Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[Freda Fandango]

In Style and Beauty a poster has said she's lost a huge amount of weight and would like ideas for a WOW dress to attend a beach wedding in Cyprus. Wants the top of her arms covered but open to suggestions.

Halter necks and cut out mini dresses have appeared along with a few Rod Jane and Freddy would look goid in.

I think there's 1 actual WOW dress among hundreds.

 

[PeekABooToYou]

The lab will quarantine the bottles of dettol in bleach then run them through the dishwasher before they are used and we will go nc with the lab so we are completely cleansed of the experienced.

In the dishwasher next to the bog brush

 

[Technobiff]

I wash the bedding once per hour, on the hour.
I make the 'usband sleep on the floor beside it.
I thought everyone did this?
The thought of him getting into my million thread count bedding makes me sob, shake and pop another valium.

 

[VC10]

I had never heard of £100 notes. But as I'm not a mumsnetter, rather than going on the thread and declaring it to be untrue because if I haven't seen it then it can't be, I managed to Google it and educate myself

I also don't believe the thread at all. Most of them wouldn't say boo to a goose and can't even bring themselves to open their front door, let alone do something like that in front of other people

I went to the cashpoint a while ago now and drew out £250. I got a couple of £50 notes in it! We looked them over as I couldn't recall the last time we had had any. I went in the Co op to buy some milk and the woman at the till nearly had a bleeping pink fit - I don't think she had seen one they plugged something in to look at it , to see if it was real

If I had been on MN , I would have DIED

 

[MissNarcissus]

This HAS to be a troll.

 

[girlinbrum]

Poster is going on this holiday which is very similar to a holiday we went to recently. It cost a few grand as you can imagine, yet this poster is spending £30k on the holiday!!! We actually went away for longer than they are, flew business class and stayed in nice hotels. I can't even comprehend spending £30k!

 

[bread-pitt]

It sounds like an alcoholic drink being pitched on dragons den. You’ve heard of Bacardi breezer, you’ve heard of wkd, now get ready for indi blu.

Just don’t put it in the trifle.
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I have seen MANY dick pics in my life. Too too many.

That's because I worked as a student at a high street photo developers in the early 00s. A shocking amount of blokes would send in actual film rolls of their own penis' to be developed. Probably to get a reaction out of us poor developers as they sometimes never came to collect them or would look weirdly smug when they did. Completely against all company policies, said dicks were all double printed and stuck on the back wall in the lab onto a wall of shame (and oft cut out and glued into leaving cards and the like).

Although occasionally people would bring in *spicy* film rolls and then be mortified when they realised that we'd seen everything on the film (I honestly don't know why this surprised people!!).
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It did break up the monotony of endless disposable cameras of photos from nights out.

I worked in the photo lab of a large retailer with a blue logo (think something rhymes with Small-Cart) as a young person. I think I’ve seen more photos of the soles of baby’s feet on a fluffy towel or cradled in an adult’s hand than there have ever been people on the earth.

 

[50degreesnorth]

Poster is going on this holiday which is very similar to a holiday we went to recently. It cost a few grand as you can imagine, yet this poster is spending £30k on the holiday!!! We actually went away for longer than they are, flew business class and stayed in nice hotels. I can't even comprehend spending £30k!

Can’t spare a few hundred to get a local to draw up a plan? She should’ve stayed within her comfort zone (butlins), but no stealth boast opportunity. I heard butlins does boring old vag sex, not even your middle class bumsex variety you’d get at centerparcs.

 

[Louby@21]

Had a night of insomnia so been having a browse… crazy how they demonise UPF, carbs, booze, basically everything yet these weight loss injections are the best thing since sliced bread. ( homemade not upf)

I’m not slating the injections btw i’m sure they have a place under proper medical supervision but to get them online, not really caring about the long term issues with them, just anything not to be FAT. seems a bit crazy to me.

 

[Codiaeum]

Can’t spare a few hundred to get a local to draw up a plan? She should’ve stayed within her comfort zone (butlins), but no stealth boast opportunity. I heard butlins does boring old vag sex, not even your middle class bumsex variety you’d get at centerparcs.

Bumsex is middle class? I thought it was for the peasants and the middleclass didn’t partake in such things.

 

[Millie2023]

Do you think the MN mods ever read here and nod along?
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Bumsex is middle class? I thought it was for the peasants and the middleclass didn’t partake in such things.

