Miscarriage/Baby Loss

[Marymoo13]

Hi everyone, how are we all doing?

honestly the past few days have been rough. My OH is a “mans man” and rarely talks about our loss or how it has effected him (MC just over 3 years ago and ttc since then) but this week he’s been surprisingly open about it. an older child on my side of the family is going through a rough home life at the moment which sparked a conversation among the family about childcare and other responsibilities so I think that’s the reason he’s suddenly opening up about our loss. Of course I’m glad that he is FINALLY opening up, but I honestly don’t know how to help (I totally get the irony that he’s been feeling that way towards me any time I talk about it too)

I hope everybody else is doing okay and holding strong

 

[annabananaw10]

I’ve stopped bleeding and my doctor said my HCG levels have dropped far enough for them to be confident I won’t need any further intervention.

It feels really surreal to have been pregnant, in limbo, miscarry and now technically back in a regular cycle all within a month. The last few days have been really hard, I know this sounds so naive now but I wasn’t expecting it to hurt so much and feel this grief.

I have endometriosis so my doctors are pushing for me to take only one cycle off and try again but I don’t know if I’ll be ready. I keep thinking what if that was the only time I’ll get pregnant or what if I keep miscarrying and I’m really dark moments I get really mad at myself for trying so soon after coming off the pill because I keep wondering if it happened because my body and hormones were still adjusting.

 

[instagramloverinlondon]

I’ve stopped bleeding and my doctor said my HCG levels have dropped far enough for them to be confident I won’t need any further intervention.

It feels really surreal to have been pregnant, in limbo, miscarry and now technically back in a regular cycle all within a month. The last few days have been really hard, I know this sounds so naive now but I wasn’t expecting it to hurt so much and feel this grief.

I have endometriosis so my doctors are pushing for me to take only one cycle off and try again but I don’t know if I’ll be ready. I keep thinking what if that was the only time I’ll get pregnant or what if I keep miscarrying and I’m really dark moments I get really mad at myself for trying so soon after coming off the pill because I keep wondering if it happened because my body and hormones were still adjusting.

Just go again when you feel ready. You will feel different soon, its probably just all a shock right now. I've had 2 in a row and currently on my first period since the last one. Im not sure if I'll try this month...well not consciously try of that makes sense. I dont think I can face peeing on OPK sticks again just yet. Think I'll try that next month if it doesn't happen this month. This month I would have been going on mat leave for the first pregnancy so finding all the what ifs a bit tough. But we carry on dont we...we have to...sending you all the love xx

 

[calmyourritas]

My friend has just been for her 12 week scan today. She’s so excited and happy and it’s just hit me thinking that I wish mine had been the good news she’s had instead of what it turned into my heart hurts

 

[JLXRD]

I am struggling today. I don’t have much more to say than that. I just feel incredibly sad about what has happened. I have had a lot of days where I have felt fine, but tonight just isn’t one of them. I think I regret not trying this month now, and it’s making me feel very sad. I’m dreading my period coming.

 

[annabananaw10]

I am struggling today. I don’t have much more to say than that. I just feel incredibly sad about what has happened. I have had a lot of days where I have felt fine, but tonight just isn’t one of them. I think I regret not trying this month now, and it’s making me feel very sad. I’m dreading my period coming.

I feel like I have a few hours or most of the day where I feel okay but then it just hits me that I’m not pregnant anymore and I should be

 

[fishsticks]

@JLXRD to be completely honest.. today I told a good friend of mine about what had happened. It was the first time I'd spoken to someone about it who wasn't my husband or my doctor. I completely broke down.

I'm struggling. I've had to stop studying bcus my heart or brain isn't in it at the moment. I find myself so consumed in a constant battle of DTD and then feeling guilty bcus I've not grieved properly. Then I also get consumed with testing LH, then googling dpo symptoms and each time I get my hopes up it ends in tears.

