My ex boyfriend's mum was a miserable old cow, and made it clear she didn't like me from the beginning. She didn't do anything really nasty, just made me feel uncomfortable whenever I was at their house - which was quite often. My ex and I would argue quite often, he would get his parents to back him up. It was quite humiliating.
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Feel your pain with this one, mine is the same.
She obviously meant well, but at some point she should have stopped babying him and made him be more independent. She did all his cooking and washing, and if there was something she didnāt do - like cleaning his room - he just didnāt do it
I still have to nag him about certain things now but he has got better. The turning point for me is that he now says he wishes his mum hadnāt babied him so much and he realises now that he should have been way more independent. Iām pregnant and he actually said the other day that he would want our child to grow up learning how to do their own cooking, cleaning, washing etc. Heās a bit embarrassed now about how much she did for him. All out of love of course, but I donāt think she realises how much of a lazy bastard he actually is!
When we first moved out for example, she was shocked that he wasnāt doing much (any) of the cooking. I felt like saying why are you shocked, he was expecting me to do it all like you did!
There is a bleeping pandemic going on, she shouldn't even be near your baby right now without a mask and definitely not looking after him.
If I had a baby right now, we would be seeing no one (the same way we are living now). Your little one doesn't even have a full immune system yet.
Tell your husband you do not want to be left alone with her. Fierce boundaries need to be set by HIM. She is his mother, he needs to man up and deal with her.
I would not even reply to her messages. Make sure he tells her she can not just turn up unannounced.
Check out JustNoMIL reddit as they offer good advice for this situation.
Not married but been with my fiancĆ© over ten years, we are in our 30,s and not bothered about kids. One day she cornered me and asked if we wanted kids (when he wasnāt there) and I said we werenāt bothered.. she went on to say she thinks itās horrible if people donāt have kids and that people without them live a very lonely life.. I was just like āerm okā
This!!!
What is it with MILs and wanting to be grandparents?? I already have two children and MIL is forever trying to talk us into having more. My mum was worse, she was so possessive over my baby before he was even here.
They can be very selfish. The best of it is, even pre-Covid, they very seldom saw my kids when they were no longer tiny babies.
They can be very selfish. The best of it is, even pre-Covid, they very seldom saw my kids when they were no longer tiny babies.
My mother in law and father in law are great, Iāve never had any problems with them.
Itās some extended family members that are the problem
Itās some extended family members that are the problem
I can't stand my MIL. Used to like her before I had the baby but she's unbearable now. Nothing but patronising telling me that the baby should be doing things by now. He didnt smile till he was 8 weeks old but at 4 weeks she was all 'he should be smiling by now'
She's thrown her toys out the pram because we're not seeing her through all this. She's high risk anyway and she's breaking the rules. Telling me she should be able to see her only grandson. My Mum isn't seeing him either and she's not kicking off! Doesnt stop her facetiming everyday and blowing raspberries and shouting YABBA down the phone everyday though
She's thrown her toys out the pram because we're not seeing her through all this. She's high risk anyway and she's breaking the rules. Telling me she should be able to see her only grandson. My Mum isn't seeing him either and she's not kicking off! Doesnt stop her facetiming everyday and blowing raspberries and shouting YABBA down the phone everyday though
My MIL is okay in short doses but I always remember asking her if she wanted to come with me and my bridesmaids to pick my wedding dress - my mum died 20 years ago and the outlaws donāt have any daughters so I thought it was a nice gesture...she pulled a face and my FIL said āX doesnāt do shoppingā and that was the end of that!
Whatās probably a plus point is they wonāt visit - they live 30 minutes away but thatās too far. So if my husband wonāt take our son out to see them, they donāt see him at all
Whatās probably a plus point is they wonāt visit - they live 30 minutes away but thatās too far. So if my husband wonāt take our son out to see them, they donāt see him at all
My MIL sent me a whatsapp last night, proud as punch that she's bought the same jumper I was wearing the other day to go with the coat of mine which she also went out and bought after she saw me wearing it and she also bought the same boots as me. bleeping weirdo.
That's soooooo weird!! I'd be livid if my MIL started dressing like me
On my wedding day my MIL pulled up a chair and sat next to me to give me one of those talks, āyou wonāt split up will youā. Talk about spoiling the happy occasion. At the time, I had been with her son for 9 years! And we have been married now for 10!
I didnāt know what to say at the time, I was a bit reserved then. But if thatās happened how I would speak my mind.
I didnāt know what to say at the time, I was a bit reserved then. But if thatās happened how I would speak my mind.
Not being rude but why dont women say to their partners before they move in with them what they expect them to do and say what you are not doing for them. Then if you have told them and they turn out totally lazy you just get rid of them. I swear I wouldn't bleeping do it.
My cousin is nearly 50 still lives at home and has my Aunt wash his clothes, make meals do everything for him etc, never had a girlfriend, friends anything. Even when he was on the dole long term once he didnt have to sign on they just paid fully supported him. Its unbelievable.Hes like a cross between Alan Partridge and Mr Bean.
I don't do it for him. I made it very clear to him that his Mother did far too much for him and not to expect the same from me. However, when you've spent your whole life being bought up to be lazy as your Mum literally does everything for you, it's hard to change overnight! It's his Mums fault just as much as it is his as she shouldn't have babied him so much and it's his fault for never declining the things she wanted to do.
