What's Happening in 2023 (that no one gives a tit about): The breakdown
Lydia's talking about her intro. Vlogmas traditionally is filmed every day in December, but 'flogmas' can, unashamedly, be pre-filmed in Novemeber. Lydiots happy it's cold because it makes the grass sparkle. She then explains her confusion about the sun being up or down in the morning. . . .
Today Lidl is trying to flog us Karen Millen and we are going to be treated to 'behind the scenes' content.
In the taxi, on the way to London, Lids sees an ad featuring a dog. She proceeds to talk to the picture of the dog, in a baby voice . . .
We are in the KM offices and Lyds is stroking clothes. Cue time-lapses interspersed with snippets of women saying 'wow', 'beautiful' and lots of Lidls fake laughter.
More trying to flog us next years KM collection, skip skip skip.
More time lapse of a meeting, they are reviewing pics of our Lyds, more fake laughter, and slowing to normal time when anyone says anything complimentary about her, this is known as narcissism.
Back home the butler/husband has used a baby wipe to clean a pouffe that Lydiot managed to soil with soot but couldn't be arsed to clean herself, the dirty Gertie.
More KM chat and talking to dogs (IRL this time) in the baby voice.
In the bathroom Worzel Gummidge is stroking her straw locks and telling us she is authentic. We are then gifted with some hair care advice, this is known as irony.
The cat's ill and going to the vet so the butler has fed the cat on Lidls bed, whilst she's in it. Don't be concerned about the Egyptian cotton bedsheets, old Al' has put a pair of shorts under the cat bowl. Hilarity ensues when the cat moves and this obviously means 'Daddy', aka the butler, then has to get out of bed to take the cats bowl away, because Lidl can't be arsed.
The next day brave Lydiot takes the cat to the vets and gets 'the saddest news I've ever been told'. The 8 year old cat has arthritis.
We go outside to look at windows, and if you still have any will to live you can listen to Lidl talk about the 'synergy' of the colour of the window frames.
The end