Liz Jones - You Magazine Columnist

[Mediastar]

Us forrins get the Drear a day early and, surprise surprise, the

Regarding today’s ‘Diary’
What the hell is David thinking?!?

I think she's goading him. She loathes the fact that he has *real* friends. I'd bet a shiny shilling he has mentioned nothing about an "engraved" present. It's simply a pretext to buy something for him to provoke a response. David's problem is that he will... and off we go again!

 

[shushablay]

There was definitely alcohol involved in the writing of that column, it was just incoherent rambling. Notably she didn't use David's name as I think she's been told not to mention him in the dreary again. However, if she's going to try and resurrect that relationship again, I think it really will be the death knell for the column as no-one wants to read that borefest again, particularly with all of the malicious, nasty swipes at David and his friends, I'm surprised she got away with it this far.

eta just realised I used the word "again" 3 times in 2 sentences, I could be up for the Liz Jones repetitive crap award for writing.

 

[Origen]

There was definitely alcohol involved in the writing of that column, it was just incoherent rambling.

I thought so too. It was disjointed to the point of just a stream of consciousness? It may be that she’s on the sauce again.. a crap Christmas with no one understanding her problems will be the excuse she’ll use? I also think she’s skating on thin ice with the column. She simply cannot get out of the revolving door of unsuitable men and self pitying howls.

 

[shushablay]

That was the other thing that stood out, that apparently David went into decline when they split up..total crap I bet a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and her assertion that he just wants to ride out time before he shuffles off his mortal coil! That's disgusting, I think she forgets, he has family, his son, and I believe a daughter, who he gets on well with, that is always a reason for people to stay positive, so that they can be part of their adult children's lives, grandchildren even, she really doesn't have a clue and whilst she might think that is what his life has become, I very much doubt it. In fact I'm sure he'd already turned down an invitation for Christmas, as he wanted to spend it with friends, but as usual Liz lies.

In fact there's probably nothing wrong with his phone he'll just be telling her that to get off his case, and she probably thinks that by buying him a brand new top of the range model, that she can cajole him into communicating with her...don't do it David..run..run away, do not accept the gift.

 

[House of Tea]

We are on page 50. I am not sure she warrants another thread. She is completely boring now. I can’t even be bothered to dislike her. She needs a new schtick.

 

[shushablay]

yeah I agree, we can string this one out for another few posts by which time, hopefully she and her dire dreary will have disappeared

 

[Origen]

She is completely boring now. I can’t even be bothered to dislike her. She needs a new schtick.

Yeah I do agree but I still resent the fact she gets paid for putting swathes of the public down. Her recent Mail Plus articles are once again spewing vitriol over the usual suspects mums, women with partners , checkout staff and supermarkets. She’s an arch troll in Hunter wellies. Sure, you should ignore trolls and I do try but she just gets on my goat.
Ultimately it will be her alcohol fuelled envy that gets the better of her I hope. Her last diary entry was addled.. surely someone with the merest editorial credentials at DM noticed?

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

No new thread = no excellent Myla Thong title!

Liz is definitely back on the sauce as if she were ever off. She wavers between "I have a serious drink problem and I drink a bottle of wine a night!" vs "My alcoholism was miraculously cured with a trip to a wellness retreat"

 

[Mediastar]

Stop Press. She hasn't been jabbed. She wheels out a slew of excuses (and claims that, if she's going to be "in a room with people" she has a PCR test (evidently having no idea about the difference between PCR and Lateral Flow). She also fills half the column with rehashed shite, doesn't believe in wearing masks and thinks people who need IVF are "unlucky not ill" so shouldn't be treated on the NHS (She probably feels the same about her deafness...). All in all, a massive shitshow and yes, she was blown out for Christmas!

 

[Mediastar]

She also throws Scrace to the Anti-Vax brigade, which is thoughtful, as he seems to have eschewed his 'gift'... I imagine there's some sort of explanation in the plodcast?

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

The podcast. If I must I must. Cut for length:

Spoiler

As described in her final column of 2021, Liz bought David an iPhone and accessories worth £1000 so he could call for help "in case he had a stroke" or similar. (Having a stroke would normally leave someone unable to speak or dial - hence the "FAST" test.) Liz spent a day waiting around to see if he'd respond. When she didn't, she texted him and he replied that he'd sent it back and she should "look to herself and her own actions." Liz complains at length that she was devastated and cried, while Nic berates David. Liz says "I had no motivation other than to give someone a phone so they would not die." Liz feels "liberated" by blocking him ... which I guarantee lasted five minutes cuz she still needs column fodder.

More drivel about how ungrateful everyone around her is. More drivel about how "Nirpal said she was just like Harvey Weinstein." She calls her family "self-pitying." They both witch and moan about Nic's boyfriend who stood her up on New Year's Eve. Nic equates caring for her elderly dog, who has dementia, with having a baby; and says people just don't know what it's like. She does not have any children so how does she know what having a baby is like? Liz prattles endlessly about "blocking" people you don't like and how her therapist encouraged her to do it. Liz encourages Nic to break up with her long-term partner because of the New Year incident. Is a podcast really the appropriate time and place for this discussion?

