The colour of the bath waterBeen on the sauce Nadia, never mind the sauciest hotel.
filthy bastard
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filthy bastard
Why do they think people need to be exposed to his scrawny pasty chest and sausage legs. He obviously think he looks seductive when he holds onto his own chest/ puffs it out or strokes his own nipples. What an embarrassment.
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Viewing figures going well…
Vlogmas #4 "Nadia & Dina's Chalet Causes Upset; They All Visit A Xmas Event That's SH*T, If You're NOT 6." Cue the dancing gingerman, as I try to slog through another of these Xmas vlogs.
Mark is out
and the sisters are unwrapping their wood panel wallpaper. They have cleared out the foyer, taken down the art, but Nadia says it needs a Hoovering. Dina puts the woody wallpaper against the wall. Nadia suggests using some spray mount and Dina says no, they aren't doing a proper wallpapering. Chi Chi is jumping around with her Xmas pud jumper on, Nadia has put on the dinner. She goes to the foyer to see the right hand side of the kitchen doorway papered. "OHMYGAWD! Oh. My. Gawd. Dina! tit man!" Dina says chalet, "it's good innit?" Nadia says they are going to be in for a shock. Progress as Maddie is behind the camera, as Dina continues to staple, yes staple, the paper to the walls. Dina figures that Mark is going to like it, but not want to say that he likes it. "I'm impressed with myself" says Dina has she as a little wine after her work. It does look like a proper chalet and an improvement on those basic blank walls. Dancing Santas.
Toffee is barking at the door and that can only mean that Mark is home. Did you grow up in a home where the thought of dad coming meant, look out Mr. Miserable Fun Sponge is home? I was having latter childhood flashbacks. He comes in, looks around, has a nervous smile on this face as Dina cackles in the background. In her best geezer bird she says to Mark, "It's a chalet, what'd you mean doh, what is it?" Nanny Di comes from behind as Nadia says "Oh look at those two miserable faces." Di says she doesn't like it.
Nadia says it's not finished yet, "Its the Christmas village on crack". She goes on to say they are in the village and it is experiential. Has Nadia being doing 18th Century philosophy on the sly? A bit of Descartes perhaps? Big word for her. 
Must have got it from Dina. Some mention of Mark getting leiderhosen and Nanny Di starts slapping her thigh. "Mind you don't break your leg" says Nads. Mark says it reminds him of the 70s, where there was fake wood everywhere. He doesn't know what he is talking about. Those are wood logs on that paper, not wood panelling that has been sliced and treated. Mark asks what the girls think and Nadia says they love. He sticks his head into the kitchen as says "Oh do you?" Well, it looks like he can't rely on his daughters to tag team with him on this one. Talk about details like the real tree and the skis. All this talk about skis has made me think of that Ski yoghurt I remember as a kid at my nana's. The frist yoghurt to contain fruit pieces. I see they were taken over by evil Nestle and they had bits of rubber in batch in 2020. Figures.
Yeah, so Mark is amazed that Dina was able to staple all that wallpaper in less time than it takes him to make and down an espresso. "Where's the fuckin art gone?" Dina come to the camera and says he said it, he said it! Nadia tells Mark he will be wearing leather leederhausen and Dina is on eBay right now. Mark sulks in front of the camera as he says he hasn't done anything. "Whatever you think, keep it to yourself" says Nadia. Mark says "It's like a large man named Pedro has smoked 5,000 cigarettes in the hall and it has stained the walls." He goes on to say that he hates it, it is horrible. Nadia says when the girls came downstairs they found it "totally magical" and she tells him to put his magical hat on and keep his mouth schtum. He says he has no say and she says tough. More whinging from Mark.
OFF TO BALHAM. "This Oliver Bonas used to be tiny and it's now massive" Nadia tells us. They are here to film some Xmas present ideas for the subs. There is a sparkly black cardigan, it's like some black nail polish I have with silver flecks in it. Dina was going to get Nadia it, but she says she will never wear it. Leopard print coats, more sparkly tops, a sparkly beret that Dina models. Nadia says she always looks good in hats. Mugs, coasters, trinket dishes, candles that Nadia calls foo foo la la. Xmas ornaments, Xmas tree table toppers, wild animals on door mats, picture frames and mirrors. More sparkly dresses and accessories. Sparkly gun metal chrome look seems to be all the rage this Xmas. Tonnes of stuff with initials on them. Dina picks up a card with Michelangelo doing the Sistine Chapel, with 1 man saying to the other "Should we tell him we wanted it magnolia?" From 8:24-1124, you can browse in your comfies at Oliver Bonas.
TIME FOR A LONG SLOW SNOG AT THE BACK OF THE CINEMA. It the dancing faerie break. They are in the car, Mark singing his own version of Rudolph. Nadia is busy getting tech neck, scrolling away on her phone. He says they are off to the old bauble factory with a special guest Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Nadia says no it's Lisa. Mark is walking and talking to the camera saying he is feeling furry and horny.
Dina catches up and they are off to catch the train. Dina imagines there is going to be a little train and Mark says made by Thames Link. Dina replies "Christ, we won't get there." Mark is wearing his reindeer hat and this Xmas guinea pig shirt. Another one of Mark's soliloquies on how he is more festive than the sisters. "They're talking about girly stuff. I don't like being in a herd. I don't really feel like I get heard and I'm a herd anim...am I a herd animal? Is reindeer a herd animal?" 
"Next station is *pause* Herne Hill." Nadia pulls out the light up star earrings she got for Dina. Dina switches them on. Chat about "Polar Express" and Dina has never seen it. Mark says Dina's earrings are strobing. He makes his stupid faces and speeds up the camera. If you have a neurological condition, suffer from vertigo, or you are just nauseous at looking at Mark, you need to skip 15:40-15:47. He goes on about having the festive spirit and Nadia says he will have children sniggering at him again. 
Mark says he has his cool reindeer hat on this time. Nadia wacks on some more mascara.
Dina asks about the drinking bauble and Nadia mentions that the Bailey's last time wiped them out. Dina says she could have put rum in it. Mark spots another reindeer. They get off at London Blackfriars and Mark is happy he is not getting off on the Bakerloo Line. Dina says she doesn't want to go through the Elephant, she hates that station. Mark says how it depresses him and fills him with dread. Dina says it has a lift and you have to snuggle up to people. Does the lift work consistantly? On the TTC you have these dumbass able-bodied asshole buggering up the lifts for people who need them.
As if we don't know already, Nadia says she does everything to avoid the tube station. "I bet Sophie Ellis doesn't get the tube" says Mark. More bitching about Elephant and Castle, Mark says it is so up and coming and Nadia says it is taking forever to clean up the place. 'Babe, it's the elephant in the room" says Mark. Ha. Ha. Nadia says a woman made a face looking at Mark. Oh come on Nadia, don't act like it's not a regular occurence. Nadia has lost her senses and says "it's big dick energy." "It is." Nadia says everyone is smiling at you. They are walking along, I think the Thames, it's dark with Dina's earrings flashing. Mark wants to know where are all the Xmas lights on the trees. He figures they need Sophie to come and turn them on. Waterloo Bridge is all lit up. More walking. Mark shows us the side of building that has a woman who looks like Carmen Miranda. The stop by Marie's Cafe to check out the menu. The press their noses up against the glass at Vaulty Towers. Nadia doesn't think they are at the right place. Mark says it's called a map and Dina says Nadia doesn't do those. "Where's she gone? What's wrong with her? Oh, Dina." Dina says "Kids!" This thing they are going to is apparently meant for kids.
They sit themselves down to have something the eat. Dina is thrilled about finding Marie's Cafe. Nads and Dina have pocket cocktails. Who is this woman in black walking down the street. IT'S LISAAAAAAAA! Nads goes to give her a hug and Lisa says "Five minutes my fuckin arse!" Mark goes into full attention-seeking little kid mode. "Do you love my ears Leece?" Lisa is wearing her sparkly skull shirt. They go in and Mark says the kids love his guinea pig top. "Darling, you are hot to trot in you guinea pig top." The three *ahem* ladies get their pics taken. Mark's inner child is out in full force as he says they are getting on a train. Lisa asks if the train is moving or not. There is some chick dressed as an elf yapping and Mark is a bit bored now. Nadia tells him "Well it is for 6-year-olds." Storytime over and into some rooms with Xmas lights and stuff, I don't know how to explain it. Lisa asks if Dina is having fun and she say yeah. "WHEN I SAY REIN YOU SAY DEER! REIN! DEER! REIN! DEER!" They have this radar looking things in this interactive room. Another room and more activities. Mark asks Dina if she has enjoyed and says uhhhhhh. "I'm trying to look at it from a child's point of view." Footage of them stomping around and Mark swinging his head back and forth.
"Well, that was, different" says Mark. He didn't get to talk to Father Christmas and Sophie Ellis-Bextor wasn't there. He mentions that they have a t-shirt of the ride, puts his sulky face on and Nadia tells him to stop giving away all of his material. Mark says he is a bit sad. Nadia asks "Are you a bit sad because you're a plonker?" He asks why he is a plonker and she says he didn't check if they could film and had to do it secretly. Mark asks Dina what her honest opinion was and she tells him. "What the duck was that all about?" Mark says he owes them all a drink. Nadia says during the whole thing, Dina was acting like a teacher. When Nads and Lisa were sniggering, Dina was telling them to shush and stop it. Dina wanted to know what the duck was the story. Mark wanted to know what happened to the robin. Nadia wondered if a single child comes out of that knowing what the story was. Dina says the train should have moved. Dina says it was a 6yo age limit max. Mark says it was alright until the robins disappeared and then he didn't know what was happening. They walk out of the Bauble Factory and Dina says they were conned, not one bauble was seen. Lisa says as eloquent as ever "There was not 1 bleeping bawbull!" Dina mentions that in the merch there weren't any baubles for sale. Report them to Consumer Affairs, for false advertising and baiting and switching. I came for baubles, I want baubles dammit! Lisa thought they were going to be making baubles and Nadia says so did I. Mark thought they were going to be travelling through baubles. Nadia said they wanted to escape, it wasn't what they thought it was going to be, etc. "Thank God it was only an hour!" Final thoughts: 29 quid each and Dina says no. Nadia says "You're bleeping joking!" when she finds out how expensive it was. Her face at 35:12 is priceless. "Not for kids as well?" Lisa chimes in that it goes up, depending on what colour wristband you've got, to 49 pounds! Different experiences. Sounds like a right rip-off to me.