Blokes get so much from their Mums. I have to nag and nag at my fella to do the cleaning, he does it eventually. We've lived together for about a year and a half and he's only just starting doing stuff round the house without me asking him first. The only thing I'll do is his washing because it goes in with mine anyway. But he is quite happy leaving things messy, he gets that from his Mum because she's a scruff and she doesn't tidy her own house
What is it with babies and MIL??!I can't stand my MIL. Used to like her before I had the baby but she's unbearable now. Nothing but patronising telling me that the baby should be doing things by now. He didnt smile till he was 8 weeks old but at 4 weeks she was all 'he should be smiling by now'
She's thrown her toys out the pram because we're not seeing her through all this. She's high risk anyway and she's breaking the rules. Telling me she should be able to see her only grandson. My Mum isn't seeing him either and she's not kicking off! Doesnt stop her facetiming everyday and blowing raspberries and shouting YABBA down the phone everyday though
Seems to change them somehow. My situation is very different to yours. But Iām half way through my pregnancy with her first grandchild and sheās not once asked if Iām ok or said congratulations to us! I had a 15 min video call with her yday and she talked about everything else under the sun and not once mentioned our little boy or asked how I was. So bizzare. I had a good relationship with her before and now itās like a switch has been flicked and sheās, well....odd. My partner is understandably upset and wants to say something but I donāt want any stress. But god I find it so weird! It will be Sodās law she will want to be all over baby when heās here I bet after showing no interest before.
I just find MIL either over bearing or just damn right rude.
Hope things improve for you hun, I feel for you! Xxx
My mil was like that! Never started conversation about the pregnancy or asked how I was, never got anything for him, she didn't get him anything when he was born either. But she just acts so different now he's here! It's very strange. I get the vibe off her that she sees the baby more as her family than he is mine. I feel for you too! Hope it gets better when baby is here and congrats
Thanks hun! Itās so strange isnāt it? I honestly donāt understand what makes some women be like that, I just find it really strange! And itās funny you say that because I can see thatās how my MIL is going to go! I 100% think she will be all over him when heās here. I mean we were always close before and I did like her! But now I just canāt be bothered at all, I feel like itās abit of a snub and thatās what upset me. The day we found out we were having a boy I spent all day crying because of her attitude when my partner told her it was a boy- there was literally no reaction! She just asked how our dog wasMy mil was like that! Never started conversation about the pregnancy or asked how I was, never got anything for him, she didn't get him anything when he was born either. But she just acts so different now he's here! It's very strange. I get the vibe off her that she sees the baby more as her family than he is mine. I feel for you too! Hope it gets better when baby is here and congrats
So after that I promised she wouldnāt ruin another day of pregnancy for me. Itās super weird! But Iām so glad Iām not the only one to experience this, Iām promising myself that I wonāt be like this when my son is older thatās for sure!
Sending you lots of love and I really sympathise hun xxxxx
My MIL is genuinely lovely and supportive but OMG, she lost her mind a bit when we gave her her first grandchild.
Seems itās not that uncommon!
We didnāt live near them so they didnāt see the baby regularly, but when we did, it was like she needed to maximise the time she had by being FUN GRANDMA. Sheās loud anyway, but she would be shouting at the top of her voice, clapping, and singing nursery rhymes constantly. And I mean CONSTANTLY. She would even sing conversations. Itād go something like:
āDo you want a drink <starts singing and clapping, trying to get the babyās attention> DOOOO YOOOU WAAANT A DRIIINK?ā (clap clap clap clap clap clap).
My mental health was not good at the time (postnatal anxiety and depression) and the constant overwhelming noise, for hours on end, actually made me want to cry. The baby also got overwhelmed and wound up to the point she couldnāt/wouldnāt nap when Grandma was around, and then we had to face the repercussions of an overtired child
It lasted YEARS. Only when her golden grandchild reached the age of about 5 or 6 did she pack it in. Never did it as much with our second child, which was a relief, but she favours the first a lot, which is upsetting.
Seems itās not that uncommon!
We didnāt live near them so they didnāt see the baby regularly, but when we did, it was like she needed to maximise the time she had by being FUN GRANDMA. Sheās loud anyway, but she would be shouting at the top of her voice, clapping, and singing nursery rhymes constantly. And I mean CONSTANTLY. She would even sing conversations. Itād go something like:
āDo you want a drink <starts singing and clapping, trying to get the babyās attention> DOOOO YOOOU WAAANT A DRIIINK?ā (clap clap clap clap clap clap).
My mental health was not good at the time (postnatal anxiety and depression) and the constant overwhelming noise, for hours on end, actually made me want to cry. The baby also got overwhelmed and wound up to the point she couldnāt/wouldnāt nap when Grandma was around, and then we had to face the repercussions of an overtired child
It lasted YEARS. Only when her golden grandchild reached the age of about 5 or 6 did she pack it in. Never did it as much with our second child, which was a relief, but she favours the first a lot, which is upsetting.
My MIL (to be) is so generous and kind and has made me feel like part of the family from day 1. My in laws are just lovely. BUT! She drives me a bit mad sometimes because she just ask loads of questions. We went on a walk once and it took twice the length of time it should because she kept stopping and asking what leaf this is, what flower that is, oh I wonder what this is.
Admittedly I am not a patient person but she is a relentless inquisitor bless her tbf if that is the worst thing I can say about her I think I've done alright in terms of the in law lottery!
Admittedly I am not a patient person but she is a relentless inquisitor bless her
tbf if that is the worst thing I can say about her I think I've done alright in terms of the in law lottery!- Status