Lying about cancer?!

[Imjusta_Teenage_Dirtbag]

Just so strange. Why didn't he just tell her he wanted out? Also the dilemma of if he hasn't got the courage to tell her, is making up something like this really better than ghosting?

Sometimes I can be quite blunt when not wanting to go on more dates, but I think at least they know where they stand. There can be no confusion in "I am no longer interested in dating you. Bye".

Honestly I have no idea, and couldn’t tell you after all these years. I know she can be pretty full on after a lot of confidence issues etc, but never thought she would have been in that situation.

We weren’t even that local to him either - a good 30min train ride - so would have been easy to ghost or like you say, be honest and just move along.

The only thing I can maybe put it down to was being stupid kids as this was back when we were like 18-19….either way I dread to think how he is going about now and feel sorry AF for any future/current partners!

 

[Imjusta_Teenage_Dirtbag]

Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread through yet but just wanted to say it doesn’t sound like he is 100% telling the truth, and I’d be very surprised if the brother is who he says he is.

Out of interest - do you have the brothers phone number saved in your phone? I know you said about his WhatsApp pic but you could try checking you socials to connect with ‘contacts’ and see if any profiles come up….might at least clear up if the number is a brother or him? Could even lead to T’s socials aswell?

 

[TheGlossy]

It’s been 6 months…You’re just torturing yourself doing all this archive digging and contemplating whether you should tell the wife.

 

[TheGlossy]

Also, the bit about him being married - we don’t know the guy’s age range. If he’s in his early to mid twenties, it seems unlikely he’s even married (not saying people don’t marry young, but lesser probability of him being married).

 

[HelloStereo]

The only way he would be mainly sedated is if he is on hospice or been sent home to die. Sedated is very vague but they can give strong morphine and other meds that would help control the pain he is in towards end of life. Morphine and other meds combined can make you drowsy and sleepy.

There would be no need to keep somebody who is in their 30s, with no terminal diagnosis who is not on end of life care sedated. It just wouldn't happen.

And if he was on hospice or EOL care at home, his brother would not be concerned with texting you cryptic messages. You aren't his wife or even girlfriend. If somebody is going through that they want the people they love and care about surrounding their bedside so there would be no reason to shut you out if he cared.

The phone thing really is nonsense. I mean, I won't keep banging on about my work or family thing.... take Bowel Babe - a high profile media cancer case who sadly passed away earlier this year. She was on Instagram just days before her death.

Infection control measures were strict during covid but as another poster said .... they don't like flowers etc for specific reasons. However if he wanted you to visit, you could easily take along a little gift and nobody would be non the wiser.

He's twisted. Probably married. Or probably a bit clinically insane and compulsive liar. Either way, steer clear.

Yeah I read that flowers are not good because some patients can be allergic, and food of course because you don't know if they're on a special diet. But I thought a card or whatever would be okay.

And like you said, I wouldn't see why they'd keep a patient so sedated if it's not terminal and even then when theyre expected to pass away soon. They keep saying he's been sedated on morphine for months yet he's still having these invasive procedures and treatment and the prognosis isn't final and like you said, that just doesn't make sense.

My ex's mum had terminal bowel cancer and it was only in her final weeks she was asleep a lot, but when she was awake she was still with it and able to talk. And years before this she was able to get chemo as an outpatient.

It just seems such a weirdly catastrophic lie to tell.

Thank you for your insight, it's so helpful. I had my doubts about the story but it's just so helpful to have someone with experience in the medical field be like "no that wouldn't happen".

 

[HelloStereo]

Also, the bit about him being married - we don’t know the guy’s age range. If he’s in his early to mid twenties, it seems unlikely he’s doing this to hide he’s married.

No he's in his 30s, apparently

 

[HelloStereo]

Block, delete and move on.

id be doubtful that the brother even exists, let alone the cancer.

way too many red flags there. The fact you’ve never been to his house and don’t even know his last name?

honestly just walk away!

I don't know if the brother is him. I can't see him properly in the picture but his brother said "T always mentions you to me and my wife when we visit". Yet when T and I were talking about what we usually do for Christmas, T said his family come to him as he has the biggest house, and whatever girlfriend his brother might have at the time...He always came to me in my city, and then he was away on a few holidays so I never got a chance to go to his house as he lives 150 miles ish away from me.

At one point they're saying "he wants to see you when he's at home and better" and then they're saying "he probably won't make it out of hospital".

 

[HelloStereo]

The thing is he could be using one number to speak to you and another to speak to his mates, so if you text him pretending to be one of them, he’ll know it’s you. Besides, someone operating like this and presumably faking cancer probably doesn’t have a lot of friends if any.

