My mother in law is actually a very nice lady who I do generally get on with well usually. She does however have an attitude towards my children that severely impacted my ability to have such a good relationship with her that leaves me saddened, angry and perplexed.
We don't live in the same country as her, as my husband moved to the UK from his home country, so all his family live there.
When I was pregnant with my first, my MIL was super excited, very emotional, delighted, which was great. First grandchild, so very happy.
At the time I was pregnant, my husband's brother was dating a girl with a 2 year old child, my MIL was keen not to have a close relationship there as she wasn't overly keen on the girlfriend and hoped her son would move on. She picked a random name for the 2 year old to call her that was NOT grandparent related but a name that was used by a lot of kids she worked with so it was neutral. She was keeping them at arms length thinking they would split up.
Fast forward to when my baby was 6 months old, my brother in law marries girlfriend and becomes a stepdad and therefore my MIL a stepgrandma. And that's where things changed.
Suddenly she had little interest in my child, and spoken constantly of her new grandchild. If mine was saying their first words, she would reply and tell me what her other grand child was doing, i.e. mine is saying their first words, her other is eating a sandwich or watching TV. MIL flew over to visit when mine was 9 months old. She said she thought she might have been doing the wrong thing as her other grandchild would miss her and was concerned she would treat her differently when she went back home. She told me that her other grandchild is the one she worries about, not mine. She would tell me that she was always taking the other child out and buying them stuff.
Over time she became very uninterested in mine, even if they were taking their first steps - the reply would be a smiley face or a 'wow!'. Never asked for photos, to call, to video chat. We flew over for 3 months when my first was 15 months old. MIL was unhappy baby didn't 'show a sign of recognition' after having visited 6 months previously. MIL spent virtually no time with baby during our 3 month visit, only in passing. Only one period for 3 hours - and even then she wouldn't stay home and play, but took baby out for a drive in dangerous ice and snowy weather! Spends every weekend with otjer grandchild. One other occasion she arranged to go out with me and baby, but didn't show up because she went to see her other grandchild instead.
By the time I am expecting my second I don't expect much, and it remains fairly the same. MIL comes to visit spends a lot of time on her phone chatting to family at home. She tells me she will never have the relationship with my children that my mother has. Strikes me as a very deliberate conclusion to come to.
Both my parents then promptly die leaving my children effectively with no grandparents.
MIL still does not attempt to develop more of a relationship with mine. Never comes back to visit again.
Despite the ease of contact from abroad, rarely facetimes or calls. Says she forgets we are on a different time zone. If we call her she is usually busy.
Doesn't like my children calling her a 'grandma' related name and wants them to call her the same name her other grandchild does, despite it supposedly being neutral and used by a ton of random kids in the area who she worked with. She does send gifts sometimes but never asks what they like or what they already have and says 'I don't know them well enough to know what they would like' all the while making little effort to get to know them. When we do facetime she speaks for a very short period of time and then has to leave mid-convesation or check on her other grandchild or especially now she has two NEW grandchildren who are toddlers, mine rarely get a look in. Just last week she announced my eldest is probably too old to want to give her a hug if they see her again, prompting my child to get very upset.
I find the whole situation sad as mine miss out on a relationship with her but she seems to choose against them, I believe because she goes so overboard to show her stepgrandchild that they won't be treated differently she has rejected mine.
Sometimes my husband says he'd like to move back to his home country as the children aren't getting to know his parents, but I think if we did that, my MIL would still reject them in person and that would lead to a world of hurt for them as well as my husband.
She's a nice lady though, kind and friendly and caring in all other instances, except this one.
Long story, sorry guys!
she’s getting right on my tits.
. So we are guaranteed 10 MIL free days 
. 
