Niomi Smart #16 Why am I hungry I had a banana, and why is Freddie following Anna?

[Chattyman321]

YES this is exactly what I've been trying to relay. it really says a lot that so many view my logical approach to loss as me somehow attacking Niomi/the symbolic dumpee for not coddling them. people always want to victimize themselves, and that just extends the pain. sure, sometimes people need to have a pity party, but that should be only 1% of the healing process. people often prefer to drown in their own pain bc it's familiar vs venturing into greener pastures bc that is new and the change scares them. and too often friends/family actually encourage people to remain in their pain by allowing them to continue talking about it or by doing the whole "his loss, he sucks, ew look at his new gf, look he gained weight" etc, vs tough loving them & not allowing them to talk about it/wallow in it. the more the dumpee finds anything to have a feeling about, the less they are coming to acceptance. the healing polarity of a breakup is apathy and serenity about that apathy, not anger/hate/resentment/bitterness, but people don't want to let go of their feelings for their ex so they convert the love to hate/anger, when really, they need to let it go entirely. the best thing we can do for our friends who have been dumped is show them new experiences/people to give them a new focus.



THIS!! I've been with my man for 5+ years and we get along so well, have so much in common, have all the same hobbies, and do everything together, but we still have had some heated fights over the years. they're very rare, but they also progressed our relationship SO MUCH. honestly, the bigger the fight, the bigger the progression. I dont know any super long lasting relationships that have withstood true hardships in life without a single fight. honestly, every couple I've known through the years that proclaimed they never fought had a very similar sudden end to their relationship much like Niomi and Joe.. where 1 was suddenly dumped "out of the blue". I mean, who can be surprised in that case? communication, and standing up for your opinions/feelings is important.

so interesting reading everyone’s opinions! Bit off the niomi topic but curious to know what you guys see as a heated fight because arguments me and my ex had is the reason I broke up with him, there were underlying issues causing his frustrations and he would pick arguments over the smallest thing but the bigger reason was never spoken about. But when I say arguments it was him swearing, calling me names like fat (knowing I had a previous ED) and then not speaking to me for 2 days. For so long I made excuses that he didn’t mean any of it and it was just words in the heat of the moment and i’m sure loads of couples argue, but it made me resent him and what sort of person he was either way. I’m now single and feel like I have a warped sense of what’s normal and what’s not in a relationship!

 

[Gossiperina]

so interesting reading everyone’s opinions! Bit off the niomi topic but curious to know what you guys see as a heated fight because arguments me and my ex had is the reason I broke up with him, there were underlying issues causing his frustrations and he would pick arguments over the smallest thing but the bigger reason was never spoken about. But when I say arguments it was him swearing, calling me names like fat (knowing I had a previous ED) and then not speaking to me for 2 days. For so long I made excuses that he didn’t mean any of it and it was just words in the heat of the moment and i’m sure loads of couples argue, but it made me resent him and what sort of person he was either way. I’m now single and feel like I have a warped sense of what’s normal and what’s not in a relationship!

It sounds like your partner was a toxic piece of tit so good for you for breaking up with him, I went through something similar myself in my early 20's before meeting my hubby. Even during the worst argument I had with my hubby, he never called me names and he never picked at my insecurities which is a massive difference. We had arguments about some life situations where we would disagree and maybe lose our temper a bit like by raising our voice plus me going through some eating disorder problems and making me grumpier than usual but as I said we would never insult each other. I think arguments are a normal part of a relationship every once in a while, but if your partner doesn't respect you, then they have deeply rooted problems and you can work through them or they just aren't the one for you. You can argue and still be respectful - for example when I argue with my hubby, he gives me space or I give him space but after like half an hour he pops his head in the room I am in and comes and gives me a hug which reassures me of his love and that he is not mad at me!

