Hi Tattlers
You called it. For once. It actually destroys me to my very core having to congratulate Josie. A brand ambassador for a diffuser though? How frickin lame. I wish she'd diffuse herself into nothing. Inside I'm secretly thinking no, no, sweetie. You're not THE tit. You're a PIECE of tit. But she did send me double portions of pasta so she can't be all that bad. Oh wait is she actually pulling a Regina George on me?! Are you jealous that I'm a size 4 and you're not Josie?! I've had to start wearing fleeces to cover a multitude of sins after carb overload. And I've now got acne. Next it actually will be sweatpants. Luckily, I'm surrounded by a bubble of love, and Cawwee pondered you know what world look great on me? Cement. I was like you silly moo moo, pigeon colour is so last month, sage is everything.
Can you believe though that sage has only just made it onto to my home account? I've been such a busy moo moo with trying to start my new life. And who actually are Neptune promoting the wrong shade of green?! Boundaries Susan. Keeping it real though, I have been frustrated that I had so many plans in the works, but so little has happened. I adapted to the new normal after day #1. The rest of the human race are imbeciles. Always deflecting onto this global pandemic or whatever. My husband is included in this imbecile category. The audacity that he actually went away for a week whilst there's still work to be done in the house. I'll show him who owns the balls around here. I've now mentally chained him to a coffin. And I'm banning him from ever thinking of, yet alone using twigs, for the gram again. That's his career dead and buried he-he-he.
Unlike mine. Did you see I'm doing a hair tutorial for John Lewis? Now I admit after hairgate I don't exactly have perfect hair anymore, still a scarecrow solid 9.5 though. I asked if they could attach the hair from my 'tache to my broken bits, but hairdresser #29 said no, it doesn't work like that. She's so stoopy. She's the kind of dumbass who puts gum on top of the desk instead of underneath it. On another note, I'm a lover receiver of all Johns, not only John Lewis, John my one fanboy and not forgetting John the Baptist. All my staff say working for me is like a baptism of fire. Well except for Depop Dee. She gave everyone and everything up to be my #1 fangirl. I'm sure she'll remember them all in therapy sometime soon. I've also been nominated to do a podcast on gender based violence online. It's going to be all about me. I just need to write up some more hate DMs first to prove my point. I don't actually need RL proof. Take Lynx's demise for example. I just rely on my gut. But cheers to all the haters in my head. Be patient, so much more is coming. Just not my community guidelines.
Goodnight Tattlers. I'm going to read 1 page of my book, How To Be An Asshole. Vol. 2. It's nearly as riveting as my empty paged binders. I'll have definitely earned my weekly lie-in just as the doctor ordered. Speaking of doctors, I'll admit I've had more filler, more is well more. He did advise not to look up though or my nose may poke a hole in the o-zone layer. But as I'm so tall anyway I only look down on people so problem solved.
Love Lydia xx