Thank you , sorry it’s hard when I get into a flow!You might want to edit this if you can as you have used your child's name might make you identifiable
My MIL also does that!! Often says ‘what are you having for tea’ so I’ll say whatever we are having and she will say ‘I’ll make you something, why don’t you stay here’ insistently though, I just find it so rude! I don’t go food shopping for fun! I just say ‘no we are ok thank you’I think a lot of the MIL issues come from the fact that they don’t like another woman coming into their sons lives and making them happy. Cooking for them and looking after them etc… I’m 99.9% sure it all stems from jealously! And they behave like arseholes to see who their sons pick. One time we were at my MIL house and we were pushed for time! She tried to get Us to stay for dinner. Hubby said Base2019 already has dinner stuff prepped at home but thank you anyway and she turned out infront of me and said would you not rather my dinner than Base2019. I was actually livid. My own mother would never dream of behaving in such a way
Omg same here!!! My mil is so insistent too like she won’t take no for an answerMy MIL also does that!! Often says ‘what are you having for tea’ so I’ll say whatever we are having and she will say ‘I’ll make you something, why don’t you stay here’ insistently though, I just find it so rude! I don’t go food shopping for fun! I just say ‘no we are ok thank you’
Your not controlling, your IN CONTROL. She just doesn’t seem to understand that your the mother and she is one of two grandmothers.Thank you , sorry it’s hard when I get into a flow!
So she’s said some very hurtful things about me to my husband over text , husband isn’t rising to it and he’s texted FIL to ask if he can meet this evening at the pub for a pint and a chat about her behaviour
apparently I am controlling and want my son all to myself … I’m his mother ??? He literally IS mine ! What a bizarre thing for her to say !! She also said husband was my puppet !!! The cheek of it all
I’d be tempted to tell her that you were actually planning a romantic meal complete with squirty cream etcMy MIL also does that!! Often says ‘what are you having for tea’ so I’ll say whatever we are having and she will say ‘I’ll make you something, why don’t you stay here’ insistently though, I just find it so rude! I don’t go food shopping for fun! I just say ‘no we are ok thank you’
Mine was mental when I was a vegetarian (only in the last year I’ve started to eat meat again and really only chicken and fish)My MIL also does that!! Often says ‘what are you having for tea’ so I’ll say whatever we are having and she will say ‘I’ll make you something, why don’t you stay here’ insistently though, I just find it so rude! I don’t go food shopping for fun! I just say ‘no we are ok thank you’
Thank you! I just know already that it will get to that point in the future. All I can do is try my best to be the bigger person now and hopefully she will grow up a bit soon..xI’m seething for you. I really think you need to cut contact with this nasty woman. I think this story has actually bugged me more than any of the others. She’ll drive a wedge between you and that Mummy’s Boy and she knows she will. I’m glad you have your ex MIL still xxx
What a bitchI think I was spoilt with my ex boyfriends mum. She was so warm and understanding. We still meet up now and she is just the kindest woman. My new boyfriends mum is… cold as ice 90% of the time. We have a son together, a few months old. I’ve tried so hard to involve her as much as possible. My mum lives far away so I really try to have a good relationship with his mum. We go to her house almost every Sunday. God forbid we miss one because we’re doing our own thing though! And if we ever dare ask her to come to our house instead… oh what a stress that is for her and don’t we hear about it! Anyway, weekend just gone we were shattered, she had to come to us. Said she would arrive at 5.30 after a massive palava about how stressful it would be for her to make the time to come, put baby down for nap at 4.30… she arrived 2 mins later! Of course the baby is now having cuddles and kisses and is overtired 30 mins later. Starts screaming.. I say ah I should put him down for a sleep otherwise bed time will be tricky (bare in mind bedtime is already being pushed back now to accommodate her which she is well aware of). She just starts talking to my boyfriend, ignoring me, “shall we give him his dummy” - I said, I only give it to him when he’s going to sleep, so if I can go and put him for a nap I’ll give it to him - to my boyfriend ignoring me “let’s give him his dummy” - no!! she always does little things like this.. ignores me and acts like my boyfriend is the only parent. Often if my son stirs “do you want your daddy? You want daddy don’t you?” And will only ever hand my son back to him, never me, even if I am stood there and my boyfriend is busy. She is now off work for 6 weeks. I said “I can pop round during the weekdays now to see you more, which is easier to fit in than on the weekends” her reply “I’ve got a lot on in the holidays. I always tell you to come around, Im not sure why you don’t bother” - like??? You work full time?? I see you every Sunday?? When else am I supposed to see you when the baby is in bed at 7pm every night! I just find her so uninviting and she makes me feel like I am just a vessel that carried her grandson. Of course my boyfriend is a massive mummy’s boy so you can’t say a word about it. I send her videos and photos of my son saying he can’t wait to see you etc etc, she will ignore them but ring my boyfriend every sodding day saying “oh I saw the photos you sent” - no he didn’t send them, I did! You’d never get updates on your grandson if I didn’t bloody send them so you could at least acknowledge that I’m trying!
