Neighbour’s annoying kid - help!

[coconochanel]

ADHD or not hes invading your personal space and needs to stop. You need to have a talk with his parents, Sorry but no way would I put up with that.

 

[LittleMy]

Society can’t always blame bad behaviour on additional needs! We seem to be surrounded nowadays with kids that are labelled with additional special needs, why is that?? I went to a primary school of nearly 900 pupils, for 7 years, and in all that time there were about 5 pupils with additional needs. My friend teaches in a small country primary school today and she is amazed at how many kids have ‘diagnoses’. Some of these children are so bad, they have kicked her legs, bitten her, and called her stupid. Come parent-teacher evenings, when she raised this bad behaviour, some of these parents replied and said it wasn’t their problem how their kids got on in school. Absolute disgrace. I think many parents are happy to use these ‘additional needs’ labels to just let their kids run about and do whatever they want.
The length of time this has gone on, it is clear to see this child knows what he is doing.

And again I’ll say, that’s up to his parents to nip it in the bud or supervise him! You don’t know him, so to assume he’s just a brat based on a few posts is disgusting and frankly quite offensive as the parent of a child who struggles with boundaries. I can’t speak for anybody else but I can assure you I’m not happy to label my child with additional needs. I very much wish my child didn’t have additional needs so he wouldn’t have to put up with being constantly judged or misunderstood by ignorant people like you.

 

[Lardoflife]

The above posters are right, you need to speak to the parents. Special educational needs or not he needs to learn boundaries sooner rather than later before something happens, and it's not your job to try and teach him these things - it's theirs.

You're entitled to your personal space and to expect your things not to be touched or rooted through. Quick question, if the parents hasn't said he has SEN, would you feel so apprehensive to bring it up? (I'm asking because you've not really said whether they seem the type to use that to excuse behaviour or if they were letting you know in case he displays odd habits)

If that's what's making you apprehensive just know it's better to treat him like you would any other kid. Talking from experience (sister with mild learning disability, work with autistic people myself) the only way to learn boundaries and manners is to have people willing to teach you them, and not act like disability needs are an excuse all for bad behaviour you wouldn't otherwise accept.

Once you speak to the parents I would stick to firm, one word answers/short replies for a while like telling him no or you're too busy. It might be he's acting this way with you because he feels he can get away with it more with you than the other neighbours.

Either way I hope this is sorted out for you soon.

 

[IndigoStar]

I would have a chat with the parents - apart from anything else, there's a safeguarding issue to address. You really don't want anyone's kids coming up to your car, over-stepping boundaries etc.

I had a similar issue years ago with a neighbour's child who persisted in attempting to climb over a high fence to get in to play with my dog. It resulted in the child getting hurt when they fell off the fence and broke their collar bone. Thankfully the parents were not in any way eager to blame me for this.

After this, we had a big purple planter in the front garden which was relayed to the child as being the point of no return. They were not allowed to go beyond the planter, unless given permission by me. I asked the child to help water the plants in it so they felt like it was theirs etc. It worked. Maybe try something like this?

If that doesn't work, I suggest telling the parents he's an annoying little shit and if he sets foot in your place one more time he will be met with a hosing.

 

[LittleMy]

What an actual brat.

The child isn’t being a “brat.” He has additional needs as the OP has stated and perhaps has very little control over those behaviours. His parents should be supervising him when outside making sure he isn’t getting into trouble or even danger, that’s not his fault. I’m in no way excusing it as the OP deserves to have peace in their own home, but calling the child that only further stigmatises those with hidden disabilities (of which ADHD and autism both are).

 

[Titntat]

Sound to me like his parents cba so just let him roam about. If hes friendly I'd be mortified about him getting snatched. We live on a cul de sac. My daughter plays on the front on her scooter and bike. I sit on the front with her (partner says I look like something fro shameless). She wont approach any one and if someone came to her she wouldnt engage in conversation. But it's something I'm not willing to risk.

I've seen he may have additional needs but not to sound harsh, it's not your problem. Other peoples kids piss me off anyway

Try having a nice word with his parents. Just say he keeps ringing your door beel during conference calls, exaduarate it abit.

Then if it doesn't stop have a harsher word. Maybe get some other neighbours to have a word too. Pisses me off when people dont watch their kids.

