Lydia Millen #52 Flopmas with the MGs, Hermès bag for her majesty, needs a f*kn dictionary

[Vicki2221]

I know I'm way behind, but just saw Ali's blog with the roast. They talk about deciding to cook their own roasts like they have decided to take a course in quantum physics. You can see how utterly intimidated and confused they both are at the prospect. Lydia is so awkward and uncomfortable in her own kitchen. It's so weird and quite pathetic.

 

[Miscanthus]

NOOOOOOOOOO I love the Polls and Lists.


My prediction from a while back was 'a new kitchen'.
Avert your eyes, list coming
I am basing this on these facts-
If her kitchen is installed over the tiles it will be a bigger job to get them up and could damage her kitchen - install new kitchen
She wants a more rustic look to her kitchen - install new kitchen
She mentioned twice that she doesn't want a new kitchen and she is a lying cow so - install new kitchen
Once the whole house is redecorated and new dining table in kitchen and is more earthy she will want a butlers sink, butchers block countertops, more open shelving etc etc - install new kitchen

Rest assured there will be lists...and polls...and more lists and polls!

Good point, I am just intrigued to know how many we have on this thread, I bet it goes into +1000 but this one can always wait! I like the idea of a 2021 poll. My one is rather sad though... Lydia will get rid of Porter...

or move to THE HOUSE OF DREAMS (better for Porter and Lumi ofc)

Noted!
Well 627 (I think) answered the last poll (and only had one choice!), plus Irish, Tattlers from Australia, New Zealander, Mauritius and many other places, and others who just lurk, so you might be right!

 

[Themoomoo]

FUR BABIES IN THE WOOD.

ACT 8.

Scene 1. Clearing in the Wood. Night.

As the curtain rises the eagle-eyed of us will notice that the sign over the porch says Dunbotherin’. The stage now has another 7 cat-scratching posts and in excess of 34 dog beds. All have been kindly gifted by our anonymous benefactor. The whole Company are on stage. It is bed time and our Fur Babies are settling down for the night. Many of the dogs are sharing beds. Little pickle Stannis has parked his watermelon next to a hay bale and forks a few more prawns into his mouth just to keep him going whilst he sleeps. Casper, Harvey, Bruiser, Chilli, Dexter, Benny and Monty are all comfortably settled on the new 5 storey scratching post which they have claimed for Maine Coon purposes only. Their huge, beautiful tails waft from side to side causing a nice breeze for Sonic our hedgehog who lies below in a little cardboard box full of straw. He’s decided that hibernation can wait a little longer this year because he really does want to see what Father Christmas might bring him. His heart is set on his jar of delicious creepy crawlies. Charlie (Panda Bear) has found a bright red sock and he is busily burying it within the padded folds of his bed. He plans to hang it up as a stocking tomorrow and he imagines himself in the morning dashing around being chased with it hanging from his mouth before he hangs it up. The thought makes him sigh with happiness. Bonnie, Dinah and Griffin are curled around each other having a whispered conversation about Quantum Physics. They are incredibly clever and intelligent. Our hamsters have come to life and are busy whirling round and round on their Hygge Hamster Wheel (now out of stock). It’s such fun travelling nowhere as a trio. Billy has his head under his wing but one eye remains firmly open as he sits in the lovely Christmas tree with Marmalade. Moon runs around head-butt kissing everyone goodnight. Murphy our stunning Merle Great Dane can’t find a new bed big enough to accommodate his length of bone comfortably. He’s tried pushing two dog beds together but it didn’t work. Unperturbed, he simply flops down on the floor next to Cooper and gives him a big sloppy kiss. Cooper scratches the top of Murphy’s tail in thanks and then settles back down next to Coco. Coco has been wondering who will read them their bedtime Fairy Tale Story tonight. She loves listening to stories especially when-she’s tired. Bentley, Nacho Cheese and Frank lie panting on a hay bale. Frank the Pug has been a little snuffly today and Lula has been giving him healing to help him breathe more easily. Cool Surfer Dude Ben and Luna snuggle together having been practising their dancing all day. Elvis and Nobby have been holding up their score cards after each dance. There is a sudden noise in the undergrowth OSR and all the Fur Babies become alert and watch expectantly. 2 adorable Shorthair Cats - Tiger and Lily enter. Each carry a little bowl to place at the front of stage with the other 104. They have been travelling through the night to get here. Tiger needs to find someone to give him a big cuddle quickly because he hasn’t had one for at least an hour whilst he’s been travelling. Gracie immediately jumps down off her scratching post to give him the wealth of her guidance and comfort. Lily begins to groom herself immediately in order that everyone can admire her beauty. Everyone does. There is an even louder thrashing sound coming from the undergrowth OSL. All the Fur Babies turn to the left as Norman the Ginger Cat enters dragging a water bowser behind him. He gives all the Fur Babies a cheery wave as he hauls the bowser to the front of the stage. Pulling his own water bowl out from under his arm he places it on the floor. He scampers across stage to collect Tiger and Lily’s bowls and scampers back to place them before beginning to fill the 107 bowls with water from the bowser. When all 107 bowls are full he drags the water bowser OSR and scampers back for his bedtime story. Everyone takes to him immediately and Norman is delighted. He likes to contribute. Milkshake, Ulla, Muffin the Cat and Smokey make room for him to join them on their post and he snuggles in contentedly. Tommo has joined Lulu, Silvi and Poppy in their bed. They beg him to sing them a little song before they go to sleep. They love his basso-profundo voice so very much. It sends shivers down their spines. Tommo explains that he will do so in the morning when he has had the chance to warm his voice up on his walk. Grumpy Snoopy and Muffin have claimed exactly the same bed as they have at home. Snoopy is very particular about beds and only the very best is good enough. Apart from that it’s the necessity of familiarity. Familiarity is very important to a Dachshund - ask any Muffin, Silvi, Poppy and Lulu! Gem and Teddy Bear are cosied together on the ground beneath the tree. Gem has been telling Teddy Bear all about her wonderful Granddad who loved sailing. Teddy Bear has been enthralled and is considering giving a Ted Talk about sailing once he loses his shyness and finds out what sailing is. Little Lady Sky listened to these conversations - anything about sailing really makes her prick her ears up. Teddy and Tilly lie nearby and Teddy has started to consider the possibility of giving a Ted Talk too. Tilly has a hard think about giving a Tilly Talk. The Stage lights flicker a little as the Magical Book of Bedtime Stories floats onto stage and hovers in the air. All the Fur Babies watch in eager anticipation to see who their magical book lands next to. The closest Fur Baby to where the book lands gets to read out the story. The gilded book hovers over the head of each Fur Baby and finally lands next to......................Gracie! Everyone is utterly delighted and claps ecstatically! The glittering book then rises again and hovers. After a little while it comes down and lands next to................Roo the Border Collie! Everyone claps heartily again. Tonight two Fur Babies will read the story. What fun! Apollo pushes a hay bale to CS and as the stage lights dim and a single spotlight comes on Roo and Gracie jump on to the hay bale and open the Magical Fairy Tale Book. The Fur Babies all settle down. Tonight’s story is a cautionary tale...

