Anyone have these? How did you or do you deal with them?
This makes me so angry! People say that to me if the subject is ever talked about (rarely, I don't want to discuss this with anyone). Not every parent is a parent worth calling mum or dad or getting them presents and cards on Mothers or Fathers day. But if you've never been in that situation and all you know is a loving home then no you won't understand but in that case you should shut your trap!Narcissistic mother and the biggest help was moving out of the house. I moved out at 18 for uni and it was the best thing ever.
It feels like an awkward topic and one of those things other people play down as "Oh they're your parents" - I used to feel so guilty when people would say things like that to me, like maybe I was exaggerating or things weren't as bad as I made out. Until I found others, like the people here, who had similar experiences.
absolutely. It’s very lonely when you first confront the reality of your parents. The general consensus is that abuse is purely physical/sexual. Almost everything else is brushed aside and you’re expected to put up with it in the name of family. I’d go as far as to say most people never realise how dysfunctional and harmful their parental relationships are. It was only with therapy that I realise just how badly neglected I was and how seriously unfit my mother was to be anything approaching a functional parent. My therapist was shocked.Narcissistic mother and the biggest help was moving out of the house. I moved out at 18 for uni and it was the best thing ever.
It feels like an awkward topic and one of those things other people play down as "Oh they're your parents" - I used to feel so guilty when people would say things like that to me, like maybe I was exaggerating or things weren't as bad as I made out. Until I found others, like the people here, who had similar experiences.
I don't know if you've ever read about the family dynamics in narcissistic controlled families, but this is a classic case of golden child and scapegoat. Do some research there are some great resources on Youtube etc and you will be able to understand the situation better and hopefully distance yourself a bit from these people.Yeah 5 years ago lent my mom £2,000 for my sister as she was in trouble. Since then sister has been on 2 holidays to Dubai, 1 sking holiday a year, extension on the house, and a brand new Range Rover. I finally spoke to my dad about it (he had no clue about the money) and then asked mom about it, which she has said was for an aunt and not my sister and that I will get the money back at the end of the month.
I’m fed up with struggling all the while my sister gets everything from Financial help and free baby sitting from my parents. The double standard are mind blowing
Both me and husband have had enough and are waiting for the money then we will be distancing ourselves from them. There have been many more things like paying for her wedding (over £30,000), buying her first car (brand new mini), while I got my nans old car. I supported myself through uni to become a nurse and she’s just a hairdresser and her husband is loadedI don't know if you've ever read about the family dynamics in narcissistic controlled families, but this is a classic case of golden child and scapegoat. Do some research there are some great resources on Youtube etc and you will be able to understand the situation better and hopefully distance yourself a bit from these people.
sounds like my mom. She has the most vile temper and will blow up at any perceived slight. And she perceives EVERYTHING as a slight.I feel your pain everyone. I had a mother with narcissist personality disorder. She was a nightmare - selfish, manipulative and with an explosive temper. She set me and my sisters against each other and told endless lies. My father died young so she was in sole charge of us.
She had the emotional intelligence of a six year old. I never liked or trusted her but learned never to argue. It was only when I was in my fifties that I realised that she had a personality disorder. I read every book on the subject. There are some excellent ones around. Toxic Parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life by Susan Forward is a good one. Also Will I Ever be good enough by Dr Karyl McBride.
I learned how to deal with her and eventually cut her off when even that didn't work. She is now dead. She caused enormous unhappiness to our family and I am now healing from her brutality.
I would highly recommend reading up on the subject and practising self care. Do not listen to people who don't understand. They don't have a clue.
Good luck everyone. This is an important subject.
I work in a care home and I’ve seen a lot of that with some of our elderly residents (usually it’s the women). The guilt tripping of the grown up children, it’s awful. It’s usually the ones of sound mind too, who don’t have dementia but are frail and incapable of looking after themselves. I feel bad for them that they have to be in a care home in the first place when they don’t want to be, but feel worse for their children having to go home at night feeling terrible about leaving them there after the way they’ve been spoken to. Many of these people have careers and children of their own to raise, they will feel guilty enough about not being able to care for their parent by themselves.It is so interesting as often it seems the mum is the narc more so than the dad.
My Mil is a huge narc and major Catholic guilt tripper... All the "you haven't called me for a week, you wouldn't care if I died" bullshit. It goes all the way back to my husband and SILs childhood. She sent my husband an email about all the thing he had done "wrong" from aged 13, he's in his 40s now. Off her head. He went no contact with her for over a year. He speaks to her now but sets major boundaries and if she over steps them he cuts her out. We also live very far away so that helps too.