New baby and post birth advice #3

[moimoi]

The resentment is real!! In all honesty, sometimes I find looking after a baby really boring, that’s the thing I’m struggling with the most as I find the days so long and I see my partner just carrying on as normal. I’ve had breakdowns over it and my partner would be like ‘you’re the one who wanted this’ ‘you’re on maternity leave you’re essentially getting paid to look after him’ I kicked off at him for keep saying that as nothing can prepare you especially as a FTM.

When my partner finishes work, luckily he works from home then I’ll give the baby to him until baby wants fed (which usually isn’t long!) My partner does the baths (3x per week) and all last feeds with expressed milk or formula.

I follow an influencer on Instagram called @ownitbabe I find her a lot more tolerable than other mummy influencers but she’s talked about resentment before and said her and her husband agreed that they would each have 1 hour of free time per day to do whatever they want baby free and the other one would obvs look after the baby. I’ve tried to adopt that and use my baby free time to go to the gym even though I def have mum guilt and rush my time in case he’s hungry!

Tbf my partner is great, he also does a lot of the evening meals as he’s a way better cook than me and has been sleeping on the sofa while I co-sleep with the baby, though I’m trying to get my baby back in the crib atm.

 

[WhatABore]

The resentment is real!! In all honesty, sometimes I find looking after a baby really boring, that’s the thing I’m struggling with the most as I find the days so long and I see my partner just carrying on as normal. I’ve had breakdowns over it and my partner would be like ‘you’re the one who wanted this’ ‘you’re on maternity leave you’re essentially getting paid to look after him’ I kicked off at him for keep saying that as nothing can prepare you especially as a FTM.

When my partner finishes work, luckily he works from home then I’ll give the baby to him until baby wants fed (which usually isn’t long!) My partner does the baths (3x per week) and all last feeds with expressed milk or formula.

I follow an influencer on Instagram called @ownitbabe I find her a lot more tolerable than other mummy influencers but she’s talked about resentment before and said her and her husband agreed that they would each have 1 hour of free time per day to do whatever they want baby free and the other one would obvs look after the baby. I’ve tried to adopt that and use my baby free time to go to the gym even though I def have mum guilt and rush my time in case he’s hungry!

Tbf my partner is great, he also does a lot of the evening meals as he’s a way better cook than me and has been sleeping on the sofa while I co-sleep with the baby, though I’m trying to get my baby back in the crib atm.

My partner uses the "You're the one that wanted this" as well as if I forced him into it or something

 

[LilyRose1234]

That is so kind, thank you I was actually worrying “I bet they are sick of seeing me harping on (especially about slings and cosleeping)” so that is really lovely to read.

Haha I always wait for your advice , you have a knack of knowing exactly what to say!

Totally feel you all on the resentment front - I feel exactly the same, like his life has stayed the same but mine has changed and I can’t even pop to the shops for 20 minutes by myself. If it helps, the way I deal with it is to flip it on its head and imagine how hard it must be for them knowing they can go and do al this stuff and the baby won’t mind, whereas the baby needs us more so we can’t. Usually stops me feeling so resentful and bitter

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Resent is defo the right word for it!
She eventually stopped cluster feeding at about 2.30 and he came to bed about 4am and wanted a chat, honestly thought I was gonna kill him on the spot
To be fair he has brought me breakfast in bed...let's see if I can squeeze a couple of hours out him so I can wash and dry my hair later

On another note....I'm going to a festival next weekend, all day Sunday, with my friends so baby is staying at home with dad . I've been expressing for weeks so that there is enough breast milk for feeds but it just kind of dawned on me that I'm going to end up engorged and probably leaking everywhere when I'm out is the only solution to this pumping and dumping in a portaloo half way through my day? anyone have any better ideas?

 

[mg89]

Hi everyone, not sure if people remember me from dipping in and out of the pregnancy thread but thought I’d hop in here (and hopefully check back as much as I can but things are tough.... see below lol)

My son is 13 weeks old, has been diagnosed with CMPA since week 8, and is on Neocate LCP formula. He’s also got acid reflux and is on omeprozole since week 6.

Basicslly, he does NOT stop crying. He winges from the minute he opens his eyes in the morning until bedtime. He fights his sleep during the day like a MF. Today he’s had a wake window of SIX hours and has been screaming and screaming in frustration because he’s so overtired.

I’m at witts end. I spend my daylight hours fighting with a 3 month old to sleep/ calm him down etc. I dread the day time from the second I wake up. He cries. And im not joking either. I sometimes can’t pick him up or put him down without a crescendo.