Mark says the story wasn't sophisicated enough. Lisa saw kids yawning and Dina said the story was rubbish. "It started off as robins in a factory shitting wishes..." "And where did they go?" asks Nads. Dina said she went to sleep on the train and Lisa needs a cocktail. Mark chunters on to the camera about being disappointed, wanting to be in a bauble. Mummy Nads gets Mark a double espresso because that is exactly what you need in the evening.
Lisa is exhausted. More debriefing over the crappy Bauble Factory Experience. "No magic. Would you say it was one of the shitiest things you've been too. Lisa bursts out laughing. Dina tries to be charitable. "In the beginning, that little boy beside us was so excited to get the wish box, he was about 5, of course he was excited. There were red shiny balls in a box..." Mark has to say he loves red shiny balls in a box. Nadia doles out the mini cocktails in a can. Dina has a spicy Margarita, classic cosmos for Lisa and Nads. Dina says thank God they had a drink before and doesn't know how Mark managed it. Mark says the factory was tit. Lisa says it was tit Lisa is unusually subdued this evening. Nadia: "If you've got a faktri in the title, everyone's gonna think they are going to make something. But like you said, maybe when you go through the silver door and pay good money..." Mark interjects with "Maybe they're all making baubles?" "Aw man, we've been rinsed" declares Dina.
Mark apologizes, but says at least they had a nice time reminiscing about the kids when they were younger. Nadia enjoyed watching the other children, though she was worried other people would think she was a weirdo, living vicariously through the kids. No, they thought what the hell is Nadia Sawalha off the telly doing here with no actual kids in tow? Mark says it as disconnected. Nads says Dina is pissed off about it; the story didn't work, didn't continue. Mark time again. As the lahdeys chat, Mark says he is disappointed with no Father Christmas and no Sophie Ellis-Bextor. WTH? She's 11 years younger than you and has a musician husband, you have NO CHANCE! "If you're a family of four, that's 130 quid." They are still talking about the Busted Bauble Company. Lisa says "You could see the blood draing from the parents' faces going 'This won't bleeping work.'" Nads says an adult daughter was trying to make her mum feel like they were having a better time than they were. Lisa tells us the story of when she kinda forced her mum to go to panto. "Kinda like what grandmothers should do." She hated it. Lisa's sister sent their mum a text asking how the panto was. Mum texted back saying, "What a load of tit," but she didn't send it to her sister, SHE SENT IT TO LISA! Dancing gingerbread men. Fin.
Mark is out
and the sisters are unwrapping their wood panel wallpaper. They have cleared out the foyer, taken down the art, but Nadia says it needs a Hoovering. Dina puts the woody wallpaper against the wall. Nadia suggests using some spray mount and Dina says no, they aren't doing a proper wallpapering. Chi Chi is jumping around with her Xmas pud jumper on, Nadia has put on the dinner. She goes to the foyer to see the right hand side of the kitchen doorway papered. "OHMYGAWD! Oh. My. Gawd. Dina! tit man!" Dina says chalet, "it's good innit?" Nadia says they are going to be in for a shock. Progress as Maddie is behind the camera, as Dina continues to staple, yes staple, the paper to the walls. Dina figures that Mark is going to like it, but not want to say that he likes it. "I'm impressed with myself" says Dina has she as a little wine after her work. It does look like a proper chalet and an improvement on those basic blank walls. Dancing Santas. Toffee is barking at the door and that can only mean that Mark is home. Did you grow up in a home where the thought of dad coming meant, look out Mr. Miserable Fun Sponge is home? I was having latter childhood flashbacks. He comes in, looks around, has a nervous smile on this face as Dina cackles in the background. In her best geezer bird she says to Mark, "It's a chalet, what'd you mean doh, what is it?" Nanny Di comes from behind as Nadia says "Oh look at those two miserable faces." Di says she doesn't like it.
Nadia says it's not finished yet, "Its the Christmas village on crack". She goes on to say they are in the village and it is experiential. Has Nadia being doing 18th Century philosophy on the sly? A bit of Descartes perhaps? Big word for her. Must have got it from Dina. Some mention of Mark getting leiderhosen and Nanny Di starts slapping her thigh. "Mind you don't break your leg" says Nads. Mark says it reminds him of the 70s, where there was fake wood everywhere. He doesn't know what he is talking about. Those are wood logs on that paper, not wood panelling that has been sliced and treated. Mark asks what the girls think and Nadia says they love. He sticks his head into the kitchen as says "Oh do you?" Well, it looks like he can't rely on his daughters to tag team with him on this one. Talk about details like the real tree and the skis. All this talk about skis has made me think of that Ski yoghurt I remember as a kid at my nana's. The frist yoghurt to contain fruit pieces. I see they were taken over by evil Nestle and they had bits of rubber in batch in 2020. Figures. Yeah, so Mark is amazed that Dina was able to staple all that wallpaper in less time than it takes him to make and down an espresso. "Where's the fuckin art gone?"
Dina come to the camera and says he said it, he said it! Nadia tells Mark he will be wearing leather leederhausen and Dina is on eBay right now. Mark sulks in front of the camera as he says he hasn't done anything. "Whatever you think, keep it to yourself" says Nadia. Mark says "It's like a large man named Pedro has smoked 5,000 cigarettes in the hall and it has stained the walls." He goes on to say that he hates it, it is horrible. Nadia says when the girls came downstairs they found it "totally magical" and she tells him to put his magical hat on and keep his mouth schtum. He says he has no say and she says tough. More whinging from Mark.OFF TO BALHAM. "This Oliver Bonas used to be tiny and it's now massive" Nadia tells us. They are here to film some Xmas present ideas for the subs. There is a sparkly black cardigan, it's like some black nail polish I have with silver flecks in it. Dina was going to get Nadia it, but she says she will never wear it. Leopard print coats, more sparkly tops, a sparkly beret that Dina models. Nadia says she always looks good in hats. Mugs, coasters, trinket dishes, candles that Nadia calls foo foo la la. Xmas ornaments, Xmas tree table toppers, wild animals on door mats, picture frames and mirrors. More sparkly dresses and accessories. Sparkly gun metal chrome look seems to be all the rage this Xmas. Tonnes of stuff with initials on them. Dina picks up a card with Michelangelo doing the Sistine Chapel, with 1 man saying to the other "Should we tell him we wanted it magnolia?"
From 8:24-1124, you can browse in your comfies at Oliver Bonas. TIME FOR A LONG SLOW SNOG AT THE BACK OF THE CINEMA. It the dancing faerie break. They are in the car, Mark singing his own version of Rudolph. Nadia is busy getting tech neck, scrolling away on her phone. He says they are off to the old bauble factory with a special guest Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Nadia says no it's Lisa. Mark is walking and talking to the camera saying he is feeling furry and horny.
Dina catches up and they are off to catch the train. Dina imagines there is going to be a little train and Mark says made by Thames Link. Dina replies "Christ, we won't get there." Mark is wearing his reindeer hat and this Xmas guinea pig shirt. Another one of Mark's soliloquies on how he is more festive than the sisters. "They're talking about girly stuff. I don't like being in a herd. I don't really feel like I get heard and I'm a herd anim...am I a herd animal? Is reindeer a herd animal?" "Next station is *pause* Herne Hill." Nadia pulls out the light up star earrings she got for Dina. Dina switches them on. Chat about "Polar Express" and Dina has never seen it. Mark says Dina's earrings are strobing. He makes his stupid faces and speeds up the camera. If you have a neurological condition, suffer from vertigo, or you are just nauseous at looking at Mark, you need to skip 15:40-15:47. He goes on about having the festive spirit and Nadia says he will have children sniggering at him again. Mark says he has his cool reindeer hat on this time. Nadia wacks on some more mascara. Dina asks about the drinking bauble and Nadia mentions that the Bailey's last time wiped them out. Dina says she could have put rum in it. Mark spots another reindeer. They get off at London Blackfriars and Mark is happy he is not getting off on the Bakerloo Line. Dina says she doesn't want to go through the Elephant, she hates that station. Mark says how it depresses him and fills him with dread. Dina says it has a lift and you have to snuggle up to people. Does the lift work consistantly? On the TTC you have these dumbass able-bodied asshole buggering up the lifts for people who need them.
As if we don't know already, Nadia says she does everything to avoid the tube station. "I bet Sophie Ellis doesn't get the tube" says Mark. More bitching about Elephant and Castle, Mark says it is so up and coming and Nadia says it is taking forever to clean up the place. 'Babe, it's the elephant in the room" says Mark. Ha. Ha. Nadia says a woman made a face looking at Mark. Oh come on Nadia, don't act like it's not a regular occurence. Nadia has lost her senses and says "it's big dick energy." "It is." Nadia says everyone is smiling at you. They are walking along, I think the Thames, it's dark with Dina's earrings flashing. Mark wants to know where are all the Xmas lights on the trees. He figures they need Sophie to come and turn them on. Waterloo Bridge is all lit up. More walking. Mark shows us the side of building that has a woman who looks like Carmen Miranda. The stop by Marie's Cafe to check out the menu. The press their noses up against the glass at Vaulty Towers. Nadia doesn't think they are at the right place. Mark says it's called a map and Dina says Nadia doesn't do those. "Where's she gone? What's wrong with her? Oh, Dina." Dina says "Kids!" This thing they are going to is apparently meant for kids. They sit themselves down to have something the eat. Dina is thrilled about finding Marie's Cafe. Nads and Dina have pocket cocktails. Who is this woman in black walking down the street. IT'S LISAAAAAAAA! Nads goes to give her a hug and Lisa says "Five minutes my fuckin arse!" Mark goes into full attention-seeking little kid mode. "Do you love my ears Leece?" Lisa is wearing her sparkly skull shirt. They go in and Mark says the kids love his guinea pig top. "Darling, you are hot to trot in you guinea pig top."
