Neighbour’s annoying kid - help!

[BettyCrocker]

This is just to rant more than anything...yesterday I'm chilling on the sofa in the PRIVACY of my own home and guess who runs up my drive, goes into my garden, puts his hands up on my window and stares right through the blinds and waves (which were angled up so no one can see in from a distance).

I've seen him do that to other people but I was so mad considering I've already told him to stop ringing my doorbell. I did jump right up and told him off. Don't even care if his parents hear.

Why should I not get any sunlight in my living room just so I dont have to deal with a nosy kid invading my privacy. Urgh I'm so annoyed.

Just tell his parents he’s an annoying little shit and that you are sick of him. Why are you putting up with this?! Get them told.

 

[newtoyou]

This is probably a long shot but do you have anyone you could ask to come over to answer the door next time he rings? Or be in the garden? Preferably an older stern looking/sounding person? It sounds harsh but if the boy was a bit intimidated and frightened it might put him off?
I'm sorry this is dragging on for you. I wish his parents were as concerned about his welfare.

No one that is close enough. He doesnt seem to be scared of anyone which is worrying. Thanks for the sympathy <3

 

[Mycuppatea]

Thanks for your input, appreciate the advice

As I said, I'm not a parent so I'm not sure if it's deemed ok to let an child of that age play outside alone. I do sometimes see kids of a similar age riding around unsupervised but no one as often as him.

I'm pretty sure they're already involved with the social services. He attends therapy and they've talked about other meetings they've had which implied he's being assessed for various things. I know him speaking to strangers has been picked up in the meetings.

It's def not just a lockdown thing, it's just more frequent at the moment because we're all at home.

But yes it's very worrying considering he's asked to see inside my house before (I've always said no).

Yeah, I think some parents do let their kids play out - I'm very cautious because of my children's history and living in a very rough area. Having additional needs and especially being an early trauma survivor changes things, I think, because the street smarts aren't necessarily there. My eldest is 17 and copes well with life but if something unexpected happens he regresses to acting much younger and gets in trouble.

The thing is people can have social services involvement but those workers wont necessarily know everything unless third parties report things. Letting your child engage repeatedly over an extended period in risky behaviour because you get frustrated and let them go off, as you've described, is just really concerning to me. This child is not being kept safe. If him talking to strangers has come up in meetings, I doubt the professionals advise allowing a nine year old with additional needs to continue being left unsupervised in public places. There needs to be a better plan in place. That's not your responsibility but I wonder if the right people really know that the family are struggling to this extent.

 

[Keiffers pipe]

I have no idea how you have not totally lost it with the kid.its annoying and creepy ( I have a some slightly strange window fears ) and I would absolutely crap myself if I noticed somebody peeping through my window.

I just don't understand how he's left alone for long enough to get up to all this nuisance. Where are his parents ,the kid is clearly not safe to be out alone.

 

[TheScarletgirl]

That is awful your home is where you should be able to do as you please.My neighbour has two 30 year olds and a 24 year old still at home with her in a 3 bedroom house with 6 living their on total. They are loud and vile and park where they like .

 

[newtoyou]

Thank you all for the advice! <3 I think speaking to the parents about the doorbell ringing is something I’ll have to do bc that really is crossing a line IMO. He’s woken me up twice doing it.

The car thing is a bit more tricky cos he does it with a lot of ppl so I don’t want to be the one that complains.

I’d also try to stop interacting with the boy if you can. Keep the car doors locked until you are ready to get out of the car. Get out and immediately lock the car door. Don’t entertain him - go straight inside your house and lock the door behind you. I’d stop interacting with him completely and just tell the parents to sort it out, but make it clear that he’s in danger of getting hurt if he keeps running around near your car when you are trying to park up

I’ve tried this It’s locked as I drive in and when I stop, he immediately tries to open the door and knocks on the window. I have to get out to disable my alarm before I can open the garage so that’s when all the nonsense with the boot and keys happens. I’m also very aware that his parents might hear me so I have to be careful that I’m not coming across harsh. But I think I will have to be more firm and just tell him to get off my drive. His mum is aware and has told him off about it before.

 

[ShowMeYourFeline]

What @idk2 says about autistic children looking to the face for clues couldn’t be further from the truth. Autistic people have much less ability than average to read facial expressions and you are advised to not to try communicating in this manner.