She’s also one of those who makes it painfully obvious she loved his ex girlfriend (even though she cheated on him!)
I don’t miss my ex boyfriend one bit, but my god I miss his mum SO much!! She is also better with my son than current boyfriends mum (not that he knows my ex mil cuddles him when I meet up with her)
Wow this is much longer than I realised. I guess I really needed to get it off my chest
What a strange lady to behave like that when you have seen so much of her! She sounds like one of those women who it will just never be enough. She also sounds a little mentally unstable to react like that just because she won’t see her grandchild for 2 weeks, how ridiculous. Don’t give in to her, she’s coming into your domain, it’s your family, it’s your way or no way. And she’s been extremely lucky to have it the way she’s had it so hopefully she realises that and sorts herself outThank you , sorry it’s hard when I get into a flow!
So she’s said some very hurtful things about me to my husband over text , husband isn’t rising to it and he’s texted FIL to ask if he can meet this evening at the pub for a pint and a chat about her behaviour
apparently I am controlling and want my son all to myself … I’m his mother ??? He literally IS mine ! What a bizarre thing for her to say !! She also said husband was my puppet !!! The cheek of it all
I hope you are ok @PoppyKJLooks like we’re separating so the MIL posts from me will get fun from here
I wonder if she has had a health scare that she hasn’t told anyone about? It does sound very strange that her behaviour has changed. I hope your husband is able to get some answers tonight.Hello ladies , I need to vent about my MIL
for context , we have had a really good relationship .. she has two sons and I am the first “wife” of the family and have been with my husband for near enough ten years … she’s always been a little overbearing but recently , this year really , she has been ridiculous !!
in January , she and my FIL moved so instead of being a 30 min drive from us , they are now a 15 min drive … we were at first thrilled , we have a 2 year old and she’s useful childcare ! I started a degree with the open university for a career change last year so it is really helpful to have her so close so I can drop my son off and do some study alone for a few hours at home a couple of times a week !
at Christmas she got really funny with us because we decided to abide by the Tier 4 rules at the time (we are in Kent) and not see anyone for Christmas … my BIL and his daughter and fiancée decided to break the rules and go to my MIL’s anyway , but we decided to play it safe and just have Xmas alone … she went ballistic at us !! It was the first time she’d ever done this but she basically told us she didn’t know how many Christmases she has left and wanted to spend it with her grandson (she is fighting fit and only in her early sixties so a very strange comment)
she had another episode similar to this on my son’s second birthday at the beginning of this month , we had invited her for an afternoon tea along with my husbands family and some friends in the garden the day after my son’s birthday … my husband was working on my soN’s actual birthday which was a Friday and he wouldn’t know the difference so we wanted to celebrate on the Saturday instead … well , she lost it ! Saying she NEEDED to see my son on his actual birthday … in the end they came round on the Friday night after hubby caved … they saw my son for half an hour , then he had to go to bed and they stayed for THREE HOURS and we had to order a chinese
it’s escalated this week … my parents live in Hampshire and my other family (sister , uncles and aunts) live in Dorset … we decided to take a 2 week trip and spend 1 week in Hampshire with my parents and 1 week in Dorset with the rest of the family … I told MIL about this yesterday when I picked my son up from her house and she lost it again !!! Said she couldn’t deal with not seeing my son for 2 weeks , begging to come , accused me of keeping it from her (We only finalsidf the details on Friday so we kept it for her for 3 days and that’s just because we didn’t see her !) , and said I was keeping her grandson away from her
my son sees her 2-3 times a week AT LEAST , and hasn’t seen my mum since October last year because of the pandemic !!
there must be something causing this but I have no idea what … we are so good to them , we have them round all the time , we invite them out on days out , we make sure they are so involved in my son’s life and my husband would be there in a flash if there was a crisis … but we also need a break from them at times , we need to see my family and we’re even planning on going to America for 2 weeks next year … how will she cope then !!
has anyone experienced this ? It’s a bizarre shift in behaviour in the last 8 months and we just can’t work out why she’s doing this all of a sudden … it is really upsetting for my husband !