These people are smart enough to use different numbers to avoid anyone finding out information about them. If his phone number didn’t allow to find any profile on any social media, he’s probably using a burner phone or different number to speak to you.

Yeah good point. He will probably sus it is me or another woman if he has led multiple people on.

Both his and his brother's numbers come up with nothing on social media. Unless they don't have social media accounts they definitely haven't associated their numbers with them.

 

[HelloStereo]

Agreed. I’m sure if he wanted to he could find out where you lived. Especially if he wanted revenge after telling his wife. He could have it on his phone. He could have saved the location. Anything. I think cos he was drunk he could a remember. He could come to ur area and find out. I’m sure it’s not the first time he’s done something like this and I could bet he lied to his wife to get with her or something. Sounds like a sicko pls don’t put yourself in danger @HelloStereo he’s not worth it

Possibly. I am still worried he might come to my area to be honest, although it's unlikely he knows my exact address.

I live in a flat in a massive block in quite a built up / busy area. He could know the rough location but I'd be surprised if he remembered the exact flat unless he took photos when I was unaware.

The story does seem to intricate for it to be the first time he's done it and you're right, we don't know the relationship he has with his wife, she could be genuinely unaware of how he is, or has been manipulated for years.

 

[HelloStereo]

Fair enough regarding the Facebook thing, I misunderstood.

And it can absolutely be daunting when you don't know the medical jargon behind things just the same as I wouldn't know if I was being lied to of someone got taken in for heart disease or kidney failure etc. BUT even if I didn't know the medical liklihood of it all, the fact you don't know his name, where he lives, and even the fact he's not on his phone in hospital. Very very dubious. I've known many ill people that are still able to use their phones. My Dad in 70s was able to text after his cancer operations to let us know he was out of surgery and recovering.

It's all nonsense and you seem nice. Run away fast.

The story is so confusing. He does have his phone in hospital and he has messaged me a couple of this around Christmas..but his brother said he is mainly sedated and can't sit up so that's why I don't get many messages.

From what he is saying the situation sounds dire. But then they're progressing with such aggressive treatment and lots of surgery which like you said, I didn't think they'd do if they didn't think there was a cure. As if it's just palliative isn't it to reduce discomfort or control the tumour growth in some cases.

It seems so strange to me he's sedated like 90% of the time yet apparently the prognosis is poor but not final. None of it makes sense to me.

Also perhaps you could shed light on whether there are times where you are not allowed to send even a card or present to them due to infection control even when staff can bring patients in presents . To me that was just...odd.

Sometimes people lie and for those of us who are mentally well, there is little point in trying to wrap your head around why other than they most likely get a kick out of the attention. By pretending to be his brother, he’s getting to ghost you whilst still indulging himself and stroking his ego as you talk about him and continue to show interest.

I used to work with someone who faked a pregnancy. The facts she gave never rang true and alarm bells rang for me from the minute she announced. It feels horrible to doubt someone but go with your gut

How do you even fake a pregnancy surely at the end of it you know people will expect to see a physical baby . I don't understand people that tell these big lies. It's not like you're only denying having the last biscuit

 

[HelloStereo]

I think after finding that out I’d tell his wife - usually I would say to stay out of it but the fact that he’s such a massive fantasist who wove such an intricate web of lies makes me feel really sorry for her being married to him - it’s worse than ‘normal’ cheating.

You know I wondered whether to tell her, especially now I know for sure who he is and that he's married. But on her profile it says "married since" and it has 2005. And I'm not sure whether to get involved- if he can weave such a lie and she has been married to him for 17 years surely she'd believe him over me and I'd be prolonging my experience. I don't know yet.

It was very easy for him, he has quite a good job (very different to what I thought he did but it makes sense now). He is sometimes invited to speak at conferences and stuff so I guess that's how he gets away with it.
---

No, they did not. It was in the US - catfishing is not a crime.

I will look at this thank you. I was reading a lot of catfishing accounts and one was about a famous person who catfished or was catfished I can't remember.

 

[HelloStereo]

I’m not entirely convinced there’s another woman but the whole things is crazy.

The whole situation is just so bizarre. It feels like one thing after another with small details that just don't seem to add up.

I felt so awful posting this as it's a terrible thing to lie about but I'm also almost relieved people are thinking the same as me?

 

[Begborrowsteal]

At this point, id just ask outright what he/they're playing at because its clearly bullshit!

 

[teabob]

The story is so confusing. He does have his phone in hospital and he has messaged me a couple of this around Christmas..but his brother said he is mainly sedated and can't sit up so that's why I don't get many messages.

From what he is saying the situation sounds dire. But then they're progressing with such aggressive treatment and lots of surgery which like you said, I didn't think they'd do if they didn't think there was a cure. As if it's just palliative isn't it to reduce discomfort or control the tumour growth in some cases.

