Exactly this! Obviously if a man is genuinely abusive and the woman is in danger then leaving is the sensible option, but like you say it’s not always black and white and when children and joint finances are involved it’s not always that easy.
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Totally. I know a couple who went through a real bad patch (she adored him, he was a typical lad went out all weekend left her home with the baby coming home pissed etc). She ended up getting Very close to a man at work. She said it wasn’t physical (an emotional affair) but she was fed up of talking to her husband and not feeling heard or understood. She said man at work supported her in ways her husband wasn’t capable of. Anyway the husband found the texts between them. He was hurt but rather than splitting up it shocked him and he realised that if he didn’t want to be there for her then someone else would. They were both remorseful and went to counselling. They’re still together and seem very happy and definitely had a huge lifestyle change for both of them. I can see in their case multiple “LTB” MN moments.
If they’d not worked through it there’d have been divorce, step families, financial consequences, emotional hurt. They were lucky because both their families and good friends supported them staying together too. If they’d have had “it’s over” drilled in to them both then god knows how it would’ve ended.
I completely believe that anyone should be free to leave a marriage but if both parties want to try and make it work then as friends and family we should really help heal it if it’s safe to do so.
I always thought it was men who were supposed to hate their mother in laws till I read Aibu. Same with men as well, they really hate men.
My MIL is a witch. Some of the stories I could tell would have mumsnetters clutching at their pearls.
I'm not saying there isn't some terrible MiLs out there but they take it to the next level on Mumsnet. If a MIL shows up announced, they practically cry.
It also gets me as well how clinical and business like they all seem to treat marriage and children.
The parents have to do their own cleaning, their own washing, absolutely do not do each other favours, have equal spends from family money, have equal nights out per week, have equal holidays away, have equals hours and minutes on unspecified hobbies, husband has to deal with his side of the family and wife absolutely must not buy his side of the family cards, presents or organise meet ups etc
A proper marriage is teamwork and being there for the other in anyway you can.
Seems the general trend on mumsnet is hate tbh 
whether it's men, mother in laws, the good looking mum at the school gates, poor people, rich people, husbands that work long hours, husbands who don't work, they prettyuch hate anyone that's not a caricature middle class ninny like them!
whether it's men, mother in laws, the good looking mum at the school gates, poor people, rich people, husbands that work long hours, husbands who don't work, they prettyuch hate anyone that's not a caricature middle class ninny like them!
The thing about mumsnet for me is that 95% of the posts could be written by the same poster. They are all similar in style and tone and condescendingness
there'll be a handful of posters that stand out in a thread for having a different opinion or a distinctively different posting style, but otherwise they're one and the same. Also a thread could run on for 30 pages and the last posts are still echoing the first. It's like people read the OP, immediately add their opinion without bothering to read the whole thread or at least a few pages. Quite often the issue is resolved and people are still offering pearls of wisdom! Unless somethings kicking off, then they never seem to move the discussion forward.
there'll be a handful of posters that stand out in a thread for having a different opinion or a distinctively different posting style, but otherwise they're one and the same. Also a thread could run on for 30 pages and the last posts are still echoing the first. It's like people read the OP, immediately add their opinion without bothering to read the whole thread or at least a few pages. Quite often the issue is resolved and people are still offering pearls of wisdom! Unless somethings kicking off, then they never seem to move the discussion forward.I had a quick look earlier and saw the detention thread 
reminded me why I don’t stray over too often. People telling op to get her daughter to walk home for an hour in pitch black down a country lane when a girl has literally just been taken from a bus stop and murdered but hey when they were younger they’d walk 20 miles to school and then get a train and a bus so….
reminded me why I don’t stray over too often. People telling op to get her daughter to walk home for an hour in pitch black down a country lane when a girl has literally just been taken from a bus stop and murdered but hey when they were younger they’d walk 20 miles to school and then get a train and a bus so….
