Mrs Hinch #473 Hiding her location? We’ve saved her the hassle. Turns out all liars go to Barnard Castle!

[Pollyanna263]

Mrs Hinch #473 Hiding her location? We’ve saved her the hassle. Turns out all liars go to Barnard Castle

Winning thread title by @MillionDollarBaby
Thread suggestions are taken from page 30 onwards. Keep them short, and swear-free!


Radio silence all day Tuesday, until evening when Soph shared a snap of a cozy corner of their ‘farmhouse’ complete with log burner. It’s just like the dolls house, it’s her dream guys

It looks like Fiddle Fingers, Weeping Al (or at least his reflection), and Cling On niece have joined them for their getaway. After telling us that they were having Christmas in a farmhouse with their families, it’s a little odd that it’s actually only half of Soph’s lot…

Wednesday morning and Soph took inspiration from tattle once again to post that they were wrapping up warm for a walk. An hour later she was ‘tend sleeping in a chair, just like normal, while poor Henry gazed longingly at the mythical land of ‘outside’.

We must remember that she’s still recovering from a snapped in two toe, and the flu. Poor lamb, it’s a miracle she made it there at all.

Some super sleuthing by @instacharlie found where they are staying. A cottage sleeping 7, not quite a big farmhouse for everyone….. Just up the road from Barnard Castle!

Mill Granary Cottages - The Mill Byre

www.millgranary.co.uk

It also confirmed that they are just 5 hours drive from home. Definitely no need for the motor home to get there, unless Jamie and Freda drove up together and stopped off on the way for a quick fiddle in the back.

Expect lots of deep rest the next few days, after such a long journey Soph is having to acclimatise to a new sofa.

Her company accounts for the last tax year have been filed, and she yet again made an obscene amount of money by fleecing her flock at every opportunity.

Wiki is the pink button at the top, it’s worth a read for newbies

Sophie doesn’t have a middle name, she added Rose in her teens

Jamie is short for James

 

[Scoobysnack]

Okay so here goes my attempt at analysis of Hinch’s latest annual accounts. Full disclaimer - I am not an accountant but have some familiarity with accounts from an old job I had. However, I used to look at large business accounts which have much more information than this so a lot of what I will say are informed assumptions rather than absolute facts. Also I’m pretty rusty so please correct me where I am wrong.

Firstly, Hinch is exempt from providing full audited accounts and to be fair, much bigger operations than hers won’t meet the criteria. This means we only have a short balance sheet which is a snapshot in time of her assets and liabilities. However, we can still make some conclusions from what we’ve been presented with here.

The first number that is interesting is the debtors figure of £588k which is a lot more than she had last year (£206k). Debtors are people who owe her money for the “work” she does for them. So she might do an ad, invoice it and they will have a certain amount of time to pay. This figure may have risen compared to last year for a number of reasons but the two mostly likely in my opinion are: 1. Increased revenue/turnover, so she naturally carries a higher figure as she is doing more “work” and/or 2. Tesco don’t pay her quickly. Supermarkets are notorious for not paying suppliers quickly and it could be that Hinch’s commission or whatever it is she gets from them is slow to come in.

The next interesting figure is cash at bank and in hand which is just a few grand short of a disgusting £3m. I think you can all figure out what that means but what is interesting is how it hasn’t increased much compared to last year £2.1m. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe £900k to be a shit tonne of money for a woman who sits on her arse all day, but I thought it might be more.

However, as has been widely reported her profit for the year is £1.5m which you can calculate from the difference between the profit and loss reserves between 2021 and 2020. So why didn’t the £1.5m of profit turn into closer to £1.5m of cash? Well, her debtors not paying her quickly is one, but also she’s paid down some liabilities/debts to the tune of about £300k in the last year.

All in all a bit boring to be honest, and most notably there doesn’t *appear* to be a huge amount of cash taken out of the business which is what I was expecting to see as we await for the farmhouse reveal. However, don’t forget that these accounts were the state of play on 5 April 2021, so a lot could have changed since then.

