I think we definitely all need more sleep as mums, that’s for sure!!
New baby and post birth advice #56
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I know, such a shame coming on to read the pile on and one upping this morning 🥱🥱🥱
It's a shame this morning seeing this. I've always felt like this thread is a bit of a safe space when you're struggling for some support because there's usually someone out there going through the same or has been through the same.
I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree with some of these statements. Some of us would’ve loved time with babies before they were whisked away for treatments, and some would’ve loved time to heal and rest to be the best they could be for their baby - some both. Whatever your views, I think we can all agree that the important thing is being honest and letting everyone have a view while being sensitive to each other’s experiences, especially for new mums coming over from the pregnancy thread who need to know that there isn’t a “normal”.
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I also need to add that this thread has been paramount to me as a new mum. Whether as a venting space or for advice or even just for someone to say, “I don’t know, but I hear you”. Let’s try and keep it a safe space.
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I also need to add that this thread has been paramount to me as a new mum. Whether as a venting space or for advice or even just for someone to say, “I don’t know, but I hear you”. Let’s try and keep it a safe space.
I think while the idea of putting the baby in the nursery over night may appeal to some, personally I think I'd just have laid awake wondering if they were OK.
Plus you're only delaying the inevitable anyway. You might get a decent night's sleep that night, but they're going to keep you up going forward, so I'm not sure you're gaining much.
Plus you're only delaying the inevitable anyway. You might get a decent night's sleep that night, but they're going to keep you up going forward, so I'm not sure you're gaining much.
Omg the woman opposite me was the same with about ten visitors yet there was my dad waiting outside while the two granny’s got to come in. Then she spent all night watching eastenders on her phone at full volume 🫠. Some people are so inconsiderate, I probably would have spent another night in hospital had she not been so noisy and chaotic but I got no sleep the first night when baby T actually slept
Really well
Sometimes it’s also about an extra few hours of healing. I was still in a lot of pain from my c-section the first night with my baby and was up rocking her for hours when the midwife came in and gently suggested that she would look after her for me for a couple of hours while I rested. By the next night, the pain was less so I was more capable. I’d imagine it would be similarly hard and painful with stitches etc. from a vaginal birth.
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Very well said!
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Far out this is WILD. Some people really have zero awareness and consideration for others.
Incredibly well said. The midwives took MM for a couple of hours so I could sleep, she would only settle on me and I was falling asleep with her on me. I knocked my table and they burst in because they thought I had dropped her.
Knowing WC for over a year from this thread and the pregnancy one, she’s a lovely person, and didn’t mean half of what is being suggested here. She was simply saying having some sleep might help, it’s not the same for everyone and for those other posters who have jumped on, you could also be classed as being “tone deaf” as you have no idea what her experience was.
After being a mum for just over a year it sounds absolutely stupid now but one thing I’d wished the hospitals did after you had a baby was tell you what to do with it 
Maybe it was just my ward being absolutely crap, no one really came when you pressed the bell and they were always just at their desk gossiping from what my husband heard.
My waters broke at 36+5 I thought I still had another few weeks to even think about how to put on a nappy. Def went into a lot of this just winging it and figuring out myself lol.
At some point one of the midwives was coming round for something and she said to me you should probably dress baby.. oops
In a way I would’ve liked somewhere safe I could put baby? Just for 5-10 minutes, my husband left me alone for the day so he could go sleep at home, anytime I needed the loo the staff on the desk just told me to leave baby in my bay.
The idea of him being away from me for longer was very much a no for me personally though! He went to nicu a few hours after being born for his blood oxygen levels to be checked, I think it was just a dodgy machine giving a bad reading in the first place. I did get to go with him but before I really knew what was going on I was so scared that I’d be having to leave him
Maybe it was just my ward being absolutely crap, no one really came when you pressed the bell and they were always just at their desk gossiping from what my husband heard. My waters broke at 36+5 I thought I still had another few weeks to even think about how to put on a nappy. Def went into a lot of this just winging it and figuring out myself lol.
At some point one of the midwives was coming round for something and she said to me you should probably dress baby.. oops
In a way I would’ve liked somewhere safe I could put baby? Just for 5-10 minutes, my husband left me alone for the day so he could go sleep at home, anytime I needed the loo the staff on the desk just told me to leave baby in my bay.
