Neighbour’s annoying kid - help!

newtoyou

Chatty Member
Hello,

So I need some advice. I live next door to a nice family who have an incredibly annoying 8y/o kid. I know he goes to a “special school” (his dad’s words) but I’m not sure exactly what for.
I’m a friendly person (I hope) but I like my personal space and he’s slowly winding me up.

He’s outside a lot and every time he sees me drive in he runs up, grabs my car door and tries to grab my keys to open the garage. He then tries to open my boot and my front door and wants to look inside my car and mess with my indicators etc. I tell him over and over to please not open my boot and touch my car, to not go in my garage where there’s stuff that could hurt him. He’s even started ringing my doorbell on a Sunday afternoon which I get most annoyed about bc I just want to relax and I know he’s doing it bc he’s bored.

I really don’t want to ask his parents bc they have a lot on their plates personally and by the sounds of it (over the wall) have a lot of trouble stopping him doing stuff themselves.

I really don’t want to be mean bc I do feel bad for him but I need a way to make it clear to him that I’m not a kid on the street and I don’t want him invading my space. He does do the car thing with other people but I feel like he’s less likely to do it to my male neighbours.

It’s got to the point where I wait until he’s gone out before I cut my lawn cos I don’t have the energy to deal with having to keep an eye on him touching my stuff.

This probably sounds mean if you have kids but no other kid on the street does this and it’s driving me mad.
 

Motherofboys

Well-known member
I have 2 "special" kids (not being sarky, rude or anything but it's easier to say that!) And I think you need to have a chat with the parents. Mine wouldn't be allowed to run around out the front on there own and get up to any of that! 1. They're very impressionable and could be in some serious danger! 2. They're special yes. They have autism. They have also been brought up like their older brother so have manners rammed down their throats constantly!!! 3. Social stories work well with mine so I would explain to them their actions. 4. Some, not all, parents think that being special gives their kids free reign to be naughty. I can name at least 10 different families at my kids school of being like this!!!

I'd be mortified if I found out mine had been so intrusive! And they'd also get a telling off as well as detailed explanations about their behaviours.

Not sure if this comes across how I want it to! But go speak to the parents! Give them a chance to sort it. A clear short sharp "no" to the child in future should work. No explanations. Just no. I've had to do it multiple times this weekend alone!!
 

Jelly Bean

VIP Member
I thought maybe a small white lie if you feel nervous about tackling the parents. I agree with MotherofBoys re his safety so possibly say you had heard of strangers in the area and obviously you can't keep an eye on him when he is on his own out the front. The parents sound like they are quite content for him to hang around you as they are getting a small break. Must be infuriating for you arriving home knowing he will be there. These sort of things build up I know.
 

BettyCrocker

VIP Member
You have to speak to his parents. He’s obviously got no sense of personal space and isn’t taking a telling when you’ve asked him to stop.
Do his parents know that he does this and on a regular basis??

Be firm. Just explain that it’s happening too often and that you are worried that he may get hurt. Tell them you expect that it won’t happen again after you have spoken to them.
I’d also try to stop interacting with the boy if you can. Keep the car doors locked until you are ready to get out of the car. Get out and immediately lock the car door. Don’t entertain him - go straight inside your house and lock the door behind you. I’d stop interacting with him completely and just tell the parents to sort it out, but make it clear that he’s in danger of getting hurt if he keeps running around near your car when you are trying to park up
Etc. I’d also tell them bluntly that the ringing off the doorbell has to stop immediately. He’s only 8 - they need to control him.
 

newtoyou

Chatty Member
Thank you all for the advice! <3 I think speaking to the parents about the doorbell ringing is something I’ll have to do bc that really is crossing a line IMO. He’s woken me up twice doing it.

The car thing is a bit more tricky cos he does it with a lot of ppl so I don’t want to be the one that complains.