The three *ahem* ladies get their pics taken. Mark's inner child is out in full force as he says they are getting on a train. Lisa asks if the train is moving or not. There is some chick dressed as an elf yapping and Mark is a bit bored now. Nadia tells him "Well it is for 6-year-olds." Storytime over and into some rooms with Xmas lights and stuff, I don't know how to explain it. Lisa asks if Dina is having fun and she say yeah. "WHEN I SAY REIN YOU SAY DEER! REIN! DEER! REIN! DEER!" They have this radar looking things in this interactive room. Another room and more activities. Mark asks Dina if she has enjoyed and says uhhhhhh. "I'm trying to look at it from a child's point of view." Footage of them stomping around and Mark swinging his head back and forth. "Well, that was, different" says Mark. He didn't get to talk to Father Christmas and Sophie Ellis-Bextor wasn't there. He mentions that they have a t-shirt of the ride, puts his sulky face on and Nadia tells him to stop giving away all of his material. Mark says he is a bit sad. Nadia asks "Are you a bit sad because you're a plonker?"
He asks why he is a plonker and she says he didn't check if they could film and had to do it secretly. Mark asks Dina what her honest opinion was and she tells him. "What the duck was that all about?" Mark says he owes them all a drink. Nadia says during the whole thing, Dina was acting like a teacher. When Nads and Lisa were sniggering, Dina was telling them to shush and stop it. Dina wanted to know what the duck was the story. Mark wanted to know what happened to the robin. Nadia wondered if a single child comes out of that knowing what the story was. Dina says the train should have moved. Dina says it was a 6yo age limit max. Mark says it was alright until the robins disappeared and then he didn't know what was happening. They walk out of the Bauble Factory and Dina says they were conned, not one bauble was seen. Lisa says as eloquent as ever "There was not 1 bleeping bawbull!" Dina mentions that in the merch there weren't any baubles for sale. Report them to Consumer Affairs, for false advertising and baiting and switching. I came for baubles, I want baubles dammit! Lisa thought they were going to be making baubles and Nadia says so did I. Mark thought they were going to be travelling through baubles. Nadia said they wanted to escape, it wasn't what they thought it was going to be, etc. "Thank God it was only an hour!" Final thoughts: 29 quid each and Dina says no. Nadia says "You're bleeping joking!" when she finds out how expensive it was. Her face at 35:12 is priceless. "Not for kids as well?" Lisa chimes in that it goes up, depending on what colour wristband you've got, to 49 pounds! Different experiences. Sounds like a right rip-off to me. Mark says the story wasn't sophisicated enough. Lisa saw kids yawning and Dina said the story was rubbish. "It started off as robins in a factory shitting wishes..." "And where did they go?" asks Nads. Dina said she went to sleep on the train and Lisa needs a cocktail. Mark chunters on to the camera about being disappointed, wanting to be in a bauble. Mummy Nads gets Mark a double espresso because that is exactly what you need in the evening.
Lisa is exhausted. More debriefing over the crappy Bauble Factory Experience. "No magic. Would you say it was one of the shitiest things you've been too. Lisa bursts out laughing. Dina tries to be charitable. "In the beginning, that little boy beside us was so excited to get the wish box, he was about 5, of course he was excited. There were red shiny balls in a box..." Mark has to say he loves red shiny balls in a box. Nadia doles out the mini cocktails in a can. Dina has a spicy Margarita, classic cosmos for Lisa and Nads. Dina says thank God they had a drink before and doesn't know how Mark managed it. Mark says the factory was tit. Lisa says it was tit Lisa is unusually subdued this evening. Nadia: "If you've got a faktri in the title, everyone's gonna think they are going to make something. But like you said, maybe when you go through the silver door and pay good money..." Mark interjects with "Maybe they're all making baubles?" "Aw man, we've been rinsed" declares Dina. Mark apologizes, but says at least they had a nice time reminiscing about the kids when they were younger. Nadia enjoyed watching the other children, though she was worried other people would think she was a weirdo, living vicariously through the kids. No, they thought what the hell is Nadia Sawalha off the telly doing here with no actual kids in tow? Mark says it as disconnected. Nads says Dina is pissed off about it; the story didn't work, didn't continue. Mark time again. As the lahdeys chat, Mark says he is disappointed with no Father Christmas and no Sophie Ellis-Bextor. WTH? She's 11 years younger than you and has a musician husband, you have NO CHANCE! "If you're a family of four, that's 130 quid." They are still talking about the Busted Bauble Company. Lisa says "You could see the blood draing from the parents' faces going 'This won't bleeping work.'" Nads says an adult daughter was trying to make her mum feel like they were having a better time than they were. Lisa tells us the story of when she kinda forced her mum to go to panto. "Kinda like what grandmothers should do." She hated it. Lisa's sister sent their mum a text asking how the panto was. Mum texted back saying, "What a load of tit," but she didn't send it to her sister, SHE SENT IT TO LISA!
Dancing gingerbread men. Fin.
It’s all tat. There’s nothing tasteful and they need to declutter, starting with the sofas. Less is more. They have turned that house into a junkyard.Vlogmas #4 "Nadia & Dina's Chalet Causes Upset; They All Visit A Xmas Event That's SH*T, If You're NOT 6." Cue the dancing gingerman, as I try to slog through another of these Xmas vlogs.
Mark is out
Toffee is barking at the door and that can only mean that Mark is home. Did you grow up in a home where the thought of dad coming meant, look out Mr. Miserable Fun Sponge is home? I was having latter childhood flashbacks. He comes in, looks around, has a nervous smile on this face as Dina cackles in the background. In her best geezer bird she says to Mark, "It's a chalet, what'd you mean doh, what is it?" Nanny Di comes from behind as Nadia says "Oh look at those two miserable faces." Di says she doesn't like it.
Yeah, so Mark is amazed that Dina was able to staple all that wallpaper in less time than it takes him to make and down an espresso. "Where's the fuckin art gone?"
OFF TO BALHAM. "This Oliver Bonas used to be tiny and it's now massive" Nadia tells us. They are here to film some Xmas present ideas for the subs. There is a sparkly black cardigan, it's like some black nail polish I have with silver flecks in it. Dina was going to get Nadia it, but she says she will never wear it. Leopard print coats, more sparkly tops, a sparkly beret that Dina models. Nadia says she always looks good in hats. Mugs, coasters, trinket dishes, candles that Nadia calls foo foo la la. Xmas ornaments, Xmas tree table toppers, wild animals on door mats, picture frames and mirrors. More sparkly dresses and accessories. Sparkly gun metal chrome look seems to be all the rage this Xmas. Tonnes of stuff with initials on them. Dina picks up a card with Michelangelo doing the Sistine Chapel, with 1 man saying to the other "Should we tell him we wanted it magnolia?"
TIME FOR A LONG SLOW SNOG AT THE BACK OF THE CINEMA. It the dancing faerie break. They are in the car, Mark singing his own version of Rudolph. Nadia is busy getting tech neck, scrolling away on her phone. He says they are off to the old bauble factory with a special guest Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Nadia says no it's Lisa. Mark is walking and talking to the camera saying he is feeling furry and horny.
Dina asks about the drinking bauble and Nadia mentions that the Bailey's last time wiped them out. Dina says she could have put rum in it. Mark spots another reindeer. They get off at London Blackfriars and Mark is happy he is not getting off on the Bakerloo Line. Dina says she doesn't want to go through the Elephant, she hates that station. Mark says how it depresses him and fills him with dread. Dina says it has a lift and you have to snuggle up to people. Does the lift work consistantly? On the TTC you have these dumbass able-bodied asshole buggering up the lifts for people who need them.
They sit themselves down to have something the eat. Dina is thrilled about finding Marie's Cafe. Nads and Dina have pocket cocktails. Who is this woman in black walking down the street. IT'S LISAAAAAAAA! Nads goes to give her a hug and Lisa says "Five minutes my fuckin arse!" Mark goes into full attention-seeking little kid mode. "Do you love my ears Leece?" Lisa is wearing her sparkly skull shirt. They go in and Mark says the kids love his guinea pig top. "Darling, you are hot to trot in you guinea pig top."
"Well, that was, different" says Mark. He didn't get to talk to Father Christmas and Sophie Ellis-Bextor wasn't there. He mentions that they have a t-shirt of the ride, puts his sulky face on and Nadia tells him to stop giving away all of his material. Mark says he is a bit sad. Nadia asks "Are you a bit sad because you're a plonker?"
Mark says the story wasn't sophisicated enough. Lisa saw kids yawning and Dina said the story was rubbish. "It started off as robins in a factory shitting wishes..." "And where did they go?" asks Nads. Dina said she went to sleep on the train and Lisa needs a cocktail. Mark chunters on to the camera about being disappointed, wanting to be in a bauble. Mummy Nads gets Mark a double espresso because that is exactly what you need in the evening.