I have no idea how you have not totally lost it with the kid.its annoying and creepy ( I have a some slightly strange window fears ) and I would absolutely crap myself if I noticed somebody peeping through my window.

I just don't understand how he's left alone for long enough to get up to all this nuisance. Where are his parents ,the kid is clearly not safe to be out alone.

Good job hes not looking threw my window. Especially at night when I'm going down for a drink of water. Frighten the life out of him

 

[bubbletea123]

Thank you all for the advice! <3 I think speaking to the parents about the doorbell ringing is something I’ll have to do bc that really is crossing a line IMO. He’s woken me up twice doing it.

The car thing is a bit more tricky cos he does it with a lot of ppl so I don’t want to be the one that complains.



I’ve tried this It’s locked as I drive in and when I stop, he immediately tries to open the door and knocks on the window. I have to get out to disable my alarm before I can open the garage so that’s when all the nonsense with the boot and keys happens. I’m also very aware that his parents might hear me so I have to be careful that I’m not coming across harsh. But I think I will have to be more firm and just tell him to get off my drive. His mum is aware and has told him off about it before.

We have neighbours next to us who have three children, we have none. When we moved in we were yet to put up our gate but we would find the kids in our backyard playing. We are quiet people and want our privacy. When I went out to say something, the dad said "they're just playing, you don't mind, do you?" I had to tell him that I didn't want them on our property as if something happened, we would be held liable. I am in Canada, so not sure what it is like in the UK in that sense. We also had multiple issues where we would be on our deck, they would climb on the fence and yell at us. We tried to ignore them but that made it worse. We eventually spoke to the parents saying we just want our privacy in the backyard, we don't mind saying hi out the front and that they must understand that. They said they didn't understand and that the kids just want to say hi. They have problems with boundaries, the dad is a nosey one too. Sometimes we would hate going to our car, as he would talk to us for ages when we were trying to leave. They would also let the kids play with the hose and they would leave it on, which would flood our backyard and trip my husband's electrical tools. They hate us now, as we haven't gone to the past two block parties and they say it seems like we don't want to be friends with them...we don't. Haha.

I would say talk to the parents and see how it goes.

 

[TheWitchIsBack]

Every time he does something tell his parents. If they become annoyed by the frequency then they’ll have to have some form of comprehension of how often he’s doing things like this.

It is absolutely unacceptable that you are made to feel uncomfortable in your own home... just reading your story has set my teeth on edge. I understand if the child has additional support needs, but anyone can have an unseen medical condition and his wellbeing should not be prioritised over yours. I have anxiety exacerbated by noise and his doorbell ringing would end up triggering panic attacks for me. He is not your responsibility to look after, his parents need to sort this.

 

[newtoyou]

Progress! The mum was out there too (I didn’t mention anything cos the kid was there) but we were both telling him over and over to stay away from the mower and stop messing with the stuff. She actually told me to tell him off if she’s not around which made me feel better.

She also mentioned that he’ll be starting some therapy for ADHD soon and will hopefully calm down. Poor woman is exhausted.

 

[AmberSpyglass]

I don’t wish to sound harsh about the child but you need to put your own well being above worrying about being seen as the mean neighbour who complained.

I bet as soon as you turn into your road you feel apprehensive?.

You really need to take a deep breath and tell his parents how his behaviour is causing you to feel extremely pissed off. He’s their child and they are responsible for him, he sounds a pain and they need to deal with him.

 

[Raininvain]

Fences can run into thousands of pounds really easily. Surely its for the parents to be putting up a fence/netting etc.Why should OP have to fork out?
I'd ring social services, it sounds like a child protection issue to me. He is very vulnerable and is at risk of getting beaten up if he does this to the wrong person.I'd totally ignore him . Its not for you to be getting involved.

 

[TruffleTrifle]

They definitely need to sort it out or he’ll be a teenage boy trying to climb into people’s cars and staring through their windows and he’ll be charged with harassment. Hope things get better OP!

 

[newtoyou]

So I finally bit the bullet and told his parents. I’ve been away for a couple of weeks to help out with some emergency family care and I’d only been back an hour before I caught him throwing food in my garden. When I told him off he rang my door bell and I lost my patience and went over to speak to his parents.
She said it was the second time someone had complained about the doorbell thing and told him off. Said it was his condition and that I should just tell him off if he’s doing stuff like that.

