Please may I come to the festival? I am available for anything - no job is too big nor too small. Toilet trench tit shovelling... Bouncer/security... Guitar tech... fluffer. Just name it.
Lydia Millen #84 From tailored suit toff à la royale to Nasty Gal chav à la no morale
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Oh, thank you, @Oops... Mr. MK/Bennet has no compassion for my poor nervesMr Bennet! Mr Bennet! MR BENNET!!...
Oh I can see you now charging through the house screaming in excitement to your patient husband - who will reply
Yes, my dear - I am familiar with your nerves having suffered them these twenty years or more....
Alison Steadman’s got nothing on our @Milking Keynes/Havisham. You have cast yourself perfectlyAGAIN!
Watch this space - that’s all I’m sayin’
This is probably what he looks like WITHOUT a filter. Their whole image is curated and false. It’s sad.
Be still my beating heart! I love Captain Wentworth!Please can I join Downtonbury? I would like to bring Captain Wentworth
Gosh, what a stark contrast from what he used to look like. You'd think Lydiot would see this, worry and help support him in his quest to gain some weight and control his blood pressure. I'm glad he's throwing spinach in his morning omelette now but their dinners are still just carbs and cheese. Such poor nutrition.
Looking at the size of her veg garden and all she's trying to grow, how will that play into what they always eat - just pasta and mounds of cheese?
It makes no sense. And what happens to all the veg that grows and they don't eat?
I honestly do not get it. I'd love to see her actually show herself on camera eating several spoonfuls of green veg, then maybe I'll believe this was a passion.
However just like Porter, this garden and green house, as well as this horrendous reno downgrade, is solely for the views and to make $.
She's not even growing veg. She's just filled the greenhouse with store-bought plants, a massive table that basically fills the entire greenhouse then just potters around looking at 6 completely empty soil filled coffin beds.
If any veg does successfully grow, I will be sickened if they just toss in the rubbish, what they don't eat.
All the crap they cook now, which they have eaten for years...are they suddenly going to change their entire way of eating with meals full of veg and herbs? I haven't seen it yet and that is a major lifestyle change from what they are scarfing down now.
It would be criminal if they did not donate the veg they grow when there are countless people unable to afford proper nutrition.
She is illogical, pretentious and makes no sense. Just bloody bizarre!
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Really don’t worry there is no veg and there will be no veg! Too much work and expense… why spend hundreds of pounds on water for veg when you normally don’t spend money on veg???
RSVPing for Downtownbury please @Oops... although I am unfamiliar with the Downtonbury experience, I would gladly be the Chief Operating Valet and help the elite VIP attendees park their range rovers and Astons ...(my qualifications speak for themselves... i know what a V8 engine is 
) ... hoping you consider my application favourably 
) ... hoping you consider my application favourably Is a V8 a dish with 8 vegetables ?? (Lidl speaking)RSVPing for Downtownbury please @Oops... although I am unfamiliar with the Downtonbury experience, I would gladly be the Chief Operating Valet and help the elite VIP attendees park their range rovers and Astons ...(my qualifications speak for themselves... i know what a V8 engine is
Oh and I don’t have a v8 I have a V40
Can I come pretty please 
Same. I would even man the ketchup stall - bring your baked beans, sausage rolls, pasta, gangsta rolls, jacket potatoes, burgers, pizzas, I am the master of squeezy ketchup..please hire me too!
I see we also share the same birthday month.I would love to come, but considering it ( JUNE) is my birthday month, and a very important one, l’m not sure that I will have time with all the non existant boxes I shall have to open and the non existant flower displays that I have to display ! If I find the time I shall come with my box tent and grumpy snoopy and gorgeous Muffin. I can maybe teach people my non existant talent??!!
That fellow looks like he’s really trying hard to understand what Ali is saying.I cannot get over how skinny Ali is looking in this clip he shared on insta stories.
I think his only meal today must’ve been the tiny amount of spinach he was making earlier!
I’d love it if you could possibly bring Captain (Swoon) Wentworth to our Bonnets and Frocks Garden Party on first Saturday in May too if that is possible. Our Downtonbury Festival isn’t until end of June and although it will be great to see him again then, I sense you and he will make a decidedly enviable couple at our earlier Garden Party: if you get my drift. I believe he knew great houses like Chawton (our venue) rather well and will feel very much at home on the day So you might not have to use too much Persuasion to get him to come...Please can I join Downtonbury? I would like to bring Captain Wentworth
.Who else do you love? Quick sticks - NAB HIM NOW
edit. Colonel Brandon has already been taken - NTS must do a list to put up tomorrow.
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Hope his key card works! Always a shitter when it doesn’t. He’ll have to go and speak to that crazy witch on reception/country kitchen/national trust tea room!
And if he’s not taken, Margo will see that he is..(watch out - all I’m saying).I’d love it if you could possibly bring Captain (Swoon) Wentworth to our Bonnets and Frocks Garden Party on first Saturday in May too if that is possible. Our Downtonbury Festival isn’t until end of June and although it will be great to see him again then, I sense you and he will make a decidedly enviable couple at our earlier Garden Party: if you get my drift. I believe he knew great houses like Chawton (our venue) rather well and will feel very much at home on the day So you might not have to use too much Persuasion to get him to come...
Who else do you love? Quick sticks - NAB HIM NOW
edit. Colonel Brandon has already been taken - NTS must do a list to put up tomorrow.
I will say this slowly and only once...
At Downtonbury you are our Keynote Speaker on the Archer Karcher Method. You are appearing In The Havisham Horizontally Mobile Tent...Tick.
Naturally, you are also doing our Bonnets and Frocks Garden Party at Chawton House and bringing our heartthrob Archer to that too. Tick
Ahem...Havisham! - Just to stop me going completely cuckoo...No! Sorry! Too late! I’m cuckoo!!
