Bless you. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself sweetheart xThank you and it's so hard to find words to say, I don't even know what to say to anyone about how I feel either.
I'm going to call them Tuesday and try and sort it out. I was having therapy phone appointments for anxiety, but I switched them to online as I wasn't having the opportunity to actually have time for the appointments with the kids and work.
He's 10 months old today, so 2 months to go, but I've been planning what to do with the kids in the half term Halloween time and it just bought back all the things that were really upsetting me last year.
Like, it all sounds ridiculous, but I helping get the older two ready for the school run for my husband, then travelling an hour on 2 buses to see my little one in NICU, where at that point he was in the nursery and not the incubator. I remember being upset that some other moms had a Halloween outfit for thier little ones and I hadn't prepared for him. Then the doctors were really late on their rounds and I had promised to do my eldest girls hair and make up for her Halloween school disco, so was on a tight schedule to travel an hour on 2 buses back home and make it just in time.
The doctors didn't even have any updates either except for they were still waiting for the blood cultures to confirm the infection and that he wasn't tolerating his feeds well.
I couldn't face taking her to the disco, because I couldn't face talking to any of the parents or teachers about what was happening, so my Dad took my husband and my daughter and he picked them up too.
I had also promised to try and trick or treat after the disco, but I was exhausted, in pain and spent most the night crying in bed and I felt so guilty I couldn't even go to a few houses. Then she did her cry in the evening that she had done since he was born because she wanted him to be well and come home.
I then cried even more, because I felt like I hadn't spent enough time at NICU and I hadn't spent enough time at home.
And now I feel like I'm pressuring myself to make sure this Halloween is amazing to make up for last years, so I can have a new memory and trying to make it fun and memorable for my kids, while not costing the earth and I think I'm making it worse for myself.
I adore my little boy and I'm so pleased at his progress and can't wait to see him celebrating his first birthday, but I know it's going to bring up a lot of things I have been hiding away.
Ah yeah I know the one. One of my sons went to Strathclyde Uni and he now lectures at Glasgow. The other one went to Glasgow but still talks like a nedIt was the one on Renfield St, I wasn't bougie enough for the West end. I don't have a Glasgow uni accent (I was Strathclyde then Caley, never managed the triple as I did my MSc at Chester).
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It was really good, if I remember right (which might be questionable, given how much vodka was involved )
I bleeping love Glasgow. Best city in Britain