My husband is away at work and won’t be back for another 4 weeks and I’m going mad. Health visitor won’t help, GP just keeps saying “it’s colic” (bleeping sick of hearing that word), and I’ve not been able to get a paediatric appointment at the hospital for another 2 weeks.

i admit I do give him the odd dose of calpol to try and get him to take his naps in the day, but 9 times out of 10 he only falls asleep after 2+ hours of howling in my face and then passes out exhausted in my arms. I can’t put him down for a sleep because he jolts awake within seconds and the crying starts again.

He’s now sleeping in bed with me at night (safely) and that’s the only way he will sleep longer than 15 minutes.

Could This be part of his CMPA? I just don’t know. He’s my first, and I’ve never known a baby fight sleep like him. He’s just spent 45 minutes kicking and swinging his arms about screaming in frustration because he’s so tired. His little face is swollen with tiredness.

I just can’t cope :-(

As I said above I’ll try and check this thread as much as I can to keep up with you all but my days are spent either fighting with him or crying myself haha.... happy times!

That sounds so tough.. my understanding is that neocate is soy free. I had `a very similar experience with my little one in the early days, he cried for the first 4 months of his life and so did I. What dosage is he on with the omeprazole? They can have up to 2mg per kg of their weight.He may need a dose increase. I despise the colic thing too, I really believe that there's something that causes the colic crying and it isn't just random crying. Have you tried taking videos of him when he's really bad? I know it's awful but it helped my case. I also tracked every ounce of sleep and milk intake and presented this to them. Have you been referred to dietician also?

Have you got a sling? I remember during those days I was too proud to allow my mum to take him for a few hours, even though I was at breaking point. If you have someone that would take him for a bit, please take that chance. You're doing great and you will get to the bottom of it. I hope the paediatrician can be of more help!

 

[LilyRose1234]

That sounds so tough.. my understanding is that neocate is soy free. I had `a very similar experience with my little one in the early days, he cried for the first 4 months of his life and so did I. What dosage is he on with the omeprazole? They can have up to 2mg per kg of their weight.He may need a dose increase. I despise the colic thing too, I really believe that there's something that causes the colic crying and it isn't just random crying. Have you tried taking videos of him when he's really bad? I know it's awful but it helped my case. I also tracked every ounce of sleep and milk intake and presented this to them. Have you been referred to dietician also?

Have you got a sling? I remember during those days I was too proud to allow my mum to take him for a few hours, even though I was at breaking point. If you have someone that would take him for a bit, please take that chance. You're doing great and you will get to the bottom of it. I hope the paediatrician can be of more help!

I have absolutely minimal experience but I’m sure colic is a symptom rather than a diagnosis - just seems like easy doctoring (not a word but you know what I mean) to “diagnose” babies with colic rather than to view it as a symptom and spend time exploring the underlying issues that cause it so those can be treated

 

[Hairraiser]

Oh

duck


My baby is 6 months old.

Just done a pregnancy test and it’s positive.

What the hell do I do now?

 

[littlepup]

Oh

duck


My baby is 6 months old.

Just done a pregnancy test and it’s positive.

What the hell do I do now?

Am I right in remembering you had almost 0% chance of falling but you really wanted another? Or was that someone else? Should we say congratulations? It’ll be hard but lots of people do make it work. It’s like twins, really hard but somehow you just get on with it. I can see a lot of positives in having two so close in age too. How do you feel about it?

 

[Definitelyme]

Oh

duck


My baby is 6 months old.

Just done a pregnancy test and it’s positive.

What the hell do I do now?

Oh my gosh!! How do you feel? I’m hoping it’s wonderful news for you, albeit totally unexpected. As @littlepup said you’ve mentioned before your journey to having your son and how you never thought you’d have another, so I’m sure this is just so mind blowing. Xx

@LilyRose1234 yes my understanding is also that colic is really more of a symptom, and same with reflux. Which I believe is why so many babies are treated for those things to little avail, because the root cause isn’t being helped.

@Chickenandgravy I would say just hand expressing enough off to keep you comfortable would get you through the day. Make sure you really work each section of both boobs to ensure you don’t get a clogged duct. Take spare breast pads, and maybe a spare top too! I don’t envy you having to do this in a portaloo - I can hardly stand them for the length of a wee!

 

[Hairraiser]

Am I right in remembering you had almost 0% chance of falling but you really wanted another? Or was that someone else? Should we say congratulations? It’ll be hard but lots of people do make it work. It’s like twins, really hard but somehow you just get on with it. I can see a lot of positives in having two so close in age too. How do you feel about it?