The idea of him being away from me for longer was very much a no for me personally though! He went to nicu a few hours after being born for his blood oxygen levels to be checked, I think it was just a dodgy machine giving a bad reading in the first place. I did get to go with him but before I really knew what was going on I was so scared that I’d be having to leave him
I feel so lucky to have had a private room after my section so I could leave baby burrito in his cot while I had a wee in the en suite! I would have probably held it in until my husband was there otherwiseAfter being a mum for just over a year it sounds absolutely stupid now but one thing I’d wished the hospitals did after you had a baby was tell you what to do with it
My waters broke at 36+5 I thought I still had another few weeks to even think about how to put on a nappy. Def went into a lot of this just winging it and figuring out myself lol.
At some point one of the midwives was coming round for something and she said to me you should probably dress baby.. oops
In a way I would’ve liked somewhere safe I could put baby? Just for 5-10 minutes, my husband left me alone for the day so he could go sleep at home, anytime I needed the loo the staff on the desk just told me to leave baby in my bay.
The idea of him being away from me for longer was very much a no for me personally though! He went to nicu a few hours after being born for his blood oxygen levels to be checked, I think it was just a dodgy machine giving a bad reading in the first place. I did get to go with him but before I really knew what was going on I was so scared that I’d be having to leave him
I think traditionally that safe place to put baby would have been your mum/a female relative’s arms. We’re really going through something as a society where we’re expected to get on with things by ourselves and it would have never been like that for our ancestors ( and it’s not like that in other cultures). The saying it takes a village to raise a baby exists for a reason and it’s that many hands make light work. In other cultures the grandmother comes for 40 days to look after the baby whilst the mother heals. Here you either have family who are willing to come and help you (but if you’ve just given birth in a UK NHS hospital they unfortunately don’t have the resource, space or frameworks to enable this), or you have to be able to afford to buy in help in the form of a post natal doula or night nurse - which isn’t accessible for many people. I felt awful and weird leaving TM while I went to the loo when we were in the hospital. If my girls have babies I want to be able to provide that support to them.In a way I would’ve liked somewhere safe I could put baby? Just for 5-10 minutes, my husband left me alone for the day so he could go sleep at home, anytime I needed the loo the staff on the desk just told me to leave baby in my bay.
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Totally this. WC intended no harm with what she said and expressing a desire to have been able to rest a bit and recuperate isn’t wrong at all. Shes been nothing but lovely, supportive & helpful to everyone on this thread and for people to pile on her like that this morning was uncalled for. I’ve been on this thread for nearly 11 months and have never see it get nasty like that, it’s such a shame.
I was in hospital for a week after having baby VT with us both being ill, luckily she was able to stay with me other than when she was taken off checks and antibiotics. We were in a shared ward, and I had no more than 2-3 hours sleep every night I was there. While I would have absolutely missed baby VT with all my heart if she had been taken away for me to get some rest I would also have likely been in a better place to cope with a poorly newborn.
Actually, if you read my post you'll see that I was able to hold my baby once every few hours for an entire week as he was in the jaundice light chamber for so long. If someone had said "we'll do his next two feeds, don't worry" rather than "Yes, you do need to keep staying awake 24 hours a day to attend to his needs even though you've been awake for 4 days already and 2 of those days were in labour resulting in surgery" I could have gotten a decent chain of sleep, that's all. I really struggle if I don't get enough sleep and for me I would always prioritise sleep, I'd rather not eat, leave the house, do anything else than be sleep deprived. There's a reason the military use sleep deprivation as a torture technique!