Mark apologizes, but says at least they had a nice time reminiscing about the kids when they were younger. Nadia enjoyed watching the other children, though she was worried other people would think she was a weirdo, living vicariously through the kids. No, they thought what the hell is Nadia Sawalha off the telly doing here with no actual kids in tow? Mark says it as disconnected. Nads says Dina is pissed off about it; the story didn't work, didn't continue. Mark time again. As the lahdeys chat, Mark says he is disappointed with no Father Christmas and no Sophie Ellis-Bextor. WTH? She's 11 years younger than you and has a musician husband, you have NO CHANCE! "If you're a family of four, that's 130 quid." They are still talking about the Busted Bauble Company. Lisa says "You could see the blood draing from the parents' faces going 'This won't bleeping work.'" Nads says an adult daughter was trying to make her mum feel like they were having a better time than they were. Lisa tells us the story of when she kinda forced her mum to go to panto. "Kinda like what grandmothers should do." She hated it. Lisa's sister sent their mum a text asking how the panto was. Mum texted back saying, "What a load of tit," but she didn't send it to her sister, SHE SENT IT TO LISA!
Mark has taken over much of the space in that house with his crap. His has his toy cave, the seating area with his piano, weights, paperwork, books, yoga mat, the kitchen table, the room upstairs in the extension, the loft and the garden decking area. She needs to toughen up and say enough is enough, clean it all up it or I’ll skip the lot of it
Oh golly I haven't watched vlogmas yet, I'm going in 🥱
She mentioned a step daughter on loose women, who’s that??
Jesus he will next claim to be Santa 
He is desperate for attention
"Did you grow up in a home where the thought of dad coming meant, look out Mr. Miserable Fun Sponge is home? I was having latter childhood flashbacks".
What with this
and 
"Call me cranky, but I don't like audience participation. I would go to concerts and have some artists telling me to wave your hands and I would say "yeah, not doing that, don't tell me what to do."
I
you @bitterntwisted. I think you must be my much wittier, more patient and brighter twin .
What with this
and "Call me cranky, but I don't like audience participation. I would go to concerts and have some artists telling me to wave your hands and I would say "yeah, not doing that, don't tell me what to do."
I
you @bitterntwisted. I think you must be my much wittier, more patient and brighter twin .
Last edited:
What’s with the baggy pants? They’re all sporting them. Not a good look
Vlogmas #5 "The Chalet Sprouts Trees; Mark is Given Countless Ultimatums & Sexy Seedy Soho Xmas Vibes!" This looks enticing. Dancing gingerbread men.
Dogs barking and before Nadia opens the door, Mark in the stupid reindeer hat says "Here comes the other f*#king grinch." Aloha shouts Nadia and starts singing it's the Xmas tree. Dina brings in a wee Xmas tree and Nadia sings "We wish you a Merry Xmas and someone is not getting the loft oooopened." Mark tells Nadia to help her sister and she says she has not shoes on. When does Nadia ever wear slippers? Get some big socks with treds on them at least. I get grossed out just thinking of her mucky feet. Dina brings in another small tree all wrapped up in netting. Dina says she has a third tree, 16.99 at Lidl people. Oh throw Dina a bone Lidl! Maybe a Lidl tracksuit to go with those flip flops and toque she has, she will be down with the kids. Mark says to Nadia that she said she didn't want trees, but Nadia says they are making a lodge cabin as she makes the pursed finger gesture like an old Italian lady. Chalet Nadia! Dina brings in a milk jug, logs and fake snow. Nadia tells Dina she is putting a padlock on that loft until he clears out the living room and Dina screams "I LIKE IT!" Mark suggests the sisters do a calendar shoot in the shed CHALET! 
wearing Lidl bikinis and they can hold milk jugs. "You know what it says around the crotch? 'Every Lidl Counts.'" 
Dina has one of those film things that she says can "go on your dirty window," some fake driping snow for the top of the chalet. Mark says it looks like something you don't say in polite company, to which Nadia screams MAAAARRKK! "I just totally ignored him, silly little man" says Dina. Dina shows off some other props and then Nadia spot a big box. "What is that? Get it out!" Dina has a nutcracker with gingerbread men/calendar she got from The Raaaaaange. I know someone's nuts who need cracking. Mark informs us that Kiki has already started her Kinder calendar. Nadia says the trees don't smell. Mark says you need sticking tree stems. What? Reminds me that a couple of months ago during my walk, I leant against a tree to stretch my calves. I forgot what a witch it is to get tree sap off your hands. Oil for 30-60 seconds then soap. "Is it going to be a sauna? I wan't to get naked." So much for body dysmorphia. "Why don't the make sticky trees anymore? It's the sticky stamen." Sap doesn't come out in cold temps you ding-a-ling. Mark asks Dina and Nadia if they are going to be characters in this chalet. Dina says no, we are on holiday, WITHOUT YOU! Nadia has a rant about the big extension cord wheel in the kitchen and threatens to send it to the charity shop. Mark says she hasn't commented on his jumper and she ain't interest. The shirt has the grim reaper on it, with lights on his scythe and it says "When You're Dead Inside, But It's Christmas." Nadia rants some more about the extension cords and doesn't like his top, "It's about death."
Dina is cleaning out the kitchen cupboards so that Nadia has a place for clean glasses. Nadia is untangling some lights. Some mention about cleaning the glasses in some cheap denture cleaner from Pounland and Mark brings up the Crystal Palace Sainsbury's bag for life. "Oh Mark shut up." Mark asks Dina if she saw that vlog. "Where Nadia thought she would have to take a tit in a Sainbury's bag for life?" Dina screams WHAT? Nadia says it was one of the worst experiences of her life. Really? Come on there has to be something worse than that. Something that features Mark perhaps? Dina says she has been in a similar situation. Haven't we all needed a bog and barely made it? Hell everyone wets their pants at some times in their life, I just try to forget about it. "Mark was sooo awful, no sense of urgency." He says he had "no sense she was going to tit in a shop." Dina was on the way to an art workshop when she sharted (Nadia says to Mark not to put that in) in her pants and had to ring Tracey to tell her she was going to be late. "DINA! NO MARK NO, don't put that in!" Mark asks how was the car and Dina said it was a crappy car, har, har, har.
Mark's chat with the subs time. Before he goes upstairs he asks if reindeers are allowed in the chalet. It has something to do with Toffee's basket. NO, no Disney stuff it has to go with the chalet says Nadia. Upstairs and to the walk-in, that is littered with clothes. Forgive me, I'm not on treatment for ADHD nor have I been diagnosed as such, and I know the meds don't cure ADHD, but don't the meds help alleviate the clutter and mess to a certain extent? She has a beautiful walk-in that is a disaster area. WTH? "Look, she doesn't even close drawers." Clothes on the floor, most of the drawers are open, her vanity is covered in clutter. I'm not a neat freak, but that is giving me the ick. Mark goes in the hallway and looks at the loft hatch. "There's a big surprise up there. It's not going to be the same old thing. It's gonna be different." Chaah and monkeys might fly out of my butt! He blathers on about life being about changing, growing, evolving. Back downstairs, Mark said he is doing his workout. Nadia says negative, until he shifts all thos boxes out of the foyer. "Dina, tell him!" She mentions stealing his Joe Wicks. Mark then says he needs their help as he has started to put the weight on. "It's the mince pies." He then asks for them or rather Dina, to help him eat heathily. Nadia says absolutely not, she has tried that in the past and it has not worked. He needs help with this double chin, that is why he wears the Rudolph hat. Dina says she got a gadget for that. Nadia tells him to get out there and clear up his stuff. Dina says shove it in the loft and Nadia says in a minute she is going to open it (the box or the loft, I don't know which one.) Mark gets all shirty about it and says it will go in his room. "In your room? Have you shown them your little room?" says Dina. He says it is only like that because Nads shoves things in there. "You put everything that was on the bleeping walls in my room, Jesus Christ!" He chucks out the recycling and witches about the logs. "Perhaps while you're out there, you can sort out your homeopathic cupboard." He is such a child.
He witches about the skis. He witches about putting up a bed every Xmas. If you have fallen asleep or thought paying bills was more entertaining, I DON'T BLAME YOU. Dancing faerie time or FESTIVE LURVING as he calls it. Oh dear, it's a hotel visit. @LizSmithqwerty warned me about this vlog. Nadia describes it as "a bit like a 70s porno movie." Greeeaaaaaat. It's Mark's idea as he wanted to go somewhere a bit saucy. If that is your thing, have at it, no judgement here, but don't go calling yourselves a family channel. I don't really care that Mark is sexually frustrated. Apparently the proper porno suite wasn't available. Shame.
They are at the petrol station and she says she asked him to get her something. He asked water, because she is usually boring, but this time she asked for a mint Aero and he got so excited. They aren't having much luck with the parking. Mark got honked at. Nadia tells him she found a saucy hotel. "Is it a brothel?" It's called The Sanctum. Nadia reads out the description of the place, cool with bling handles, rotating beds. Do I make you feel horny baby? 
"Plenty of mirrors and an unspeakable amount of TV channels." It was a multi-person jacuzzi, ick, and a guitar tuning service in reception. 
Nadia pronounces louche as lowch. "This was the former MI5 research building." Seems apropos. Mark wonders if people were tortured there. I feel like I'm being tortured watching this tit. More talk of its 70s porno vibe. Mark says Nadia's bush will be fine then. "The one thing that is absolutely paramount, and if you argue with me on this I will finish you off, we are not entering that hotel without you having bags of crisps, chocolate and diet Coke." She mentions how everytime they go to a hotel it is ruined by him asking why he didn't get a bag of crisps, no diet Coke. He says he doesn't want crisps. She says it is a dealbreaker. Slogging through the throngs, photos of Nada ta-dahing with the tree. Loads of people around the big Xmas tree in Covent Garden.