GRACIE.
Mariah Fitzwilliam’s dog - Duchess D’Offhandiah
Suffered with piles and delusions of grandeur
When it came to comparisons none could be found
She was simply the ultimate, posh Afghan Hound
She knew she was glamorous slender and fair
With her toffee nose primly stuck up in the air
She was pampered and prissy - a whiner - a moaner
Attributes she’d gladly picked up from her owner

Her nails were well manicured three times a week
And her hair was shampooed ‘til it shone with a squeak
Her Pedigree took two full hours to read
Not an ancestor needing to once be de-flead
Her Mother was Haughty Hermione-Coutts
And her Father - Cruft‘s Champion - Lord Snooty Boots
She lived on a Dockland Estate in the South
And she tended to bark with a plum in her mouth

Her kennel was large and it had a nice view
With a bathroom complete with discreet doggy-loo
Her windows were glazed; she had full central heating
And a four-poster bed trimmed with pink satin sheeting
In her Armoire were frocks made from cashmere and silk
She never drank water but lapped asses milk
Or a bowl of Earl Grey as she lounged on her spot
On her nice cool verandah - she loathed feeling hot

Her mistress Mariah was pasty and plain
And quite frankly my darlings - a bit of a pain
She was greasy, had spots and her long hair hung lanky
Her Dad drove a ‘Roller’ - now wasn’t that swanky?
He was gormlessly boring and terribly thin
And a lot of poor people bought used cars from him
Her Mother was loud - but her Father the loudest
Of the four of them, Duchess was smartest and proudest

One night from her bed, she heard noises and saw
A removal van drawing up to the front door
Men took all the furniture out of the house
Then the family tip-toed as one - like a mouse
And sneaked into the ‘Roller’ belonging to Dad
Duchess cried, ‘Wait for me! Are you stark staring mad?’
I must tell you she’d started to worry a bit
And besides - she quite fancied a quick moonlight flit

A policeman next day, found her loose in the garden
”Excuse me!’’ she barked ’’I do so beg your pardon -
They’ve been most forgetful - they’ve left me you know -
I was due at my hairdresser’s two hours ago!’’
The policeman - who didn’t like dogs very much
Got hold of her collar and said ‘’Come on Butch -
It’s the Dog’s Home for you!” - “My name’s Duchess!’’ - she growled
Then he bundled her into his van and she howled