I’m an adult with Asperger’s, and while we can see obvious generic facial expressions (smiling, frowning etc), our ability to see smaller or more detailed expressions is limited or non-existent.

 

[newtoyou]

Sorry but I think I’d have lost my patience and given the kid a firm bollocking by now. Stop pussyfooting around the parents. Tell the kid off and then tell the parents that it’s beyond a joke, it’s bothering you and it’s unsafe for him to be hanging around the car when you’re trying to get parked. You don’t have to put up with it!

Haha thanks, I’m way too soft and inexperienced with kids. My older retired neighbours don’t seem to have the same issue and I think it’s cos of their age and ability to be authoritative!

 

[Saltoftheearth]

Get them told you’re not putting up with it and if it continues you’ll go to child services as it’s a safeguarding issue
What if that was a sexual predator or weirdo he was
Left to be around unattended

 

[Jelly Bean]

Good luck - I hate social dilemmas like that and can get obsessed by them. We moved recently but at our old house the neighbours children had a trampoline in the front garden and were on it constantly. In all weather and times and with many friends. The noise levels of shrieking and shouting were (to me) appalling. 11 at night sometimes and early morning with parents nowhere to be seen. I was obsessed and upset by it but my OH barely noticed and even said how nice it was to see children outside playing. I actually hated him a little bit after that!
In your case I am still baffled as to why the parents let a vulnerable child roam around doing this. You are obviously a nice person but so many aren't and things could get nasty in many ways with other people.

 

[newtoyou]

The parents need to be keeping more of a tight leash on him imo. If I had a child with special needs (Im so sorry I don't know how else to word it ) then i would not want them running up to neighbours or ringing peoples doorbells.
If he got injured like his fingers trapped in the car door then the parents would be bollocking you when its them who need to keep a closer eye on him.

I once found a neighbours kid in my back gardeb crying. Our home backs on to a cul de sac and the kids play out. The balls comes over, they ring our bell and we chuck it back but this one time this 8 year old lad somehow scaled our fence to get over for his ball. Then was knocking on the back door asking to be let out.
Poor thing, I cheered him up saying he must be like spider man to get over that fence and asked if he was hurt. He said no, i said knock on in future and i'll throw it back. Ok then.

An hour later his mum bangs on my door, proper Karen, saying i had yelled at him for being in the garden and i had upset him. I explained the above but as soon as i said to her perhaps she needs to tell him not to climb into gardens she flipped her lid.

Some parents will not be told will they?

Ever since I told his mum that hes doing it (and told her in front of him), he hasn’t done it again. That was in June. Because it’s the summer holidays he’s spent a lot of time with the kids on the estate rather than bothering the adults all the time. So I’m crossing my fingers that he won’t go back to that habit. But yeh it is dangerous. He’ll quite often just wonder out in the front and walk up and down the street looking to see who’s around. The other day he started chatting to a delivery driver and his mum came out cos he’d gone out there without telling anyone.

your Karen neighbour sounds so unreasonable. Even if you did tell him off, you’d have a right to seeing as he trespassed.

 

[Raininvain]

Just tell them its making you very uncomfortable and your concerned for the childs safety, they will be having all on with him if hes not in school at present but that's not your fault. Can they get a fence put up and lock the gate etc? I've had a similar issue but not as bad with my neighbour whos in his 80s and got some type of mental decline. I got the PCSOs to talk to him and his wife. He has stopped screaming now. Write down the main points of what you want to say if that helps so you get it clear in your head.

 

[Mycuppatea]

I'd say to take action and "train" the parents who are the ones responsible for their child. Just gird your loins and every time he appears on your property, take him home and complain. It will take persistence and get to be really annoying but I think unless you try something like this, you will be dealing with this child's behaviour for as long as you live there. My neighbours are utter assholes who have bullied and assaulted my children over their childhoods and my husband won't confront them or let me confront them and honestly, inappropriate behaviour just gets accepted as normal if it isn't properly addressed.