Mark loses Nadia. He finds her standing up on something, getting the perfect shot of the tree. There doing their "Romance in London" pose of the camera. The theme is bells and baubles this year. They are at the actor's church. "Look! There's a tardis Nads!" Mark has his rings on and he is cold, says he saw Frosty and Nadia starts singing. Mark tells us about he remembers a time when there were no shops on Floral Street, except for the Tin Tin Shop and Paul Smith, oh and Agnes B, which made Nadia sad. Sad because she wasn't that small, but now that she can and afford it, she doesn't care. Yeah, the poor Agnes B. clothes would end up in a heap in the walk-in then donated 8 months later. There are helicopters going for the peace march and Mark says he feels like Ray Liotta in "Goodfellas." The are at Seven Dials now and Nadia says some girls put up some happy birthday balloons and letters spelling Marbella for a surprise and the Covent Garden goons came out and told them to take it down, so the crowd booed them. "Miserable bastards" says Nadia. Mark is annoyed there are no lights on the trees. There is a white fisherman's sweater in the window. There is a hunky blonde model in the picture wearing one and all Nadia can see is him itching. If it's 100% acrylic yeah or bog standard wool. Mark sees a twit. Competition more like. Nadia says the sweater is a bit twatish and Mr. GQ over here says it's a bit cricket. They don't know what they are talking about. The only thing wrong with it, is it is very white and might not stay that way without proper care and attention. More chat about fisherman jumpers. Bitching about the spliff. Police action and Mark goes all clueless reporter"What's going on?" He says it would be funny if it is a stag do. "They are definitely going to something" says our own Lise Doucette of Croydon. Aww they are playing amateur war correspondents now. Mark asks Nads about the atmosphere and she says "frenetic." Mark queries febrile and she says no, it reminds her how horrific it must be in Gaza. Umm, there are no bombs going off, no one is getting stripped to their underwear and no children carrying decapitated bodies of their friends. Hyperbole much? I know what she was driving at, but it was clumsy comparison.
They are in some instillation of sorts, an animated display of a winter wonderland village projected on walls. "It's like being in an Advent calendar" says Mark. Walk, walk, walk, walk. Nadia is standing next to a fence. Mark says "We have to stop meeting like this. Do you know what this is?" Nadia is miles away and says what? She is standing next to a urinal. She looks, makes a face and bolts. Mark starts singing "I'm a private wee-er." "Why are men so gross?" Why is my italics button stuck? 
Mark says he knew she didn't know what it was and Nadia says she nearly put her bag in there. She then says that she thought it had something to do with the electric pipes and then thought no. They walk past some businesses and Mark says it looks like a place where you have to go in and dance for someone, whilst they're on the phone. 
Mark asks if Nadia has ever had to do that and she replies "No, I. Have. NOT!" Mark said he did once "and I had to just keep squatting." WATF? Guess where we are now kids? It's the Nellie Dean, where Mark says he did some serious damage at that pub. Yeah, yeah, cool story bro.
"Old age is the slow decline into comfort" says Nadia. She was walking around with her coat closed and arms crossed, but then said no, she will be like a young person with her coat open and be freezing. Now that is just stupid. Stupid is as stupid does, I guess. Mark says he is hungry, so the next thing we are going to see is some boudoir with Nadia strapped to the ceiling. Finally, we are at the Sanctum Hotel in Soho. "It looks a bit porno." Nadia is about to go through the revoling door, but Mark says that's the restaurant. She walks further and then he says she was right.
We have a crab shaped bell, a gorilla wearing a bra, Mark saying it has old porn lifts. What the hell are those? "Going down I take it." Shut-up Mark. Skulls, skulls and more skulls. Mark will feel right at home. Up the stairs and there is funky 70s music playing, not quite porno. Nadia opens the diamante door handle. To be cont'd. Photo montage. The End.
Dancing gingerbread men.Dogs barking and before Nadia opens the door, Mark in the stupid reindeer hat says "Here comes the other f*#king grinch." Aloha shouts Nadia and starts singing it's the Xmas tree. Dina brings in a wee Xmas tree and Nadia sings "We wish you a Merry Xmas and someone is not getting the loft oooopened." Mark tells Nadia to help her sister and she says she has not shoes on. When does Nadia ever wear slippers? Get some big socks with treds on them at least. I get grossed out just thinking of her mucky feet.
Dina brings in another small tree all wrapped up in netting. Dina says she has a third tree, 16.99 at Lidl people. Oh throw Dina a bone Lidl! Maybe a Lidl tracksuit to go with those flip flops and toque she has, she will be down with the kids. Mark says to Nadia that she said she didn't want trees, but Nadia says they are making a lodge cabin as she makes the pursed finger gesture like an old Italian lady. Chalet Nadia! Dina brings in a milk jug, logs and fake snow. Nadia tells Dina she is putting a padlock on that loft until he clears out the living room and Dina screams "I LIKE IT!" Mark suggests the sisters do a calendar shoot in the shed CHALET! wearing Lidl bikinis and they can hold milk jugs. "You know what it says around the crotch? 'Every Lidl Counts.'" Dina has one of those film things that she says can "go on your dirty window," some fake driping snow for the top of the chalet. Mark says it looks like something you don't say in polite company, to which Nadia screams MAAAARRKK! "I just totally ignored him, silly little man" says Dina. Dina shows off some other props and then Nadia spot a big box. "What is that? Get it out!" Dina has a nutcracker with gingerbread men/calendar she got from The Raaaaaange. I know someone's nuts who need cracking.
Mark informs us that Kiki has already started her Kinder calendar. Nadia says the trees don't smell. Mark says you need sticking tree stems. What? Reminds me that a couple of months ago during my walk, I leant against a tree to stretch my calves. I forgot what a witch it is to get tree sap off your hands. Oil for 30-60 seconds then soap. "Is it going to be a sauna? I wan't to get naked." So much for body dysmorphia. "Why don't the make sticky trees anymore? It's the sticky stamen." Sap doesn't come out in cold temps you ding-a-ling. Mark asks Dina and Nadia if they are going to be characters in this chalet. Dina says no, we are on holiday, WITHOUT YOU! Nadia has a rant about the big extension cord wheel in the kitchen and threatens to send it to the charity shop. Mark says she hasn't commented on his jumper and she ain't interest. The shirt has the grim reaper on it, with lights on his scythe and it says "When You're Dead Inside, But It's Christmas." Nadia rants some more about the extension cords and doesn't like his top, "It's about death."Dina is cleaning out the kitchen cupboards so that Nadia has a place for clean glasses. Nadia is untangling some lights. Some mention about cleaning the glasses in some cheap denture cleaner from Pounland and Mark brings up the Crystal Palace Sainsbury's bag for life. "Oh Mark shut up." Mark asks Dina if she saw that vlog. "Where Nadia thought she would have to take a tit in a Sainbury's bag for life?" Dina screams WHAT? Nadia says it was one of the worst experiences of her life. Really? Come on there has to be something worse than that. Something that features Mark perhaps? Dina says she has been in a similar situation. Haven't we all needed a bog and barely made it? Hell everyone wets their pants at some times in their life, I just try to forget about it. "Mark was sooo awful, no sense of urgency." He says he had "no sense she was going to tit in a shop." Dina was on the way to an art workshop when she sharted (Nadia says to Mark not to put that in) in her pants and had to ring Tracey to tell her she was going to be late. "DINA! NO MARK NO, don't put that in!" Mark asks how was the car and Dina said it was a crappy car, har, har, har.
Mark's chat with the subs time. Before he goes upstairs he asks if reindeers are allowed in the chalet. It has something to do with Toffee's basket. NO, no Disney stuff it has to go with the chalet says Nadia. Upstairs and to the walk-in, that is littered with clothes. Forgive me, I'm not on treatment for ADHD nor have I been diagnosed as such, and I know the meds don't cure ADHD, but don't the meds help alleviate the clutter and mess to a certain extent? She has a beautiful walk-in that is a disaster area. WTH? "Look, she doesn't even close drawers." Clothes on the floor, most of the drawers are open, her vanity is covered in clutter. I'm not a neat freak, but that is giving me the ick. Mark goes in the hallway and looks at the loft hatch. "There's a big surprise up there. It's not going to be the same old thing. It's gonna be different." Chaah and monkeys might fly out of my butt! He blathers on about life being about changing, growing, evolving. Back downstairs, Mark said he is doing his workout. Nadia says negative, until he shifts all thos boxes out of the foyer. "Dina, tell him!" She mentions stealing his Joe Wicks. Mark then says he needs their help as he has started to put the weight on. "It's the mince pies." He then asks for them or rather Dina, to help him eat heathily. Nadia says absolutely not, she has tried that in the past and it has not worked. He needs help with this double chin, that is why he wears the Rudolph hat. Dina says she got a gadget for that. Nadia tells him to get out there and clear up his stuff. Dina says shove it in the loft and Nadia says in a minute she is going to open it (the box or the loft, I don't know which one.) Mark gets all shirty about it and says it will go in his room. "In your room? Have you shown them your little room?" says Dina. He says it is only like that because Nads shoves things in there. "You put everything that was on the bleeping walls in my room, Jesus Christ!" He chucks out the recycling and witches about the logs. "Perhaps while you're out there, you can sort out your homeopathic cupboard." He is such a child.
He witches about the skis. He witches about putting up a bed every Xmas. If you have fallen asleep or thought paying bills was more entertaining, I DON'T BLAME YOU. Dancing faerie time or FESTIVE LURVING as he calls it. Oh dear, it's a hotel visit. @LizSmithqwerty warned me about this vlog. Nadia describes it as "a bit like a 70s porno movie." Greeeaaaaaat. It's Mark's idea as he wanted to go somewhere a bit saucy. If that is your thing, have at it, no judgement here, but don't go calling yourselves a family channel. I don't really care that Mark is sexually frustrated. Apparently the proper porno suite wasn't available. Shame.
