Neighbour’s annoying kid - help!

[newtoyou]

This is a little bit harsh but next time he rings your doorbell tell him there’s a monster that lives in your house that doesn’t like children and if he rings the doorbell again or comes into your garden then the monster will eat him then if he rings it again go on YouTube and play a monster sound effect really loudly from your phone through the letterbox to scare him away

would an 8 year old believe this? I know nothing about kids!

Pretty sure this could be seen as antisocial behaviour or harassment no matter how young he is. We had problem neighbours when I was younger, name calling, bullying, throwing stones, standing in our front garden and refusing to leave and the even smashed a small window. In the end we had enough for the police to give one an abso as he had previous with others in the area and another had a very strict warning. Also the PCSO’s in the area kept a close eye. If you don’t want to go to the policy maybe contacting the PCSO’s to have a word would help.

I genuinely don’t think he has the mental capacity to understand that it’s a right or wrong thing. It seems like it’s an impulse thing that he acts on. Like he’s not a naughty kid in the traditional sense eg damaging property like you explained (sorry you went through that btw and I hope it stopped?!)

 

[Tor88]

would an 8 year old believe this? I know nothing about kids!



I genuinely don’t think he has the mental capacity to understand that it’s a right or wrong thing. It seems like it’s an impulse thing that he acts on. Like he’s not a naughty kid in the traditional sense eg damaging property like you explained (sorry you went through that btw and I hope it stopped?!)

oh yeah as soon as the Police and PCSOs got involved it stopped. I’m just wondering if the presence of an officer who could explain the consequences, regardless of understanding or age, would give him and his parents a wake up call. Even if the little boy can’t comprehend fully and he’s has behavioural issues etc then his parents can and they need to enforce rules. Plus if the police/PCSOs got involved they may keep a closer eye and inform the parents of ways to help this behaviour etc. If his behaviour Isn’t stopped now what happens when he’s an adult and this has progressed to something a bit more sinister?

I would definitely consider an outside influence here as it seems the parents aren’t too bothered as long as he’s not bothering them

 

[TommyTutone8675309]

Hello,

So I need some advice. I live next door to a nice family who have an incredibly annoying 8y/o kid. I know he goes to a “special school” (his dad’s words) but I’m not sure exactly what for.
I’m a friendly person (I hope) but I like my personal space and he’s slowly winding me up.

He’s outside a lot and every time he sees me drive in he runs up, grabs my car door and tries to grab my keys to open the garage. He then tries to open my boot and my front door and wants to look inside my car and mess with my indicators etc. I tell him over and over to please not open my boot and touch my car, to not go in my garage where there’s stuff that could hurt him. He’s even started ringing my doorbell on a Sunday afternoon which I get most annoyed about bc I just want to relax and I know he’s doing it bc he’s bored.

I really don’t want to ask his parents bc they have a lot on their plates personally and by the sounds of it (over the wall) have a lot of trouble stopping him doing stuff themselves.

I really don’t want to be mean bc I do feel bad for him but I need a way to make it clear to him that I’m not a kid on the street and I don’t want him invading my space. He does do the car thing with other people but I feel like he’s less likely to do it to my male neighbours.

It’s got to the point where I wait until he’s gone out before I cut my lawn cos I don’t have the energy to deal with having to keep an eye on him touching my stuff.

This probably sounds mean if you have kids but no other kid on the street does this and it’s driving me mad.

Sounds like either he has autism or he’s just at a really bad kid,the mention of a special school leads me to think autism,I know someone who’s adult child has autism, she’s snoopy as well and sometimes doesnt take no for an answer having me repeat the same things over and over,it’s irritating,have u spoken to his parents about him? He might need to be told by a disciplinarian

 

[Gossipgirl20]

I feel your pain @newtoyou but my neighbour is 85 and presses your doorbell or is at your door till you answer because he lost his mobile and he can't be bothered to look for it I'm under him I live in a flat and you can hear everything all his calls he even wakes me up screaming at 2am coz he's bloody lonely I sound like a witch IV called police social and council is involved honestly I will keep complaing till something is done and you should do the same

 

[newtoyou]

I feel your pain @newtoyou but my neighbour is 85 and presses your doorbell or is at your door till you answer because he lost his mobile and he can't be bothered to look for it I'm under him I live in a flat and you can hear everything all his calls he even wakes me up screaming at 2am coz he's bloody lonely I sound like a witch IV called police social and council is involved honestly I will keep complaing till something is done and you should do the same

I don’t think you sound like a witch. I can totally understand how frustrating that would be. It’s your home after all and you should feel comfortable. It does sound like he needs external support so hope it gets sorted!

