Coffee Moaning for Saturday. My wish for today would be for someone to call them out on their garbage heap of a garden in the chat.
Today's title is "Chi Chi Update, Nadia's INJURY, Eubank's son's TRAGEDY, COVID worsening?" Oh let me guess, Nads tripped on something left lying around the house, knocked herself unconscious and speaks with a Russian accent now?
Anything is possible with this lot.
Nads is flapping her yap about her having the best community on social media, shame about the social media people on this so-called channel.
"The support you guys have given us over the last week..." Mark glugging down his decaf like it is going out of style, sitting there with a wet head.
Eeeewww! Nads has some nasty red bruising marks on the right side of her neck. "It's bad." Don't worry, they will tell us all about it. Mark being a dick mimicking what Nadia says. Talk about a hairy growler and Mark says the question everyone wants answered is does Nads have a hairy growler.
Shut-up asswipe! "MAAARK!" More confusion as Mark starts to talk about Chi Chi, but Nads decides to do the newcomer spiel.
Talk about people hungry for info on Chi Chi. Mark says she has been investigated by the best doctors in the land. (
Did Supervet see her? Because if Supervet didn't see, you can't say that.
) "Up until yesterday morning, we weren't confident Chi Chi wasn't go to make it." Nads says she kept crying since she got back. She admits she moans about them and they get on her nerves, "but my God this has been horrendous!" Nads tries to say they take up space and when they aren't there, something is missing. Mark goes on about being orbits and whatnot. "You know when they say when you lose a limb, you feel it's there, IT'S EXACTLY LIKE THAT!" Whilst pulled at her cowl neck, Nads tells us about her trip away with the parental unit. She was shielding Kiki and parents from the worst of it, whispering convos with Mark. Apparently Maddie is inconsolable. The vets have come to the conclusion that Chi Chi has a very rare form of vasculitis. Sharona asks the important question and yes, they do have insurance.
No need for fundraisers then. Mark says she has had 4 anesthetics, been sedated many times-what is wrong with this sentence?
She has got better, 1 of the eyes has improved. Nads says they were worried about her being blind and dealing with it. (
She is your pet, they get sick, they have ailments, YOU DEAL WITH IT! 
) Nads has been reading about blind dogs just in case.
"Blind dogs can have incredibly happy good lives, so we, you know you don't have to put your dog down if they are blind." I have no words. Yesterday they were at a point of discussing the worst case scenario, how to tell the girls, do they take Toffee in, blah, blah, blah. Feed cuts.
Flick on, flick off. They thank everyone for their messages, how sweet Chi Chi is, Toffee is a madam according to Nads. Nads says how Chi Chi doesn't growl and Mark lowers the tone yet again and asks if she has seen her hairy growler
. He is making my acid flare-up. 
Mark tries to say the word olfactory and asks Nads how is it pronounced, really. More chat about how they won't know for sure what she got. (From what I read, until the dog dies you won't know.) Jilly Jilly says some mush about being one big family and if they are going through something, the chatters feel it too. J
illy Jilly you big old sad Care Bear. 
Mark tells us fingers crossed they are going to film her coming back on Monday. I say don't hold your breath, you probably won't see it until 3 months from now.
Nads is back to the blind dog situation and how companion dogs help the blind ones a lot, but then thinks Toffee will be useless. Nads says they were asked if she was bitten by a snake. (There could be bits of the Black Plague at the bottom of their garden for crissakes!) More chat about scans.
Off to 4G. Talk about it being triggering for people who lost their pets.
More newbie info. Roll call. Now for the story on how Nads looks like she got a hickey from a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Mark says when she first told him the story he didn't take it in, as he was at the vets with Chi Chi. Nads can't show us/won't show us the original pics, as it was watery and blistered. Let's see if I can give you the Reader's Digest version of this shite. They arrived at the campsite, brand new caravan and she is happy to have the parents and Kiki, "as you know I love the seaside." Tedster arranged his breakfast for the next morning. Nads got up at 6 a.m. to do Noga, opened up the patio doors, went to put the kettle on, looked at the honey on the table and it was hard. Are you still with me? "Can anyone guess what idiotic thing I did?"