FWIW, there's a birth centre in my local area which does actually provide overnight support for new parents who are struggling or need a rest which you can be referred into. They also allow people to come and stay for 24 - 48 hours in the first 3 or 4 weeks to provide breast feeding support and also help with general care for the baby, so if you're completely clueless and struggling like I was then it's a space where you can go and learn how to do the basics. It is much more common in a lot of other countries to provide new parents with a lot more support than we do - and indeed when my mum had me and my sister in the UK in the late 80s and early 90s the babies were taken away over night to a nursery to allow new mums to sleep and heal! For me I'm certain having that routine made my postnatal depression worse and really set us up on the wrong foot. It's not for everyone, that's true but for me it would have been a god send. I couldn't access the birth centre local to us for a few reasons but wish I had pushed for it. I guess I see it as yet another reduction of NHS services... maternity services are so dire atm and my local one has recently been the centre of a Panorama investigation... [For context I work in the NHS too]
It is certainly different for all parents and I'll be first to admit that I also struggled to bond with my baby, needing support from the infant bonding team etc. but I don't think having a healthy baby and having him with me 24/7 at all times would have helped with that. I'm the first to admit that I've never been one of these mums who lives, breathes, sleeps their baby
but that's my own personal situation to manage. I love him with all my heart but it is hard being a parent whatever your circumstances which we can all agree on and perhaps a nicer start might have made things a bit easier for us.I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else but that's my personal opinion and you're welcome to disagree all you like. I don't want anyone to read this thread and think their opinions aren't welcome because it is a hugely useful support network for new parents.
Anyway.
My boss has emailed me regarding my return to work and given me a date two weeks earlier than the one I came up with when working out my annual leave. I've also been asked to do a flexible working request and reminded that "they may not be able to accommodate it" which seems ridiculous when 1) they don't have any bloody staff and 2) I'm dropping one day in a service that is covered 7 days a week on a rolling rota anyway. Fed up of it all being so difficult.
I hope you’re ok - I resonate so much with what you say regarding sleep. Obviously you expect wakes etc with a baby but I really underestimated how much sleep deprivation would affect me mentally.Actually, if you read my post you'll see that I was able to hold my baby once every few hours for an entire week as he was in the jaundice light chamber for so long. If someone had said "we'll do his next two feeds, don't worry" rather than "Yes, you do need to keep staying awake 24 hours a day to attend to his needs even though you've been awake for 4 days already and 2 of those days were in labour resulting in surgery" I could have gotten a decent chain of sleep, that's all. I really struggle if I don't get enough sleep and for me I would always prioritise sleep, I'd rather not eat, leave the house, do anything else than be sleep deprived. There's a reason the military use sleep deprivation as a torture technique!
FWIW, there's a birth centre in my local area which does actually provide overnight support for new parents who are struggling or need a rest which you can be referred into. They also allow people to come and stay for 24 - 48 hours in the first 3 or 4 weeks to provide breast feeding support and also help with general care for the baby, so if you're completely clueless and struggling like I was then it's a space where you can go and learn how to do the basics. It is much more common in a lot of other countries to provide new parents with a lot more support than we do - and indeed when my mum had me and my sister in the UK in the late 80s and early 90s the babies were taken away over night to a nursery to allow new mums to sleep and heal! For me I'm certain having that routine made my postnatal depression worse and really set us up on the wrong foot. It's not for everyone, that's true but for me it would have been a god send. I couldn't access the birth centre local to us for a few reasons but wish I had pushed for it. I guess I see it as yet another reduction of NHS services... maternity services are so dire atm and my local one has recently been the centre of a Panorama investigation... [For context I work in the NHS too]
It is certainly different for all parents and I'll be first to admit that I also struggled to bond with my baby, needing support from the infant bonding team etc. but I don't think having a healthy baby and having him with me 24/7 at all times would have helped with that. I'm the first to admit that I've never been one of these mums who lives, breathes, sleeps their baby
I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else but that's my personal opinion and you're welcome to disagree all you like. I don't want anyone to read this thread and think their opinions aren't welcome because it is a hugely useful support network for new parents.
Anyway.
My boss has emailed me regarding my return to work and given me a date two weeks earlier than the one I came up with when working out my annual leave. I've also been asked to do a flexible working request and reminded that "they may not be able to accommodate it" which seems ridiculous when 1) they don't have any bloody staff and 2) I'm dropping one day in a service that is covered 7 days a week on a rolling rota anyway. Fed up of it all being so difficult.
Sorry you’re work are being arseholes too - it shouldn’t be this difficult for us to get flexible working after having children!
Any recommendations for baby toys/bits on Temu? I keep seeing the same items for 3-4x the price on Amazon. I don’t trust everything on there (safety wise) but think some stuff is decent.
I’ve previously bought a silicone weaning set (bib, plate, bowl) and a mini xylophone
I’m now looking at pop tubes, a long roll of colouring in paper, wooden threading beads, plastic fruit and veg, plastic animal figures, and a fiber optic light.