Yes that’s me.

not really sure what to feel right now. I’m in utter shock!
I just hope their is someone on here that has babies that close in age.
I haven’t felt right for the last few days, but put it down to a dodgy kebab!
thought I’d do a quick test to rule it out, I never even thought it would be positive!

I just don’t really know where to go from here

 

[Definitelyme]

Yes that’s me.

not really sure what to feel right now. I’m in utter shock!
I just hope their is someone on here that has babies that close in age.
I haven’t felt right for the last few days, but put it down to a dodgy kebab!
thought I’d do a quick test to rule it out, I never even thought it would be positive!

I just don’t really know where to go from here

I have two friends who had babies and were pregnant again at the 8 and 9 month mark. One just has those two and she loved having them so close. Sure, sometimes hard work, but they are now 7 and 8 and can all go and do bigger things as a family, things that are age appropriate and fun for both kids. (The other went on to have 3 more, but her eldest two have always been close).

Just take some time and sit with it and once the shock wears off see how you feel. You’re still coming to terms with all that happened surrounding your son’s birth too, so be kind to yourself and remember there is no right or wrong way to feel about this x

 

[orange club biscuit]

On another note....I'm going to a festival next weekend, all day Sunday, with my friends so baby is staying at home with dad . I've been expressing for weeks so that there is enough breast milk for feeds but it just kind of dawned on me that I'm going to end up engorged and probably leaking everywhere when I'm out is the only solution to this pumping and dumping in a portaloo half way through my day? anyone have any better ideas?

Nothing useful to add just had a similar question! I’m 10 days pp and guess my supply is still getting established but i am leaking sooo much. Like a bra only lasts me half a day and I’m soaking through breast pads every couple of hours. Would those milk collecting shell things work? I got a Haakaa pump on the recommendation of my MW which is okay I guess but it’s massive and I can’t exactly walk around and get on with my day with it down my bra.

also just to add, I got so many recommendations for them but I bleeping hate those H&M nursing bras with the stupid unattached pads which get twisted and come out and fold in half in the wash!! They are the devil’s work!! I spend half my day readjusting them or trying to put them back in their place through that tiny stupid hole lol

 

[Hairraiser]

I have two friends who had babies and were pregnant again at the 8 and 9 month mark. One just has those two and she loved having them so close. Sure, sometimes hard work, but they are now 7 and 8 and can all go and do bigger things as a family, things that are age appropriate and fun for both kids. (The other went on to have 3 more, but her eldest two have always been close).

Just take some time and sit with it and once the shock wears off see how you feel. You’re still coming to terms with all that happened surrounding your son’s birth too, so be kind to yourself and remember there is no right or wrong way to feel about this x

My son will be 18 months when baby is due, so he’ll be a handful. That scares me a lot! I didn’t plan for this, like anything in life, you make a rough plan of big life events. This is something we haven’t planned for & assumed we would not be pregnant again so this is completely messed my head up.
I worry what people will think of me, irresponsible?

Thank you.
you’re right, I’m really only just getting over the birth so for this to happen it’s kind of put a spanner in the works..
I’m feeling really bittersweet to say the least!

 

[Definitelyme]

My son will be 18 months when baby is due, so he’ll be a handful. That scares me a lot! I didn’t plan for this, like anything in life, you make a rough plan of big life events. This is something we haven’t planned for & assumed we would not be pregnant again so this is completely messed my head up.
I worry what people will think of me, irresponsible?

Thank you.
you’re right, I’m really only just getting over the birth so for this to happen it’s kind of put a spanner in the works..
I’m feeling really bittersweet to say the least!

No way will people think that you’re irresponsible! I don’t think 18 months is really that unusual a gap at all tbh. My sister in law just had her second (very planned) baby and the gap is 20 months. I met a girl at a baby gym one day and she had an 11 month old and a 4 week old, the only thing I thought was “how the hell does she look that good?!”

