New baby and post birth advice #28 being a mum is the best present I could have ever wished for

[Midgettree]

@Midgettree all okay with you!?

Yes all good thanks, have just been lurking, the threads seem to be moving so fast at the moment every time I go to write something there are about 6 new pages
Having the toddler off nursery, while my partner is working 6 days a week, and baby tree is in full destruction mode is slowly killing me off. Every time I look over he is somewhere different, drinking his sisters juice, eating houseplants, riding around on top of our robot Hoover This morning I found him with his hands down the toilet . He is doing a fantastic job of making me feel like a bad mother.

ETA happy birthday @jackolantern! Hope your crevices are sick free today!

 

[WhatABore]

Bad mum moment - baby was on the sofa in one of those c shaped pillows sat up. Stood up to move my drink and she dived off and landed face first on the floor oh the crying! Real screaming hysterics for a good 10 mins. She’s okay now but she has got a little pink patch on her head where she hit it

It happens

I'm sure if you go back and read through each thread, someone has mentioned their baby falling off of somewhere in each one

 

[Tea fairy]

We all slept in the bedroom for the first time since conception!! Hurray for pink noise!

 

[bepobee]

Brain dump incoming as I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life.

I just don't feel right in myself at all. I don't know if it's still my hormones but my mood is so up and down and I cry most days. I really struggled when baby was born and started taking Sertraline and had 4/5 counselling sessions. At the time I felt like I couldn't cope on my own with him (in terms of general life - chores, walking the dog, eating!) I think the sleep deprivation really didn't help. But as the weeks went on it did get easier and I found I could still get the basic jobs done whilst looking after him. So I stopped the counselling sessions and gradually came off Sertraline. I didn't like the way it made me feel - sometimes I desperately wanted to cry and just couldn't. But with the way I'm feeling I wonder if I should start taking it again. At our 8 week appointment the doctor said I could if I needed to.

Now baby is 3 months old and sleeps well (for now) and I've proved I can cope getting things done on my own. But my mood is just awful.

Me and OH are constantly at each others throats which is horrible and we are about to start the process of trying to move house. I'm desperate for more space and a better location, as this house makes me so unhappy. But given how we are with each other I'm doubting if it's the right thing to do (committing to a mortgage together).
We've talked about our problems several times but nothing changes and I'm not sure if it's me that's driving it because of the way I'm feeling, or the way I'm feeling is partly because of how we are?

I lucky to get a fair amount of time to myself - I do a weekly exercise class and just this morning I've been to have my nails done while OH looked after baby. But as soon as I walk back in the house it's like my mood just plummets again and it's back to the chores etc.
I also try to get out the house with baby most days, either with my mum or seeing friends. And whilst I need to get out the house for my sanity it can feel so stressful at times.

OH is going away until Sunday so I'm going to be on my own this weekend. Although I know I'll be fine on my own and all we do is snap at each other anyway, I'm still upset about it.

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

I am feeling so lost and down with baby's sleep. So he slept brilliantly as a newborn, napped well anywhere and everywhere, from about 3 weeks old he was only waking like once in the night and then once at about 5-6am for feeds and very settled. But for about 2 weeks (since just before 4 months) his sleep has been shit and before that his naps for really difficult, he started only having them on us/in the sling basically since he was about 3 months.

We don't have a routine at all and I think this might be causing some issues but I just don't even know where to start, I'm sure his sister was in a bit of a routine at this age but he is just so all over the place, some days he only does like 3 x 30 minute naps, some days he will nap for like 1.5 hours and then a couple of shorter ones. His bedtime is all over the place and he'll take about an hour to go down then he'll keep waking up every 40 minutes or so through the evening.

He has a lot going on - learning to crawl, he is getting over a nasty cold, he had his 16 week jabs, I think he might be teething a bit too, plus potentially the 4 month regression.

Any advice at all would be welcomed, I am just so tired I can't think straight right now but I feel sure I'm doing something (likely lots of things) wrong!