Next year’s accounts will in theory be more interesting - what impact (if any) her “maternity leave” had and also how much cash she will need to take out to pay for Hinch Farm. So, hold on to your seats, you only need to wait another year for a more riveting update.

TL;DR: she made a stupid amount of money for doing fuck all.

 

[Hereforthecomments1991]

If shes always loved this kind of living why choose to live on an essex housing estate?

Why never go on woodland walks with the dog and kids?

Why never even set foot outside?

Why banish real grass from the garden only to replace with plastic tend shit grass?

Is that why she wants to be near fields?? Because she just laaavs to imagine pinching it all into plastic?

Honestly the woman makes no sense. If she lived an outdoorsy life style then yeah you could imagine this as what she wants. But she lives in home bargains land aka castle grey skull where her arse is permanently glued to a crushed velvet stinky sofa.

 

[HinchesSousChef]

sophie haz futz

 

[SpinachMushroom]

Cottage company: ‘please note we do not allow dogs on sofas or soft furnishings’

Hinch: ‘he’s not a dog he’s human. Hope that helps x’

 

[XNosey-parkerX]

Shes a sheep fleecing wolf, but after this week I'm tempted to eat beans on toast for 6 months to spend a grand or 2 on going away for Christmas next year haha feels quite bargainous to me at the moment .

I will be really surprised if the return from "the north" doesn't result in them going to the new house. Video of the trip home, showing them missing the turning for Maldon and her saying "err Jaymeeeeee where are we going?!"
"Oi oi, Its a surprise innit babe"
Cue turning into Chav Cottage, cheesy music and "oh my god, I cant believe this is happening to little old me" and a montage of all the rooms filled with crushed velvet and no toys.

THIS is why fiddle is "up north", cause her stuff is being moved into Castle greyskull hence why they can't just spend Christmas together at her place!

 

[Danielle0120]

Anyways lovely people of tattle, I'm just popping on quickly this morn as I won't be on now, we've got a busy fun filled Christmas eve planned in my household, we're currently in the car on way to have breakfast with Santa, what a start to Christmas eve!! I have 3 very excited kids bouncing off the walls already, so magical then my youngest turns 4 on boxing day so that's another busy day.. I hope you all have a beautiful but very safe Christmas, do the responsible thing and make sure you eat too much and drink too much but please do continue being the cunts I love sharing this thread with. Love you all to the moon back, speak soon and Merry Christmas xxxx

 

[HinchesSousChef]

I just wanted to wish you all a merry Hinchmas. May it be filled with magical fields, beige wellies, moon bumps and Tesco tat. I hope you’re all gifted new Astroturf in January that you actually had installed in September. I hope you all have a year full of pre recorded fun, exclusive ads and not gifted, gifted ghds.
I wish you all the healing power of hinch, the work load of inch, the tear ducts of Pa and the floral arrangements of Ma. I hope you’re all gifted hand painted doll houses full of choking hazards.

you’re an incredible bunch of trolls. I see so many wonderful kind people on here. You’re my two man team. My bubs. Love you all to the moon and back. Merry hinchmas one and all! And a happy new chapter 2022

 

[Swarm_in_a_Tea_Cup]

So this is Christmas,
And what have you done?
Fucked off to the country,
And ignored your little one.

And so this is Christmas,
And you've rented a lodge.
Let's hope there's a nice walk,
Cos Henry's a podge.

A very Merry Christmas,
I hope you have fun,
Cos your poor little dear ones
Will obviously have none

And so this is Christmas,
For Hinch and her penis
Let's hope the New Year will,
Come with much happiness (soz, can't rhyme! I mean Jamie obv, not that she has a winky)

A Very Merry Hinchmass,
With bleach and a floor wipe.
Let hope Father Jamie,
Can sort out his weird wife

The original lyrics say war is over, so is this post! Ho ho ho xxx

 

[Bandersnatch]

"For as long as I can remember I've been in love with this style of living."



She chose to live in a new build box on a housing estate in Essex.
Her house is grey and soulless, no living, natural thing could thrive there. Which is why her house plants and even her lawn are made of plastic.
She would kill a cactus, literally less nurturing than a desert.