I prefer my ex's parents too. Sometimes, I think I miss them a bit.I think I was spoilt with my ex boyfriends mum. She was so warm and understanding. We still meet up now and she is just the kindest woman
That’s brilliant that your FIL is on your side, it may help put her in her place knowing that you have other people who have noticed what she is doing.Well … an update
husband is back from the pub with his dad … FIL is on our side and agrees she is acting irrationally … bless him , he’s not a many of many words so couldn’t give much insight into why MIL is acting like this all of a sudden but he’s going to talk to her tonight and let her know how upset we are and try and get some answers about it all … I had an interesting chat with my soon to be SIL about whether MIL is like this with her daughter , who is 5 ! They do live in Cambridge so they don’t see her as often but she said while she hasn’t acted like this , she has noticed overbearing / controlling tendencies but not on the level I was describing with my son
MIL has agreed to come over tomorrow afternoon for coffee and a discussion … I feel like I’m not going to sleep tonight for worrying about what I’m going to say and rehearsing it over and over haha
husband and I have agreed to look at alternative childcare for our son from September , hopefully we can get him into nursery or something 2 days a week … we have floated the idea with MIL before so it won’t be a shock , and I think she will understand it is good for him to spend time with children his own age too
Totally agree with this, you don’t need to discuss anything with her - your child, your life, your rules and she can like it or lump it. She’s had kids in her life and got to do the same. I wish I’d started doing this with my MIL from day 1 as they just take and take and take until you wake up and realise how knee deep in their crap you are! Good luck! XThat’s brilliant that your FIL is on your side, it may help put her in her place knowing that you have other people who have noticed what she is doing.
Tip for tomorrow, remember that it’s not a discussion. That suggests that there is room for negotiation. Set the rules and boundaries that you and your husband are comfortable with. Your MIL can either accept them or not. Her choice. If she does then hopefully things settle down until you can get your son in nursery, if not well, she made the decision to not see your son under the new boundaries. She is the grandparent not the parent so she gets no input into new boundaries.
I wish you all the luck tomorrow and hopefully you get some solid answers about why the hell she has been acting like this. Remember to stay strong and be a united front. Don’t give her an inch as she will take a mile.
Be prepared for tears and tantrums too. My MIL did this, she’ll just make a show of herself if she does this as long as you don’t cave into her crazy demands to see your son x
OmgMine was mental when I was a vegetarian (only in the last year I’ve started to eat meat again and really only chicken and fish)
she’d ask what we were having for tea and then look at my husband and go “aw ,poor Mr Disney’s .. why don’t you both stay here ? You can have a proper meal , I’m making steak pie” and I’d be like “wow thanks for the generous offer but I DONT EAT MEAT!”
I would ask him outright 'why are you choosing baby stuff with your mum when you know ive already chosen it'? And i would also ask why he wasn't as interested in choosing with you as he is with his mum and also why he doesn't think you get a say xShe threw out the “it’s my first grandchild” card today. It’s not. She has 2 grandsons. It’s just the first girl. (Never bother with the boys much really!!) She’s been totally overbearing today wanting to buy everything for baby and giving me pretty much no say.
Me and my son are having a sleepover at my friends house.
Partners a dick tbh sat there helping her choose the stuff she wants completely ignoring the fact I want to choose stuff for our last baby and he knows it. He doesn’t care about choosing baby stuff with me, he basically said get whatever I want. So how can he sit there with her. Ignoring all my plans on what I’ve got in my basket saved for payday. Baring in mind I’ve dreamed about this baby for years. I went through so much heartache losing baby after baby not thinking it would ever happen for us and now it’s all ruined and being taken away from me anyway
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