I’d also try to stop interacting with the boy if you can. Keep the car doors locked until you are ready to get out of the car. Get out and immediately lock the car door. Don’t entertain him - go straight inside your house and lock the door behind you. I’d stop interacting with him completely and just tell the parents to sort it out, but make it clear that he’s in danger of getting hurt if he keeps running around near your car when you are trying to park up
I’ve tried this :( It’s locked as I drive in and when I stop, he immediately tries to open the door and knocks on the window. I have to get out to disable my alarm before I can open the garage so that’s when all the nonsense with the boot and keys happens. I’m also very aware that his parents might hear me so I have to be careful that I’m not coming across harsh. But I think I will have to be more firm and just tell him to get off my drive. His mum is aware and has told him off about it before.
 

BettyCrocker

VIP Member
Thank you all for the advice! <3 I think speaking to the parents about the doorbell ringing is something I’ll have to do bc that really is crossing a line IMO. He’s woken me up twice doing it.

The car thing is a bit more tricky cos he does it with a lot of ppl so I don’t want to be the one that complains.



I’ve tried this :( It’s locked as I drive in and when I stop, he immediately tries to open the door and knocks on the window. I have to get out to disable my alarm before I can open the garage so that’s when all the nonsense with the boot and keys happens. I’m also very aware that his parents might hear me so I have to be careful that I’m not coming across harsh. But I think I will have to be more firm and just tell him to get off my drive. His mum is aware and has told him off about it before.

Sorry but I think I’d have lost my patience and given the kid a firm bollocking by now. Stop pussyfooting around the parents. Tell the kid off and then tell the parents that it’s beyond a joke, it’s bothering you and it’s unsafe for him to be hanging around the car when you’re trying to get parked. You don’t have to put up with it!
 

newtoyou

Chatty Member
Sorry but I think I’d have lost my patience and given the kid a firm bollocking by now. Stop pussyfooting around the parents. Tell the kid off and then tell the parents that it’s beyond a joke, it’s bothering you and it’s unsafe for him to be hanging around the car when you’re trying to get parked. You don’t have to put up with it!
Haha thanks, I’m way too soft and inexperienced with kids. My older retired neighbours don’t seem to have the same issue and I think it’s cos of their age and ability to be authoritative!
 

AmberSpyglass

VIP Member
I don’t wish to sound harsh about the child but you need to put your own well being above worrying about being seen as the mean neighbour who complained.

I bet as soon as you turn into your road you feel apprehensive?.

You really need to take a deep breath and tell his parents how his behaviour is causing you to feel extremely pissed off. He’s their child and they are responsible for him, he sounds a pain and they need to deal with him.
 

Jelly Bean

VIP Member
Good luck - I hate social dilemmas like that and can get obsessed by them. We moved recently but at our old house the neighbours children had a trampoline in the front garden and were on it constantly. In all weather and times and with many friends. The noise levels of shrieking and shouting were (to me) appalling. 11 at night sometimes and early morning with parents nowhere to be seen. I was obsessed and upset by it but my OH barely noticed and even said how nice it was to see children outside playing. I actually hated him a little bit after that!
In your case I am still baffled as to why the parents let a vulnerable child roam around doing this. You are obviously a nice person but so many aren't and things could get nasty in many ways with other people.
 

Lardoflife

Active member
The above posters are right, you need to speak to the parents. Special educational needs or not he needs to learn boundaries sooner rather than later before something happens, and it's not your job to try and teach him these things - it's theirs.

You're entitled to your personal space and to expect your things not to be touched or rooted through. Quick question, if the parents hasn't said he has SEN, would you feel so apprehensive to bring it up? (I'm asking because you've not really said whether they seem the type to use that to excuse behaviour or if they were letting you know in case he displays odd habits)

If that's what's making you apprehensive just know it's better to treat him like you would any other kid. Talking from experience (sister with mild learning disability, work with autistic people myself) the only way to learn boundaries and manners is to have people willing to teach you them, and not act like disability needs are an excuse all for bad behaviour you wouldn't otherwise accept.

