New baby and post birth advice #32 Seven gallons of boob

[TheDuchess]

I had a similar situation when me and my partner were first together.
I was a bit younger however and was only 21.
But I live 2 hours from my friend and when me and him were first together, she'd just had her son and I said oh yeah, we'll both come down and see you.
She cancelled the day before.
So I rearranged for a few weeks later and again I said, yeah, we'll both come. As she hadn't met him before so wanted her to meet him and get to know him as we were really close.
I didn't really think anything of it. Because in my head, I just wanted her to get to know him.
But the day before, she messaged and said that she wasn't comfortable with it as she didn't know him, especially as she'd just had her son.

And I completely understood and I've gone by myself since then. Like my partner said, he didn't really want to sit there listening to our "girl chatter" as he called it.
She's met him a couple of times since then but that's been at her kids parties that we've both gone to.
We hardly talk now anyway but that's just general drifting apart. Both being busy with our own families ect

That’s what I expected her to do. To back off a bit and just be normal.

I explained I wasn’t comfortable a couple of months ago and she was fine at the time. She’s being an hole and clearly isn’t listening to me so for the time being I am done trying to get her to see reason.

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

@TheDuchess I’ve not caught up fully but my partners sister does this with all her girlfriends. We have now 4 Christmas cards with a different “auntie” in each of them, some of whom my kids had met once or twice! My friends are more like aunties/uncles than their actual blood relatives. Grim isn’t it - get a grip man! I’ve only just become “auntie” (as in - they call me that off their own backs) to my nieces and nephew and we’ve been together for 7 years!

 

[Jellybean093]

My friends are more like aunties/uncles than their actual blood relatives

I feel this

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Thank you! It seemed positive but the salary isn’t great so it’s a conversation with the OH.

He has a sensory class on a Monday so I think that’s having a good effect on him. We only had 4 quick wake ups including one at 4 I’m not as knackered though.
How’s sleep going for you?x

I hope you can find a good answer with your OH.

Sleep was better last night, only up every 1.5 hours with one 3 hour stretch but that's the first night in a long time so definitely not out of the woods but he has a lot going on right now! Weaning, first tooth coming, learned to get to sitting independently, crawling faster every day, so there's so many changes going on.

 

[cupcake_face]

I'm so sorry about your dad and I’m sorry that you’ve also got someone trying to force someone into your babies life. It’s stressful enough that it’s my friend doing this to me, I honestly can’t imagine how it feels for your mum to do that to you. Your doing the right thing by Tommy, stick to your guns.

I’ve no idea how people feel so entitled to do tit like this. You are completely right when you said that THEY chose THEM. We didn’t.

I told my friend yesterday that I could meet up with her in a couple of weeks time, my partner will go meet his mate so we can just catch up in peace ie YOUR BOYFRIEND ISN’T INVITED. Woke up this morning to a message saying”me and head will come down together another time, hopefully soon so all four of us can all meet up & see each other plus baby Ems can meet her uncle”

my hands were shaking I was so angry with her! I typed out 3 or 4 replies blasting her with both barrels but ended up deleting them each time so I could cool off a bit. In the end I just haven’t replied to her. Words fail me.

He’s not her uncle, he’s a bleeping random to me. She’s not listening to me and I have no idea why she is pushing so hard for this relationship to be forced.

I am sick to the back teeth of this. She has zero clue how tough it is to have a baby and doesn’t seem to understand that you have no time to yourself and even if you somehow do find a slither of time you don’t want to spend it with arseholes.

No clue how to even fix this, just solidarity with you and Tommy.

That is so bizarre. At first, when you explained the situation, I was thinking could it be that he is mega controlling and won’t let her see you on her own but actually it sounds as though it may be her trying to push it. I’m not sure what I would do in your situation to be honest but hope you manage to think of something - it would be a shame to lose the friendship but I totally get why it’s making you uncomfortable.

 

[jackolantern]

I think with partners there probably isn't any malice, I think people just obviously adore their partners and want to do everything with them and can't fathom others naturally won't feel the same. My OH's brother was like that, before he split up with his girlfriend she had to be EVERYWHERE with him, it was seriously weird to everyone but them (didn't help that noone was particularly keen on her, I suspect much loved spouses fit in much better!) I personally find it utterly bizarre because it doesn't even occur to me to take OH to everything, not because I don't love him, but because they are my friends/family and why the duck would he enjoy being there? And vice versa. I'm personally extremely grateful I don't have to go to every MIL family function

 

[Belle Amie]

I hope you can find a good answer with your OH.

