I work within the field of childhood neurodiversity, conditions, special needs etc and say all of the time just because a child has a diagnosis of something (Autism, ADHD, ODD etc) it doesn't mean that they cannot learn to function within society and develop social behaviours, they just need more input tailored to how they can access it. If R does have ASD, it absolutely can not be an excuse for not having a range of toys, not speaking to him properly, not modelling appropriate social behaviour he needs all of that and more to support his development. They are absolutely clueless, which is ok as no-one expects them to be experts, but seek advice and act on it.