New baby and post birth advice #37 The only way to eat porridge is to tip it in the bin

[WhatABore]

I hope you all don't mind me jumping on the thread........I was on the pregnancy one just before baby was born (almost 10 months ago ) and then I just dropped off the face of the earth!
It's been a long 10 months. 3rd baby but first breastfed baby, she refused a bottle (still does), I'm back to work 3 days a week so shes on solids through the day and just feeds all night long , doesn't nap for more than 30 mins and I'm just wrecked tired..........please tell me I'm not alone and someone has a magic remedy???

Mine is nearly 20 months now but she has never slept for more than 30 minutes. Dropped to 1 nap at 10 months, still half an hour.
And now she's 20 months and doesn't nap at all

 

[I’mThankyou_]

The 9yo has come home from school in tears because he feels unwell. His throat is red raw and all I can think about is the germs infecting us all
We've just got rid of one bug

 

[Megatron1298]

Sorry to bring grossness to the thread but wondering if anyone‘s had any experience of third degree tears after birth and recovery? Mainly to do with bowel incontinence and also poo coming out of my vagina

After the birth (3 weeks ago) they obviously recommended I go into theatre to be stitched up as I’d tore quite badly down to my bum and if I didn’t then there would be the risk of poo coming out of my vagina, so obviously I’m going to go for the surgery anyway but it’s become obvious that this is happening anyway. I also cannot hold a poo at all, so in a nutshell at soft play today as I’m trying to get the bathroom as fast as I can it just starts coming out anyway so I’ve had to leave with my little boy sharpish and I’ve not really been able to stop crying since I got home. I just feel disgusting and can’t imagine ever feeling normal again. I have a gynaecologist review in the new year but I don’t even want to have anyone look and poke around ever again so I’m dreading the thought. Is this normal after this kind of birth and will it get better by itself as time goes on? I know recovery takes time and I’m doing pelvic floor exercises every day but the thought of shitting myself in public is making me terrified to leave the house

Again apologies for the grossness but feel like this is the only place I can get certain stuff off my chest without feeling judged or embarrassed

I can see you’ve already had some great advice here but didn’t want to pass this by. I had a birth injury after my first and i really hated going to physio so I made sure to treat myself afterwards to make myself feel better. Just a coffee and donut type thing but a kind of reward for going and looking after myself. Be kind to yourself you’re only 3w pp too, I hope you can get seen before the new year

 

[Spillit2356]

Mini Waka was a prolific 30 min napper. Nursery helped get rid of one nap and get her to midday for one longer nap. Again this was a process as she would only do about 40 mins but overtime she realised this was her only chance to get and has gone up to 2 hours at home and 1.5 at nursery. You probably have a low sleep needs baby like myself. She dropped to one nap about 11/12 months.

Oh she is sleeping even less with the childminder, gets maybe 45 mins all day long.....far too much going on for her and she is extremely nosey So when I get her she is extremely overtired and wakes every hour. We went through a spell of sickness there so I just let her feed all night and now shes full of wind so even more unsettled. I am hoping to try a different approach this weekend but I feel I have a rough few nights coming up

Mine is nearly 20 months now but she has never slept for more than 30 minutes. Dropped to 1 nap at 10 months, still half an hour.
And now she's 20 months and doesn't nap at all

Oh please don't tell me that I am hoping if I can work on resettling without boob that she might then put it into practice through the day but it is most definitely just a dream I have

 

[Definitelyme]

@ChattyMammy 3rd degree tear survivor here. That definitely isn’t what I’d expect to be happening at this stage of you’re recovery. Please get on to your midwives asap and get referred for help. I really feel for you, I had a few similar imstances (luckily in the house) and it’s the most degrading feeling xxxx

 

[Belle Amie]

Sorry to bring grossness to the thread but wondering if anyone‘s had any experience of third degree tears after birth and recovery? Mainly to do with bowel incontinence and also poo coming out of my vagina

After the birth (3 weeks ago) they obviously recommended I go into theatre to be stitched up as I’d tore quite badly down to my bum and if I didn’t then there would be the risk of poo coming out of my vagina, so obviously I’m going to go for the surgery anyway but it’s become obvious that this is happening anyway. I also cannot hold a poo at all, so in a nutshell at soft play today as I’m trying to get the bathroom as fast as I can it just starts coming out anyway so I’ve had to leave with my little boy sharpish and I’ve not really been able to stop crying since I got home. I just feel disgusting and can’t imagine ever feeling normal again. I have a gynaecologist review in the new year but I don’t even want to have anyone look and poke around ever again so I’m dreading the thought. Is this normal after this kind of birth and will it get better by itself as time goes on? I know recovery takes time and I’m doing pelvic floor exercises every day but the thought of shitting myself in public is making me terrified to leave the house

Again apologies for the grossness but feel like this is the only place I can get certain stuff off my chest without feeling judged or embarrassed

I had forceps & a third degree tear, I luckily didn’t have anything like that happen to me I thought that would be more likely to be a fourth degree tear. If you can speak to your midwife or GP to be seen sooner they shouldn’t be leaving you 4+ weeks to live like that it’s not fair.