Did she try and heat the honey with boiling water? She tells us she did what she does at home when the honey is hard "Don't ever, ever, ever do this guys"
SHE PUT THE HONEY POT INTO THE MICROWAVE! WTAF? She gets distracted by a windsurfer somersaulting on the sea. "Proper ADD," gets her tea and wonders why the microwave is on, opens the door and this brand new bottle of honey she goes to get starts
"spraying all over the ceiling, all over the sides, all over the floor, all over the cupboards and splashes up my neck and I'm screaming but everyone's asleep." So she pulls her top off all the while think of the series Time, where they threw the boling hot sugar on someone, she sticks her neck under the tap. (A running tap? That is a no-no,.) Mark tells her you aren't supposed to do that, she says yes you are to cool it down.
Back to the honey, it's still ricocheting inside the microwave, spraying. "Oh my God, once it stopped jumping" she got an ice pack in a towel on her burn and she was in excruciating pain. It wasn't until her mother suggested a paracetamol that she found relief. Cue Nads the holistic chick extolling the virtues of paracetamol. "So the punishment for being a total
bleeping idiot, what was it? How much of my holidays did I spend trying to clean honey?"
Probably the most cleaning she has ever done in her life.
Chatters chip in with Jane calling Nads an idiot. Mark Oakeby calls it a close call. Kiki said it could have gone into her eyes and into her contacts.
Zoe calls her a knobhead. The honey got everywhere, in her mum's handbag, on her computer. Juniper asks if it will scar.
I smell an endorsement coming. Mark, like the dum dum he is, asks if he can touch it. Kiki said "Oh mum they are really cool marks." Mark says she gets slapdash in the kitchen, she gets burns, hands in boiling water. Nads says she was crying from the pain, crying over the mess and crying that she has dementia. Someone suggests aloe vera. Talk about it could have gone across her face. Mark mentions a rocker with a lightning mark across his face, who was it?
David Bowie? People telling microwave horror stories and Mark doesn't like microwaves. Nadia makes gestures skyward saying thank God, like the true atheist she is.
Mark is spewing nonsense about microwaves waving through your head and says Nads put something in and leans her elbow on the microwaves. Get this, Nads says she has a bit of PTSD when she sees the microwave now.
Someone mentions opening a parcel with a knife and was "2 inches from stabbing myself in the
bleeping face." (I think it is time to bring back those scare the
tit out of people PIFs.) Someone else mentions that 9/10 deaths happen in the home. Yes, don't wax the floor and the put down a rug.
Someone mentions getting a kettle steam burn. Nads says she is in awe of people with really serious burns, how they can get on with life. Minky Moo was cleaning a donut machine, hand slipped in hot oil, off to A&E and it stank as it healed. "Do microwaves microwave your brain?" asks Mark.
Oh FFS! More home mishaps, Joanne says she was cutting apart 2 bagels when then knife ended up in the palm of her hand.
(They say in Canada, don't know about the UK, that that is the number 1 reason people end up in Emergency, cutting bagels.) Nads warns us about whacking a knife into an avacado pit. Mark mentions at school they would put blades against their eyes and try to knock each other's hands.
Bloody kids, eh? Chat goes back to Chi Chi being footnote or asterisk for the RVC. Someone suggests vitamin E on burns. Their Michelle is here and much praise given. When she was a toddler her foot slipped down a drain, into boiling water coming out of the washing machine. She remembers how fun the fuzzy felt was. "Oh I loved fuzzy felt" says Nads. I'm getting nostalgic tingles.
Bio-Oil suggestion. Nads asks how Mark feels about the burn. He says it hasn't sunk in. Victoria asks if she can call Nadia the honey monster.
"I need a Honey Monster costume, can you buy me one?"
What? Someone suggests Taylor 303 oil, has embalming oils in it. Nads writes that down.