Once you speak to the parents I would stick to firm, one word answers/short replies for a while like telling him no or you're too busy. It might be he's acting this way with you because he feels he can get away with it more with you than the other neighbours.

Either way I hope this is sorted out for you soon.
 

newtoyou

Chatty Member
Good luck - I hate social dilemmas like that and can get obsessed by them. We moved recently but at our old house the neighbours children had a trampoline in the front garden and were on it constantly. In all weather and times and with many friends. The noise levels of shrieking and shouting were (to me) appalling. 11 at night sometimes and early morning with parents nowhere to be seen. I was obsessed and upset by it but my OH barely noticed and even said how nice it was to see children outside playing. I actually hated him a little bit after that!
In your case I am still baffled as to why the parents let a vulnerable child roam around doing this. You are obviously a nice person but so many aren't and things could get nasty in many ways with other people.
11 at night! That’s crazy, you had every right to be annoyed. There’s a lot of loud kids around here but they go inside at a decent time.
The above posters are right, you need to speak to the parents. Special educational needs or not he needs to learn boundaries sooner rather than later before something happens, and it's not your job to try and teach him these things - it's theirs.

You're entitled to your personal space and to expect your things not to be touched or rooted through. Quick question, if the parents hasn't said he has SEN, would you feel so apprehensive to bring it up? (I'm asking because you've not really said whether they seem the type to use that to excuse behaviour or if they were letting you know in case he displays odd habits)

If that's what's making you apprehensive just know it's better to treat him like you would any other kid. Talking from experience (sister with mild learning disability, work with autistic people myself) the only way to learn boundaries and manners is to have people willing to teach you them, and not act like disability needs are an excuse all for bad behaviour you wouldn't otherwise accept.

Once you speak to the parents I would stick to firm, one word answers/short replies for a while like telling him no or you're too busy. It might be he's acting this way with you because he feels he can get away with it more with you than the other neighbours.

Either way I hope this is sorted out for you soon.
Mmm that’s a difficult one because I kind of suspected that there were some development issues by his size and speech ability before they told me. So it’s kind of hard to answer but I think I would actually be less willing to say anything if he was “normal” because at least with this, the parents are aware that he’s incredibly nosy and has issues with taking instructions. I’m more reluctant cos I feel bad for the parents cos they have another teen child who can’t dress himself etc. Also the dad is quite mean to the younger one, I hear him calling him names and stuff. So that’s also what’s holding me back cos I don’t want the kid to get screamed at cos he’s obv scared of his dad.

I’m off to cut my grass and I can hear him so I’ll report back if there’s any developments 🙃
 

newtoyou

Chatty Member
Progress! The mum was out there too (I didn’t mention anything cos the kid was there) but we were both telling him over and over to stay away from the mower and stop messing with the stuff. She actually told me to tell him off if she’s not around which made me feel better.

She also mentioned that he’ll be starting some therapy for ADHD soon and will hopefully calm down. Poor woman is exhausted.
 

BettyCrocker

VIP Member
Progress! The mum was out there too (I didn’t mention anything cos the kid was there) but we were both telling him over and over to stay away from the mower. She actually told me to tell him off if she’s not around which made me feel better.

She also mentioned that he’ll be starting some therapy for ADHD soon and will hopefully calm down. Poor woman is exhausted.

How does he have access to your garden??
 

bubbletea123

VIP Member
Thank you all for the advice! <3 I think speaking to the parents about the doorbell ringing is something I’ll have to do bc that really is crossing a line IMO. He’s woken me up twice doing it.

The car thing is a bit more tricky cos he does it with a lot of ppl so I don’t want to be the one that complains.