I think they all quickly learn to talk the same shortly after signing up to try and fit in. LTB, pick me dance, ducks in a row, have you been sniffing glue?, Game changer etcThe thing about mumsnet for me is that 95% of the posts could be written by the same poster. They are all similar in style and tone and condescendingness
I can imagine Linda of the Home Counties, laptop on her knee, in her 5 bedroom detached house (decorated with F&B) and her statement necklace and waterfall cardi, feeling rather daring typing ‘are you on glue?!’ It’s probably the hardest ‘drug’ she knows, even though she necks 5 bottles of red at the weekend.
Oooh sounds like she lives "very rurally"
Absolutely all of this. Seems like they treat their husbands like a roommate or angsty bored teenage son who's under their feet during the school holidays. A partnership absolutely is teamwork and it's actually nice to do things for your partner and them do nice things for you. And apart from that it should be fun. I just can't imagine any Mumsnetters having fun with their partner. Seems like their relationship is stage managed to the degree that it just removes any fun aspect whatsoever. What's the point?
You know when you're in the pub and you see those couples who sit next to each other with a drink but don't talk, look at each other, smile or indicate that they're even aware the other exists? I always reckon they're mumsnet sorts .
.Both of them are glued to their phone and avoiding the other. She's probably furiously typing on Mumsnet. "My husband just ordered another full large lager. Think of the calories he'll have to burn tomorrow! He better not be too hungover to take little Constantinople in the morning, it's my allotted Mummy time!"
Constantinople is the product of the one time they ducked, but neither enjoyed it.
I’m just reading the thread about a mother outraged that her 13yo would like a Dior perfume for Christmas. She decided to buy a Nina Ricci one at a third of the price… apparently because it’s what she wears.
It sounds like it wasn’t about not being able to afford it, but thinking that a 13yo is somehow unworthy of expensive perfume. I can remember being that age and how special and grown up I would have felt if I had some posh perfume (as it stands, at that age I probably had Anais Anais and even that felt a bit posh).
Most of the replies are flaming her to be fair, but there are some (competitive frugality types no doubt) who are saying things like “Ugh! You’re only paying for the designer name!” and “You don’t want to set a precedent” (???)
There’s also room for some epic snobbery:
Depends …. EDT is not perfume, it’s garbage. EDP is the right stuff.
It sounds like it wasn’t about not being able to afford it, but thinking that a 13yo is somehow unworthy of expensive perfume. I can remember being that age and how special and grown up I would have felt if I had some posh perfume (as it stands, at that age I probably had Anais Anais and even that felt a bit posh).
Most of the replies are flaming her to be fair, but there are some (competitive frugality types no doubt) who are saying things like “Ugh! You’re only paying for the designer name!” and “You don’t want to set a precedent” (???)
There’s also room for some epic snobbery:
Depends …. EDT is not perfume, it’s garbage. EDP is the right stuff.
"AIBU: DH has said he wants to join his friends and play football once a week at the leisure centre"
"OP I am furious for you! How dare he have a couple of hours with his mates and spend maybe £10 of precious family money on himself? Get your ducks in a row and LTB"
"OP is it really football? Sounds to me like he's having an affair. Get to your mums house right away"
"What right does he have to do this? Doesn't he know that anything other than work time must be family time? Does he not want to spend all his time with you?"
"Be careful. He may meet some new friends with working class names such as Dave or Trev. Some of them may even be (shock horror) tradesmen"
"OP I am furious for you! How dare he have a couple of hours with his mates and spend maybe £10 of precious family money on himself? Get your ducks in a row and LTB"
"OP is it really football? Sounds to me like he's having an affair. Get to your mums house right away"
"What right does he have to do this? Doesn't he know that anything other than work time must be family time? Does he not want to spend all his time with you?"
"Be careful. He may meet some new friends with working class names such as Dave or Trev. Some of them may even be (shock horror) tradesmen"
On the first reply you forgot the 'NOW.'
Don't forget your free half an hour with a solicitor! And maybe log it with 111 just to be on the safe side.
And get CCTV NOW so you can keep watch of your ducks in a row. You will be ok OP my sister’s niece’s mother’s grandma’s Pope had the same thing happen and they are ok this isn’t permanent just get a cleaner and hello fresh and leave NOWDon't forget your free half an hour with a solicitor! And maybe log it with 111 just to be on the safe side.
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