Sounds like either he has autism or he’s just at a really bad kid,the mention of a special school leads me to think autism,I know someone who’s adult child has autism, she’s snoopy as well and sometimes doesnt take no for an answer having me repeat the same things over and over,it’s irritating,have u spoken to his parents about him? He might need to be told by a disciplinarian

I think it’s autism cos he hates change and has sensitivity to loud noises (and he was being tested for it last I heard).
Yeh I have spoken to his mum now about the doorbell thing and he’s been good since then. But that could be cos he’s back at school now so he’s stimulated by other stuff.

 

[idk2]

I work with dozens of children on the Autism spectrum who are like this and one of my clients is exactly the same - every time we're outside on the driveway, he will trying every car door to see if it opens, looking in car windows etc. We've managed to teach him under no circumstances is he allowed to do it to other peoples cars but the temptation is hard for him to resist but with added positive/negative reinforcement, he was doing amazing prior to lockdown. At first, we started small. Scolded him every time he went on someone else's property with the 3 strikes rule. He was really motivated to be outside so if he had 3 strikes for going on another property three times, it was straight inside which was the negative reinforcement. When this worked, we moved on to not touching strangers cars (I still let him try his family cars and my own as he does need the stimulation) - all this with positive/negative reinforcement. If he went the whole outside play with none of these behaviours, he would be allowed something classified as a treat for him. However if he did do it and passed 3 strikes, meltdown or not, he was straight inside. Usually that would be enough negative reinforcement but sometimes we will have to take away access to phone/ipad for an hour or two if that doesn't work.

Obviously I know you cant control or implement this but please try to understand that this child doesnt understand what he's doing is beyond the norm. He cant control his actions and his parents are probably at their wits end as well. I understand its frustrating but maybe you need to stop engaging with him period. Don't make eye contact, don't look at him, don't acknowledge him as awful as that sounds as then he should understand. Kids on autistic spectrum often use facial cues when looking for any emotions so if you do make contact, make sure your emotions are visible. I don't know if your neighbours son is verbal or not but don't engage in conversations, just say "you shouldn't be here, go home" or "your mum has something for you".
His parents most likely won't get offended by your comments as they're probably hyper aware of his behaviours anyway but in reality, without help, theres not much they can do. The school should really be implementing therapy. If he's doing it for sensory purposes, they could buy him toys with sensory elements, theraputy, headphones with good bass, etc.

 

[TheWitchIsBack]

Every time he does something tell his parents. If they become annoyed by the frequency then they’ll have to have some form of comprehension of how often he’s doing things like this.

It is absolutely unacceptable that you are made to feel uncomfortable in your own home... just reading your story has set my teeth on edge. I understand if the child has additional support needs, but anyone can have an unseen medical condition and his wellbeing should not be prioritised over yours. I have anxiety exacerbated by noise and his doorbell ringing would end up triggering panic attacks for me. He is not your responsibility to look after, his parents need to sort this.

 

[Kim Mild]

It sounds like such a horrible situation to be in ,I feel for both the OP and the boy's parents. The only practical thing I could suggest is getting rid of the door bell and putting up that film on the window so he can't see through it . Or get a viscous looking dog that will bark at him when he is on your property.

 

[newtoyou]

I work with dozens of children on the Autism spectrum who are like this and one of my clients is exactly the same - every time we're outside on the driveway, he will trying every car door to see if it opens, looking in car windows etc. We've managed to teach him under no circumstances is he allowed to do it to other peoples cars but the temptation is hard for him to resist but with added positive/negative reinforcement, he was doing amazing prior to lockdown. At first, we started small. Scolded him every time he went on someone else's property with the 3 strikes rule. He was really motivated to be outside so if he had 3 strikes for going on another property three times, it was straight inside which was the negative reinforcement. When this worked, we moved on to not touching strangers cars (I still let him try his family cars and my own as he does need the stimulation) - all this with positive/negative reinforcement. If he went the whole outside play with none of these behaviours, he would be allowed something classified as a treat for him. However if he did do it and passed 3 strikes, meltdown or not, he was straight inside. Usually that would be enough negative reinforcement but sometimes we will have to take away access to phone/ipad for an hour or two if that doesn't work.

