New baby and post birth advice #27 Hammy clammy crevices

Borntorun · Jul 26, 2022

Toddler Runner used to always wait for tesco to throw a paddy when I was pregnant. She’d discovered that if she threw a tantrum and I had to carry her out the shop, if she kicked her shoes off, I’d have to put her down to pick the shoes up because I was all pregnant and huge and couldn’t bend down while simultaneously carrying a toddler. Of course, if I put her down she’d sprint off and start misbehaving again. Twice I just left the shoes because I couldn’t be dealing with it and just wanted out of there. There were many many more times when some kind randomer followed me back to the car with her shoes, which sounds kind but actually just makes you feel more mortified…

Overall Im glad that phase is over now

wakametango 2.0 · Jul 26, 2022

Honestly same, I have pictures of baby Waka breaking out of the sling like some spawn of satan, little raging head poking out the top

she was happier in the ergo than a stretchy sling and realised she hated when I sat down in it, hence me getting housework down while wearing her, like her whipping horse

Yeah it’s easy to forget what things used to be like so don’t forget how far you’ve all come! Tbf, it would be boring if they were angels all the time wouldn’t it!

Bless you! That sounds awful!!! I’d quickly be paying £4.50 for home delivery

LittleBluebird · Jul 26, 2022

I’m sometimes stupid about spending money. It was not until I was (at least) 37 weeks pregnant that I bought proper over the bump underwear, and I had her at 39+1. Instead, I let me ass eat my underwear for weeks and weeks and was actually miserable and deeply uncomfortable. Total game changer, this big underwear. I’m not sure I’ll ever go back to my previous underwear. I’m really loving Being comfortable

LilyRose1234 · Jul 26, 2022

@Definitelyme @WhatABore i have no other child to compare her to, but mine is similar. She is the sweetest, cutest, loveliest little girl but my god she can tantrum. Was not expecting to have to carry her out of a shop kicking and screaming for at least another year. The terrible twos have hit us early

but then I feel bad for complaining because she’s also cuddly and genuinely a delight, and then something happens and she just goes offfff

these lockdown babies are something else!

sodit · Jul 26, 2022

Loool before I was pregnant I had the wuka and modibodi ones, but a few months ago I bought some of the cheap Primark ones (heard they’re not as absorbent but for that price it’s fine) for whenever my cycle comes back.
When I packed to go to my SIL’s the other week it turns out I’d packed some of them, so had to wear them. Turns out they’re perfect when it’s 37 degrees and you’re sweating everywhere

Lilykins · Jul 26, 2022

Hi all - jumping into this thread, as I have a 5 week old and I feel like I’ve suddenly hit a bump in the road. My baby seemed a fairly easy baby and I felt quiet lucky, but we suspect now he may have CMPA - horrid rash that flared up around feeding being the main symptom. I’m bottle feeding so switched to a soya based milk today on the advice of the doctor, and so far we have done 2 feeds…. Just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience, and if so, how long it took to see the effects of a change in milk without the cow protein?

Dak1988 · Jul 27, 2022

I’m wide awake after my tickly covid cough woke me up at 11. Everyone else is still asleep even the puppy

my brain is in overdrive worrying about nursery and the logistics of my mum having her two days next year. I’m not back at work till feb so I really don’t need to worry about it but my mind won’t switch off!!!
I’ve broached the subject of going down to 4 days with my work and they’ve asked if I want full time in four days or 30 hours. And now I’m not entirely sure what’s best, I don’t want to lose the money but 8-6pm for four days will be so hard I’ll barely have any time with the baby and my partner works 8-at least 6/7 every day.
What have you ladies done about going back full time / part time?
Apologies about this unnecessary late night brain dump, I just can’t switch off

wakametango 2.0 · Jul 27, 2022

I’ve gone down to 4 days, no condensed hours in teaching, she’ll be dropped off to nursery at 7:30 and collected when I leave around 5:30/6:00 mr waka works 7-6 so he won’t be able to help unless it’s parents evening. I did resign from my old job which would have had a 45 min commute each side and got a local one so I’ll be with her/to work within 5 mins

Rxt156 · Jul 27, 2022

I also had many sleepless nights before the baby was born worrying about what to do about money and childcare etc.