If she loves nature so much why does she spend as little time in it as possible? She goes from her house, to the shops, to the man made sad little park on the housing estate and back again.
They've gone away to a country cottage but she's only shown herself literally yards from the back door. Why is she never in the woods with the kids? Why are they not out for walks?

The woman is delusional.

 

[Tootle Pip Wiz]

Hahahahahaha absolutely love these!

 

[Doodlebug71]

We had elf on the shelf now sofa on the sofa

 

[Tootle Pip Wiz]

Absolutely creasing here pahahaha.

 

[Cocobean]

So.... sister has been for a drive by after cleaning the horse out. Its a way off the main road so she couldn't see much but said she couldn't see a motor home from where she was, so they're either out n about or not there.
She said it was hard to actually go to the cottages and have a look as you'd probably only go there if you were staying there but she's gonna have another look later

 

[HinchesSousChef]

I have a very big garden. It’s the reason we bought our house. We love watching our children literally run wild around our garden. Rain or shine. Snow or sun they are running around the garden.
We have decided in recent months that we are going to sell up and cash in on being in an expensive area to buy somewhere in a “field” for want of a better word. We live that life. We live in wellies and waterproofs. We seek out woodlands and off the beaten track. We want to be away from town centres and hustle bustle. We are also massively aware of needing to find somewhere with good schooling and employment opportunities.
She has confused buying a big house with some land with rural living. She wants to sit and look out onto land. For her. Not for her family. Not to watch her children or even dog run wild and free. So she can sit on her own and say HA HA HA I BOUGHT THIS.

 

[Bunnykins]

Merry Hinchmas everybody!
Hope you’ve all opened your scrub daddy gift sets this morning?!
My spaghetti hoop pie is in the oven and I’m ready to slip into my wedding dress so the celebrations can kick off.
Love you all to the moon and back you jealous trolls!

 

[Andioooop]

Meanwhile in the motorhome, ol’ Jimmers is about to stuff fiddles turkey, raw

 

[wafflesnwings]

I've recently come across this thread - after lurking for a bit - and first got exposed to Hinch a year and a bit ago via a work colleague who adores her. I followed her for a bit and she seemed relatively harmless until Michelle Ogundehin (she judges the BBC interior design tv show) started talking about how bad for the environment Mrs Hinch's cleaning hauls were. Tbh I didn't really think about it until she mentioned it. That's when I unfollowed Hinch (along with her cringe thumb, contrived wannabe feel-good stories etc.) because I honestly found her to be so insufferable. She's not someone to look up to; there's far more impressive people to be inspired by. Tbh I much preferred Kim and Aggie from How Clean is Your House? (I wish they would air it again because they actually had great cleaning tips and were fun to watch). I also hate the whole "hinch yourself happy" and it was really well articulated earlier in this thread. I felt so rubbish for not being able to keep a spotless home like Hinchy - especially when I moved out of the family home pre-plague - because it made me feel inadequate. But now I think that a home is to be lived in, it should show signs of life, beautiful memories and the odd random mark on the wall from a photo frame etc. I'm now back with my folks after shielding for most of last year by myself (it wasn't great) so this is my first Christmas back at home after that.
I also wanted to say how heartened and touched I am by how much love you all have for each other; I had baby tears at some of the responses I read. After the last couple of years feeling like kindness has disappeared, it was really moving to see it on here and I'm happy to see that showing care and kindness to others hasn't completely gone. I hope that you're all staying safe, looking after yourselves and enjoy Christmas as best as you can. Please don't feel guilty or bad that you aren't doing 'enough.' Every single one of us is doing their best, even if it doesn't look or feel like it. I hope that next year is an easier one on all of us. All my love to you all xx

 

[HinchesSousChef]

Who goes on holiday to sit and watch emmerdale? Mate. Go for a walk. Go to the pub. Cook a nice meal. PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS.

 

[RedRosed]

Cottage company: ‘please note we do not allow dogs on sofas or soft furnishings’

Hinch: ‘he’s not a dog he’s human. Hope that helps x’

“Henry can human perfickly well fank yoo”