Mark asks if anyone was fascinated by how the Egyptians pulled brains out with a hook. Thanks for that. Ebony has had a bad week, her 2yo is in hospital 2 nights not able to breathe. Hugs to Ebony. Ellery Jones says Nads should stay home, as something always happens when she is on holiday. Nads exclaims "Do you remember when I set fire to the house in the Hollywood Hills?"
How is she not on a do not rent to list? Someone tells her to go to the doctor to get it checked out. Nads says she did...she went to the PHARMACY and she gave her some steroids. (She has blistering, that is at least a 2nd degree burn. I can see it now, she is going to get 7 months from now a skin procedure #gifted.) Someone says next book "Honey I Burnt Myself."
GUYS IF YOU ARE NEW TO THE CHANNELL HIT THE SUBSCRIBE AND NOTIFICATION BELL. Oh here we go, a business is in the chatter's area called the Motorbiker's Cosmetic Company and apparently they have a holistic balm to use on burns. April burned her foot to the bone as a kid, after it got stuck under a radiator.
Nads says OMG the same thing happened to her cousin.
Lisa-Marie says the Loose Ladies are going to give her such a talking to. Nads was supposed to be in work on Friday and she was too upset about Chi Chi, they got cover. Susanne says her friend was bleeding a radiator and pin came out and burn her hand to the bone.
Jesus Christ people! Efuckinnough with the burn stories! 
Nicola says Kaye puts honey in the microwave. (Okay, why can't people just fill a sink with hot water, not boiling, and let it soak?) DO CHECK OUT THE NEW GFH.
Sad story about Chris Eubanks' son. Nads remembers the doc on the family. It looks like he drowned on a beach in Dubai.
The Tedster lost a brother that age to drowning. "He is such an odd man" says Nads. Mark turns his attention toward Nads and her rage against the hypocrisy of COVID restrictions. The experts are saying they are opening too soon, what is Nads' take? It's all over the place, John Campbell, different herd immunity, she doesn't have her biology O levels. Nads says she has incredible news. Don't worry about sitting down. Nads watched the football and she didn't have to and she really, really enjoyed it, but shocked about the amount of people together, shouting. Nads mentions Denise Welch saying you can't have 2 parents at the bed of a sick child in hospital, but you can have a football match. Nads wonders if they are playing games with the COVID restrictions.
Umm it's called capitalism. Mark says it is a distraction for the gov't. Nads thinks it is madness. Loads of talk about hospitalizations and variants. Talk about hospitals under pressure from the pissheads during the semis.
"I found this absolutely staggering." Mark tells us that Phillip-Morris, the cancer stick manufacturer, have mounted a takeover of Vectura that make Ventolin inhalers. A 1 billion pound deal.
Well you have to diversify your offerings if you are going to survive, duh. 
"Doesn't that just sum up the world" says Nads. Jane says it is hypocritical. GUYS HIT THE THUMBS UP 354 OF YOU! WE WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED ON CHI CHI, THAT LITTLE MARCH. Nads just wants her dog back and says she became irrationally angry with vets figuratively speaking, "Why do they still have our
bleeping dog, I just want to get my dog, why can't we get our dog?"
England has been fined 25,000 pounds who used the laser pen. Nads says it isn't the team's fault. Annnnnnnnnd she off! "
He could have lost us the game. You bleeping moron! If you're watching doubt it what is the matter with you?" NO SUNDAY SHOW AND TO BE HONESTY WE HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED.
SO OLD NNSS. LIVE DURING THE MATCH, NADS IS DOING AN ITALIAN BUFFET WITH SAUSAGE ROLLS, BETTY IS COMING OVER-SHE LOVES KANE'S EYES. Mark mentions Kane's forehead is designed for headers. Nads wistfully says he is a little star.
Rahim Sterling. Nads yawns as she says "It's a game of 2 halves, its a beautiful game.
I was so annoyed with how tall the Danish were, it's not fair." They're Vikings
LOTS OF LOVE GUYS! DON'T FORGET TO HIS THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON AND THE NOTIFICATION BELL. Laters!
It's nothing to do with self diagnosed ADD, it's N being stupid, careless and having no respect for others property. (Brand new caravan/Lodge?)
Absolutely spot on.
