New baby and post birth advice #38: I've just come to accept the fact that my children are in fact, feral

[wakametango 2.0]

Years ago I changed the settings in my phone so the word ‘email’ would automatically change to my actual email address and ‘duck’ would change to fuck, because obviously I used to say fuck a lot more than duck so I outsmarted the autocorrect. Anyway, here I find myself with a toddler obsessed with ducks and In fact I now need to use duck a fuck load more than fuck. Currently looking for stocking fillers and have in the past week googled ‘fuck soft toy’, ‘fuck toys’ to find her presents

 

[jackolantern]

Fun fact related to Buble actually, in the very early days of being with OH, we went to his families for Christmas (I had barely met most of them). It was awkward as hell anyway because they are all posh and I’m Northern trash, we were sat at the dinner table and they put Buble on and started singing, what did I do? Burst out with “Michael Buble should be killed” in front of his mum, step dad, 4 siblings and grandparents 🥲 They know me plenty now so ofcourse this speak wouldn’t at all be a surprise but FFS Lantern, there’s a time and a place 🫢

OH’s face

 

[Borntorun]

This was me!!!! The midwife gave me one of the those cardboard bowls to prove I’d done one and I was traipsing there and back with it and just sitting with the tap on

You’d be surprised the amount of people that try and fake wee to get themselves discharged quicker. I must look like I was born yesterday. If it smells like orange squash, it’s probably orange squash

 

[JustaLurker102]

It’s gravy or nothing. With everything. I’m sorry but it’s the only way. Sad? Gravy. Happy? Gravy. Raging? Gravy with a side of gravy. OH had the bare faced cheek to ask why I liked it so much once. Why do I like him? That’s what I wonder, monster.

We was on holiday years ago in malta and it was one of those buffet dinners in the hotel. My dad went up for 4 bowls of this onion soup that he declared was the best soup ever. Turns out he has 4 bowls of onion gravy

 

[Trombolese]

Knobwaffle rant incoming. It was an accident, but a couple of days ago I got in from a walk with baby T so he was in a big padded snowsuit and Mr T took him and sat him down on the hardest floor in the house which wasn’t the smartest idea, baby obviously couldn’t hold himself up because of the snow suit so he fell forward and face planted the floor. He screamed for a couple of minutes but then was fine, he had a little mark but it faded and was his usual self yesterday. This morning the area on his face where he hit the floor is red and swollen, and he’s been crying more than normal (but he’s also getting a top tooth through ) so I took him into the bedroom to show Mr T and was like we are going to have to get him checked out, and he was just like yeah ok but then stayed in bed. I made baby T some breakfast and asked Mr T to call the doctors whilst I was feeding him, but he just made a coffee and went and sat on the sofa and started watching TV. I just said “ok so I’ll just ring them then” and I’ve come upstairs and now on hold to the doctors and the queue is huge because everyone’s ill. The non sense of urgency has really fucked me off, and yet again I’m left to do everything.

 

[wakametango 2.0]

A woman has gone and got her friend to hand a LETTER to mr Waka to tell him how handsome she thinks he is & given her socials, (he parks in the same place every Friday evening because of work). I’m never going to hear end of this am I, he’s so chuffed he drives his clients car, I said it’s only because of the car he’s in lol

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Thanks ladies sorry the thread closed before I could reply. I’m ok, we’re not at the hospital where I gave birth so it’s a different environment and as silly as that sounds I feel quite calm. His blood tests have showed he’s anaemic, but they don’t seem too concerned about that?!
They’re sending us home but have warned we will probably be back in a few days as it gets worse before it gets better so any sign of his breathing deteriorating or his feeds dropping significantly it will be straight back, as although they can’t actually treat the virus he might need oxygen or to be tube fed. I think I’ll go to bits if it comes to that as it will bring it all back to me but if he needs it he needs it. God love him he’s hardly even cried

 

[calmyourritas]

Mr Rita is at the pub, I’ve had a wine and just want to say IT’S COMING HOME

Well. This is awkward.

