Congratulations
@Furloughedhousewife you got yourself a Title - you’ve been a gifted a winning prize that will never be sent to you. Enjoy
Note: had to slightly shorten to get it in
The aftermath of ITS has certainly shown it’s affects, with no one paying her travel bills she resorted to hanging out with gays, strays and rental cars
Let’s take a look back at her most boring life eeeevvvvvveeeeer
Pretended to have a girlie trip with her “only when it suits her friend” Nicole, turns out whole trip was a paid branded affair with her name clearly on a gifted shit bag, trip content was just getting pissed.
Her fashion outfits continue to be Chav’plastic, her 2nd Dior cagul is getting a hammering. The first is only staying together from the stubborn sweaty under-stains
Morocco trip - did not happen
Dinner with the manners of Pig and Mr Pig - did not happen
Exfoliating - still not happening
Advent calendar giveaway - didn’t happen
Lot of shite she comes out with - still not happening
Went to Barcelona for a party of a, very loosely termed, ITS designer. Turns out party had already happened 48 hours earlier according to such designer, time travel at it’s finest or just pissed and forgot what day it was. The photo evidence was top notch, Pissed Up Mother trying to look with cool younguns
Brand flogging included, best eevvveeer everything she flogs
- Boots L’Oreal - scraping the barrel
- Whitening strips, gob glower
- Iconic skincare - best eeevvvver
- Kate Somerville - best eeevvver
- Grown Alchemist - best eeevvvvver
- Superdry coat, leggings - best eeevvvver
Pretended she bought tickets to Cabaret when Superdry has bought a job for PR event, realised she’d shot herself in the foot and took down any evidence
Mytheresa had a PR lunch, lots of big influencers were there as a collective they decided not to talk to her, tag her or give her a audience at all. Wonder why?
Several Lives, usually during the day at odd hours when most decent folk are working with a creepy stalker in the background
Several very odd Q&A’s asking herself very obscure questions then hey ho, I’m flogging this - buy it
Weekly giveaways, paying for engagement, paying for her following number
Tried teaching us how to cook, the recipe was a sure fire stomach cleanser
Begged for a manicure
Had hair weave that looks ridiculously too long and fake
Used god knows how many foundations 5 tones too deep, probably to cover up the red alcohol skin
She tried to runaway to Manchester but Mr Pig soon showed up, to stop her tantrum he bought a Hermes gift that was actually purchased by her
Now they announced they are moving, she needs peace and quiet even though she legs it to London at every chance, she is stretching this one out for content. Evidence yet to be produced if it’s rental, purchase or some sort of tie in branding deal. Dumping her mum, vulnerable brother makes this either cruel or particularly suspicious. Horsham Heights is not for sale as yet, mmmmmmmmm
New dog on the scene, poor thing looks like it needs proper care and attention from someone who actually knows what they are doing. Another influencer got the name out Bear, killing her thunder just as Yawna was stretching the “guess the name of the dog” Oh the DMs must of been on fire.
Good choice of name considering the hideous Z lister and vile Stephen Bear who is known as Bear was convicted this week of voyeurism, leaking revenge porn!!
It’s Christmas we don’t want answers, we have proper friends and family to celebrate with
But we’ll be back and want answers in the New Year, we will be watching you Yawna, watching you very closely and yes we know you love to read us
Happy Christmas TiTs
@annabelle_bronstein apologies just realised you had the most votes, shame on me, will you take a bottle of Pissing Angel
as soon as I‘m gifted a crate I’ll send over to you
Lorna Luxe #40 - a new dog, a new house, but same old mahogany spouse
. OMR tagging along to pay up or shut up - otherwise she'll be shrinking his jeans in the wash again 
cringe