I had appointments with a women’s health physio and it’s annoying going so long feeling like you can’t regain your dignity without someone’s rummaging around but the woman I saw was worth her weight in gold, I second the small reward for yourself after the appointment to give you motivation to go. I wasn’t discharged until baby was over 4 months and my pelvic floor was still only on a 3 out of 5 scale for strength but you’ll get there x

My OH just gave me half an hour to go to the sun beds and get a shower, I haven’t been given time to moisturise or dry my hair after but those 8 minutes in the heat of the sun and the quiet were worth it.
I know they’re bad for your health but I need the tan and fake tan doesn’t cut it

 

[wakametango 2.0]

Oh she is sleeping even less with the childminder, gets maybe 45 mins all day long.....far too much going on for her and she is extremely nosey So when I get her she is extremely overtired and wakes every hour. We went through a spell of sickness there so I just let her feed all night and now shes full of wind so even more unsettled. I am hoping to try a different approach this weekend but I feel I have a rough few nights coming up


Oh please don't tell me that I am hoping if I can work on resettling without boob that she might then put it into practice through the day but it is most definitely just a dream I have

Detinox drops may help with the wind!
me and @WhatABore understand what it’s like having a low sleep needs bubba 🫠🫠
Hopefully she gets into a groove too we are only settling down at 15 months
The alarm clock woke me yesterday for the first time in about 17 months nearly got the shock of my life

 

[calmyourritas]

I am STRESSED baby decided not to have her last nap so I just thought no problem I’ll just do bathtime slightly earlier and get her to bed earlier than usual.

Now my Tesco delivery has been delayed and I’m on my own tonight so I can’t do bath til it’s been delivered so I’m just desperately trying to keep her awake so we can go to bed 🥲 she’s going to fall asleep any minute and my evening is going to be hell

 

[I’mThankyou_]

I am STRESSED baby decided not to have her last nap so I just thought no problem I’ll just do bathtime slightly earlier and get her to bed earlier than usual.

Now my Tesco delivery has been delayed and I’m on my own tonight so I can’t do bath til it’s been delivered so I’m just desperately trying to keep her awake so we can go to bed 🥲 she’s going to fall asleep any minute and my evening is going to be hell

Can you skip the bath for tonight?

 

[calmyourritas]

Can you skip the bath for tonight?

I will do if it gets too late I’m just concerned that if she falls asleep down here I won’t be able to transfer her successfully and she’ll be a nightmare trying to get her back to sleep! Or if she has another nap now she won’t go to bed until about midnight 🥲 You can guarantee as soon as I try and take her up the delivery will arrive. It’s just typical haha

 

[ChattyMammy]

I can see you’ve already had some great advice here but didn’t want to pass this by. I had a birth injury after my first and i really hated going to physio so I made sure to treat myself afterwards to make myself feel better. Just a coffee and donut type thing but a kind of reward for going and looking after myself. Be kind to yourself you’re only 3w pp too, I hope you can get seen before the new year

That’s a really good idea, thank you! Although knowing me I’ll probably use it as an excuse for more of an online shoe shop

 

[Author123]

I am so sorry things are so rubbish right now. I think it’s true to say a lot of us have experienced the same sort of feelings, and feeling alone and undervalued is just so hard to deal with on a daily basis. It wears you down. It isn’t always big things, but rather death by a thousand paper cuts.

I think the thing you need to think on is whether this is a “for now” problem, something that is wrong because of the current situation, or whether it’s symptomatic of problems in the relationship as a whole. In 5 years when baby is bigger, and the demands on you aren’t quite as all encompassing as they are now, do you think you and your partner will still be happy together?

Many years ago I struggled to see how my marriage could continue. I felt like you do now. It was a really rough time, and I don’t even remember what happened to change it. But for me it was a “at the time” problem. I was overworked, overwhelmed, exhausted and not getting the help I needed. I also struggle with perfectionism, and the overwhelm that brings to me, and sometimes I understand my husband can “do no right” even if he helps out. But at the end of the day, our relationship was strained because of the season of life we were in, and when that passed, so did the strain.