They are at the petrol station and she says she asked him to get her something. He asked water, because she is usually boring, but this time she asked for a mint Aero and he got so excited. They aren't having much luck with the parking. Mark got honked at. Nadia tells him she found a saucy hotel. "Is it a brothel?" It's called The Sanctum. Nadia reads out the description of the place, cool with bling handles, rotating beds. Do I make you feel horny baby? "Plenty of mirrors and an unspeakable amount of TV channels." It was a multi-person jacuzzi, ick, and a guitar tuning service in reception. Nadia pronounces louche as lowch. "This was the former MI5 research building." Seems apropos. Mark wonders if people were tortured there. I feel like I'm being tortured watching this tit. More talk of its 70s porno vibe. Mark says Nadia's bush will be fine then. "The one thing that is absolutely paramount, and if you argue with me on this I will finish you off, we are not entering that hotel without you having bags of crisps, chocolate and diet Coke." She mentions how everytime they go to a hotel it is ruined by him asking why he didn't get a bag of crisps, no diet Coke. He says he doesn't want crisps. She says it is a dealbreaker. Slogging through the throngs, photos of Nada ta-dahing with the tree. Loads of people around the big Xmas tree in Covent Garden.Mark loses Nadia. He finds her standing up on something, getting the perfect shot of the tree. There doing their "Romance in London" pose of the camera. The theme is bells and baubles this year. They are at the actor's church. "Look! There's a tardis Nads!" Mark has his rings on and he is cold, says he saw Frosty and Nadia starts singing. Mark tells us about he remembers a time when there were no shops on Floral Street, except for the Tin Tin Shop and Paul Smith, oh and Agnes B, which made Nadia sad. Sad because she wasn't that small, but now that she can and afford it, she doesn't care. Yeah, the poor Agnes B. clothes would end up in a heap in the walk-in then donated 8 months later. There are helicopters going for the peace march and Mark says he feels like Ray Liotta in "Goodfellas."
The are at Seven Dials now and Nadia says some girls put up some happy birthday balloons and letters spelling Marbella for a surprise and the Covent Garden goons came out and told them to take it down, so the crowd booed them. "Miserable bastards" says Nadia. Mark is annoyed there are no lights on the trees. There is a white fisherman's sweater in the window. There is a hunky blonde model in the picture wearing one and all Nadia can see is him itching. If it's 100% acrylic yeah or bog standard wool. Mark sees a twit. Competition more like. Nadia says the sweater is a bit twatish and Mr. GQ over here says it's a bit cricket. They don't know what they are talking about. The only thing wrong with it, is it is very white and might not stay that way without proper care and attention. More chat about fisherman jumpers. Bitching about the spliff. Police action and Mark goes all clueless reporter"What's going on?" He says it would be funny if it is a stag do. "They are definitely going to something" says our own Lise Doucette of Croydon. Aww they are playing amateur war correspondents now. Mark asks Nads about the atmosphere and she says "frenetic." Mark queries febrile and she says no, it reminds her how horrific it must be in Gaza. Umm, there are no bombs going off, no one is getting stripped to their underwear and no children carrying decapitated bodies of their friends. Hyperbole much? I know what she was driving at, but it was clumsy comparison. They are in some instillation of sorts, an animated display of a winter wonderland village projected on walls. "It's like being in an Advent calendar" says Mark. Walk, walk, walk, walk. Nadia is standing next to a fence. Mark says "We have to stop meeting like this. Do you know what this is?" Nadia is miles away and says what? She is standing next to a urinal.
She looks, makes a face and bolts. Mark starts singing "I'm a private wee-er." "Why are men so gross?" Why is my italics button stuck? Mark says he knew she didn't know what it was and Nadia says she nearly put her bag in there. She then says that she thought it had something to do with the electric pipes and then thought no. They walk past some businesses and Mark says it looks like a place where you have to go in and dance for someone, whilst they're on the phone. Mark asks if Nadia has ever had to do that and she replies "No, I. Have. NOT!" Mark said he did once "and I had to just keep squatting." WATF? Guess where we are now kids? It's the Nellie Dean, where Mark says he did some serious damage at that pub. Yeah, yeah, cool story bro. "Old age is the slow decline into comfort" says Nadia. She was walking around with her coat closed and arms crossed, but then said no, she will be like a young person with her coat open and be freezing. Now that is just stupid. Stupid is as stupid does, I guess. Mark says he is hungry, so the next thing we are going to see is some boudoir with Nadia strapped to the ceiling. Finally, we are at the Sanctum Hotel in Soho. "It looks a bit porno." Nadia is about to go through the revoling door, but Mark says that's the restaurant. She walks further and then he says she was right.
We have a crab shaped bell, a gorilla wearing a bra, Mark saying it has old porn lifts. What the hell are those? "Going down I take it." Shut-up Mark. Skulls, skulls and more skulls. Mark will feel right at home. Up the stairs and there is funky 70s music playing, not quite porno. Nadia opens the diamante door handle. To be cont'd. Photo montage. The End.Thanks for sitting through the Vlogmases bitterntwisted and for making the seemingly impossible happen by making them appear entertaining but call me a grinch they make my blood boil reading about all the pointless waste. The endless trees,comedy hats,tit jumpers,tit decorations, tat and more tat.
In my mind Christmas is for children or for ( enduring) quality family time. And we're all aware of what activities their " children " enjoy, unwrapping themselves on tinta whilst necking Xmas spirits.
What planet are these 3 almost pensioners on
.
Flogging a dead horse for supposed entertainment/employment/ tax reasons . Its tragic.
p.s. Missing the delicious @Waffle3.
In my mind Christmas is for children or for ( enduring
) quality family time. And we're all aware of what activities their " children " enjoy, unwrapping themselves on tinta whilst necking Xmas spirits. What planet are these 3 almost pensioners on
.Flogging a dead horse for supposed entertainment/employment/ tax reasons . Its tragic.
p.s. Missing the delicious @Waffle3.
Hardly any of their 138K
subscribers are watching Vlogmas, either, it would appear. Kayes plumped up lips, tragic today on LW. Angela Ripon looked better.
See that filthy coat she wears, it always puts me in mind of the two baddies out of Home Alone.
If it doesn’t get sent to the cleaners very soon it will be making its way there alone …
She is always mystified that no one recognises her when they are out and about, even when she is being blatantly loud and he’s going around like Buddy the Elf.
Mind boggling.
If it doesn’t get sent to the cleaners very soon it will be making its way there alone …
She is always mystified that no one recognises her when they are out and about, even when she is being blatantly loud and he’s going around like Buddy the Elf.
Mind boggling.
Vlogmas #6 "Nadia & Mark's Sleazy Night of 70s P*RN: Roof Jacuzzi, Expensive Mini Bar & Tiny Naked Men." They watched little people porn? I guess I will find out soon enough. Gingerbread men dance.
When the last episode ended, Nadia was opening up the diamante door handle. It seems they are in the loft level of rooms and Nadia says it is so hot in there. By the description Nadia was giving, you may have expected brothel-type decor. I went and checked their website and was sorrowfully disappointed. It looks like your average, well-appointed hotel room. It wouldn't look out of place in the country quite frankly. The hallways look rock n' roll, but the rooms are as gentrified as Soho itself. What a bummer. It's kind of like this channel really. On the outside you think you are getting a family channel, some competent cooking and entertaining viewing; instead you get sexual innuendoes, a kitchen that health and safety forgot and a middle-aged couple acting like 16-year-old thirst traps chasing clout that give you the ick.
"It's sooo hot! Babe get this off me!" No they are not in the thralls of passion, the temp is too high, thank God. Mark looks at the light and says he hasn't seen anything like that since H. Samuels in the 80s. Mark says he fell into a gully, in fact imagine a clawfoot tub with the wood flooring cut around it and replaced with river stones. More bitching about the heat and Nadia can't fix the thermostat. "Mark! They've got a full bucket of ice!" The fridge looks like a Marshall amp. Nadia is disappointed in the minibare, as the alcohol is in full bottles. Padro Azul Blanco 200.00, tequila 195.00, gin, rum and whiskey 115.00, vodka 110.00, Lanson Pere et Fils NV 115.00, wine is 40.00, lager is 8.50. Nadia is on the bed eating the Salt & Vinegar Pringles and Mark witches that he didn't get any crisps or diet Cokes. Nadia doesn't like the curtains. Mark goes to pulls the curtains back and open the window. He has to wedge himself between the window and the bath. There are 2 sets of windows. "When I worked at Mentorn, at Mentorn (he says it twice so we don't miss it), they used to have offices like this and there was a brothel..." Nadia asks if it is seedy enough for him and he replies "No, not really." He collapses on the bed whilst Nadia fills her gob with crisps. Mark has amplified some crisp crunching sounds for effect.
Nadia tells us that Chrissie Hynde has paintings you can buy and has "collabed on the vegetarian menu." Nadia says they spent 10 million quid on this hotel. Now Mark is cold. They are chatting away whilst the camera is on the overhead light. Nadia specifically got this hotel, because it has a Michellin rated Asian chef and though Mark would fancy it. She went to book and was told they have a private event on. Reception suggested the roof top bar. Mark alerts Nadia to the full length mirror in the room. Nadia tells him he can watch himself sleep at night then. More nonsense from Mark and flicking switches on and off. They are off out for some food. "It smells how I imagine a brother to smell." Down a dark corridor and Mark focuses on a pic of Johnny Depp. They open a skull handled door to be greeted by an Amy Winehouse picture. They have to walk up a flight of stairs, but Nadia is stopped in her tracks. "There are some very jolly people." And? Mark goes up and looks out the window. He says it was weird, looked cold and someone looking like Daniel Radcliffe was at the bar. My God! They are like a couple of shy kids who need their mum to push them up there and get on with it. You're a couple of Scorpios not Cancers. It seems Mark has a new toy as he experiments with his sound cards or what they use for sound effects- stupid party noises and belching, heavy breathing and fart noises. There is a big white gorilla with tattoo sleeves. Picture of Nadia drinking with Amy. Creeping around the hallways and Mark goes down the staff stairs.
Back in the room and once again Nadia is working on her tech neck and filling her gob in the bed. Mark jabbers on about a woman in "the swingers bar" wearing a leopard skin outfit choosing cocktails and her husband looked slightly depressed. At this point, Mark bangs his foot into the stones around the bath. "Oh my God, these fuckin stones!"