 

[emm]

so interesting reading everyone’s opinions! Bit off the niomi topic but curious to know what you guys see as a heated fight because arguments me and my ex had is the reason I broke up with him, there were underlying issues causing his frustrations and he would pick arguments over the smallest thing but the bigger reason was never spoken about. But when I say arguments it was him swearing, calling me names like fat (knowing I had a previous ED) and then not speaking to me for 2 days. For so long I made excuses that he didn’t mean any of it and it was just words in the heat of the moment and i’m sure loads of couples argue, but it made me resent him and what sort of person he was either way. I’m now single and feel like I have a warped sense of what’s normal and what’s not in a relationship!

yeah i have been in this situation too (exactly the same with the fat thing and then ignoring me). I am quite argumentative so I think even shouting at each other can be normal if it is about an actually issue but personal digs like weight etc are just never justified

 

[Clover123]

I think it's more of a spectrum- I do agree that having no arguments is a sign of poor communication, because usually someone is swallowing their feelings too much. My ex bf dumped me completely out of the blue and in hindsight we definitely didn't communicate issues like we should have. My current relationship, we have had our fair share of disagreements but I do feel very sure of how he feels and what I need to work on and what he needs to work on as we figure stuff out and it's definitely brought us closer. Part of me often freaks out like oh god, is it normal to disagree after my previous relationship that seemed too easy to be true, but I'm starting to realise it is definitely healthier! I think you've got to be able to disagree in a loving and healthy way, and those who skim over it are definitely not getting to that deeper level of compatibility by ignoring feelings.

Obviously, huge screaming matches, constant arguments and nasty guys calling you fat is atrocious and not healthy at all. So sorry you guys went through that- you're all worth so much more

 

[EGuyUK]

Speaking of which, is it me or that story was weird? “Thaaaaanks guys” thanks for what? Is she implying that people were telling her she was beautiful? And of course no mention of the fact that these items were gifted. I’ve reported the story to ASA.

There is so much filtering on that photo it is ridiculous.

 

[Lionsden]

I know that the necklace is supposed to be a "T" shaped body and not Jesus on the cross, but why would she have chosen that letter anyway? An N or even S would be a much more logical choice. The T doesn't even look artistic to me, due to the fact that it immediately mentally registers as Jesus being crucified.

Also @ the creators of the alphabet necklaces, why would you not make "T" a person in Warrior 3 pose. Still T-shaped, not Jesus-shaped.

To be honest, most of the letters look really weird. It's down to personal taste, but I wouldn't want to wear my initials from that range either! Maybe Niomi was just sent some random pieces, or she chose those that looked sort of okay, which the T does. I thought it was a Tau cross when I first saw it (didn't notice the figure) in one of her photos.

 

[Chattyman321]

It sounds like your partner was a toxic piece of tit so good for you for breaking up with him, I went through something similar myself in my early 20's before meeting my hubby. Even during the worst argument I had with my hubby, he never called me names and he never picked at my insecurities which is a massive difference. We had arguments about some life situations where we would disagree and maybe lose our temper a bit like by raising our voice plus me going through some eating disorder problems and making me grumpier than usual but as I said we would never insult each other. I think arguments are a normal part of a relationship every once in a while, but if your partner doesn't respect you, then they have deeply rooted problems and you can work through them or they just aren't the one for you. You can argue and still be respectful - for example when I argue with my hubby, he gives me space or I give him space but after like half an hour he pops his head in the room I am in and comes and gives me a hug which reassures me of his love and that he is not mad at me!

Yeah I think arguments and disagreements are normal, everyone is different and no one will have exactly the same opinions. In hindsight i think my ex had some control issues and even after we broke up had been really emotionally manipulative, trying to get me back by constantly messaging me. It’s like he had two sides to his personality. He was so nice when he was in a good mood and we were getting on (painting over the cracks) but when we weren’t he would just say anything he could to make me upset, take away things I was using i.e my phone and hold it in the air so I couldn’t reach it. It’s mad to think I actually thought that was normal at the time even though it upset me. Now i see my friends relationships and be like wow he’s soooo nice and they’re like no...he’s just normal that’s how it should be

 

[Swipeupyouguys]

so interesting reading everyone’s opinions! Bit off the niomi topic but curious to know what you guys see as a heated fight because arguments me and my ex had is the reason I broke up with him, there were underlying issues causing his frustrations and he would pick arguments over the smallest thing but the bigger reason was never spoken about. But when I say arguments it was him swearing, calling me names like fat (knowing I had a previous ED) and then not speaking to me for 2 days. For so long I made excuses that he didn’t mean any of it and it was just words in the heat of the moment and i’m sure loads of couples argue, but it made me resent him and what sort of person he was either way. I’m now single and feel like I have a warped sense of what’s normal and what’s not in a relationship!

