That was a hard read. I can’t imagine how hard it was going through that and even writing it down now. I’m really and truly sorry that you and your brother went through that - you were let down and you didn’t do anything to cause that to happen or to deserve it.This sounds very like my mum. Got married at 24, divorced from my dad when she was 36/37- I was 11 and all I remember is my life being a bit like Ab Fab. Friends coming back to talk about men and conquests that she’d had at the weekend, as we got a bit older bringing men back thinking I was asleep but I wasn’t and listened at the top of the stairs to many things I shouldn’t have seen or heard. It really fucked me up, I was so unhappy and had a miserable time at school as I felt very alone and that my mum was more interested in her life than in my brother and I. I felt guilty as I felt like I was trying not to tell my dad things and hide what she was up to because I didn’t want him to be upset or for them to fight. As I got older it felt like she was just wanting more attention from men than me, it was like she got competitive. I was embarrassed when she went to school and would flirt with teachers or other dads but it was all about her ego. This went on for years and she got a boyfriend, one weekend my brother asked to stay at my mums rather than going to dads because he wanted to go to a rugby tournament close to our house and she told him she was working, he found out she lied, she just wanted to spend the weekend with her boyfriend, my brother was 16 and didn’t speak to her for about 5 years after that and moved in with my dad. I don’t think he ever really forgave her completely. We were both teenagers but my mums selfishness really screwed up my childhood, maybe that makes me selfish for not wanting her to live her life? When my husband and I split up I saw someone but just couldn’t commit because of the memories, I decided I would happily be alone for the sake of my child. She even said she wasn’t bothered about her dad meeting someone but didn’t want me to meet someone and stop being her mummy. I knew what she meant, she didn’t want to share me. Her dad and I got back together because she’s the most important thing, not me. So Anna can give out all the drivel she wants about how amazing this is but il put money on this all falling apart and those poor girls being so traumatised.
Omg me too. 100pc. Much as I love DH, I sometimes fantasise about this solitary living situation!I always say that if I ever split from DH I wouldn’t bother getting a new husband. Maybe I’d have a boyfriend or a FWB situation. But I’d never live with a man again. I’d never cook, clean, wash another man’s pants, share finances, compromise on what colour to paint the bedroom or what tiles to put in the hallway, etc. Fuck that.
Yes - I’m sure lots of adults do check out. Ok. Fine.I think people can absolutely 'check out' from a marriage before they decide to separate. That's what leads many to that decision. I can't think of anything worse than going straight into another relationship, I'd relish being alone!
Yeah fuck that! I got divorced and got a dog. Ain't nobody else I'm willing to share a house with, even though I am a 24/7 actual dogsbody to HRH DoggoI always say that if I ever split from DH I wouldn’t bother getting a new husband. Maybe I’d have a boyfriend or a FWB situation. But I’d never live with a man again. I’d never cook, clean, wash another man’s pants, share finances, compromise on what colour to paint the bedroom or what tiles to put in the hallway, etc. Fuck that.
Signed, sealed, dEliVerEdAs a person of “influence” (apparently) she absolutely cannot take any accountability or criticism. The few who have vaguely alluded to this being quick she bites back with “why are you so judgemental about a couple and have fake concern about kids you don’t know and will never meet?!”.
She doesn’t seem to appreciate that absolutely nobody gives a shit about her kids. Or her. It’s her impressing this stupid NaRrAtiVe and trying to claim some position of authority on life after divorce, all the way from her BS magpieing, sharing her story to instill HoPe, change the NaRrAtIve around divorce, abolish the StIgMa. She’s so old and wise now. She’s multi faceted. She likes to orgasm AND campaign for flexible working. She’s as comfortable in the bedroom as she is in the boardroom bullshit. She has to be every woman’s idol and every man’s dream girl. The ultimate, attention hungry, and very average narc with limited range in abilities.
Literally nobody gives a shit, other than maybe her friends and family. So when she puts this crap out there, she’ll have her lemmings lap it up, but anyone with half a brain cell will question the red flags and she’ll get defensive and try and call out “TrOLLing” for more sympathy points.
Yes I think PollDoll must still be in thrall. Anna was her ‘saviour’ when she was having a traumatic time after the birth of her kids and now she’s forever indebted to the love-bomber, friendship groomer, fame hungry machine of a mateShe's 'dickmatized'
If this were a friend of mine I'd be concerned for them, shame she sees any of that concern as people not wanting divorcees to move on and gets so defensive with anyone suggesting this isn't anything other than the best idea ever.
Good luck to her.
Eta: I guarantee her friends aren't being fully honest with how happy they are for her. They'll be worried at how rushed it is! She's in the first flush of infatuation, the absolute worst time to commit to someone.
Is your friend Anna?!I had a friend checking out. The check out was she hooked up with a guy she went to high school with. Husband found out. They then decided to work on things while she was still seeing the high school guy. Then she decided she wants to separate, they do the magpie shit, and then she says she doesn’t want to magpie anymore and chucks him out.
Presses her husband for a divorce so she can get the visa organised for her new Beau to move to Australia. New guy moves into the marital home, financial settlement occurs after the divorce. Kids are now expected to call the new boyfriend stepdad. She constantly drags her ex husband down on socials and cut off friendships if they dared talk to him. Just crazy.
Have to get the brand moving along...Stepfather Pukka, New Mother-in-law Pukka etc.....Is she actually tagging OLLIE BRETTON OLLIE BRETTON’s mum in her stories?! The cringe is cringing.
Step-Papa-PukkaHave to get the brand moving along...Stepfather Pukka, New Mother-in-law Pukka etc.....
Definitely. So many men are highly motivated to find a new woman ASAP because they realise the drudge work of shopping, cooking, cleaning, running a home and looking after kids sucks and they want someone else to do it.There’s no way I’d marry a man who wanted to marry me after six months. Not with kids involved. I’d assume he was looking for somewhere bigger and better to live and someone to look after his kids on his contact weekends.
I took it that Gabor Mate meant 'put your own life vest on before helping others' - that parents shouldn't ignore their basic needs but we should all put our children's safety and stability first. There's some shocking parenting around and always has been. I've seen experts say that the idea that children are resilient is a total myth - kids seem resilient as they have no choice but it always has an impact, even if it doesn't seem so at the time.The irony of her sharing Gabor Mate saying parents need to take care of theirselves while rushing into getting engaged is not lost on me!
I don't believe that society doesn't want divorcees to be happy, I think what is evidenced here is that a lot of people have either done it theirselves and lived with the fall out, seen a friend do and it observed the fall out, or have experience of being the child in that scenario, and been showered by the fall out. I am in there been there, done that category. Mourned a relationship while still in it, got out and immediately ran into a love bomber! I didn't know how to be on my own, so I was constantly anxious that this sudden relationship was going to suddenly disappear- and it did. I was a shadow of myself in that relationship, and after a shadow of that shadow. Fortunately I had no children.
Maybe Anna is completely spot on, and this guy is the one, and they will be together forever, but if that is the case why rush? Why not let the kids get to know him, and his kids and her kids get to know each other, and everyone has time to get comfortable, because you've got the rest of your lives, right?
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