This week's column is all about her being anti-vax. She claims David said he "wanted unvaccinated people to be killed" ... that's quite a serious allegation. I wonder if David's lawyer is listening? Liz wants to go to Australia to see Nigel but they won't let her in because she refuses to have a COVID vaccine. I expect this would piss off even anti-vax listeners. At least they're proud of standing up for their views, whereas all Liz cares about is her stupid crush and column inches. Liz says she didn't have the vaccine because, when she was first invited, she was ill with her vertigo/Meniere's Disease and could not drive to the vaccine centre 20 miles away. Apparently she has had no further opportunities to be vaccinated since then.

Liz often doesn't wear a mask because "I'm deaf and deaf people can't lip-read with a mask!" You can't lip-read if the other person is wearing a mask; whether you are wearing one is irrelevant. She again insults the NHS consultant she visited a few months back, and repeats the false claim that she is "profoundly deaf." And also insults a local shopkeeper who asked her to wear a mask, use anti-bacterial hand gel, and not to bring her dogs. She threatens to have the dogs pee on his produce outside; and makes fun of him because "you're overweight, probably diabetic, and can't stop eating doughnuts whereas I'm thin and fit!" Go away, Liz.

Nic talking about her health problems segues into Liz bragging that she recovers easily from dumping a boyfriend whereas Nic gets stressed which makes her ill. GO AWAY, LIZ. Liz's archive column is from 2010 where she describes attending a high school reunion. There's lots of self-pitying talk about her poor self-esteem and eating disorder. Liz's high school best friend was not at the reunion because she now lives in Hong Kong, so Liz "had" to go to see her - implying it was at personal expense. In fact, British Airways sponsored the trip as she'd been commissioned to write an article for their in-flight magazine.

Liz complains how bad she felt at the reunion because she is the only one of her old friends who isn't married with children. She blames her infatuation with David Cassidy whereas her friends were "having real boyfriends and getting pregnant." I ain't touching that one. Liz "wanted something better than living in suburban Essex and working in Boots" and humblebrags about how maybe she should have been like her friends but actually she was just superior. She is jealous that all her old friends are happy and confident. The reunion apparently ended with her asking endless needy questions about whether they liked her at school.

More talk about the trip to Hong Kong and how the Hong Kong friend's boyfriend preferred Liz, but Liz did not "get off" with him due to an incident involving her grandfather falling off a bike. WTF? Liz consoles herself with the thought that "we all end up single anyway, but I didn't have to be divorced or widowed to get there." Keep telling yourself that, Liz. There are plenty of women in long marriages and plenty of widowed men. Liz crows that she didn't want children anyway, she wanted a horse and now she's had several. She complains about someone who left a review on her autobiography saying she obviously wasn't poor if she could afford riding lessons. Liz is all "I had to muck out in exchange for riding lessons ACTUALLY" and then starts screeching "BLOCK! BLOCK! BLOCK! BLOCK! BLOCK!"

And we finish on a round of "fan mail" totes not written by Nic

 

[House of Tea]

Liz must surely bore herself now.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Loath as I am to bring traffic to her podcast I think you cannot truly grasp the depth of how deranged she is unless you've listened to it. This week has the "YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT AND CAN'T STOP EATING DOUGHNUTS AND PROBABLY HAVE DIABETES" and "BLOCK! BLOCK! BLOCK!" Or there was the "BACK IN YOUR BOX!" in the Nirpal-bashing episode. You can practically hear a demon cackling when she says any of these, it's the rotten depths of her entire spiteful personality expressed in just a couple of words

 

[House of Tea]

Loath as I am to bring traffic to her podcast I think you cannot truly grasp the depth of how deranged she is unless you've listened to it. This week has the "YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT AND CAN'T STOP EATING DOUGHNUTS AND PROBABLY HAVE DIABETES" and "BLOCK! BLOCK! BLOCK!" Or there was the "BACK IN YOUR BOX!" in the Nirpal-bashing episode. You can practically hear a demon cackling when she says any of these, it's the rotten depths of her entire spiteful personality expressed in just a couple of words

I listened to a few of the early ones. She is spiteful but even worse than that, she’s boring too. I can’t listen again.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I listened to a few of the early ones. She is spiteful but even worse than that, she’s boring too. I can’t listen again.

It's even duller than the Dreary cuz at least that tends to be mercifully SHORT whereas her podcast allows her to ramble on, and on, and on ...

 

[isitlunchtime]

I genuinely cannot believe she still has a column

 

[Origen]

I listened to approx 8 minutes of a podcast once and it was beyond boring. It numbed me. They had weird jaunty music and boom boom noises when they thought they’d delivered a punchline? Nic whole point of being there was to either agree with Liz or to feed her inane talking points. I suppose that’s her main role in life really?
How that woman thought she could host a ‘OneWoman’show around the country and fill seats is incomprehensible!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

So convenient the book tour was cancelled because of COVID. Never mind, she can always have another go once The Tortoise is released

 

[Ndrangheta]

Listen, 'columnists' are there to irritate you. I wouldn't believe anything much they say. Occasionally they make good points. But it's just their job to make-up sh1t to wind readers-up. That's their job. It's quite a pathetic existence really (as he says sitting on his own typing this). You know what I mean.

Female columnists are the worst (best). If you can stomach it, read some of the agenda-pushing tripe The Guardian columnists pump-out for money like sewage. My l0rd. Still, what are middle-class over-educated entitled-women supposed to do? They ain't exactly gonna get a job in Lidl are they. Which funnily enough would do them some good and get them back into the real-world.

 

[Ennui]

Fair point. They're almost all bullshit merchants.