 

[Definitelyme]

My milk supply seems off (haven’t started with the Haakaa) and Baby Bluebird seems to be having none of it, literally & figuratively— nearly bit my nipple off
earlier, at 3 weeks old.

I have so much milk from like 2 am to 12pm, like A LOT. And she gets super hungry starting around 4or 5pm until 9pm, and drinks every hour, both boobs. Last night I gave up and gave formula because she wouldn’t settle and seemed so hungry. Drank a lot and went straight to sleep. Same thing again tonight— eating constantly, eating the boob that is, and super restless. We gave her 100+ml of breast milk and she seems settled and asleep now. My boobs feel so deflated during these afternoon/evening feedings that I’m starting to get worried she’s not actually getting anything when she drinks and that coupled with settling last night and tonight (and being super restless) I’m worried about my supply at the end of the day. It’s almost as id I dry up in the afternoon and early evening.

I should still be producing, right?

I’m going to give the lactation consultant a call tomorrow, and we’re also going to the walk in hours at the pediatrician so I’ll talk to them as well.

I can only echo what the others have said - this is totally normal breastfeeding behaviour (as long as she is gaining weight, and having plenty of wet and dirty nappies).
Babies often cluster feed in the evening as it is when they “put in their order” for more milk. Your milk is like a river rather than a jug - your boobs don’t empty completely. They always have milk flowing through them, just sometimes that milk flows more than others. Even when your breast “feel” empty they aren’t. And actually when they feel empty and your baby is feeding that’s actually when they are producing most to try and meet the demand.

3 weeks can be a growth spurt, and your milk supply is still regulating. Of course you can always give formula if you like, but by doing so (and then missing feeds) it will signal your breasts not to make as much milk. If you can, for the next few days, snuggle up with her - lots of skin to skin - and feed on demand as much as you can

The mum guilt is so high today.
Last summer holidays were our last holidays as a family of 3 and we promised the boy once I started maternity we'd have so much fun, only that was cancelled once we found out twin 2 was unwell & I needed to deliver.
This summer holidays just feels like such a washout already and we're only on day 2.
It's so hard to leave the house with the twins when it's just me. It's impossible finding something that all 3 of them can enjoy and where I can keep all 3 of them safe at the same time without all of our home comforts.
We don't have the luxury of friends or family helping, and it's set in today that he's going into year 5 in September, we've only got like 2 more summer holidays max where hell want to be with us. I know he's not bothered, he adores his sisters, but I remember the fun I had as a child and I just feel guilty he won't have those memories for a few more years yet.

You are probably giving him so many more happy memories than you realise. Time with his sisters is something he will always remember It’s great to have big days out, or do loads of cool activities, but don’t underestimate how much just simple time together is just as important.
I know the feeling of trying to get activities for all age groups, that is definitely tough going.

 

[wakametango 2.0]

ToddlerMe is obsessed with the dog. He gets his lead and tries to put it on (which is just whacKing the dog with the lead) and when we are walking him he cries until he can hold the lead. When we are at the caravan we have a cage for the dog, and ToddlerMe gets in the cage with the dog if you take your eyes off him for a second (just to say our dog isn’t crate trained, so he doesn’t have any special love for the crate, and he doesn’t seem to mind ToddlerMe getting in there, but we always take the beast out when we see it!) He also sits on his head, puts food in the dog’s mouth for him, tries to ride him like a horse (this is a big Labrador btw). He is a MENACE.
The poor dog puts up with so much from him without a complaint. He’s a saint.