ROO.
The dog’s home was vile, all the food came in tins
Her steel cage had bars and for all of her sins
She was left there alone with no four-poster bed
She was given a mat for her beautiful head
Her sleek hair grew matted and smelly and fungal
She was now forced to mix with a Peke and a Mongrel
An old German Shepherd, a dog-eared Jack Russell
She ignored them aloofly not moving a muscle

’’You’re all very common and not to my taste
And the food at this hotel’s like wallpaper paste
I simply won’t stay - very soon I will go
I am used to much better - I’ll have you all know!’’
She was totally wrong - other dogs came and went
She was told that the time they allowed had been spent
No-one would claim her - her body weight halved
And she lay on her mat looking bony and starved

She simply had no way of earning her keep
So they whispered of sending her somewhere called ‘Sleep’
Her back now flea ridden was hard to the wall
There was no-one to help her - nobody to call
Then a butcher from Stepney called Freddy Cor’Blimey
Who had two massive hands and a T shirt with ‘Try Me’
Emblazoned across his wide chest for a joke
Had a van that broke down - it was billowing smoke

He’d delivered some meat when he’d asked for some water
And couldn’t help seeing her there in her quarter
”’Allo there me beauty” - he cried with a nod
She looked up and said, ‘Am I dead? - Are you God?’
’’’I can’t take yer ‘ome gal... me Missus is bossy
You can live in me van an’ I’ll christen yer Flossie’’
So Flossie D’Offhandiah-Snooty-Boots-Coutts
Went to live with the butcher with crimplene suits

She lived out the rest of her life in his van
Eating scrag-end-of-neck from the big handed man
She had no space or comfort, her back legs grew lame
Her loo was the street - just imagine the shame!
Her beauty had faded, she wanted to die
There were days when she’d lie in his van and just cry
She felt that her new life just wasn’t worth tuppence
Many cynics would say she had got her come-uppance





BLACKOUT






Copyright 2020

Love love love! Thank you

 

[ach0902]

Now that Buckinghamshire is Tier 3 I can't wait to see Lidl tell us she doesn't actually live there and is still in Tier 2 in Northamptonshire

 

[Upintheair83]

More than happy to do a poll! I didn't do one this time as I'm aware it can take over the thread. Also somebody (not sure who) said "Please no more polls or lists "



I was also thinking that for the new year we could have a poll of our favourite predictions for what Lydia will do in 2021....so get thinking! I'll try and collate them, now we know how many options we can have in the poll.

I predict as before, she will become a fully fledged member of soho house ala Josie!!!!

 

[Habsy123]

Now that Buckinghamshire is Tier 3 I can't wait to see Lidl tell us she doesn't actually live there and is still in Tier 2 in Northamptonshire

Hahaaaa was literally about to say this! I suspect Madame will choose to just not address this fact. I hope she posts something that prompts someone to comment asking why she is breaking tier 3 restrictions, she’ll probably slip up and say “We are following all the rules, we’re in Tier 2 lovely x”


But she reads here so that probably won’t happen

 

[coconochanel]

She was going on about how Charlie 'darling' Josie's husband would have a fit if Ali served them the meal he cooked but what about her beige jk potato with cheese or pasta with cheese or a boring cheese board?

 

[Chatty Kattie]

Josie and Charlie would have a fit if you ever served this to them" "It's such a sad dish"

Oh sure, so much better if Lidl served them her signature mystery slop (it looks like pasta with sauce, but then again, it also looks like cat vomit). What’s truly sad here is that the mouth-breather feels she has the authority to ridicule anyone at all.

Not to be mean, but, OMG, the expression on that woman’s face when she’s trying to understand what is being said/attempting to make a joke. You can practically see every cylinder misfiring. To put it in her words: “sad times”.

 

[Dotty92]

Where is she speaking about dog food? I’ve got to hear this shite! Although if she is going raw- not butternut box- then I’m really happy as it’s the best thing you can feed!

I purchase my dog food from Cotswold raw, which costs around £60 a month. Yes butternut box may gift her one box- but she’ll soon switch to kibble when she has to start paying for the dog food herself!

 

[Miss Trunchbull]

Love love love! Thank you

Did you notice she’s now calling her pets ‘fur babies’........Oops needs to be credited for that one Lids!

 

[toomuchstuff]

Tbf I thought it was carries bf in the video but I think it was Ali in the background you could hear? No?Not sure

Yup I went back to have a look so that if I saw clear evidence I was going to write something on the vlog, even if it got me banned BUT I dont think the evidence was there.

