?! It's like a sleazy guy being ALL over someone else and then expecting you to think he's God's gift to women and want to jump into bed with him too... it just looks desperate and cheapens the brand!

I think her personal milestone is buying a house, anyone else? So relatable to be given an expensive ring when buying your first house in London lol. She is the worstttttt