I was full time and now I have decided I’ll probs never be full time again

. I’d rather have less money and more time with the baby. It all depends what works for your family and if you can afford it. I’ll be doing 3 days, any more days and I’d need another form of childcare rather than just MIL and that would eat away the extra money anyway.

Condensed hours sounds brutal. Money wise if sounds like a good idea but when it comes to it I think it’ll be exhausting

ThePidge · Jul 27, 2022

I don’t know if this is any help, but there are things you can do like a phased return and also any holiday days you’ve accumulated (inc.bank holidays) see if your company will let you take 1/2 a week so you’re working part time on full pay?

hope you feel better soon!

woke up at 4am to little pidge vomiting in her cot, first time ever and it was so sad seeing her like that!
I’m sat here watching her on the camera like hawk now

she seems ok but urgh, the worry

sodit · Jul 27, 2022

I’m going back 4 condensed days, so we’ll be the family parked outside nursery waiting for it to open and the ones scrambling to grab him before they close

my parents live round the corner though and my dad’s said he’ll pick him for us once a week and give him tea so we can get him from there/have one night where we don’t feel like we have to rush as much. (The grandparents work full time but my dad works close to home and does quite a bit of WFH, so will be able to get him an hour sooner than us).

I’ve submitted a formal flexible working request to get one of my days locked in as perma WFH so that day almost all my paid childcare time can be used to chip away at my work hours rather than commuting. And they informally agreed I can go in on Mondays (my non-working day) or do a couple of hours WFH to accrue some flexi if I want - I’ll occasionally have the childcare to do so as Mr SI is a teacher so has to go in 5 days but when he’s on holidays I’m going to try and go in on a Monday to bank some hours to allow me to do a normal length day sometimes.
I’ll also get credited hours for a bank holiday Monday, so I can do a week of normal length days that week - if any other day was my NWD I’d end up down on my hours as I’d need to typically work 9 hours a day but I’d only get credited 7.25

Sorry too much superfluous detail there I’m sure. It’s been such a jigsaw and I still think there are pieces missing.

jackolantern · Jul 27, 2022

It makes me so angry how little support families are given with raising a family. I get that it's everyone's choice but can you imagine if everyone decided not to bother? The fact that it isn't worth it for so many people to go back to work, because the childcare basically negates their wage is so telling. Even if we had a scheme where you could go back phased or half time and get top-ups it would be better than nothing. It's a bloody shambles. I think realistically everyone should be supported for the first 2 years of a child's life. I know that won't ever happen, but I can but dream.

sodit · Jul 27, 2022

We breastfeed, and they say it takes 6 weeks for dairy to leave mum’s system fully once we stop eating dairy - but I noticed his eczema getting better after about 3 weeks. (Although it still wasn’t great). So I’d hope switching formula you’d see results much quicker - but it’s worth noting that it’s quite common for cmpa babies to also struggle with soya/that to be the thing they’re allergic to, so if you aren’t seeing any improvements at all that could be the next thing to look at.

When we started solids we discovered my little lad has a nut allergy too. I cut nuts out of my diet (annoying more than dairy as I’m normally an almond milk person and bought loads from Costco before baby was born so I’d be stocked up) and between that and stopping using almond oil on my hair (

) his skin has ended up getting so so much better and we are hardly using a steroid cream at the mo!

Have you seen how Liz Truss says she’ll allow the stay at home parent to transfer their tax allowance to the working parent if she’s elected?
Sounds good, but means that more parents (let’s face it - mums) will feel like the least worst option is give up work. Great if you wanted/could afford that.
But they’d help us more by sorting out the cost and availability of childcare and legally obligating employers to be more flexible and reasonable about things like WFH. And sorting out both of the fuel cost crises so our wages (whatever’s left after childcare

) aren’t devoured by gas, electric and petrol

LilyRose1234 · Jul 27, 2022

I work full time, as does my partner (although he works shifts so sometimes he’s home during the day). Baby goes to nursery 3 mornings a week and I have her at home with me the rest of the time.
Luckily my employer is flexible about hours, so I tend to get up and work in the morning, after she’s gone to bed and in chunks while she naps/plays. It’s absolutely brutal but unfortunately our outgoings are so high atm that I can’t afford to go part time or send her to nursery more because literally every penny is accounted for. I will say though that flexi time means I get to spend quality time with her every day and don’t need to stress too much about when I’ll work because worse case I can catch up or a weekend morning etc.
It’s hard but you get through it because you have told and I remind myself it’s for a relatively short time period, until the 30 free hours kicks in (or I get a pay rise lol). The hardest bit, is feeling like I’m tit at my job and a tit mum because there’s always so much on, and other mums (IRL not on here - though I’ve seen similar opinions on other threads) making out that if you work full time you don’t love your child etc. sorry for the ramble, but try not to worry, it will work out one way or another