I’m going to make a new account so they bombard me with discounts
I’ve previously bought a silicone weaning set (bib, plate, bowl) and a mini xylophone
I’m now looking at pop tubes, a long roll of colouring in paper, wooden threading beads, plastic fruit and veg, plastic animal figures, and a fiber optic light.
I’m going to make a new account so they bombard me with discounts
Not on Temu but for plastic animals I would really recommend splashing out and getting Scleich. They are so realistic, and so much better quality. We’ve had animals that were cheap that won’t stand up, which leads to frustration, but the scleich ones are well worth the money.Any recommendations for baby toys/bits on Temu? I keep seeing the same items for 3-4x the price on Amazon. I don’t trust everything on there (safety wise) but think some stuff is decent.
I’ve previously bought a silicone weaning set (bib, plate, bowl) and a mini xylophone
I’m now looking at pop tubes, a long roll of colouring in paper, wooden threading beads, plastic fruit and veg, plastic animal figures, and a fiber optic light.
I’m going to make a new account so they bombard me with discounts
Honestly it’s crazy how expectations change over little time. When my mum had me, she also had a section and said that the midwives supported with everything and were conscious that you’re also a human with needs too. When I had baby skates I buzzed for a midwife at about 3am (I hadn’t been seen for almost 5 hours at this point) because I needed a wee and didn’t know what to do with him because he cried every time I put him down. She looked at me like I’d just tit on the floor when I asked if she could hold him for two mins, and asked why I didn’t just take him with me.
I didn’t sleep at all that night and while I personally wouldn’t have wanted someone to take him I would never judge a mum who would. Were all different, have different babies and experiences, doesn’t make one view right and one wrong.
I didn’t sleep at all that night and while I personally wouldn’t have wanted someone to take him I would never judge a mum who would. Were all different, have different babies and experiences, doesn’t make one view right and one wrong.
I'm sorry that you had that experience. I was moved onto the post natal ward about 18 hours after having baby tuesday and visiting hours were over so my OH and my mum had to leave. I needed a wee and was holding baby (same as you, cried when I put him down) and I was also very unsteady/uncomfortable on my feet because of my stitches from my tear. I asked the midwife who came to talk to me about contraception (
) if she could watch him because I knew it would take me a while to go to the loo. She told me to "plonk him in the cot" and walked away chuckling to herself like I'd just asked her to breastfeed him herself. Disclaimer, that's my personal experience!
All I'll say is when I had an emcs, I had so little support I ended up tearing a stitch trying to lift a suitcase onto my broken bed because "you have to learn to do it alone" and they'd booted my husband out. There's other gory details but you get the image. I would've loved overnight support. We've all had different experiences and that's why one model of care doesn't fit everyone.
Anyway, on a lighter node, baby Kaye has cracked my nipple. There was one rushed latch yesterday that I can pinpoint as the catalyst. I've got Lanolin (?) nipple balm but any other recs to help with the pain? She's on bottles for now, the pain is
Anyway, on a lighter node, baby Kaye has cracked my nipple. There was one rushed latch yesterday that I can pinpoint as the catalyst. I've got Lanolin (?) nipple balm but any other recs to help with the pain? She's on bottles for now, the pain is
Any recommendations for baby toys/bits on Temu? I keep seeing the same items for 3-4x the price on Amazon. I don’t trust everything on there (safety wise) but think some stuff is decent.
I’ve previously bought a silicone weaning set (bib, plate, bowl) and a mini xylophone
I’m now looking at pop tubes, a long roll of colouring in paper, wooden threading beads, plastic fruit and veg, plastic animal figures, and a fiber optic light.
I’m going to make a new account so they bombard me with discounts
We've had a few things from Temu. I was a bit skeptical at first, but I think if you use your common sense you'll be fine. We've mostly tried to avoid anything that looks like bits might come off.
We've had some stacking cups, a fabric "tissue box" with squares of fabric to pull out, some wooden maracas, some plastic boats for the bath, some of the coloured sensory scarves, and a wooden ring stacker. All absolutely fine quality-wise.
I also bought some wooden spoons, some measuring spoons, and a pastry brush to stop her trying to pinch mine from the kitchen
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