Mumsnet #5 Cancel the cheque

[Kurrikawari]

I think the m&s poster is Aldi CEO, working with Colin the caterpillar to bring down M&S.

 

[Iceache]

This one is a gem:

 

[AlanBanan]

just saw someone on there say ‘tommy k’ instead of ketchup and ran here immediately, that is all

If you didn’t explain what it was I would’ve assumed Tommy K is a new term for ketamine like how Charlie is Coke and I was thinking “surely the mumsnet lot aren’t in K-holes?”

Cringing at my stupidity right now

 

[Kaylon8083]

Has anyone seen this

 

[Gym&Tonic]

I’ll say it again. Tradesmen are the new upwardly mobile middle classes. You’ll never find a poor plumber or electrician and the course places and apprenticeships needed to train to become one are like gold dust for that reason. I think theres a resentment and a bit of snobbery because its not something that requires a degree from a Russell Group uni, something they all hold in such his esteem over there.

 

[Chunkeylaydee]

Someone is moaning about their local M&S staffed by students and the manager only works until 4.30pm… then she wants them to tell her what chips go with steak

 

[maytoseptember]

OMG this thread

Full sympathy to the OP as far as I’m concerned. Kids out of routine, in unfamiliar surroundings, is a recipe for hell as far as I’m concerned. Haven’t even attempted a foreign holiday yet with mine. U.K. holidays are trying enough.

But on MN she’s had judgey responses: oh isn’t it SAD that you feel that way about your precious children! Confused responses: we have always had idyllic holidays with our children! Sanctimonious responses: well if your children are so badly brought up, of course they’re going to be horrible shits on holiday! And so on…

 

[Sglodion]

Anyone seen the thread 'Neighbour constantly throwing food out to birds and now one shit on my baby'? It's every bit as stupid and pointless and probably made up as it sounds, but I did laugh at the poster who replied "You can't exactly enforce a no-fly zone over your baby, sorry."

 

[mindlessness]

title idea for our next thread:

Mumsnet #6: Get your ducks in a row and LTB

 

[Belulah]

Just spotted this delightful gem.

View attachment 1286852

This was from a thread of misery about the upcoming Jubilee.

"No clothing that could identify me" like the rest of us go round in a full England kit complete with socks

 

[AlanBanan]

When their husbands or bf have a few drinks with their mates they go off their head with anger and stress. Like what’s that issue?

I wish they could experience me being drunk after a night out, so I could truly reassure them that it could be worse. I’ve stumbled in the door at 5am drunk and stoned out of my mind, McDonald’s in hand, done a 360 somersault over the bed, break the slats of the bed all because I’ve tripped on the end of the frame, soak the bathroom because I tried to take my makeup off, keep moving and twisting cause I keep getting the spinnies, then wake them up offering previously mentioned McDonald’s and because I’m singing songs and want to tell them stories of the night then proceed to dry heave in the waste bin all while crying.

I think they’d take me to court for spousal abuse.

 

[melonpane]

I have been tempted over the years but wimp out. I presume they are deleted?

I was once accused of being a prolific (prolific!) snob poster who hated northeners and lived in a 'privileged London bubble' because I asked a question about crime in my area. No idea why that happened, but the insanity grew to over 20 pages of these hounds checking my post history. Oddly enough I had stated in my OP that I lived and was born near Manchester and was still renting.

On another very, very weird note, a week or so ago a picture of my body appeared in a thread. The poster was asking a question about it in terms of body type and the replies had me shitting myself. I don't have fantastic self esteem, who does? Luckily nobody insulted it, but the replies were hilariously miscalculated, and I mean ludicrous. My images were lifted from an old reddit thread I was part of about 'kibbe types'.

I have a few more strange MN stories from over the years, will share when I can!

 

[LucyEyelesbarrow]

Surely any respectable MNer would be having a Huge Salad with their steak?

 

[Galinda]

I love how no one can just be an asshole anymore, it's either autism or some mental health disorder. Some people are just nasty bastards I'm afraid and that's it. It's also a bit insulting to those of us who are neurodivrrgent and perfectly lovely people

 

[Silverback]

The bollocks on MN about how you can feed a family for £30 a week or whatever do my fucking nut in. Our groceries are closer to £200 a week for our house, and that’s not being luxurious in any way- feeding a family for 3 meals a day plus snacks, drinks, lunch boxes, cleaning products, pet food, bog roll etc etc it all adds up.
If I said I spent £200 a week on MN I would het my arse handed to me, as they say, and told we could all make rich hearty meals out of a slow cooker, a chicken and a packet of lentils.

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

Everyone moaning about Glasto now.

‘you couldn’t pay me to go’

‘I’d rather shit in my hands and clap’

NO ONE WOULD WANT YOU AT GLASTONBURY YOU MISERABLE BINTS

 

[Kaylon8083]

I’ve just read about someone complaining that the ice cream van (she used truck instead of van) wakes her daughter up at 8pm. Someone posts this:

 

[Cariad]

Tinkly laugh, clutching my pearls, while getting my ducks in a row

 

[Traveler001]

"No clothing that could identify me" like the rest of us go round in a full England kit complete with socks

I never leave the country unless I’m dressed as a pearly queen and I start every sentence with ‘Back in England we…’. That’s probably why foreigners are always spitting on me when I’m holiday, oh they do hate us Brits. Either that or they have collective early onset dementia.

 

[Traveler001]

Well I have previously asked him to leave after he went on his annual night out and came home at 9.15pm when he absolutely promised me he would be home BY 9.

Not only did he come home in the middle of the night but he very VERY nearly woke me up, made toast and didn't even bother to put his plate in the dishwasher afterwards. He just loses control on these wild nights and I really can't have that around the new baby.

Unfortunately I haven't worked for 6 years as we were TTC so he pays for everything. As a new mum I obviously won't be able to work for the next 11 years so I will need to get my ducks in a row.

Get all of your important documents together and hide them in the boot of your car NOW.