Sorry, that’s probably not much helpx

I’m just catching up, but I love this phrase ‘season of life’. Such wise words @Definitelyme

@ChattyMammy also sending you lots of compassion, and second trying to see a woman’s health physio to help aid your recovery. I’ve also been seeing one and she is so lovely and clearly passionate about her speciality and getting women back on their feet that I have never felt awkward in any of my sessions. I went private as had private health insurance which was able to cover it, but based on this experience if I have another on future I would happily pay out my own pocket for the treatment. I’m in London so if you are too then feel free to message for a recommendation!

 

[ChattyMammy]

I had forceps & a third degree tear, I luckily didn’t have anything like that happen to me I thought that would be more likely to be a fourth degree tear. If you can speak to your midwife or GP to be seen sooner they shouldn’t be leaving you 4+ weeks to live like that it’s not fair.

I had appointments with a women’s health physio and it’s annoying going so long feeling like you can’t regain your dignity without someone’s rummaging around but the woman I saw was worth her weight in gold, I second the small reward for yourself after the appointment to give you motivation to go. I wasn’t discharged until baby was over 4 months and my pelvic floor was still only on a 3 out of 5 scale for strength but you’ll get there x

My OH just gave me half an hour to go to the sun beds and get a shower, I haven’t been given time to moisturise or dry my hair after but those 8 minutes in the heat of the sun and the quiet were worth it.
I know they’re bad for your health but I need the tan and fake tan doesn’t cut it

Thank you! I think I might just look into a private woman’s health physio. Although as I’m typing this my midwife referred me for physio when I was pregnant but she didn’t contact me until 39 weeks so I never got to see her but she did give me her details for postpartum if needed! Can’t believe I’m only just remembering going to contact her tomorrow I think!

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Thank you! I think I might just look into a private woman’s health physio. Although as I’m typing this my midwife referred me for physio when I was pregnant but she didn’t contact me until 39 weeks so I never got to see her but she did give me her details for postpartum if needed! Can’t believe I’m only just remembering going to contact her tomorrow I think!

You've had loads of good advice, just to say good luck with it and definitely contact your midwife and the physio, this shouldn't be happening and they should be able to help you. It sounds horrible you poor thing but hopefully you can get some skilled help and it won't continue for much longer.
I saw a women's health physio as I had a 3b tear with my first baby and she was fantastic and so reassuring.

Utterly unrelated but argh my brain feels like it's on fire from trying to keep too many plates spinning at the moment, the mental load is very real!

 

[Crazycatlady18]

Andddd the biting begins

 

[calmyourritas]

Update - delivery arrived not long after I posted here so tbh I think my delivery driver is a tattler come on which of you is it x

 

[I’mThankyou_]

I’m just catching up, but I love this phrase ‘season of life’. Such wise words @Definitelyme

@ChattyMammy also sending you lots of compassion, and second trying to see a woman’s health physio to help aid your recovery. I’ve also been seeing one and she is so lovely and clearly passionate about her speciality and getting women back on their feet that I have never felt awkward in any of my sessions. I went private as had private health insurance which was able to cover it, but based on this experience if I have another on future I would happily pay out my own pocket for the treatment. I’m in London so if you are too then feel free to message for a recommendation!

@Definitelyme Never leave us

 

[wakametango 2.0]

Mr Waka wants to go to the gym so asked what he can do to help before he goes. I said do bath time, he said okay can you run it.
I said no. He asked why.
So I reminded him what I’ve done in terms of parenting today:
Got her ready, driven her to nursery, picked her up, cooked dinner, made her snacks, tidied up, washed up dinner stuff and will be doing bed time.
what a bleeping cheek. Feel like saying he can wait til 8 now and get her to sleep himself too. They have no idea what mums do

 

[Definitelyme]

Mr Waka wants to go to the gym so asked what he can do to help before he goes. I said do bath time, he said okay can you run it.
I said no. He asked why.
So I reminded him what I’ve done in terms of parenting today:
Got her ready, driven her to nursery, picked her up, cooked dinner, made her snacks, tidied up, washed up dinner stuff and will be doing bed time.
what a bleeping cheek. Feel like saying he can wait til 8 now and get her to sleep himself too. They have no idea what mums do

They are clueless. Just beyond clueless. Why could he not run it? Genuinely interested in that. Like why would you go upstairs to the bathroom and stand and run the bath when he has to go up there to bath her? It makes no sense.

 

[Jellybean093]

Urgh, I feel so poorly. I thought I’d escaped it after a bit of a snotty nose on Saturday.
My back is throbbing/sore to touch, the right side of my throat is like razor blades, blocked sinuses and getting the chills/slight temp and absolutely exhausted, I feel like I’m going to faint when standing up. We are supposed to be going up north at the weekend. I’m secretly hoping I will be bed bound, which means Mr B taking the boys with him (although I 100% die if he took the baby why am I like this?!)