Crazycatlady18 · Jul 27, 2022

I go back to work on Monday and I’ll be the main nursery dropper off &’picker up and my parents will have her once a week.
I’ve just been talking to my manager about 4 days a week and he said he can accommodate. It’s really stressful though, I work 8.30-5 and I literally don’t know how I’m going to get it all done. But I will so I’m just hoping that when Monday comes we’ll just make a new routine. Probably not much help but you’re not alone x

Jellybean093 · Jul 27, 2022

Is this the same as marriage allowance?
They’ll never reduce childcare costs. When I worked at a nursery, 1 full time child paid 1 wage. There were about 9 or 10 staff and about the same full timers. Then you had the kids on 4 days which weren’t far off the full time payments, and it’s like, where has the money gone?! I know it was 15 years ago, but I was on £13k a year in my first job.
Instead of cutting childcare expenses, petrol, gas/electric, Council tax etc need to be brought down. I’m scared to See what my new outgoings will be in the new house

Lulu Goss · Jul 27, 2022

Baby G woke up at 3.33am (isn’t there some sort of horror film connotation to that?!) and didn’t go back to sleep until 4.30. I tried settling her in her cot, when that didn’t work I bought her into my bed and laid there having my face smacked until she fell back to sleep 🥱

It’s so stressful isn’t it. I’ve looked at dropping 4 days a month, as we don’t have childcare on a Friday, but can’t justify the cost (drops my salary by nearly 10k!). I mentioned on here that my work weren’t keen on me doing compressed hours and as annoying as that was, after looking at it I think my days would have been too long that way anyway.

Instead I’ve decided to drop two Fridays a month, so still losing money but less. Then the other two Fridays I’m going to ask to start later, as my MIL has offered to come to me to have baby but won’t be able to get here until 10am. So I’ll have a couple of hours to make up on those weeks but that’s more manageable for me than trying to make up the full 7 hours.

I never realised what a lack of support there is for parents until now. My partners job isn’t flexible, so I’ll be the one doing all the pick ups/drop offs. I wish I could afford to go fully part time and work like 3 days a week, or better still just give up work altogether

TheBabeWithThePower · Jul 27, 2022

It's so hard and utterly ridiculous that there is no childcare support until a child turns 3, what are you supposed to do with them for the 2+ years before that?!

I went part time when I went back after having my daughter, down to 2.5 days. It was a financial hit but not as much as nursery fees would have been. It also meant I obviously got less maternity pay from my job with this maternity leave so that's something to consider if you are thinking of having more children and your work pays some additional maternity on top of statutory.

When I go back after this maternity leave I plan to stay the same 2.5 days for 6 months after which time my eldest will be starting school so I've already talked to work about changing to do 4 school hour days and they've agreed.

Belle Amie · Jul 27, 2022

When I return to work our childcare costs for 3 days a week is double our mortgage payment, not including the amount we’d have to give my MIL for looking after him the other 2 days.
My partners just changed his job for a higher salary and the extra per month doesn’t even cover nursery fully. It’s disgusting and is the one thing that properly keeps me up, where’s the reward for me returning to work after mat leave?

I’m reading The Motherhood Penalty atm I can’t remember the stat completely but the government would make more money out of mums being able to return to work by helping with childcare rather than making it so we have to stay home full or part time from the tax and NI contributions we’d make. Instead they want to make our lives difficult cause we made the choice to have babies.

Kaylarina · Jul 27, 2022

Yeah

Trying to decide what to do with work is driving me crazy. I’ve considered cutting my hours but realistically it’s never going to happen. Not changing anything and just going back would mean we’ll need to get a live in nanny/au pair and that makes me feel like someone else will be raising my little girl (no shade if you choose that).

It’s actually why we’re considering trying for another baby sooner rather thaN later. Get it al done at once, take a career break then go back, but I just can’t decide. Also considered the idea of resigning but it feels like such a waste of all the years of training.