"The food was so bad, we had to leave it" says Nadia. Nadia asks if Mark is having a bath. "NO! I'M WATERING THE FUCKIN FLOOR, I'm watering the plants." She says "In front of me?!?" He says he has done worse in front of her and that I don't doubt, but don't care to conjure any up. Mark shoves some Munchies in his mouth. More whining about his foot. Faffing with the bath water temp. Nadia witters on about being at the beach, but Mark wants to be in "bloody London," where they get ripped off. Says she who has eaten half of the minibar goodies. They have found a "strange long black Pringle box." Nadia says she already spent a fortune on chocolates. Nadia reads "Vanity kit, cigar lounge..." Mark discovers "it's a bleeping candle! Look, how boring. I thought it was something else and it was just a big wick." He laughs at his own joke. Nadia reviews the goodies list and is shocked by the Pop Chips being 6.50. Chat about it being a whole con. Well, duh. Mark discovers a blue light in the shower. "Nads! There's a fuckin blue light in the shower!" "Oh no! It's turned red!" Just had a vision of him being like an anemic, plucked chicken corpse under a heat lamp in the shower. 
"It's a fuckin porn shawwarh!" The swearing meter is off the charts in this episode. In case you are wondering, he is fully clothed draining the Thames River, letting the shower go on its own. Dancing Santas. 
"Is it nice?" Nadia is behind the lens now and Mark is lying in the tub, looking like a busted Ken doll left in the garden, under the drain spout ready to rot. "You know those famous photos, where that woman puts babies in situations?" Anne Geddes? How very 90s. "That's what you look like. You look mina, you look miniscule. Yeah, you look like a sort of minature of something." Has Nadia been on the sauce? Mark says his buttocks keep opening the plug, I guess that is why the tap keeps running. Not enviromentally friendly. "God, this has been such a disaster" says Nadia. He says he can't turn off the tap and Nadia says she isn't coming closer as she can see him holding his bits and pieces so to speak. He bends his right leg higher and Nadia says he looks weird. That's his permanent state. She walks past him, gets the towel trolley and sings "Bend me backward over me hostess trolley." She falls on the bed, laughing maniacally. Pixelation as Nadia tells us to never come to this hotel. Mark feels the need to illustrate how screwed up the taps are. NO ONE CARES! 
"Oh babe, help me out." He is in this bath with his rings and bracelets on. Ewww. He turns the tap another way and scalds himself. Dumbass! As he tries to get out of the bath, he tells her to back away and give him some dignity and as if out of my mind and into Nadia's mouth she says "You haven't got any left." More faffing in the bath. She asks him to put something over his shame, he gets the flip flops out and covers himself. "Babe, you look so comfortable Mark." No one needs to see Mark in the bath, just knock it the hell off already! She on about him looks minature again. Nadia throws ice at him. "You said you were too hot... does it feel nice? Told you, I know how to treat you." He finally gets out of the bath, but has to show us him naked with a towel hanging in front.
Mark is now hotter out of the bath than in. "Now subs, you bore witness to this. What did I say? We will not go into this hotel, unless you have crisps. What happened?" More talk about the minibar prices, that tub with its stones, Mark says he is going out to look at the Carnaby Street lights. Nadia says no, but to bring her doughnuts. Mark found a QR code for IV drips. "That's quite rock n' roll." Skull photo. TIME FOR SOME CRISPS & SNACKS and the Dancing Faerie. Mark trying to put on his jacket, but it was upside down. Did you watch RHOBH this week? That weed dinner at Kyle's and Dorit tells Denise Richards she put her jacket on upside down and Denise says "No it isn't!" when it clearly was. Poor thing, she looked like she took something before the dinner. Mark hit himself in the eye with the zip. Bitching about the light again. Mark puts his sunglasses on and Nadia says he looks very cute.
It's the next day and they talk about the walk of shame at the reception, when they ask what you had from the minibar. She lists the Skittiles, wasabi chips, the Pringles, Munchies, the Opal Fruits, 2 coffee pods, "We have to go down there and confess." Well, if you got some goodies before you went to the hotel, you wouldn't have that problem. Mark mentions the booze and Nadia says "They don't realize that we get drunk on love and Skittles." Mark does an overview of the room and he is leaving the flip flops behind after he covered his whatsits. Nadia says the headboard and the ceiling light are pure 70s porn. "We didn't make use of the mirror babe." When Mark went out to film the lights in Carnaby St. he picked up some Nice biscuits, Nadia's kryptonite apparently. I remember an old Peak Freans ad here, telling people they are Neece biscuits, not Nice. Mark pronounces it as a long I. Mark rubs his finger along the diamante door handle and has the temerity to say "How many germs do they hold? Eugh, I just made myself feel sick." Now you know how we feel looking at those manky rings and bracelets and unkempt fingernails. Mark points to a picture of ZZ Top and says how he used to hate those guys, like that would have fazed them. "I love you in a lift, I don't know why." Nadia says it makes him want to have sex with her. He yes it makes him want to ______. "Right Mark, don't put any of it in. " That stupid laugh goes off.
Mark accidentally records their visit to reception. The clerk asks them how was their stay and miraculously all the bitching from 15 mins ago disappears and he says "It great, yeah great thank you!" They list off the goodies they had. He finishes off by saying "Thank you for a lovely stay." Whatta a load of . Outside, Nadia says she doesn't want anything said bad about the hotel in the vlog, because of the lovely woman on reception. Nadia says the guy at reception last night was miserable and set the night off wrong and she cannot believe he didn't say how tit the dinner was. You've got a tongue in your head woman. She says he was so British. She goes on about businesses, when suddenly Mark steps on something; a fork. "We've reached a fork in the road and it cuts like a knife." There's that walking woman and Nadia starts impersonating her. "It's my friend Mary." Nadia is wearing the Ray Bans. Mark asks for them and she says, she's all dry. He asked her where she got them and said after one of the kids' parties, they were left behind and she asked around and no one claimed them. "You're joking!" says Mark. "God's honest truth." Mark looks up and there is a planet above his head and he says "Look up. You're looking up Uranus." So funny I forgot to laugh. Walking around Soho and Nadia spots something she hasn't seen before. She looked through the window and the doorman said "Hello Nadia!" She asked him what this building was and he told her it was a hotel and invited them in. "It's gorgeous in there innit?" says Nadia. The hotel is the Broadwick Soho at the corner of Broadwick and Berwick Streets. It's one of those booteeq hotels, 57 room retreat they call it. I just had a peek at their website and the rooms are very pretty, colourful and lush-looking. They've got a Francis Bacon on the wall in there. Mark says they have opened the old Colony Rooms where Francis Bacon and his crew hung out and got wasted. He says if you go in the first 6 weeks, the prices are 1960s prices. Nadia so wants to go now.
Mark takes us round to where Madame Jo-Jo's and the porn shops used to be. Ye olde porn shoppes. There is one porn shop still around Mood it's called. "There was a time when you really didn't want to walk down here" says Mark. Nadia says it's really sanitized now. Reminds me of Yonge Street when I was a little kid. The 70s were a really skeevy time. There were porn theatres and adult books shops on Yonge Street, the head shops, street kids, strip clubs and the big record stores. When we visited from the burbs, I was scared of seeing a druggie, a streetwalker or getting molested. The ladies at Zanzibar's and the Brass Rail are still gyrating for people though. Sad about Jilly's strip club; like everything in Toronto it got turned into a condo. There's an adult book store and Mark asks Nadia if she ever went to Madame Jo Jo's and she says yeah all the time. Nadia's head is turned by food and sees a big Black Forest Gateau she recreated for the subs. God I love a good Black Forest Gateau, talk about retro. 
Mark says it looks better than Harrod's. It would be helpful to tell us what the store is called. They look at a coffee supplier's shop. The filth on horseback. Oh, it a view of that coronary on a bun burger that Mark had. Back at home, Nadia has hit her nose. "I felt like I lost consciousness for a split second." Mark tells her she has a dent on her nose. Fart noise from Mark. Dancing gingerbread men. Finally the end.
When the last episode ended, Nadia was opening up the diamante door handle. It seems they are in the loft level of rooms and Nadia says it is so hot in there. By the description Nadia was giving, you may have expected brothel-type decor. I went and checked their website and was sorrowfully disappointed. It looks like your average, well-appointed hotel room. It wouldn't look out of place in the country quite frankly. The hallways look rock n' roll, but the rooms are as gentrified as Soho itself. What a bummer. It's kind of like this channel really. On the outside you think you are getting a family channel, some competent cooking and entertaining viewing; instead you get sexual innuendoes, a kitchen that health and safety forgot and a middle-aged couple acting like 16-year-old thirst traps chasing clout that give you the ick.
"It's sooo hot! Babe get this off me!" No they are not in the thralls of passion, the temp is too high, thank God. Mark looks at the light and says he hasn't seen anything like that since H. Samuels in the 80s. Mark says he fell into a gully, in fact imagine a clawfoot tub with the wood flooring cut around it and replaced with river stones. More bitching about the heat and Nadia can't fix the thermostat. "Mark! They've got a full bucket of ice!" The fridge looks like a Marshall amp. Nadia is disappointed in the minibare, as the alcohol is in full bottles. Padro Azul Blanco 200.00, tequila 195.00, gin, rum and whiskey 115.00, vodka 110.00, Lanson Pere et Fils NV 115.00, wine is 40.00, lager is 8.50. Nadia is on the bed eating the Salt & Vinegar Pringles and Mark witches that he didn't get any crisps or diet Cokes. Nadia doesn't like the curtains. Mark goes to pulls the curtains back and open the window. He has to wedge himself between the window and the bath. There are 2 sets of windows. "When I worked at Mentorn, at Mentorn (he says it twice so we don't miss it), they used to have offices like this and there was a brothel..." Nadia asks if it is seedy enough for him and he replies "No, not really." He collapses on the bed whilst Nadia fills her gob with crisps. Mark has amplified some crisp crunching sounds for effect.