Sorry to hear about your ex. To me that sounds like emotional abuse.

I think about what you'd be ok with overhearing a bf/gf of a best friend or dearest family member say about or say to them. Argue about what you're disagreeing about, personal insults and bullying aren't what I'd want to be dealing with for years to come. It's wearing down your self esteem to make you easier to manipulate and control. Maybe it's learned behaviour but ince you've told them not to do that again, and why they mustn't... don't give endless chances.

Just my two cents.

 

[Coldfeet]

Yeah I think arguments and disagreements are normal, everyone is different and no one will have exactly the same opinions. In hindsight i think my ex had some control issues and even after we broke up had been really emotionally manipulative, trying to get me back by constantly messaging me. It’s like he had two sides to his personality. He was so nice when he was in a good mood and we were getting on (painting over the cracks) but when we weren’t he would just say anything he could to make me upset, take away things I was using i.e my phone and hold it in the air so I couldn’t reach it. It’s mad to think I actually thought that was normal at the time even though it upset me. Now i see my friends relationships and be like wow he’s soooo nice and they’re like no...he’s just normal that’s how it should be

Bloody hell what a nasty individual! My brother might have done that when we were 5!! You're well off away from him.

My dad used the silent treatment in our house- could keep it up for months- not kidding.1st time I went to a friend's house and saw their banter-parents to children and back-I was scared for a few minutes , waiting for the payback. Her family showed me a real slice of normality. I seriously thought that the behaviour in OUR house was normal. Silence, in place of healthy discussion, is NEVER normal.

 

[earlgrey]

When she's offered a choice from a brand she always picks the most expensive item. I could never. It's like ordering the most expensive thing on the menu when someone else is paying.

 

[bolimepipi]

My dad used the silent treatment in our house- could keep it up for months- not kidding.1st time I went to a friend's house and saw their banter-parents to children and back-I was scared for a few minutes , waiting for the payback. Her family showed me a real slice of normality. I seriously thought that the behaviour in OUR house was normal. Silence, in place of healthy discussion, is NEVER normal.

is your dad my dad?

 

[Coldfeet]

is your dad my dad?

Well, 2 days before he died from prostate cancer in hospital, my mum got a letter from an organisation informing my father that he had a son who wanted to make contact!!!!!As you can imagine, the funeral wasn't to 'celebrate' his life from my mum's perspective!!!!Maybe he WAS your dad My mum then burnt the letter before I could do anything about it.Sad saga.

 

[SpanishPink]

Yeah I think arguments and disagreements are normal, everyone is different and no one will have exactly the same opinions. In hindsight i think my ex had some control issues and even after we broke up had been really emotionally manipulative, trying to get me back by constantly messaging me. It’s like he had two sides to his personality. He was so nice when he was in a good mood and we were getting on (painting over the cracks) but when we weren’t he would just say anything he could to make me upset, take away things I was using i.e my phone and hold it in the air so I couldn’t reach it. It’s mad to think I actually thought that was normal at the time even though it upset me. Now i see my friends relationships and be like wow he’s soooo nice and they’re like no...he’s just normal that’s how it should be

This type of manipulative men are the worst when you decide to break up with them.
It's such a blow to their ego that they can end up harassing you on the phone. My best friend's ex would even drive to her building and ring the intercom at night. Glad you're out of this relationship!

 

[EGuyUK]

When she's offered a choice from a brand she always picks the most expensive item. I could never. It's like ordering the most expensive thing on the menu when someone else is paying.

Yeah I posted that same opinion in the previous thread I think, it's always the most expensive!

 

[VivaRosé]

This randomly popped up inbetween the stories I was watching. Guess she is really pushing Smart Skin now...as self care

 

[corncob]

Alright now who did this? Fess up!

 

[cookiesandcream027]

Alright now who did this? Fess up! View attachment 405421

Well you can't say that he was fed up, can you?

 

[imsorryabtthisacct]

Good god can she BE more unnatural?? Look at her pose compared to other ladies.

 

[chandlercheesecake]

Niomi always looks so awkward in pics, trying too hard to look perfect. This one too:

 

[emm]

Good god can she BE more unnatural?? Look at her pose compared to other ladies.

View attachment 405567

it is so clear she has some kind of really flattering lighting etc, the other women just look nice and normal, not like they hav been photoshopped