I didn’t know you had a dog .. sounds like carnage baby Waka LOVES to tease the cat and dog with food, the dog loves her apple biscotti biscuit things and giggles when she pulls it back, we don’t play teasing games with her so she’s discovered that all on her own. She drags the heavy leather collar around the place & today when I put the food out for the cat and dog I could hear her going ‘mmmm’ while looking at the bowl

 

[a.pain]

Day 7 of whatever viral bug baby pain has and there is literally no sign of improvement. Still vomiting almost every feed and in between as well! Been to the drs twice and just been told to ride it out but not sure how much longer I can cope, nearly had a breakdown last night. My OH puked last night but seems a bit better today, I’ve got a sore throat but no puking but my 3yo this morning said she felt a bit unwell but wasn’t sure in what way, was happy in herself though so I’m hoping she doesn’t get sick as it’s her birthday party on Sunday and if she is sick I’ll have to cancel and I’ve spent so much time and money organising it! I never expected a vomiting bug to last this long I am wondering if it’s because she is on omeprazole as I read that can affect the immune system especially for tummy bugs.

 

[WhatABore]

Can you knock on and get us her secrets?

Tbh, based on seeing them out on the street and in the garden, I think the secret is that she let's them run the house

Think I would've admitted defeat too tbh

 

[I’mThankyou_]

She has fallen asleep but now I feel bad. He’s not here every day, it’s me doing it all, but now I’m wondering if I am doing it wrong and she should just be able to be put down to nap without all the dramas

Ignore Mr Goss.
Find me a baby that doesn't make a drama over something be it naps, drinking milk or water, having their bum changed or getting dressed and ill give you a million pound.
(If any of you have one of these magic babies I'm skint I don't have a million quid suck on it!)
It's completely normal for them to have a screaming fit when they're over tired, or when your doing something with them they don't want to do, don't feel guilty!
Babies will always test you!

 

[orange club biscuit]

i honestly give up with this child’s sleep, I just cannot any more fighting naps, bedtime, still waking up one million times at night!

I think she is about to drop to 1 nap some days. Those who have gone through this, what age were they? Baby b is 11.5 months, I thought we had a bit longer on 2…

 

[miss_americana]

As we well know- if you want something done get a woman to do it!

 

[sodit]

Pre-kids I didn’t care, I rarely lock my door and friends knew they were more than welcome to just let themselves in. But that’s because pre-kids, my house was always visitor ready. Now, I need about ten working days notice to make it semi presentable and tbh that actually involves shoving all the mess upstairs and closing the door

I never used to mind, but also people didn't do it as much before there was a baby to mither.
My parents turned up on Friday evening juuuuust as we were about to press play on a film and despite me asking them to leave about a dozen times they were still here for half an hour. They just have no respect for our time as they think "oh sod it is being a stredss head for no reason, there's hours of the day left yet", ignorning that our day starts and ends earlier than theirs and that we only have little windows of opportunity when the baby is content. My dad would have gone, but my mum was just talking to D louder and louder and trying to have a play
Over winter when he was tiny she'd try turning up at like 8.30pm too, had to crack down on that. My parents think me and my husband are boring as we like to be in bed by half 9 latest during the week and they stay up until midnight (and then spend all Saturday in bed cos they're knackered from the week ). Had to make the point that we are early risers, we have to be as I start work at 7.30am in another town, and even though I'm on maternity at the min, Mr SI still gets up at our usual time and I stick with it as I like to get my morning shower before he leaves, and we might as well stay in the routine for when I'm back at work.

Anyway. We have a crawler!! He's been getting about a bit for a few weeks, but today he's properly getting room to room! Explains why he pretty literally spent the whole night fastened to me slurping down milk. I mean he normally has loads of night boob, but last night was relentless. Didn't help that he'd fallen asleep for the night on the KW (! unusual) and wasn't in his sleeping bag, so I had a blanket round him that he kept escaping from and then crying cos he was cold. We cosleep and I normally have my duvet barely covering me/nowhere near me, but he had a footless sleepsuit on so I covered his feet up to try and keep them warm.

 

[Belle Amie]

Happy birthday @jackolantern I hope youre 30 flirty and thriving!