Obviously I know you cant control or implement this but please try to understand that this child doesnt understand what he's doing is beyond the norm. He cant control his actions and his parents are probably at their wits end as well. I understand its frustrating but maybe you need to stop engaging with him period. Don't make eye contact, don't look at him, don't acknowledge him as awful as that sounds as then he should understand. Kids on autistic spectrum often use facial cues when looking for any emotions so if you do make contact, make sure your emotions are visible. I don't know if your neighbours son is verbal or not but don't engage in conversations, just say "you shouldn't be here, go home" or "your mum has something for you".
His parents most likely won't get offended by your comments as they're probably hyper aware of his behaviours anyway but in reality, without help, theres not much they can do. The school should really be implementing therapy. If he's doing it for sensory purposes, they could buy him toys with sensory elements, theraputy, headphones with good bass, etc.

Thank you for this and explaining! Sometimes I do try and ignore him/keep the convos very brief but it is difficult cos when he’s asking questions I find it really hard to ignore him cos I don’t want to be mean. But I’ll try and be a bit more short with him and see how that helps. With the facial expression thing would you suggest looking upset/angry when he crosses a line? I know he does go to therapy, but I’ve never heard the parents implementing a system like this. It’s usually the mum telling him off over and over and threatening to get his dad.

Every time he does something tell his parents. If they become annoyed by the frequency then they’ll have to have some form of comprehension of how often he’s doing things like this.

It is absolutely unacceptable that you are made to feel uncomfortable in your own home... just reading your story has set my teeth on edge. I understand if the child has additional support needs, but anyone can have an unseen medical condition and his wellbeing should not be prioritised over yours. I have anxiety exacerbated by noise and his doorbell ringing would end up triggering panic attacks for me. He is not your responsibility to look after, his parents need to sort this.

Yeh that’s what I thought, there could be elderly people or people with anxiety that it scares. Have to admit I’ve woken up from a couple of nightmares where a face appears at my window because of this.

It sounds like such a horrible situation to be in ,I feel for both the OP and the boy's parents. The only practical thing I could suggest is getting rid of the door bell and putting up that film on the window so he can't see through it . Or get a viscous looking dog that will bark at him when he is on your property.

Funnily enough he was following a woman with a dog on the street the other day and the dog was properly barking at him in an aggressive way but he didn’t care!

 

[idk2]

Thank you for this and explaining! Sometimes I do try and ignore him/keep the convos very brief but it is difficult cos when he’s asking questions I find it really hard to ignore him cos I don’t want to be mean. But I’ll try and be a bit more short with him and see how that helps. With the facial expression thing would you suggest looking upset/angry when he crosses a line? I know he does go to therapy, but I’ve never heard the parents implementing a system like this. It’s usually the mum telling him off over and over and threatening to get his dad.

No problem! I completely understand, its hard to ignore anyone constantly pestering you let alone a child. Just be as short and as blunt as possible with him. If he's peaking through your window, say in your most firmest voice "NO. GO HOME" - Keep it very blunt. Kids with autism generally don't understand idioms so things like "You're driving me mad!" or "You're doing my head in" just bounce right off them. I'm not too sure on my stern face myself but generally when I'm scolding a child, all thats needed is my eyes. I give them a look and say "NO" - it takes a bit of practice and you need to be able to muster all the patience you can. I know I said not to make eye contact before but if you've tried that and its not working, try a glare along with a simple instruction telling him to leave. His mum telling him off will just bounce off him as well if he doesn't see any punishments with his actions, he doesn't understand a reprimand as he doesn't completely understand the meaning behind someone yelling to "be good" - theres no incentive for him to be good, he probably doesnt know what "being good" means because of the lack of social understanding! I hope I'm explaining it well as its quite complicated. Its like when you mentioned above about the dog barking at him aggressively, he didn't react to it because he most likely doesnt have the self awareness that a normal child, even a toddler, has that the dog will cause him harm. Its only if the dog harms him that understanding will dawn, but even then sometimes the dog has to harm him several times for him to understand that dogs are dangerous. Its that negative reinforcement again, where he will now view every dog as bad if one dog attacks him a few times. Not a good example and I hope no dog attacks him of course but I hope that example came across okay.