It’s because her teeth get in the way of just about everything. Her blow jobs must be agony. No wonder Chad has such a high pitched voice

No folks 'She takes her teeth out".

 

[Claretomas]

Yup I went back to have a look so that if I saw clear evidence I was going to write something on the vlog, even if it got me banned BUT I dont think the evidence was there.

This sounds really sad-but I noticed it straightaway....There’s a part where Lydia is filming and you can see the reflection of Carrie and her boyfriend in the tv. They’re sitting very close together so I’d be shocked if it’s Ali!!!

 

[Lola Faith]

She doesn't care about anything or anyone but her and getting what she wants, it must be so exhausting being Lydia, being jealous of everyone, and so demanding to be with, and attention seeking. She's that friend that consumes you and drains you, most people have encountered someone like that, I know I have, and she tried to take over my life and demand my attention all the time with her dramas, and the only way to deal with it was to end the friendship, as she couldn't be the friend you speak to on the phone twice a week and see once a week or two weeks.

She's also stupidly obsessive about buying stuff and getting stuff, just look at all the stuff she's 'acquired' for the puppy. The dog will not be much bigger than Lumi, it's a miniature, and she's bought a rope lead, a big leather lead and tons of heavy collars for it. Poor little thing only needs a fabric harness, it's going to be tiny.

She is soul-less and love-less and I'm struggling to understand the situation with her and Carrie these days, I know Carrie is an enabler, and she's obviously being paid well to be the friend and manager, but is she even a good manager? Look at the work Lydia is doing these days, it's not with any of the super brands ever, it's not even with anyone decent! Wonder how long this situation will continue?

 

[Itsnikki123]

IntheFrow’s Bvlgari ad Vs Lydia’s ad....

 

[Chez01]

This is me, trying to look as if 5 inch heels are my everyday footwear of choice, while trying to stand up in an underground car park.
[/

Where is she speaking about dog food? I’ve got to hear this shite! Although if she is going raw- not butternut box- then I’m really happy as it’s the best thing you can feed!

i pray to the gods she doesn’t use bloody royal canin.. I feed my 3 mini daxies the raw food from nutriment, they are thriving on it

 

[Coffeeblack]

She was going on about how Charlie 'darling' Josie's husband would have a fit if Ali served them the meal he cooked but what about her beige jk potato with cheese or pasta with cheese or a boring cheese board?

‘Josie has hearty meals every night like hog roast, duck roasted potatoes, AUTHENTIC YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS’. Firstly that would be so rude if people were to ‘throw a fit’ about having a meal cooked for them. Secondly ‘authentic Yorkshire puddings’? And thirdly...it’s not really healthy to eat like that all the time Lydia! She sounds like a right pretentious twit

 

[georgiecait]

IntheFrow’s Bvlgari ad Vs Lydia’s ad....

I have to hand it to Victoria, that reel was impressive!

 

[shiroyagisan]

The Tatty Award
View attachment 351092

I've actually used this exact shop to order a trophy and despite it being *very* affordable I was really impressed with both the quality of the trophy and the service they provided. If it weren't for the fact that I don't want to waste my hard-earned pennies on Her Labiaship, I would send one to her PO box

 

[Sage245]

I’m so annoyed that she’s managed to mix in her bots to make it look less obvious. She really thinks she’s come out of the whole bot buying thing unscathed

 

[guggugugu]

She doesn't care about anything or anyone but her and getting what she wants, it must be so exhausting being Lydia, being jealous of everyone, and so demanding to be with, and attention seeking. She's that friend that consumes you and drains you, most people have encountered someone like that, I know I have, and she tried to take over my life and demand my attention all the time with her dramas, and the only way to deal with it was to end the friendship, as she couldn't be the friend you speak to on the phone twice a week and see once a week or two weeks.

She's also stupidly obsessive about buying stuff and getting stuff, just look at all the stuff she's 'acquired' for the puppy. The dog will not be much bigger than Lumi, it's a miniature, and she's bought a rope lead, a big leather lead and tons of heavy collars for it. Poor little thing only needs a fabric harness, it's going to be tiny.

She is soul-less and love-less and I'm struggling to understand the situation with her and Carrie these days, I know Carrie is an enabler, and she's obviously being paid well to be the friend and manager, but is she even a good manager? Look at the work Lydia is doing these days, it's not with any of the super brands ever, it's not even with anyone decent! Wonder how long this situation will continue?

Based on the latest vlogs: feels like Cawwiee is getting very tired with Lidl. That bitchy boss has definitely killed her light, she's not such a happy sunshine anymore. It must be hard for anyone to work with their friend(s), but I'm sure it's even harder when your work mate is Lidl. She's so energy consuming with all her requirements, foolish obsessions and the need to be the center of attention all the time. And last but not least, she is so très stupide.