Mumsnet #14 A handhold please

[camotea]

It’s my birthday soon, and my partner (who was out all day doing his hobby which is FISHING) is having his annual rant about me being hard to buy for as I don’t have any hobbies. He fails to realise that I don’t need anything as my hobby is buying myself stuff

 

[ChastityDingle]

Whenever I buy wine in the supermarket, the person at the self service till bashes the approval button without a second look.

I presume this means I do not look like a teenager? AIBU?

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Does that mean all of these kids I’m seeing in town that I assumed were on their school holidays are actually in fact 40 year old women

There is an easy way to identify actual teens from oh so young looking middle aged mumsnetters.

If they are hanging around outside McDonalds throwing chicken nuggets at people, they are proper teens.

If they are hanging around outside an ATM shouting loudly for all to hear "OH THANK GOODNESS MY 6 FIGURE SALARY HAS BEEN PAID IN THE BANK FROM MY COMPLETELY NICHE JOB BY MY FORTUNE 500 EMPLOYERS. I'M VERY SENIOR YOU KNOW. NOW I'M GOING TO BUY LOTS OF LOVELY DRESSES FROM TOAST. I'M ACTUALLY NOT A TEEN YOU KNOW, I AM 57 YEARS OLD" then they are really mumsnetters

 

[AllTheGinJoints]

A RoseWhiteTips post that sticks in my mind is on a thread where someone was asking about bikini waxing and she said “why do you still have pubic hair? It’s not very modern”.

 

[hmmm_no]

Going OT to say that today has been an absolute shite day, topping off an absolutely shite six (eight?) months, and the full on belly laughs, that literally have me crying from laughing so hard, that you guys have given me the past few days are absolutely saving my sanity. Love you Tattlers.

 

[klarakluckbag]

I bought a box of paracetamol in Sainsburys last week. I used the self checkout till and it had to be authorised by the cashier. The screen showed a big message, asking..."Does the customer look obviously over 25?".
I'm 58 so I clearly do look "obviously" over 25, but do they really need to rub it in? I was mildly annoyed by that for several hours!

I used to be "tiny", but I was smoking 20 a day, so I was more Dot Cotton tiny (old and wrinkly) as opposed to Kylie Minogue tiny (gorgeous and sexy). Now that I've stopped smoking, I've put on weight. None of my clothes fit, and I've had to get used to dressing in a different style. I've lost a bit of confidence, but I've recently been dressing in front of the mirror and asking myself..."Do I look better than everyone in the S&B thread?" Despite my weight gain and my wobbly bits, the answer is almost always a resounding yes. I might be a lard arse but at least I still have some good taste!

 

[CrimsonCountess]

This is not quite mumsnet related as it actually happened here last night and was posted on our town Facebook group, but I can totally imagine how it would go down on mumsnet

Someone parked their car in a bit of an awkward place on a road, then someone else parked pretty much opposite meaning nobody could get through the gap as they were both blocking it. The poster was complaining about how any emergency vehicles wouldn't be able to get through and saying that everyone should be more considerate when parking. Do you want to guess what he did to teach them a lesson?


He let all their tyres down. Because of course that would make it so much easier to move their cars if emergency services did need to get through

 

[Goosegamer]

The fuckjng idiots don't like the smell of outdoors on people. They're falling over themselves to go on about how fresh air smells awful and tumble dryers are the best.

 

[melonpane]

I think that blue shirt is the crumpled look that squeals wealth - in mumsnet land! Possibly going for the 'dress mike Monty Don' vibe.
I do like baggy things but not dog eared.

Thanks for the tips about why I might have been banned. Someone did say my post looked like a well written journo piece but it was only about hair growth. If my writing is too articulate for MN then god help society
I don't know whether to be flattered or ashamed.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

No where's that one?

Yet another thread about that woman who pushed a cyclist into the road and caused her to get run over. They're obsessed.

Obviously DC also had a piano solo as well as god knows what else…. The clouds part, the sun shines and the angels sing wherever her DC go it would seem. She’d get on my tits too.

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

I said I was a size 12 on S&B thread once and someone was straight in there to say ‘well that’s an 18/20 in old money, it’s time we started being honest with ourselves about how the High Street promoted obesity. So owning being a size 18 and upwards would be a start. You’ll be even bigger if you’re short’

I’ve got nothing against anyone being a bigger size but I’m not I’m not going to go around swamped in a size 18/20 to prove a point about the high street

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

Does that mean all of these kids I’m seeing in town that I assumed were on their school holidays are actually in fact 40 year old women

 

[50degreesnorth]

View attachment 2071170

She's upped her game and tucked the shirt in !!

night shift at borstal tonight.

 

[Gym&Tonic]

You know that if men needed to have smear tests or coils fitted they’d have found a less painful and invasive way by now.

 

[ChastityDingle]

When one of my kids was at primary school (Ofsted rated outstanding - this is relevant) the headteacher was OBSESSED with healthy lunchboxes, to the point where the dinner ladies patrolled the dining room checking no one had chocolate or sweets in their lunchboxes. My son even had a piece of cake (homemade ) taken off him because he got it out of his box at break time and wasn’t given it back. We were regularly sent letters about what they were and weren’t allowed so no sneaky slipping of last nights pizza into kids lunches was allowed.

Meanwhile, the teaching standards and other stuff had slipped so much that the next time they had an inspection, it was put into the lowest category possible. But at least all the lunchboxes were full of lettuce and hummus and misery.

Please nominate as a thread title- so perfect!

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

My kids got a sandwich or wrap, bag of crisps, some cherry tomatoes, grapes or a satsuma and a chocolate biscuit or cake. Neither of them are obese/anorexic/bulimic, poorly or have fillings.

My kid brought the wrong lunch box home the other day, so I did the kind thing and emptied it out to wash the little pots and noticed that the sandwich that was leftover was some kind of double meat, like salami and ham, with tomatoes and rocket - and it had been toasted, could you even be arsed for an 8 yr old?! I thought that had to be a MN lunchbox, no empty crisp wrapper either.

I also had a little moment where I thought I might end up as an AIBU - "they threw away my kids leftovers, how will I know how much he had eaten, my kids are on a super special diet that needs every mouthful recording. Should I take him to A&E?"

 

[AllTheGinJoints]

Ok, is L3 one of you taking the piss??

 

[Kinderbelle]

They’re very odd about alcohol on MN. There was a thread once from a poster who had drunk so much, she’d shit herself in front of her husband and everyone was telling her she didn’t have a problem with alcohol, she just had to learn how to handle it. Compare that to someone admitting they’d smoked a joint or even just a cigarette and they’d be called every name under the sun and told that they should be made to ring a bell every time they approached a bus stop (in case anyone waiting had asthma).

It's ok to drink yourself into shitting pants territory but remember: Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

 

[Galinda]

Had 5 skiing lessons at the local dry ski slope in year 7 before sacking it off as absolutely not for me. Got some longevity out of those ski lessons I tell you. Went down on the UCAS form's personal statement as captain of the school ski team and on my CV as a hobby. Forever grateful for those 5 lessons

 

[CrimsonCountess]

I got a special mention from her for my thread title