18 months is a full on age definitely, but it’s also a really cool age, and an age when your little boy will just love having a baby in the house

I imagine your emotions are every which way at the minute x

Nothing useful to add just had a similar question! I’m 10 days pp and guess my supply is still getting established but i am leaking sooo much. Like a bra only lasts me half a day and I’m soaking through breast pads every couple of hours. Would those milk collecting shell things work? I got a Haakaa pump on the recommendation of my MW which is okay I guess but it’s massive and I can’t exactly walk around and get on with my day with it down my bra.

also just to add, I got so many recommendations for them but I bleeping hate those H&M nursing bras with the stupid unattached pads which get twisted and come out and fold in half in the wash!! They are the devil’s work!! I spend half my day readjusting them or trying to put them back in their place through that tiny stupid hole lol

Totally agree about the loose pads in the bras. Why have they done that?! I have just taken mine out, it’s ridiculous having them there.
Careful with the Hakka as it can actually stimulate supply rather than just catch the extra milk, so the breast collection shells may a better option. (That only applies if you squeeze the air out and attach them that way, it basically sucks the milk out rather than just catching it)

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Nothing useful to add just had a similar question! I’m 10 days pp and guess my supply is still getting established but i am leaking sooo much. Like a bra only lasts me half a day and I’m soaking through breast pads every couple of hours. Would those milk collecting shell things work? I got a Haakaa pump on the recommendation of my MW which is okay I guess but it’s massive and I can’t exactly walk around and get on with my day with it down my bra.

also just to add, I got so many recommendations for them but I bleeping hate those H&M nursing bras with the stupid unattached pads which get twisted and come out and fold in half in the wash!! They are the devil’s work!! I spend half my day readjusting them or trying to put them back in their place through that tiny stupid hole lol

Are you using re usable breast pads? I found them much more absorbant than the disposable ones!

 

[moimoi]

My son will be 18 months when baby is due, so he’ll be a handful. That scares me a lot! I didn’t plan for this, like anything in life, you make a rough plan of big life events. This is something we haven’t planned for & assumed we would not be pregnant again so this is completely messed my head up.
I worry what people will think of me, irresponsible?

Thank you.
you’re right, I’m really only just getting over the birth so for this to happen it’s kind of put a spanner in the works..
I’m feeling really bittersweet to say the least!

What a turn of events!

Absolutely don’t worry about what anyone else will think! No one’s business and I’m sure they’ll be thrilled anyway. Like mentioned, I don’t think 18 months is an unusual gap, lots of people have babies intentionally soon after to have a small gap.

 

[123456!!12/]

My son will be 18 months when baby is due, so he’ll be a handful. That scares me a lot! I didn’t plan for this, like anything in life, you make a rough plan of big life events. This is something we haven’t planned for & assumed we would not be pregnant again so this is completely messed my head up.
I worry what people will think of me, irresponsible?

Congratulations! For some reassurance, I’ve got 23 months between mine, which is slightly more than you’ll have. It is a handful and very little rest (my second is only 2 weeks so I have v little experience so far) but omg the moments when my oldest “helps” change nappies and asks to hold and help carry his brother makes every single difficult moment forgotten.
Don’t get me wrong my nearly 2 yr old is really testing boundaries atm, he’s stood on his brother and thrown various toys at both of us when I’m feeding but I’m 100% sure it’s completely normal adjusting.
I wouldn’t worry about what other people think, as others have said 18 months is a common age gap. You’ll make it work because I guess as parents we just do (which is a massive credit to us) x

 

[Definitelyme]

Are you using re usable breast pads? I found them much more absorbant than the disposable ones!

I agree with this make sure you get PUL backed or waterproof backed ones. Mine aren’t an in the early days sometimes it wicks through the stitching and I end up drenched anyway

 

[allforthegram]

My son will be 18 months when baby is due, so he’ll be a handful. That scares me a lot! I didn’t plan for this, like anything in life, you make a rough plan of big life events. This is something we haven’t planned for & assumed we would not be pregnant again so this is completely messed my head up.
I worry what people will think of me, irresponsible?

Thank you.
you’re right, I’m really only just getting over the birth so for this to happen it’s kind of put a spanner in the works..
I’m feeling really bittersweet to say the least!

Been watching in the background this evening!
First, congratulations to you both! What a shock in every way!
Second, my only advice would be to keep this to yourselves and with people you implicitly trust! People have way too much to say and “advice” to give. Which right now you more than likely do not want or need when you’re both so woahhhh.

however, we are all here so wish do you need anything!

 

[wakametango]

Anyone’s milk supply struggle to come in and satisfy your baby? I’m 9 days PP and it’s just not coming. Baby so stressed on my breast spends half her time scratching, crying latching and unlatching on me.
Tried power pumping and pumping after feeds but can’t see how to fit it in and eat, wash & sterilise stuff and soothe her inbetween feeds?
close to moving to forumla as it’s causing us all so much upset each day, she’s also lost 10% of her birth weight (I got her to gain 3% in 24h with help from forumla as she had tongue tie too)