Are you now also saying that you wish to be hired in the capacity of a squeezy ketchup bottle assistant at one or both of the 2 Events we are planning?
Anyone know where there‘s a nest I can lay my weary head in for the night please? Honestly - these besties...
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And if he’s not taken, Margo will see that he is..(watch out - all I’m saying).
I’m such a wench! He has to be taller than 5’10. But then again when you are laying down...
( must be my rubber skirt and leggings and my come hither hair )‘
I would like to say ..oh, but my nerves.. have you no sympathy, @Oops, are you trying to confuse me.. do you not think my life is trying enough with Mr. MK/Bennet? Am I not suffering enough? OK - you are forcing me into a drop cloth- cloth’s droppings right now - ringing Mel O’Dramatic for support - breathe..... OK, I admit it - I am putting myself forward for far too many roles, hence, I am exhausted and nerves are frazzled.I will have to take a step back for the good of my health. @Oops - I will forfeit my role as squeezy ketchup bottle.I will say this slowly and only once...
At Downtonbury you are our Keynote Speaker on the Archer Karcher Method you are appearing In The Havisham Horizontally Mobile Tent...Tick.
Naturally, you are also doing our Bonnets and Frocks Garden Party at Chawton House and bringing our heartthrob Archer to that too. Tick
Ahem...Havisham! - Just to stop me going completely cuckoo...No! Sorry! Too late! I’m cuckoo!! Are you now also saying that you wish to be hired in the capacity of a squeezy ketchup bottle assistant at one or both of the 2 Events we are planning.
Anyone know where there’s a nest I can lie my weary head in for the night please? Honestly these besties...
I can help out, I promise not to steal any man. I’ve been told I’m good with my hands
, so squeezing the ketchup bottle would not be a problem...
@Oops... I would be delighted to attend as well. I can offer my personally lucrative and very sought after services.
They are, in no particular order:
* How to: Fluffing and chopping bespoke cushions. (I'll even #kindlygift each participant their own ABSOLUTELY beautiful tweed/linen blend cushion in a patriotic British racing green with discrete warring pheasants.) Please note, my method is proven to give results of more calories burnt, thusly your waists will be closer to the hallowed LEM 23" waist (cinching sold separately).
* Learn to stomp like you mean it. I will teach you to position your body so your back is hunched just so. This walk/posture means business and the plebs will scatter in your wake. As an added bonus, you will hunch in your car and over your meals too. So luxe!
* Learn to curate your friends into high powered positions. You will be left being able to authoritatively say "My COO, my CEO, my CFO, my Assistant, etc. etc." This will instantly elevate your social standing and leave your foes shaking in their Choos.
* Bullseye throwing! (This is a very popular series of training I offer.) You will learn how to throw crockery just so, that the resulting cracked panes of high hewn glass panes left still present and accounted for. Yet, giving beautiful, bespoke, long sleek cracks of broken glass look which will instantly leave everyone wondering if they should mind their Ps and Qs around you. Thus making you more powerful than ever.
My dear DH has offered his own service as well, for those that should or would like to learn.
*How to scam, bespoke luxe styles. Tax evasion via reselling #kindlygifted/#ad goods with inflated shipping for added income. As a bonus gift to anyone that would like to attend his verrrrry profitable series, he will singlehandedly provide attendees with a programming code for their social media channels that automatically re-renders all less than positive (#hatersandtrolls) messages from their social media channels, WITHOUT losing said engagement. Cleverly, the negative nellies wordiness will go POOF!, becoming adulating, sycophantic, grammatically perfect, fawning commentary which will hold your engagement numbers and make everyone think you're the bee's knees and dog's bollocks.
Or he and I are happy to squeeze ketchup bottles, hand grate blocks of cheese, and/or open tins of tuna.
They are, in no particular order:
* How to: Fluffing and chopping bespoke cushions. (I'll even #kindlygift each participant their own ABSOLUTELY beautiful tweed/linen blend cushion in a patriotic British racing green with discrete warring pheasants.) Please note, my method is proven to give results of more calories burnt, thusly your waists will be closer to the hallowed LEM 23" waist (cinching sold separately).
* Learn to stomp like you mean it. I will teach you to position your body so your back is hunched just so. This walk/posture means business and the plebs will scatter in your wake. As an added bonus, you will hunch in your car and over your meals too. So luxe!
* Learn to curate your friends into high powered positions. You will be left being able to authoritatively say "My COO, my CEO, my CFO, my Assistant, etc. etc." This will instantly elevate your social standing and leave your foes shaking in their Choos.
* Bullseye throwing! (This is a very popular series of training I offer.) You will learn how to throw crockery just so, that the resulting cracked panes of high hewn glass panes left still present and accounted for. Yet, giving beautiful, bespoke, long sleek cracks of broken glass look which will instantly leave everyone wondering if they should mind their Ps and Qs around you. Thus making you more powerful than ever.
My dear DH has offered his own service as well, for those that should or would like to learn.
*How to scam, bespoke luxe styles. Tax evasion via reselling #kindlygifted/#ad goods with inflated shipping for added income. As a bonus gift to anyone that would like to attend his verrrrry profitable series, he will singlehandedly provide attendees with a programming code for their social media channels that automatically re-renders all less than positive (#hatersandtrolls) messages from their social media channels, WITHOUT losing said engagement. Cleverly, the negative nellies wordiness will go POOF!, becoming adulating, sycophantic, grammatically perfect, fawning commentary which will hold your engagement numbers and make everyone think you're the bee's knees and dog's bollocks.
Or he and I are happy to squeeze ketchup bottles, hand grate blocks of cheese, and/or open tins of tuna.
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