My husband keeps saying 'I hope this is our month' and it breaks my heart every month to say no.. I try to put on a brave face and say nope, but it'll happen, let's keep trying.. I'm exhausted.

How're you doing? Xx

 

[JLXRD]

@JLXRD to be completely honest.. today I told a good friend of mine about what had happened. It was the first time I'd spoken to someone about it who wasn't my husband or my doctor. I completely broke down.

I'm struggling. I've had to stop studying bcus my heart or brain isn't in it at the moment. I find myself so consumed in a constant battle of DTD and then feeling guilty bcus I've not grieved properly. Then I also get consumed with testing LH, then googling dpo symptoms and each time I get my hopes up it ends in tears.

My husband keeps saying 'I hope this is our month' and it breaks my heart every month to say no.. I try to put on a brave face and say nope, but it'll happen, let's keep trying.. I'm exhausted.

How're you doing? Xx

I’m glad you spoke with someone fishsticks, I do think it helps to have someone in your life who knows but isn’t directly impacted (like your husband would be).

Sorry it’s still so hard, I hope for both of us it gets easier at some stage.

I am doing okay, I bounce back and forth between being absolutely fine (mostly when making plans with friends that I couldn’t have done pregnant) to feeling incredibly sad and guilty. I’m doing better than I initially thought i would though.

I don’t want to think that getting pregnant again is the way to resolve my feelings, and I’m not sure I’m ready to be, but I’m scared that I’m wasting time or losing chances.

I hope you get your rainbow soon fishsticks xx

 

[JLXRD]

Ugh I’ve just had a letter today from my GP surgery booking in appointments and with my EDD on and stuff which has made me feel very upset again as I’ve already called them and the maternity unit and they said they had noted my MC, they also sent me for a scan and blood tests to confirm it. Just feels like an admin error that shouldn’t happen really

I’m also CD37 after my MC and still no period. Don’t even think I’ve ovulated yet but really got no clue. Just feels like being pregnant was so long ago and a dream that didn’t happen.

 

[annabananaw10]

Ugh I’ve just had a letter today from my GP surgery booking in appointments and with my EDD on and stuff which has made me feel very upset again as I’ve already called them and the maternity unit and they said they had noted my MC, they also sent me for a scan and blood tests to confirm it. Just feels like an admin error that shouldn’t happen really

I’m also CD37 after my MC and still no period. Don’t even think I’ve ovulated yet but really got no clue. Just feels like being pregnant was so long ago and a dream that didn’t happen.

I still haven’t summed up the strength to cancel my 12 week scan even though I know it’s so common. It feels surreal to me too, those few weeks I was pregnant were just the happiest I’ve felt in so long and I’m really sad that it’s not just been taken away from me but if I do fall pregnant I won’t have that blissful ignorance since I’ll be so so anxious until I get to the second trimester.

My boss is having a baby and they have been so supportive and lovely to me with my loss. They confided in me that they lost two pregnancies before their current one and this one was really difficult from what I saw and was told. I organised the office whip around for the baby gift and the card and we had a little baby party before they went on parental leave. A couple of my colleagues know what’s happened so they offered to step in to do it but I just kept insisting on doing it myself because I don’t want people to tiptoe around me.

After they left on parental leave yesterday, I just cried in bed for an hour and I feel so terrible. They’ve struggled and been through what I’ve been through multiple times and finally got their rainbow but I just kept thinking during the party if it will ever be me. I feel so bad now.

 

[instagramloverinlondon]

I saw my best friend for the first time in about 7 weeks last night. We were just 2 weeks apart pregnancy wise and seeing her walk in with an almost 20 week bump was quite hard, knowing I should almost be there too. But she lost her dad 2 weeks ago and is in a whole world of pain and I know id rather be in my pain than hers thats for sure but still felt a little envious that she was able to carry her baby and I wasn't. Life eh

 

[JLXRD]

Seems a silly thing to complain about but did anyone else’s skin just go to tit after their MC? This is the worst my skin has ever been, I’ve never had acne before even as a teen but have been getting awful spots the past few weeks. I know it’s just the hormones but I really hope it settles, it’s making me feel really down about myself.