 

[newtoyou]

No problem! I completely understand, its hard to ignore anyone constantly pestering you let alone a child. Just be as short and as blunt as possible with him. If he's peaking through your window, say in your most firmest voice "NO. GO HOME" - Keep it very blunt. Kids with autism generally don't understand idioms so things like "You're driving me mad!" or "You're doing my head in" just bounce right off them. I'm not too sure on my stern face myself but generally when I'm scolding a child, all thats needed is my eyes. I give them a look and say "NO" - it takes a bit of practice and you need to be able to muster all the patience you can. I know I said not to make eye contact before but if you've tried that and its not working, try a glare along with a simple instruction telling him to leave. His mum telling him off will just bounce off him as well if he doesn't see any punishments with his actions, he doesn't understand a reprimand as he doesn't completely understand the meaning behind someone yelling to "be good" - theres no incentive for him to be good, he probably doesnt know what "being good" means because of the lack of social understanding! I hope I'm explaining it well as its quite complicated. Its like when you mentioned above about the dog barking at him aggressively, he didn't react to it because he most likely doesnt have the self awareness that a normal child, even a toddler, has that the dog will cause him harm. Its only if the dog harms him that understanding will dawn, but even then sometimes the dog has to harm him several times for him to understand that dogs are dangerous. Its that negative reinforcement again, where he will now view every dog as bad if one dog attacks him a few times. Not a good example and I hope no dog attacks him of course but I hope that example came across okay.

Ah ha! Explains now that when I say “I’m working” or “I’m having a meeting” he just gives me a blank look!
This all makes a lot of sense now that I know he needs a consequence. Not sure what his memory is like but I hope he’s remembered that I went straight to his house last time he rang my bell.
Thanks again

 

[Queenie]

It sounds horrendous! I’m having a similar problem. My neighbour’s 8 yr old son has a drum, the type you get in a marching band. It’s adult size & this kid plays this drum in the street, usually right in front of my house, for 8-10 hours a day. Literally non-stop. It’s deafening. We have elderly people, disabled people, people working shifts, young kids living in the street.
His parents are “undesirables”, breed dogs in their tiny garden, shout & swear at each other & the dad is involved in a very dangerous gang. I live on a council estate & know when people have complained to them before they’ve been “put out” of their houses by this gang. So now everyone s too scared to do anything. I’m at my wit’s end with it all. The police refuse to do anything so this kid continues to terrorise everyone (the constant drumming isn’t the only thing e does, he bullies the other kids, spits at the elderly & vandalises property.
I hate this kid.

 

[ChubClubThug]

Everytime he does something, keep Knocking their door. Even if you have to knock it 20 times a day. They'll get pissed off in the end and have to take action. They sound like they can't be arsed because they've given you permission to tell him off. Just keep knocking the door back to them, like he does to you. If they fail to control him, you'll be left with no other option other than to report it to the social. I don't blame you for being annoyed, I'd be absolutely raging. Neighbours are annoying enough as it is

 

[Ohreally]

It sounds like such a horrible situation to be in ,I feel for both the OP and the boy's parents. The only practical thing I could suggest is getting rid of the door bell and putting up that film on the window so he can't see through it . Or get a viscous looking dog that will bark at him when he is on your property.

I second the dog idea! Can’t you tell him you’re looking after a friend’s vicious dog?? You’ve been so patient, I don’t know how you do it.

 

[Penelope Strawberry]

Would it be an option to get your neighbour's phone number and call them to collect their son every time he's harassing you?

 

[newtoyou]

It sounds horrendous! I’m having a similar problem. My neighbour’s 8 yr old son has a drum, the type you get in a marching band. It’s adult size & this kid plays this drum in the street, usually right in front of my house, for 8-10 hours a day. Literally non-stop. It’s deafening. We have elderly people, disabled people, people working shifts, young kids living in the street.
His parents are “undesirables”, breed dogs in their tiny garden, shout & swear at each other & the dad is involved in a very dangerous gang. I live on a council estate & know when people have complained to them before they’ve been “put out” of their houses by this gang. So now everyone s too scared to do anything. I’m at my wit’s end with it all. The police refuse to do anything so this kid continues to terrorise everyone (the constant drumming isn’t the only thing e does, he bullies the other kids, spits at the elderly & vandalises property.
I hate this kid.

This sounds awful and my neighbour sounds like an angel in comparison! I’m so sorry the authorities have been so useless, I really hope you get some peace soon, preferably that they get chucked out!

