Mumsnet #14 A handhold please

[navybluewolf]

please tell me someone has seen the thread where op is shagging some guy for the first time in three weeks & has asked for advice on how to lose weight beforehand. The advice on that thread is absolutely insane. Fast on 800 calories a day, wax, spray tan. What the fuck is this? Is this man, who’s probably shite in bed for all I know, doing the same? Does this man only sleep with models? It sounds so 90s and reminds me of sex and the city. But seriously mate, no man is going to care about jiggly bits when you’re riding his dick. And if he does he’s an absolute tit and you have bigger problems.

 

[Notaninstamumeither]

Your friend is definitely a mumsnetter

No mumsnetter would buy bread. Ever. Apparently it leads to imminent death. Or obesity.

 

[Serene Serena]

They’re very odd about alcohol on MN. There was a thread once from a poster who had drunk so much, she’d shit herself in front of her husband and everyone was telling her she didn’t have a problem with alcohol, she just had to learn how to handle it. Compare that to someone admitting they’d smoked a joint or even just a cigarette and they’d be called every name under the sun and told that they should be made to ring a bell every time they approached a bus stop (in case anyone waiting had asthma).

Learn how to handle alcohol without inadvertently shitting oneself? If even one sip of wine caused me to involuntarily defaecate, whether my husband was present or not, I would never ever drink again. What was the advice? Wear brown trousers and carry a bottle of VIP poo spray so no-one realises?

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Sorry but this post is batshit. Loads of LTB he’s an abusive arsehole but wtf was her behaviour? Curling up at the foot of the bed?? Crackers child-woman

‘A few drinks’ is the key here. Put money on them both being blotto. Poor kids, I’ve been that child and nights like that become core memories

 

[Serene Serena]

I got a special mention from her for my thread title

I saw that. If that's genuinely Claire's mam's cousin and not Claire's mam pretending to be Claire's mam's cousin, I will eat my own liver with a rusty teaspoon, live on Tattle this evening.

 

[notanotherusername92]

Am I adulting wrong? I have two bowls of Rice Krispies for breakfast every day and have done since I was teeny. I even have a RK bowl to eat them from.

two bowls? But your insulin spike! How do you not land in hospital with hyperglycaemia? Have you been checked for diabetes?

perhaps spread them out throughout the day and have one Rice Krispie an hour? With some protein. Then you’ll *insert pseudoscience insulin carbs blah blah*
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I’m so tempted to post a thread about weight loss on a high carb diet whilst being peri menopausal….

try high carb low fat? Maybe mention NHS advice as well?

then sit back and wait for the furious “debunked” “nhs not fit for purpose” bull.

I might go the other way and say the Liz Hurley diet is really working for me. I have 6 raisins for breakfast and a steamed chicken breast for dinner, with some vegetables.

 

[PrincessCharming]

I’m sure you were noticed strolling into the office looking like Laura Ingalls on acid.
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The (male) facilities officer was 100% taking the piss

That dress is extra special.

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

If the whole story is real then she’s not being a very supportive cousin by telling strangers her business without permission! I’m convinced it’s the original poster swapping roles again. One day in the distance future there will be a post called ‘I am Claire’ and she’ll haunt us through the internet like the horror film ‘the ring’ but it’s ok because it’s only ‘Claire’s mum’ trolling us in ghost form.

 

[Sunlifeover50]

We stopped off at an outlet on our way back home from visiting my Mum last week. There’s a Margaret Howell store in this outlet- ashamed to say I was a bit excited to go explore after the S&B threads saying how amazing it was- fuck me it was misery on coat hangers.

 

[notanotherusername92]

OATS, angst over OATS for Christ sake. These people must be so joyless. If I ever go speed dating ‘what do you have for breakfast’ is going to be one of my first questions, because the individuals it will wheedle out will save so much time.

This is the post I was referring to. Couple of posts down someone points out that granola is …..oats
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You know air is high in processed white carbs, don't you?
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I feel I have a very balanced diet anyway. Breakfast was branflakes with a banana. Lunch was avocado and spinach with scrambled eggs. Dinner will be lamb flatbreads.

If I posted that on MN I'd leave out the half a tub of haagen dazs I just had as a snack mind

Oh o/p that’s a lot of food. I’d be stuffed on that.

There’s no need for the branflakes, they’re just empty sugar calories. You could just have the banana on it’s own, or swap out for some high protein yoghurt and berries. Not too many berries because carbs and sugar.