It seems so strange to me he's sedated like 90% of the time yet apparently the prognosis is poor but not final. None of it makes sense to me.

Also perhaps you could shed light on whether there are times where you are not allowed to send even a card or present to them due to infection control even when staff can bring patients in presents . To me that was just...odd.



How do you even fake a pregnancy surely at the end of it you know people will expect to see a physical baby . I don't understand people that tell these big lies. It's not like you're only denying having the last biscuit

There was never going to be a baby. She just enjoyed the attention of announcing a pregnancy, feeling special then more attention when she “miscarried”. It was an Oscar worthy performance but so many things she said didn’t ring true. I was suspicious from the word go and told my sister and we reverse searched her scan pic which strangely she didn’t have an actual paper copy of and her name wasn’t visible on the screenshot she shared. From that point on, I knew it was a matter of time before she “miscarried”.

 

[HelloStereo]

Wow, what a story. My thoughts:

The brother is likely him. A brother may exist, but I doubt that's who is communicating with you

Do not give this person any money under any circumstances, whatever they may claim. Do not confirm any information about yourself either e.g. mother's maiden name, name of first pet, place of birth. Nothing.

This part is harsh - you don't know their full name, work place or address. There is no relationship here. Block them and move on.

No relationship no. We went on dates but it never progressed to a relationship. I wouldn't give any details away or send money and I do think the brother is him.

 

[HelloStereo]

Aw bless you. Maybe you will but I’d like to think the next person wouldn’t pull this stunt. I would probs be open and honest with them and explain you have trust issues & maybe fill them in a bit on the story. That way you’ll know by their response if they’re worth it. I would if it was me. But your choice.

Yes, just so theyre aware i guess it epuld be fair for the next person to know why i am how i am. Or at least I will be better at spotting red flags in future. It has been quite the experience

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Yeah it's so easy to get a burner phone and if he wants to get in touch I guess he will find a way. But at least I'm more equipped to see through everything now, which for me was the most harmful bit, causing angst etc.



I'm glad your friend met someone else soon after . I hope I do too, maybe in the new year.

Haha I have no idea about the charger thing. Are they not allowed in in case they're not compatible with the sockets at the hospital? Or did they think someone would hurt themselves with it? If it is infection control you'd think the mobile phone would be the most germy thing.

It was something to do with them potentially being faulty, that's why you could only use ones that they'd tested. They actually caught me using my own and told me quite sternly to unplug it. I've been on other wards in the same hospital and it wasn't an issue though so who knows. Maybe that ward was on a different circuit or something. It clearly isn't something that happens in lots of hospitals .

 

[HelloStereo]

There was never going to be a baby. She just enjoyed the attention of announcing a pregnancy, feeling special than more attention when she “miscarried”. It was an Oscar worthy performance but so many things she said didn’t ring true. I was suspicious from the word go and told my sister and we reverse searched her scan pic which strangely she didn’t have an actual paper copy of and her name wasn’t visible on the screenshot she shared. From that point on, I knew it was a matter of time before she “miscarried”.

Oh that's so sad she felt the need to do that. It feels like they're trying to manufactor sympathy from a fake situation but they're just the ones to lose out when people realise it's not true.

 

[HelloStereo]

Google the brother to see if anything comes up (just first name and city if you have it).

Also, wouldn’t need his last name to send a card to the hospital? Likelihood is he won’t give any info about his last name or hospital since these would be a dead giveaway.

Honestly, I don’t know how you can date someone whose last name is still a mystery to you after 6 months of dating. This part really baffles me because it’s a safety mater to me. Did you try asking for his last name before all this?

Did you meet him online first or how did you meet it? You don’t want to answer these, that’s fine, but the way you met him could be an indicator as well.

I'm not sure really. I didn't ask for his last name and since October I have barely spoken to him (once at the start, once towards the end and then heard from his brother a week or so ago).

I met him when I was out after work. I want to send a card and it would be a good indicator. I want to ask his brother where he is and what his last name is, but his brother seems to block me trying to find out things for myself.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Possibly. I am still worried he might come to my area to be honest, although it's unlikely he knows my exact address.

I live in a flat in a massive block in quite a built up / busy area. He could know the rough location but I'd be surprised if he remembered the exact flat unless he took photos when I was unaware.

The story does seem to intricate for it to be the first time he's done it and you're right, we don't know the relationship he has with his wife, she could be genuinely unaware of how he is, or has been manipulated for years.

I don’t think he would come to your area unless you pissed him off that’s what I would expect. How long has it been since you last spoke. Hope you’re ok. I’m sure he wouldn’t remember what floor you were on.