Thing is, as neighbours, why is it our responsibility to tell him off constantly? People are working from home and shouldn’t have someone ringing their bell! Or picking up rotting food from out lawns! It annoyed me that the onus was put on me, rather than her coming up with a solution ie supervising him when he’s outside!

 

[newtoyou]

This is just to rant more than anything...yesterday I'm chilling on the sofa in the PRIVACY of my own home and guess who runs up my drive, goes into my garden, puts his hands up on my window and stares right through the blinds and waves (which were angled up so no one can see in from a distance).

I've seen him do that to other people but I was so mad considering I've already told him to stop ringing my doorbell. I did jump right up and told him off. Don't even care if his parents hear.

Why should I not get any sunlight in my living room just so I dont have to deal with a nosy kid invading my privacy. Urgh I'm so annoyed.

 

[Gossipgirl20]

I feel your pain @newtoyou but my neighbour is 85 and presses your doorbell or is at your door till you answer because he lost his mobile and he can't be bothered to look for it I'm under him I live in a flat and you can hear everything all his calls he even wakes me up screaming at 2am coz he's bloody lonely I sound like a bitch IV called police social and council is involved honestly I will keep complaing till something is done and you should do the same

 

[Tor88]

would an 8 year old believe this? I know nothing about kids!



I genuinely don’t think he has the mental capacity to understand that it’s a right or wrong thing. It seems like it’s an impulse thing that he acts on. Like he’s not a naughty kid in the traditional sense eg damaging property like you explained (sorry you went through that btw and I hope it stopped?!)

oh yeah as soon as the Police and PCSOs got involved it stopped. I’m just wondering if the presence of an officer who could explain the consequences, regardless of understanding or age, would give him and his parents a wake up call. Even if the little boy can’t comprehend fully and he’s has behavioural issues etc then his parents can and they need to enforce rules. Plus if the police/PCSOs got involved they may keep a closer eye and inform the parents of ways to help this behaviour etc. If his behaviour Isn’t stopped now what happens when he’s an adult and this has progressed to something a bit more sinister?

I would definitely consider an outside influence here as it seems the parents aren’t too bothered as long as he’s not bothering them

 

[Blahblahahaaa77]

I know your pain, we have a similar situation with our neighbours kid who just screams all day and crashes his bike into our front door - he’s about 7! I know you shouldn’t have to but I would disconnect my doorbell whilst your home ... might give you some peace!

 

[JoeBloggs]

Personally I would raise concerns that he is allowed out the front without supervision. He could easily go off and ring the door of someone who takes him inside.

I would be firm with the parents, this is not an overly enjoyable time for anyone especially if you are trying to work/sleep etc.

They need to take control and if that means keeping him in their garden or being out the front with him at all times then that’s what they have to do. I appreciate it’s hard but they shouldn’t be allowing the rest of the neighbour to suffer despite his needs.

Perhaps you could offer to help them in another way (shopping etc) if they were willing to do something more towards his behaviour? It might help them and in turn they might address things more?

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

Thanks guys. Yes he’s constantly outside alone riding his bike etc. He has a certain area where he’s allowed to play and he doesn’t go beyond that (I guess it’s where they can still see him from inside). I’m not a parent so I don’t know what’s normal. But he does constantly speak to strangers which is worrying but they’re aware of it.

I just spoke to my other neighbours about it and they told me that he does it to them too and one time rang their doorbell 7x in one day! So it seems I’m not alone. They advised me that I should ignore him (which I do).
It seems the problem with his behaviour is bad enough for them to take him to therapy too.

Re social distancing he does do it for the most part but I have seen him following a stranger and every time this man tried to get 2m away, the kid would follow him. He got a telling off from the stranger

You need to talk to the parents again and be upfront, you have given them so many chances to get some control over the situation. You could mention that you have witnessed him following a stranger to back up your concerns about his safety. He could very easily end up doing this to the wrong person and come to harm.

 

[Tor88]

Pretty sure this could be seen as antisocial behaviour or harassment no matter how young he is. We had problem neighbours when I was younger, name calling, bullying, throwing stones, standing in our front garden and refusing to leave and the even smashed a small window. In the end we had enough for the police to give one an abso as he had previous with others in the area and another had a very strict warning. Also the PCSO’s in the area kept a close eye. If you don’t want to go to the policy maybe contacting the PCSO’s to have a word would help.