Lunch is ok, but are you sure you need eggs plural? One should be enough with spinach *and* avocado (half, obvs).

Dinner leave out the flatbreads. Just more empty carbs that will cause an insulin spike and your body will store it all as fat as you sleep and you’ll wake up fat.

No wonder we have such an obesity crisis.

 

[Codiaeum]

I have to say that I’m on DH’s side here. Fortunately most replies were of the “WTF?” variety.

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Poor woman is so moved by art that she can’t even spell the bloody places correctly.

 

[ChastityDingle]

If Mumsnet was properly modded in the first place, it wouldn't generate half as much discussion on here and elsewhere. But as they have allowed the site to be pretty much taken over by trolls and perverts ...

 

[CyanideKiss]

Is she ever going to clean her mirror?

I have (mercifully) vague memories of my Dad owning an identical pair of white loafers. My Mum referred to them as his 'gigolo shoes'.

 

[melonpane]

"And even today Im told they’re at it on Tattle with their new MN thread being called ‘A Handhold Please’. It’s a ref to my cousins first thread when she was traveling to the UK."

Anyone who uses 'a handhold please' without irony....well I just can't.

Fantastic thread title btw!

I am actually ashamed of myself that over the years, even though I knew they were crackers, I still wanted to chat about clothes on there. Pity there's no other UK based forum for that kind of thing.
All I ever experienced was aggression, sniping and ridicule. I don't think their demographic is my thing, really. Almost everyone claims to be overweight or to hate themselves in the S&B section, yet in other threads they will tell you how confident and affluent they are. I suspect there isn't much genuine chat going on there days.

Lol, just got a welcome email from justine telling me mumsnet hopes i enjoy the site as a new member! So blessed

 

[WellJenelle]

MN is truly vile. I can't emphasise just how much it exacerbated my PND and I wish I could get that time back and never sign up to it in the first place.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

There's a current thread in relationships about someone's partner caught doing 104mph on the motorway with their child in the car, and everyone is falling over themselves to say it's fine and that the op is over reacting about it. A lot are categorically telling her it will just be a few points and a fine, even though op has been specifically advised otherwise. Some have even said that in Germany it would be fine, which has absolutely no relevance at all as they're not in fucking Germany are they. Normally when there's a thread about someone who's been caught speeding everyone berates them and makes sure they tell them they're the worst person in the world. The double standards really make me laugh sometimes
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I’m sure you were noticed strolling into the office looking like Laura Ingalls on acid.
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if someone wore that into the office I would notice but only in a 'what in the absolute fuck are you wearing' kind of way

 

[sistersofpercy]

Anyone seen the 'complete waste of bloody money' thread in AIBU? OP has fallen victim to the MN Change that sees the username automatically put in the box for the thread.
She's just posted a whole post, sticking up for herself in the third person, and then blamed her sister when questioned on it.

 

[CyanideKiss]

What’s CACI?

It's a pseudo sciencey gadget that's meant to tighten your facial muscles using electro wand thingies. I have no idea if it works but now terrified to stop incase my entire face just collapses in on itself.

 

[Sglodion]

My mum's nearly 70 and once as a kid got told off by her neighbour for reading a book on Good Friday, and even at the time her family thought that was extreme and ridiculous.

Have to admit the theatre threads are one thing where I do agree with MN. I don't go loads but I've seen a few shows since they re-opened and there's always people who have loud conversations, block people's view by holding up their phones to film (even though there's an announcement at the beginning saying it's not allowed) and try to speak/sing the lines along with the cast. At one show a group of drunk women were making so much noise they got kicked out, and they threatened and spat on the ushers who were telling them to leave The police got called to the play in Manchester for the same reason, people being violent towards staff and vandalising the theatre when they were told to leave. I don't think people should have to sit completely motionless and never whisper or rustle a sweet packet, but stuff like this is so disrespectful to the cast and the rest of the aidience, especially families who've probably paid a fortune to be there.

Obviously 95% of people are great and don't do any of this but it only takes a handful for everyone to have a shit time. I accompanied a school trip to a performance of a GCSE text recently, so the audience was 80% teenagers, and they were so much more polite and considerate than some of the adult audiences.

Sorry, I know I sound like a proper grumpy old lady It's just something that really pisses me off.

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

Am I the only one who’s triggered more by the fact she has boots on while standing on a cream rug
please don’t banish me to mumsnet I let the plumber use my toilet