Sleep was better last night, only up every 1.5 hours with one 3 hour stretch but that's the first night in a long time so definitely not out of the woods but he has a lot going on right now! Weaning, first tooth coming, learned to get to sitting independently, crawling faster every day, so there's so many changes going on.

We’re the same that stretch was his longest it just came at the wrong time of the night
We’ve started moving backwards on our tummy so that’s fun there’s so much going on at this time you’d think they’d be exhausted and want more sleep!

 

[Dipdab]

Oh wow that yellow nappy cream is amazing but has anyone mastered a nappy change without getting it bloody everywhere

 

[TheDuchess]

I think with partners there probably isn't any malice, I think people just obviously adore their partners and want to do everything with them and can't fathom others naturally won't feel the same. My OH's brother was like that, before he split up with his girlfriend she had to be EVERYWHERE with him, it was seriously weird to everyone but them (didn't help that noone was particularly keen on her, I suspect much loved spouses fit in much better!) I personally find it utterly bizarre because it doesn't even occur to me to take OH to everything, not because I don't love him, but because they are my friends/family and why the duck would he enjoy being there? And vice versa. I'm personally extremely grateful I don't have to go to every MIL family function

Folk that can’t go anywhere without their partner are bloody weird! I hear you on the not having to attend MIL stuff hahaha blissssssss

I’ve messaged her back basically laying it out and if she doesn’t like the fact that what she is doing is not on then so be it. I’m not wasting anymore energy on this weird situation (I’m too sodding tired being up with a baby that never bloody sleeps at night, my cup has finally runnith over )

That is so bizarre. At first, when you explained the situation, I was thinking could it be that he is mega controlling and won’t let her see you on her own but actually it sounds as though it may be her trying to push it. I’m not sure what I would do in your situation to be honest but hope you manage to think of something - it would be a shame to lose the friendship but I totally get why it’s making you uncomfortable.

I flip from each of those, is it him or is it her…it’s exhausting and I’m tired of it. It’s like dealing with love struck teenagers. It’s the fact that my baby keeps getting brought into the equation that’s the final straw.

 

[Definitelyme]

@Megatron1298 holy crap lady that must have been just awful for you. Hope you are getting some rest now? And baby is ok?

Dear Diary. When will I be allowed to sleep again? Yours, a very tired Me.

Two nights of no sleep. Last night was a combined effort. TMe was squawking half the night, 3Me was coughing all night, 9Me gotup to see what all the racket was about, and I had a nervous breakdown at 3.30am and just started sobbing. Obviously nobody came to my rescue so I just had to suck it up and enjoy the next 3.5hours of broken sleep before I got up for work. I am knackered.

 

[onlyheretoorbit]

Hi all
Baby o has done 2 half days at nursery so far and it seems to be going well. I’ve been calling halfway through the session to check in and I think she’s had a few moments of being overwhelmed and crying and she won’t sleep longer than 30 mins but I’m hoping that will settle down soon.
I always send her with a change of clothes because her key worker warned me they’d do messy play etc but both days so far she’s come home in the spare clothes but yesterday her original clothes just had a few food stains and today it was some paint splashes, like surely they don’t require an entire change of clothes?
Also she had been learning to crawl but she was just doing a few shuffles round the living room - tonight I left her in the middle of the living room while I emptied her bag in the kitchen and heard a chuckle - the git had only barrelled down the hallway and was sat in the doorway

 

[WhatABore]

Hi all
Baby o has done 2 half days at nursery so far and it seems to be going well. I’ve been calling halfway through the session to check in and I think she’s had a few moments of being overwhelmed and crying and she won’t sleep longer than 30 mins but I’m hoping that will settle down soon.
I always send her with a change of clothes because her key worker warned me they’d do messy play etc but both days so far she’s come home in the spare clothes but yesterday her original clothes just had a few food stains and today it was some paint splashes, like surely they don’t require an entire change of clothes?
Also she had been learning to crawl but she was just doing a few shuffles round the living room - tonight I left her in the middle of the living room while I emptied her bag in the kitchen and heard a chuckle - the git had only barrelled down the hallway and was sat in the doorway