The only partake at CP. My bum hole is safe, as we can only afford Haven!

 

[Serene Serena]

Had a night of insomnia so been having a browse… crazy how they demonise UPF, carbs, booze, basically everything yet these weight loss injections are the best thing since sliced bread. ( homemade not upf)

I’m not slating the injections btw i’m sure they have a place under proper medical supervision but to get them online, not really caring about the long term issues with them, just anything not to be FAT. seems a bit crazy to me.

Move over Ozempic there's a new skinny jab in town, Mounjaro. When I first saw the thread, I stupidly thought it was about climbing Kilimanjaro and it was yet another twee Mumsnettism for the mountain.

What's worrying, reading the threads, Saxenda, Wegovy, Ozempic etc despite costing around £200 a month, aren't the magic solution people think. They're still not losing weight. They're still binge eating. There are very few success stories, and those tend to be the ones where the drug makes them too nauseous to eat. I think online pharmacies are doing a roaring trade in these drugs, they're not conducting full medicals, all the customer has to do is send in a full length photo (which might not even be of them) and it's worrying. There are already reports that the drugs can increase the risk of pancreatic cancer, a disease that is hard to diagnose and impossible to treat. Yet groups of Mumsnetters (not the teeny tinies) are spending huge amounts of money on medication that isn't very effective.

Plus they need a sharps box and needles and all of that is added to the cost of trying to get thin.

It's worrying that so many people have abandoned traditional 'eat less, move more' to inject chemicals into their bodies, with no thought about potential side effects and long term health issues.

 

[50degreesnorth]

Do you think the MN mods ever read here and nod along?
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Definitely not! The mods are an army of middle-class try-hard full-time mummies who actually believe they’re working. I’m sure you’ve all come across the type in the baby years - desperately insecure and seeking validation that they are the best mummy ever and can’t bear to be parted from their PFB for a slash.

Meanwhile their husbands are up to their nuts in guts every Thursday night because he’s sick of her dragging out the fourth trimester in elasticated waistbands 2 years later and he really doesn’t want another monologue about how French people do baby led weaning or how she’s signed a petition to boycott nestle.

 

[Amoo]

Found an escaped MNer.

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

Found an escaped MNer.

Haha!

...But whatever that one with 3 vertical round holes is, that should be the universal, as long as you can have a flat ish plug with indents on the side to pull it out.

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

Found an escaped MNer.

We've lost sight of what a normal plug socket looks like.

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

I’m considering getting weight loss jabs to be honest. I meet the NHS criteria for prescription, and I have tried every type of (sensible) diet going. Now I’m in menopause absolutely nothing works and the weight is just piling on. I have been lurking on the Mounjaro threads and lots of them seem to be in the same position. It really is miserable when ‘eat less, move more’ is brought out as it really is so much more complex than that for some of us. I don’t binge, comfort eat, I eat pretty healthily, go to the gym, but nothing is working for me. The thing that stops me so far is the idea of it all coming back on. But some of the people posting on there sound just like I feel to be honest, and seem to be trying to find the right way of eating for them.

 

[ButtonDownTheHutches]

Indi blu? Are they trolling in plain view?

Given that they’ve also listed ‘Jaxon’ (the perfect name if you aspire for your offspring to TWOC cars for a living) I suspect so.
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Nice little tale here, dont believe a second of it. Posters falling over each other to point out £100 notes don't exist, whilst others explain they do in Scotland, but you'd have to go to the bank specially for them.

The bit where the groom is having therapy to deal with the mental damage the wedding has caused him was the ‘shark jump’ for me.

 

[girlinbrum]

I was watching interior design masters and Mary Portas using "this looks just like Paris" as a compliment. I've never ever wanted to go France but now feel like I'm missing out on a magical place.

 

[ButtonDownTheHutches]

We’re going to find a sterile lab, dettol it and ourselves, then DH will put on three pairs of latex gloves, each pair dettoled as they’re put on, he’ll ‘deposit’ into a sterile cup and then we’ll use a sterile implement to impregnate me and I’ll have a water birth but it’ll be 90% dettol and 10% water. Then on its 18th birthday we’ll kick it out on the street, go NC and sterilise our home.

Excuse me, this is neither the time nor the place.
Kindly post your filth on LitErotica in the future, or add a trigger warning to your pornographic posts.