 

[wakametango 2.0]

After the crying screaming in pain every night with trapped wind since September mini Waka now farts peacefully in her sleep and i find that just the cutest thing as it means she’s no longer in pain

 

[LilyRose1234]

Channelled my inner nigella and made a tuna pasta bake for lunch, with enough to freeze some. The good news is we now have 10 freezer portions, the bad news is that she didn’t eat a bit of it and we have 10 freezer portions

 

[Definitelyme]

Self pitying moan incoming…

I would very much like to just be able to sit and watch a movie with the older kids in the evening, the whole way through. Instead I have to go up to ToddlerMe several times, and miss half of the film, and also try and do all the evening things that need done. MrMe and the older two sitting laughing away at a film, and me sitting in the dark with TMe, feeling very sorry for myself
Talk about first world issues.

 

[Borntorun]

Real first world problem here. But I had my haircut just before the girls got strep a (literally the baby fell asleep during the haircut and then stayed asleep for about 18 hours…) anyway. It’s now a week later and I’ve only just realised, the haircut isn’t a good look on me I probably should have guessed as my KW described it as “a bit mumsy” but I was mopping up vomit at the time and I figured no one looks good mopping up vomit anyway.
So my hair has a bit of a wave to it but somehow my bum length hair is now a mum bob. And the wave means it flicks out at the bottom. I look like the woman from balamory

 

[wakametango 2.0]

We’ve had a breakthrough here after 14 months of saying he needs to do more. He was sleeping until 10 on weekends and napping once we’d walked the dog (it was me up in the night, every night with her while working 4 days). I had a word and anyway things are very much 50/50 now, he takes her in the night if she’s having trouble, we do equal bath and bedtimes but he is TIRED he’s asleep right now after saying he feels ill he’s so lethargic. I shouldn’t laugh but it’s great to see him finally face the reality of parenting

 

[Lulu Goss]

Mr G is out for the night. Baby G, by some miracle, had her bottle and went to sleep like an absolute angel at 7pm!!

I’m having a fish finger sandwich for dinner and I’ve got a mini bottle of Prosecco in the fridge. Delighted

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

We have no routine. Sometimes baby has 2 long naps, sometimes 4 short ones! Usually short ones on the days the 3yo is around because she wakes him up so much.

Sling naps do help but mostly it's just letting go of routine I think!

You’re right, I need to accept it’s different with your second third fourth etc and stop being so obsessed with routine

Now she’s kicking off saying grapes taste disgusting even though she ate half a fucking punnet with her breakfast. Defo think I’ll have some grapes myself later. The fermented ones. Liquidised. In a lovely large glass

 

[calmyourritas]

I’ve never made homemade soup in my life tbh fair play to those of you who can be arsed because I’m a lazy bitch

 

[Lulu Goss]

Tonight is my work Christmas party but I haven’t gone. Baby G still has a cough and conjunctivitis, but this morning after we’d been out in the car I noticed her eye was really weepy and her whole cheek had a blotchy scabby looking rash on it (lovely way to describe it I know!). Rang the doctors who got me to send photos and then didn’t get back to me until nearly 6pm tonight. I didn’t want to leave her unwell so I bailed on the party even though I’ve been looking forward to it for ages and now feel like I’m missing out on yet another night out.

Mr G is going out tomorrow and it won’t have even crossed his mind to cancel. Fair enough, maybe I’m being a martyr but being a mum is definitely being the default parent

 

[stardust1]

That is so not on! I would say something to whoever runs it and ask them to make a polite reminder. I would be livid!

still sat in a&e waiting for it to be gluedthe board says it is a 9 hour wait

 

[Borntorun]

This is such a stupid thing to moan about, but Baby Runner has learnt to undo buttons. And we cosleep. So I keep waking up because I’m cold as yet again she’s undone all the buttons on my pyjama top

 

[calmyourritas]

I’m just lying here wrapped up in my duvet thinking wow remember when it was literally 40 degrees and we all wanted to die x