I’ve tried this :( It’s locked as I drive in and when I stop, he immediately tries to open the door and knocks on the window. I have to get out to disable my alarm before I can open the garage so that’s when all the nonsense with the boot and keys happens. I’m also very aware that his parents might hear me so I have to be careful that I’m not coming across harsh. But I think I will have to be more firm and just tell him to get off my drive. His mum is aware and has told him off about it before.
We have neighbours next to us who have three children, we have none. When we moved in we were yet to put up our gate but we would find the kids in our backyard playing. We are quiet people and want our privacy. When I went out to say something, the dad said "they're just playing, you don't mind, do you?" I had to tell him that I didn't want them on our property as if something happened, we would be held liable. I am in Canada, so not sure what it is like in the UK in that sense. We also had multiple issues where we would be on our deck, they would climb on the fence and yell at us. We tried to ignore them but that made it worse. We eventually spoke to the parents saying we just want our privacy in the backyard, we don't mind saying hi out the front and that they must understand that. They said they didn't understand and that the kids just want to say hi. They have problems with boundaries, the dad is a nosey one too. Sometimes we would hate going to our car, as he would talk to us for ages when we were trying to leave. They would also let the kids play with the hose and they would leave it on, which would flood our backyard and trip my husband's electrical tools. They hate us now, as we haven't gone to the past two block parties and they say it seems like we don't want to be friends with them...we don't. Haha.

I would say talk to the parents and see how it goes.
 

newtoyou

Chatty Member
We have neighbours next to us who have three children, we have none. When we moved in we were yet to put up our gate but we would find the kids in our backyard playing. We are quiet people and want our privacy. When I went out to say something, the dad said "they're just playing, you don't mind, do you?" I had to tell him that I didn't want them on our property as if something happened, we would be held liable. I am in Canada, so not sure what it is like in the UK in that sense. We also had multiple issues where we would be on our deck, they would climb on the fence and yell at us. We tried to ignore them but that made it worse. We eventually spoke to the parents saying we just want our privacy in the backyard, we don't mind saying hi out the front and that they must understand that. They said they didn't understand and that the kids just want to say hi. They have problems with boundaries, the dad is a nosey one too. Sometimes we would hate going to our car, as he would talk to us for ages when we were trying to leave. They would also let the kids play with the hose and they would leave it on, which would flood our backyard and trip my husband's electrical tools. They hate us now, as we haven't gone to the past two block parties and they say it seems like we don't want to be friends with them...we don't. Haha.

I would say talk to the parents and see how it goes.
I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. I completely understand the feeling of dread when you need something done and the kid/s (or parents in your case!) are out there. And how frustrating it is that people can’t seem to respect boundaries. It’s not ok for them to climb up the fence when you’re in your garden.

Luckily these parents are aware that he is a problem and overly nosy.
 

newtoyou

Chatty Member
This is just to rant more than anything...yesterday I'm chilling on the sofa in the PRIVACY of my own home and guess who runs up my drive, goes into my garden, puts his hands up on my window and stares right through the blinds and waves (which were angled up so no one can see in from a distance). :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

I've seen him do that to other people but I was so mad considering I've already told him to stop ringing my doorbell. I did jump right up and told him off. Don't even care if his parents hear.

Why should I not get any sunlight in my living room just so I dont have to deal with a nosy kid invading my privacy. Urgh I'm so annoyed.
 

BettyCrocker

VIP Member
This is just to rant more than anything...yesterday I'm chilling on the sofa in the PRIVACY of my own home and guess who runs up my drive, goes into my garden, puts his hands up on my window and stares right through the blinds and waves (which were angled up so no one can see in from a distance). :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

I've seen him do that to other people but I was so mad considering I've already told him to stop ringing my doorbell. I did jump right up and told him off. Don't even care if his parents hear.

Why should I not get any sunlight in my living room just so I dont have to deal with a nosy kid invading my privacy. Urgh I'm so annoyed.
Just tell his parents he’s an annoying little shit and that you are sick of him. Why are you putting up with this?! Get them told.
 
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