Nadia tells us that Chrissie Hynde has paintings you can buy and has "collabed on the vegetarian menu." Nadia says they spent 10 million quid on this hotel. Now Mark is cold. They are chatting away whilst the camera is on the overhead light. Nadia specifically got this hotel, because it has a Michellin rated Asian chef and though Mark would fancy it. She went to book and was told they have a private event on. Reception suggested the roof top bar. Mark alerts Nadia to the full length mirror in the room. Nadia tells him he can watch himself sleep at night then. More nonsense from Mark and flicking switches on and off. They are off out for some food. "It smells how I imagine a brother to smell."
Down a dark corridor and Mark focuses on a pic of Johnny Depp. They open a skull handled door to be greeted by an Amy Winehouse picture. They have to walk up a flight of stairs, but Nadia is stopped in her tracks. "There are some very jolly people." And? Mark goes up and looks out the window. He says it was weird, looked cold and someone looking like Daniel Radcliffe was at the bar. My God! They are like a couple of shy kids who need their mum to push them up there and get on with it. You're a couple of Scorpios not Cancers. It seems Mark has a new toy as he experiments with his sound cards or what they use for sound effects- stupid party noises and belching, heavy breathing and fart noises. There is a big white gorilla with tattoo sleeves. Picture of Nadia drinking with Amy. Creeping around the hallways and Mark goes down the staff stairs. Back in the room and once again Nadia is working on her tech neck and filling her gob in the bed. Mark jabbers on about a woman in "the swingers bar" wearing a leopard skin outfit choosing cocktails and her husband looked slightly depressed. At this point, Mark bangs his foot into the stones around the bath.
"Oh my God, these fuckin stones!""The food was so bad, we had to leave it" says Nadia. Nadia asks if Mark is having a bath. "NO! I'M WATERING THE FUCKIN FLOOR, I'm watering the plants." She says "In front of me?!?" He says he has done worse in front of her and that I don't doubt, but don't care to conjure any up. Mark shoves some Munchies in his mouth. More whining about his foot. Faffing with the bath water temp. Nadia witters on about being at the beach, but Mark wants to be in "bloody London," where they get ripped off. Says she who has eaten half of the minibar goodies. They have found a "strange long black Pringle box." Nadia says she already spent a fortune on chocolates. Nadia reads "Vanity kit, cigar lounge..." Mark discovers "it's a bleeping candle! Look, how boring. I thought it was something else and it was just a big wick." He laughs at his own joke. Nadia reviews the goodies list and is shocked by the Pop Chips being 6.50. Chat about it being a whole con. Well, duh. Mark discovers a blue light in the shower. "Nads! There's a fuckin blue light in the shower!"
"Oh no! It's turned red!" Just had a vision of him being like an anemic, plucked chicken corpse under a heat lamp in the shower. "It's a fuckin porn shawwarh!" The swearing meter is off the charts in this episode. In case you are wondering, he is fully clothed draining the Thames River, letting the shower go on its own. Dancing Santas. "Is it nice?" Nadia is behind the lens now and Mark is lying in the tub, looking like a busted Ken doll left in the garden, under the drain spout ready to rot. "You know those famous photos, where that woman puts babies in situations?" Anne Geddes? How very 90s. "That's what you look like. You look mina, you look miniscule. Yeah, you look like a sort of minature of something." Has Nadia been on the sauce?
Mark says his buttocks keep opening the plug, I guess that is why the tap keeps running. Not enviromentally friendly. "God, this has been such a disaster" says Nadia. He says he can't turn off the tap and Nadia says she isn't coming closer as she can see him holding his bits and pieces so to speak. He bends his right leg higher and Nadia says he looks weird. That's his permanent state. She walks past him, gets the towel trolley and sings "Bend me backward over me hostess trolley." She falls on the bed, laughing maniacally. Pixelation as Nadia tells us to never come to this hotel. Mark feels the need to illustrate how screwed up the taps are. NO ONE CARES! "Oh babe, help me out." He is in this bath with his rings and bracelets on. Ewww. He turns the tap another way and scalds himself. Dumbass! As he tries to get out of the bath, he tells her to back away and give him some dignity and as if out of my mind and into Nadia's mouth she says "You haven't got any left." More faffing in the bath. She asks him to put something over his shame, he gets the flip flops out and covers himself. "Babe, you look so comfortable Mark." No one needs to see Mark in the bath, just knock it the hell off already! She on about him looks minature again. Nadia throws ice at him. "You said you were too hot... does it feel nice? Told you, I know how to treat you." He finally gets out of the bath, but has to show us him naked with a towel hanging in front. Mark is now hotter out of the bath than in. "Now subs, you bore witness to this. What did I say? We will not go into this hotel, unless you have crisps. What happened?"
More talk about the minibar prices, that tub with its stones, Mark says he is going out to look at the Carnaby Street lights. Nadia says no, but to bring her doughnuts. Mark found a QR code for IV drips. "That's quite rock n' roll." Skull photo. TIME FOR SOME CRISPS & SNACKS and the Dancing Faerie. Mark trying to put on his jacket, but it was upside down. Did you watch RHOBH this week? That weed dinner at Kyle's and Dorit tells Denise Richards she put her jacket on upside down and Denise says "No it isn't!" when it clearly was. Poor thing, she looked like she took something before the dinner. Mark hit himself in the eye with the zip. Bitching about the light again. Mark puts his sunglasses on and Nadia says he looks very cute. It's the next day and they talk about the walk of shame at the reception, when they ask what you had from the minibar. She lists the Skittiles, wasabi chips, the Pringles, Munchies, the Opal Fruits, 2 coffee pods, "We have to go down there and confess." Well, if you got some goodies before you went to the hotel, you wouldn't have that problem. Mark mentions the booze and Nadia says "They don't realize that we get drunk on love and Skittles." Mark does an overview of the room and he is leaving the flip flops behind after he covered his whatsits.
Nadia says the headboard and the ceiling light are pure 70s porn. "We didn't make use of the mirror babe." When Mark went out to film the lights in Carnaby St. he picked up some Nice biscuits, Nadia's kryptonite apparently. I remember an old Peak Freans ad here, telling people they are Neece biscuits, not Nice. Mark pronounces it as a long I. Mark rubs his finger along the diamante door handle and has the temerity to say "How many germs do they hold? Eugh, I just made myself feel sick." Now you know how we feel looking at those manky rings and bracelets and unkempt fingernails. Mark points to a picture of ZZ Top and says how he used to hate those guys, like that would have fazed them. "I love you in a lift, I don't know why." Nadia says it makes him want to have sex with her. He yes it makes him want to ______. "Right Mark, don't put any of it in. " That stupid laugh goes off. Mark accidentally records their visit to reception. The clerk asks them how was their stay and miraculously all the bitching from 15 mins ago disappears and he says "It great, yeah great thank you!"
They list off the goodies they had. He finishes off by saying "Thank you for a lovely stay." Whatta a load of . Outside, Nadia says she doesn't want anything said bad about the hotel in the vlog, because of the lovely woman on reception. Nadia says the guy at reception last night was miserable and set the night off wrong and she cannot believe he didn't say how tit the dinner was. You've got a tongue in your head woman. She says he was so British. She goes on about businesses, when suddenly Mark steps on something; a fork. "We've reached a fork in the road and it cuts like a knife." There's that walking woman and Nadia starts impersonating her. "It's my friend Mary." Nadia is wearing the Ray Bans. Mark asks for them and she says, she's all dry. He asked her where she got them and said after one of the kids' parties, they were left behind and she asked around and no one claimed them. "You're joking!" says Mark. "God's honest truth." Mark looks up and there is a planet above his head and he says "Look up. You're looking up Uranus." So funny I forgot to laugh. Walking around Soho and Nadia spots something she hasn't seen before. She looked through the window and the doorman said "Hello Nadia!" She asked him what this building was and he told her it was a hotel and invited them in. "It's gorgeous in there innit?" says Nadia. The hotel is the Broadwick Soho at the corner of Broadwick and Berwick Streets. It's one of those booteeq hotels, 57 room retreat they call it. I just had a peek at their website and the rooms are very pretty, colourful and lush-looking. They've got a Francis Bacon on the wall in there. Mark says they have opened the old Colony Rooms where Francis Bacon and his crew hung out and got wasted. He says if you go in the first 6 weeks, the prices are 1960s prices. Nadia so wants to go now. Mark takes us round to where Madame Jo-Jo's and the porn shops used to be. Ye olde porn shoppes.
There is one porn shop still around Mood it's called. "There was a time when you really didn't want to walk down here" says Mark. Nadia says it's really sanitized now. Reminds me of Yonge Street when I was a little kid. The 70s were a really skeevy time. There were porn theatres and adult books shops on Yonge Street, the head shops, street kids, strip clubs and the big record stores. When we visited from the burbs, I was scared of seeing a druggie, a streetwalker or getting molested. The ladies at Zanzibar's and the Brass Rail are still gyrating for people though. Sad about Jilly's strip club; like everything in Toronto it got turned into a condo. There's an adult book store and Mark asks Nadia if she ever went to Madame Jo Jo's and she says yeah all the time. Nadia's head is turned by food and sees a big Black Forest Gateau she recreated for the subs. God I love a good Black Forest Gateau, talk about retro. Mark says it looks better than Harrod's. It would be helpful to tell us what the store is called. They look at a coffee supplier's shop. The filth on horseback. Oh, it a view of that coronary on a bun burger that Mark had. Back at home, Nadia has hit her nose. "I felt like I lost consciousness for a split second." Mark tells her she has a dent on her nose. Fart noise from Mark. Dancing gingerbread men. Finally the end.- Status