With the change of clothes, it's hard.
I worked in a nursery before and it's hard to get it right
Some parents would be annoyed at a slightly dirty top and question why you didn't change their top and then on the other hand, there's parents questioning why we bothered to change their clothes when it's got paint all over

 

[Belle Amie]

With the change of clothes, it's hard.
I worked in a nursery before and it's hard to get it right
Some parents would be annoyed at a slightly dirty top and question why you didn't change their top and then on the other hand, there's parents questioning why we bothered to change their clothes when it's got paint all over

It’s difficult with the kids that do a half day cause they don’t get all that messy. The kids that do a full day we’d change them just after tea so their original clothes would end up filthy and they were going home clean just to get stripped off and thrown in the bath and bed

 

[Toffeebythesea]

Hey mamas, Has anybody had any experience with relactation? I'm 4 months pp and giving it my best shot. Can't seem to find any forums or places to discuss it all the FB groups don't seem to be very chatty. Hv and GP weren't much use either grateful for volunteers on the helpline and the le leche support.

 

[Littleelf]

With the change of clothes, it's hard.
I worked in a nursery before and it's hard to get it right
Some parents would be annoyed at a slightly dirty top and question why you didn't change their top and then on the other hand, there's parents questioning why we bothered to change their clothes when it's got paint all over

My daughter painted herself blue at nursery once, and im talking actually head to toe looking like a smurf, and they just sent her out all blue as if nothing was amiss i was like urm what happened here?

 

[Borntorun]

Hi all
Baby o has done 2 half days at nursery so far and it seems to be going well. I’ve been calling halfway through the session to check in and I think she’s had a few moments of being overwhelmed and crying and she won’t sleep longer than 30 mins but I’m hoping that will settle down soon.
I always send her with a change of clothes because her key worker warned me they’d do messy play etc but both days so far she’s come home in the spare clothes but yesterday her original clothes just had a few food stains and today it was some paint splashes, like surely they don’t require an entire change of clothes?
Also she had been learning to crawl but she was just doing a few shuffles round the living room - tonight I left her in the middle of the living room while I emptied her bag in the kitchen and heard a chuckle - the git had only barrelled down the hallway and was sat in the doorway

My eldest used to go through 2-3 outfits a day at nursery. Now she’s 3, she generally manages to stay in the same outfit but as a baby she’d just come home with a pile of laundry each day

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Hey mamas, Has anybody had any experience with relactation? I'm 4 months pp and giving it my best shot. Can't seem to find any forums or places to discuss it all the FB groups don't seem to be very chatty. Hv and GP weren't much use either grateful for volunteers on the helpline and the le leche support.

So I haven't had experience with it but I think that kathrynstaggibclc on Instagram has a highlight on it, and I think Lucy Ruddle has a group on Facebook called "UK Relactation and Adoptive Breastfeeding Support" but not sure if that's one you've tried that's not been very active. All the best with it!

 

[Toffeebythesea]

So I haven't had experience with it but I think that kathrynstaggibclc on Instagram has a highlight on it, and I think Lucy Ruddle has a group on Facebook called "UK Relactation and Adoptive Breastfeeding Support" but not sure if that's one you've tried that's not been very active. All the best with it!

Thank you so much! Lucy Ruddle's book on it arrives tomorrow so I'll check the group out

 

[Borntorun]

Is it the absolute worst idea ever to try and sleep train the baby while on holiday?!? At home, either she feeds to sleep, or she’ll sleep in the pram / car, or I rock her in the rocking chair. This is now the second night she won’t feed to sleep and it’s now 9pm here. Husband is being useless and won’t help (well he is insistent that he can take her to the bar and rock her to sleep there but he won’t try and rock her to sleep in our room). Is it daft to try some kind of sleep training method with the cot?! Lord knows, I just want to sleep!

 

[Definitelyme]

Is it the absolute worst idea ever to try and sleep train the baby while on holiday?!? At home, either she feeds to sleep, or she’ll sleep in the pram / car, or I rock her in the rocking chair. This is now the second night she won’t feed to sleep and it’s now 9pm here. Husband is being useless and won’t help (well he is insistent that he can take her to the bar and rock her to sleep there but he won’t try and rock her to sleep in our room). Is it daft to try some kind of sleep training method with the cot?! Lord knows, I just want to sleep!

Is sleep training something you would do at home normally?
Holiday is such a change for a baby, and any sort of sleep training is as well so it could be a lot for her to take on at once.
I’m sorry you’re so knackered