 

[annabananaw10]

Seems a silly thing to complain about but did anyone else’s skin just go to tit after their MC? This is the worst my skin has ever been, I’ve never had acne before even as a teen but have been getting awful spots the past few weeks. I know it’s just the hormones but I really hope it settles, it’s making me feel really down about myself.

Im now in my luteal stage for the first cycle post MC, and my skin is so oily and gross! I thought I was imagining it.

 

[fishsticks]

Looks like I'm having another early/chemical pregnancy. Been in tears for hours.

 

[JLXRD]

Looks like I'm having another early/chemical pregnancy. Been in tears for hours.

I’m so sorry fishsticks, hope that’s not the case, thinking of you

 

[Disneylover88]

Did anyone find that they experienced relationship difficulties after your losses? I’ve sadly suffered 3 miscarriages and felt a lot of anger when grieving which I’ve probably taken out on my husband. Even after 3 he struggles to communicate which in the past has made me feel like he doesn’t care. I’ve had counselling and awaiting further counselling which has helped me a great deal, but I’m pretty traumatised from the arguing/bickering with my partner and don’t want to go back to that place if this happens again.

 

[begaphobia]

Hi DisneyLover, sorry I have no advice but I hope you and your partner can work through it. I can see how it would put a strain on any relationship.

I suffered my first MC last week (it was my first pregnancy) and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I’d go as far to say that it’s traumatic.

I’ve heard of people (not close to me) in the past going through MCs and I always thought that it was incredibly sad, but to be honest, never really gave it a second thought. I could never ever imagine how hard it is until I’ve gone through it, how attached you become to the little bean inside you, and noone should ever have to go through it, let alone multiple times

So sorry to all those here who have lost their babies, and I hope you can make it through. Thanks for setting up this thread.

 

[Ilando]

Did anyone find that they experienced relationship difficulties after your losses? I’ve sadly suffered 3 miscarriages and felt a lot of anger when grieving which I’ve probably taken out on my husband. Even after 3 he struggles to communicate which in the past has made me feel like he doesn’t care. I’ve had counselling and awaiting further counselling which has helped me a great deal, but I’m pretty traumatised from the arguing/bickering with my partner and don’t want to go back to that place if this happens again.

Sadly I think it’s normal. It just isn’t the same for the man. My husband is wonderful but struggled to understand why early miscarriages affected me so much. He also struggled with TTC and again struggled to understand my emotions

 

[Shivla]

Hi everyone. I started miscarrying on Monday. I had an early scan a few weeks ago at what should have been week 7 bit they could only see a sac and yolk and said they'd check in 2 weeks. I knew my dates couldn't be out so I kind of expected this but still hopeful maybe it was just hiding or had a tilted uterus or something. I started bleeding at the weekend but they examined me and said it was old blood and my cervix was closed so they just booked me in for another scan on Monday. That confirmed no further development and I started bleeding heavily on Tuesday. I've spent weeks worrying about it so I kind of just want to get back to normal now but things aren't great with my boyfriend either. We've known each other years but only been together a few months so he doesn't live with me or anything. He went home yesterday and has been messaging me since but his messages are really insensitive. He keeps telling me he's not ok either. Even when I said I'm exhausted he just said yeah me too. Same when he asked if I was ok and I said no, he said yeah me neither. I understand this was his baby too but I don't have the capacity to deal with that right now.

 

[Segotia]

I'm relatively new to TL. I just want to say what a lovely bunch of supportive people you are on here. I wish I had such a place to come to when I had my miscarriages and stillbirth - quite a long time ago. I had no support whatsoever, and I never spoke about my losses. I'm glad that things are changing, that pregnancy loss and stillbirth are no longer taboo subjects, and that there is at least some support available to parents who are dealing with these losses.