If you don’t get the reference I don’t know what to say to you

 

[Lulu Goss]

Can’t believe it. I’m in on my own tonight as Mr G has gone to watch football for the millionth time and Baby G has just fallen asleep on her bottle in my bed. This is the first time in WEEKS that bedtime hasn’t been a fucking nightmare. We’ve been out all day today and she’s barely napped, she was really miserable at my mums because she has 3 top teeth coming through at once so it was hard work tbh, but I’ll take it if it means she’s going to stay asleep now.

I just need to work up the courage to move her from my bed to her cot

 

[LittleBluebird]

Big day in the Baby Bluebird household. BB will be 4 weeks on august 7 and we went for our first shopping outing today.

I’m a bit timid to go out because it’s so comfortable at home and when she cries I know no one is judging me, and it’s easy to breastfeed, which were doing on demand.

She started crying and signaling that she was hungry and I panicked a little bit but we asked if they had a breastfeeding room in the store (a baby goods store) and they did so we went in there to BF. I did it without any of my pillows or being propped up. I feel a little more confident now to go out more, but when does it stop taking what feels like hours to get out of the house?!?

We were all ready to go and then she was hungry so we had to start the whole rigmarole again — feed, burp, diaper, etc.

ION- talked to KW about his attitude on lack of sleep and he agreed so that was also a bit positive for today. He’s much happier (and nicer) on uninterrupted sleep so that’s what we’ll keep doing.

 

[Definitelyme]

ETA also look up negative emotional release. It’s all about how babies and children hold in their big feelings at nursery and school and release them when they’re with their safest people ie mum and dad

This times a billion!!!! True even of school aged kids - so busy following instructions and behaving well at school that it all explodes out of them when they get home. AKA parents get all the shit

September is always a fraught month in our house when the kids start back to school, partly tiredness, but partly as above. We are also moving this September so yayyy

 

[Dipdab]

Left KW to do the toast for their dinner. Hearing a lot of whinging from the kitchen which is odd they normally love toast. KW has given them black burnt toast . He thought if he scraped it a bit they would eat it because he would Poor babies. (Now munching on a nice non burnt crumpet instead)

 

[moimoi]

Lovely to hear from you hope you and baby (toddler?!) moimoi are doing ok?
Ack she didn’t even send him a card? That is a low bar she has failed at, isn’t it?
Sorry you guys still don’t have any support at all, no wonder you feel burnt out

What was even more hilarious was that she posted a Facebook status at 9pm on his birthday (after clearly just remembering!) wishing him happy birthday (because a 1 year old will truly appreciate that) BUT SPELT HIS NAME WRONG.

I just get upset because I think how can any one of his grandparents actually love them. They can’t. They’ve never met him. Or met him for 4 hours at 7 months old.

Other than that, toddler (!) moimoi is absolutely thriving and driving me mad running and crashing into everything. We’ve got our first proper scraped knee! We’ve been thinking about maybe putting him into nursery (£95 per day… London) for a couple days a week just to have bit of a break but I feel bad especially as I’m not working atm. We also need to be out of our place next month but dont have anywhere yet so trying not to break down I hope you and your brood (and everyone else!) are all ok.

 

[Belle Amie]

At what point do people stop telling me because I can’t put the baby down that she’s spoilt? Every single time I see my mum, she makes a point repeatedly telling me she’s spoilt. I don’t know how I’ve kept my cool so long. But it’s really starting to bother me. If she isn’t saying how spoilt she is, she’s constantly commenting on how she looks, she never says anything bad but it almost comes across negative to me? It all could be hormones but it bothers me so much

My mum said this to me so much at the start, I told her she didn’t hold me enough and that’s why I have depression, anxiety and popped antidepressants like smarties. She soon stopped.
You can’t spoil a baby by holding them ‘too much!’ Back in cave man days you’d never put your baby down or they’d be ate by an animal so why should you have to now just because that risk has gone. Continue holding your baby as much as you feel necessary for you both!