 

[newtoyou]

I feel your pain @newtoyou but my neighbour is 85 and presses your doorbell or is at your door till you answer because he lost his mobile and he can't be bothered to look for it I'm under him I live in a flat and you can hear everything all his calls he even wakes me up screaming at 2am coz he's bloody lonely I sound like a bitch IV called police social and council is involved honestly I will keep complaing till something is done and you should do the same

I don’t think you sound like a bitch. I can totally understand how frustrating that would be. It’s your home after all and you should feel comfortable. It does sound like he needs external support so hope it gets sorted!

Sounds like either he has autism or he’s just at a really bad kid,the mention of a special school leads me to think autism,I know someone who’s adult child has autism, she’s snoopy as well and sometimes doesnt take no for an answer having me repeat the same things over and over,it’s irritating,have u spoken to his parents about him? He might need to be told by a disciplinarian

I think it’s autism cos he hates change and has sensitivity to loud noises (and he was being tested for it last I heard).
Yeh I have spoken to his mum now about the doorbell thing and he’s been good since then. But that could be cos he’s back at school now so he’s stimulated by other stuff.

 

[newtoyou]

Just bringing this back with an update cos I’m at the end of my tether.
The kid is now diagnosed with ADHD and autism. He’s also got issues due to trauma.

But he started staring though my window at me so often that I now have to keep the blinds permanently half shut. Since I closed them he now rings my doorbell every day. Usually while I’m working. I just ignore him cos I don’t want to reward him with attention. But I have told him off for both things before.

I need to tell his parents but I don’t know how to approach it. Any tips?

 

[Raininvain]

I'd phone the Police and Social Services, let them deal with it. You have a right not to be harassed in your own home.Also social services do have teams who work with challenging children to keep them in the home when parents are struggling.Dont think theres nothing that can be done. Its bad enough it being with you but if he does this to someone very elderly or with mental health problems it might really frighten them.

 

[ChubClubThug]

Everytime he does something, keep Knocking their door. Even if you have to knock it 20 times a day. They'll get pissed off in the end and have to take action. They sound like they can't be arsed because they've given you permission to tell him off. Just keep knocking the door back to them, like he does to you. If they fail to control him, you'll be left with no other option other than to report it to the social. I don't blame you for being annoyed, I'd be absolutely raging. Neighbours are annoying enough as it is

 

[TheDuchess]

This might be a little bit far fetched, but can you build a fence around the front of your house with a locked gate to stop him from getting in?

I agree, I’d put up a fence and a gate.

 

[Flipping Hell !]

No you do not sound mean at all ,I really feel for you ,but you are going to have to talk to the parents and change your voice to a "Im not playing voice" when they tell the boy to stop it ,this must be a nightmare !! Stay strong

 

[newtoyou]

No problem! I completely understand, its hard to ignore anyone constantly pestering you let alone a child. Just be as short and as blunt as possible with him. If he's peaking through your window, say in your most firmest voice "NO. GO HOME" - Keep it very blunt. Kids with autism generally don't understand idioms so things like "You're driving me mad!" or "You're doing my head in" just bounce right off them. I'm not too sure on my stern face myself but generally when I'm scolding a child, all thats needed is my eyes. I give them a look and say "NO" - it takes a bit of practice and you need to be able to muster all the patience you can. I know I said not to make eye contact before but if you've tried that and its not working, try a glare along with a simple instruction telling him to leave. His mum telling him off will just bounce off him as well if he doesn't see any punishments with his actions, he doesn't understand a reprimand as he doesn't completely understand the meaning behind someone yelling to "be good" - theres no incentive for him to be good, he probably doesnt know what "being good" means because of the lack of social understanding! I hope I'm explaining it well as its quite complicated. Its like when you mentioned above about the dog barking at him aggressively, he didn't react to it because he most likely doesnt have the self awareness that a normal child, even a toddler, has that the dog will cause him harm. Its only if the dog harms him that understanding will dawn, but even then sometimes the dog has to harm him several times for him to understand that dogs are dangerous. Its that negative reinforcement again, where he will now view every dog as bad if one dog attacks him a few times. Not a good example and I hope no dog attacks him of course but I hope that example came across okay.

Ah ha! Explains now that when I say “I’m working” or “I’m having a meeting” he just gives me a blank look!
This all makes a lot of sense now that I know he needs a consequence. Not sure what his memory is like but I hope he’s remembered that I went straight to his house last time he rang my bell.
Thanks again