Vlog Monday 27th July 2020
- Strong start - She acknowledges, whilst drinking her green tea, 'SHE hasn't broken all of her other mugs'. Knew it. Ali breaking the mug was about as suspicious as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
- She went to bed at 7pm and woke at 6am so she's feeling chipper. She still has a headache though. Obviously. Lemme break this down for you girl. You have two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
- She's had a word with herself in her head, as she's neglected a lot of the things that make her feel better. She doesn't know how someone who usually takes such good care of themselves has lost their way. I do. It's called flopitis.
- The lemon and ginger tonic has made a strong comeback. She's not been making it recently, as she just didn't have the correct storage until it was gifted. Obviously. Lydia, you look like a person that would exchange one of your chromosomes for free tubberware.
- She's taken another few days off. She just does not feel like vlogging so won't. Awesome work ethics, Lydia. You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
- She's listening to an audio book - 'consciousness way out of pain'. Clearly the aftermath of Glóby. Don't waste your few remaining brain cells. I'll help a girl out and tell you where you're going wrong. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
- She's going to crack on with all of the good stuff - organisation, self-care and so on. Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
- But first she's cleaning her earrings, as she acknowledges they're absolutely filthy from all her foundation and fake tan. She highlights she should so do this more often. This isn't self-care, Lydia. It's basic personal hygiene.
- She's wearing her new sage green linen dress. She wishes she steamed it first, but it's an 'over the head jobby' so she leaves it on. You have a room temperature IQ. If the room is in Antarctica.
- She states responding to comments is her favourite thing to do on vlogs. You mean police said comments. We can always tell when you are lying, Lydia. Your lips move.
- Cawwee and her have been cooking up a storm in the kitchen apparently and made a list of things she didn't have. She's proud she's got quite good at cooking. She then reheats left-over pasta for dinner. Standard.
- She emphasises that she'll have to run her new kitchenware through the dishwasher. She'll tell you that for free. After Tattle told you that for free.
- She's ordered lots of things for entertaining purposes. She's going to host a pizza making party. Is that just for the boys, Lydia? Or will you allow them to bring their girlfriends too?
- We're now onto the fun stuff apparently - oven gloves and, wait for it, a new apron to add to the collection. As an outsider Lydia, what do you think of the human race?
- It's third time a charm for her rosemary sproot. She wasn't giving it enough water. Shes now evolved to calling them 'sprootys'. Whenever you say the S word, I visualise the duct tape across your mouth.
- She's had Neptune retreating her dining table. If she wanted lots of oil marks she would have bought an old antiquey table. It's quite annoying she says. USE TABLE MATS AND COASTERS THEN!! I'm going to need you to put your few brain cells together and work with me here.
- She has a designer in for the games room. She's not going to vlog however, as it's not a collaboration. I don't dislike you, Lydia. I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence. Or another secret room project.
- She's sharing the new office with Ali as she can't work in the downstairs office with Cawwee. Apparently as Cawwee uses the opportunity to ask her questions. You know, doing her job. What an actual boss babe you are Lydia!
- Ali has told her the baby can then have the office room. She eye-rolls and jokes she's happy for it to go at back of house. Listening to you Lydia, I understand why some animals eat their young.
- Ali is concerned his chocolate starfish may be seen in the reflection of the mirrored bed. I safely conclude that bacteria is the only culture this couple have.
- She really 'does not know where she's got to in life in this vlog'. Nowhere Lydia. Literally nowhere.
But the fact she loves calling herself a 'creator' cracks me up and grinds my gears at the same time. Girl doesn't have a creative bone in her body. Order crap online and then opening it whilst videoing yourself doesn't mean you are a bloody creative.