I second the dog idea! Can’t you tell him you’re looking after a friend’s vicious dog?? You’ve been so patient, I don’t know how you do it.

Unfortunately he’s not scared of vicious dogs as I’ve seen interact with one and was totally unfazed. Someone else above was describing that unless the dog bit him, he wouldn’t sense the danger cos of his autism.

Would it be an option to get your neighbour's phone number and call them to collect their son every time he's harassing you?

I saw them tell someone else to ring the bell if he’s annoying them so that’s an option. He’s been good a week, dreading the summer holidays though. Him going back to school has been heaven

 

[wotdidijustwatch]

The parents need to be keeping more of a tight leash on him imo. If I had a child with special needs (Im so sorry I don't know how else to word it ) then i would not want them running up to neighbours or ringing peoples doorbells.
If he got injured like his fingers trapped in the car door then the parents would be bollocking you when its them who need to keep a closer eye on him.

I once found a neighbours kid in my back gardeb crying. Our home backs on to a cul de sac and the kids play out. The balls comes over, they ring our bell and we chuck it back but this one time this 8 year old lad somehow scaled our fence to get over for his ball. Then was knocking on the back door asking to be let out.
Poor thing, I cheered him up saying he must be like spider man to get over that fence and asked if he was hurt. He said no, i said knock on in future and i'll throw it back. Ok then.

An hour later his mum bangs on my door, proper Karen, saying i had yelled at him for being in the garden and i had upset him. I explained the above but as soon as i said to her perhaps she needs to tell him not to climb into gardens she flipped her lid.

Some parents will not be told will they?

 

[newtoyou]

The parents need to be keeping more of a tight leash on him imo. If I had a child with special needs (Im so sorry I don't know how else to word it ) then i would not want them running up to neighbours or ringing peoples doorbells.
If he got injured like his fingers trapped in the car door then the parents would be bollocking you when its them who need to keep a closer eye on him.

I once found a neighbours kid in my back gardeb crying. Our home backs on to a cul de sac and the kids play out. The balls comes over, they ring our bell and we chuck it back but this one time this 8 year old lad somehow scaled our fence to get over for his ball. Then was knocking on the back door asking to be let out.
Poor thing, I cheered him up saying he must be like spider man to get over that fence and asked if he was hurt. He said no, i said knock on in future and i'll throw it back. Ok then.

An hour later his mum bangs on my door, proper Karen, saying i had yelled at him for being in the garden and i had upset him. I explained the above but as soon as i said to her perhaps she needs to tell him not to climb into gardens she flipped her lid.

Some parents will not be told will they?

Ever since I told his mum that hes doing it (and told her in front of him), he hasn’t done it again. That was in June. Because it’s the summer holidays he’s spent a lot of time with the kids on the estate rather than bothering the adults all the time. So I’m crossing my fingers that he won’t go back to that habit. But yeh it is dangerous. He’ll quite often just wonder out in the front and walk up and down the street looking to see who’s around. The other day he started chatting to a delivery driver and his mum came out cos he’d gone out there without telling anyone.

your Karen neighbour sounds so unreasonable. Even if you did tell him off, you’d have a right to seeing as he trespassed.

 

[IndigoStar]

I would have a chat with the parents - apart from anything else, there's a safeguarding issue to address. You really don't want anyone's kids coming up to your car, over-stepping boundaries etc.

I had a similar issue years ago with a neighbour's child who persisted in attempting to climb over a high fence to get in to play with my dog. It resulted in the child getting hurt when they fell off the fence and broke their collar bone. Thankfully the parents were not in any way eager to blame me for this.

After this, we had a big purple planter in the front garden which was relayed to the child as being the point of no return. They were not allowed to go beyond the planter, unless given permission by me. I asked the child to help water the plants in it so they felt like it was theirs etc. It worked. Maybe try something like this?

If that doesn't work, I suggest telling the parents he's an annoying little tit and if he sets foot in your place one more time he will be met with a hosing.

 

[ShowMeYourFeline]

What @idk2 says about autistic children looking to the face for clues couldn’t be further from the truth. Autistic people have much less ability than average to read facial expressions and you are advised to not to try communicating in this manner.

I’m an adult with Asperger’s, and while we can see obvious generic facial expressions (smiling, frowning etc), our ability to see smaller or more detailed expressions is limited or non-existent.