Liz Jones - You Magazine Columnist

[dee_mc]

Empathy my fat arse: this is an ad for her shitty book.
I hope it fails miserably.

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

I knew that the likes of her would have jumped on the “I met Nick Kamen” bandwagon. He most definitely would not have been able to recall her name, let alone remember the encounter. As for calling him an Essex Boy, he was only that because of the town he was brought up in. Nicky was brought up with impeccable manners and came from good family. He resembled nothing like the stereotypical Essex Boys of today. I know all this because my sister is married to one of his brothers.

It’s so telling that no one has had a bad word to say about him. He sounds like a truly lovely man

 

[coleywoley]

Another one who read it whilst living at home, my parents had the Mail delivered on a Sunday. The woman literally never stopped moaning about anything and everything. I loved to hate read it.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

My favourite comment: " Yet they assign this article to Liz Jones who, if her own diary column is to be believed is more self obsessed than any Gen Z person - she acts as if she is still writing for Jackie in the 70s"

 

[Cunderthunt]

She seems very fixated on the idea that everyone remembers her as "the girl with the midnight storm hair". And claims to always have her hair done at the most exclusive London salons when it very evidently comes out of a box. For one of her Mail features they sent her to try out a salon where the stylist gave her a much more flattering dark chestnut colour with some lowlights - naturally, Liz didn't keep it

I believe the quote was "was that the gal with the midnight storm hair?"

As if men ever talk about anyone like that. Her hair dye job makes her look like an elderly Goth.

 

[Blurp]

All my dogs (and most of my cats) have been rescues; my current dogs are from Romania and a couple have been traumatised. However, they most certainly don't behave like her dogs. I've been trying to get one to cross the threshold into the garden for six months and another is a lead refusenik, so they stay in the house or garden instead of walks - we live in the country so the garden is large. They are loving, welcoming to visitors, ask to go out or use the washable puppy pads. (I have to clear up after another though but she is very elderly with dementia and has simply forgotten or doesn't realise what she is doing.) I expect a standard of behaviour from them and they comply.

She simply doesn't bother to look after her animals properly.

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

Yes it's a big horrible mess of bitterness, boasting and insecurity. I think she thinks she comes across as sassy and daring but it's just all a bit tragic (and I say that as a 50 year old singleton - when even I am pitying her the jig must be up )

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

This might have been mentioned before, but the rock star? Was he ever identified? I read Jim Kerr denied it and took some sort of court action, did it even happen?

The rock star only lives in the dumpster fire of LJ's brain. Totally made up and based on Jim Kerr but as you said, he sent her a cease and desist to get her to stop inferring it was him. And really. who can blame him? LJ is a complete catastrofuck and a lying cunt to boot.
Never forget that she told the inland revenue that her column is largely fiction...

 

[BespectacledWombat]

Just joined having read about this thread in LJ's latest column. I feel like I've found my people.

 

[shazbev]

Fuck me..... Moan, moan, moan, moan....ad nauseum infinitum. What a whiny bratty cow she is. She writes the most boring column on this earth. Is it too much to ask she loses feeling in her writing hand and gives all a break. I worked in the NHS for 32 years and know her type, snotty, whingy and entitled.

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

when it’s time for the next thread can we please have the Mila thong in the title???

Weekly mentions of the Myla thong,
Don’t dare suggest she might be in the wrong

 

[Very traditional]

I used to read it regularly as a teen when I still lived at home.

I remember the ex-husband Nirpal(?).
Then didn’t she buy a place in the countryside and rescue horses

When I go home for a visit to my parents I’ll look at her page the odd time and can’t believe she’s still whinging on about the same sh*t!!

yes when she moved to the countryside and had the horses was when I was reading it - she was desperately poor and vets bills were huge but she was travelling in to “town” all the time for interviews and to meet friends and then on glamorous mini breaks with the boyfriend. I thought a lot of it was made up of I’m honest but you never know

 

[mingbag]

Earlier this year when I visited my parents I flicked to the back of You magazine and couldn’t believe she’s STILL going on about the same old cr*p. I even said to my dad who was sitting next to me, ‘is this one still whinging on?’. How is she even let write a column?!?

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I'm so glad they did that - being great advocates for their mother. Shame they can't get the rest of that awful article deleted!

Liz claimed that they were so incensed by the article she wrote about her sister's death that they didn't invite her to the funeral and wouldn't even tell her where the grave was. If true, I have to say they admire them for that. I can't remember whether or not it was part of her "eulogy" but she did at one point call her sister desperate because she was in her 70s yet still wearing makeup and going on dates. Will Liz hang up her Hourglass primer and eyelash pins at 70 or this just another instance of her famous hypocrisy?

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Your wish is my command

B	I	N	G	O
Shitty engagement ring	Diptyque Candles	WAXING	Victoria Beckham dress	Having no friends
Giving money to family	Men never paying for anything	MINI PUPPY	Dead horse	Stealing sperm
Dunhill lighter	Mini breaks	Disgusting sex details	Being frigid	David's ponytail
New mystery man	SATC / Carrie Bradshaw	Liam Neeson	Nic being bitchy	DEAFNESS
Ancient Myla thong (dry clean only)	Vegetarianism	FREE SQUARE	Midnight Storm hair	Dry clean only
Dogs "stress wee"	GIANT CHILDREN	Smeg fridge	Buttery soft leather	Oily baths
Separating eyelashes with a pin	Waitrose	NERVOUS pets	Banned from Fashion Week	Owns every issue of Vogue
Maharishi combat trousers	Bottega Veneta dress / heels	Fresh linen on the bed in case she brings a man home	Ex-ex	Helmut Lang suits
Rock Star	Gracie destroyed something	Never goes on holiday	Pays more tax than anyone ever	Damn women and their maternity leave

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Today: Liz brags about how Cambridge Man can't wait to bang her and she "wants to get it over with, like measles." Sad in more ways than one

 

[Mediastar]

The gall of a whiny old hag who was bankrupted over her non-payment of taxes that fund the NHS moaning about how she was treated really takes the biscuit. I suspect the vomit/ambulance story has a great deal more to do with her drinking than anything else... I imagine the ambulance crew were thrilled to be dealing with an old soak when there were other, really ill people needing their services.

 

[Mediastar]

Well, tomorrow's Dreary takes 'batshit' to a whole new level! Poor Russell is now a Movie Star and despite Jones "deep searching", she cannot find any further information on him (unlike a normal person who can find his name, address, current occupation, partner's name and occupation in under 5 mins). Russell the tour guide has made a fatal error, however, in having engaged with Jonesey (sending her some old pics) so will be bombarded until he (too) gets a restraining order.
Mystery shag *was* Dscrace (surprise!) and she was so good at it that he has turned down a three day NYE freebie to have another go, preferring to see some actual friends.
Jonesey's piss is well and truly boiled by this betrayal... does he not realize that she is the epitome of the hot sex action? So what if neither of them had a good time, eh? How dare he turn down the chance to worship her moth-ridden, hairless crevice!
This will run for weeks, be warned!

 

[hiya_hun]

Wow seems like a lot of us know of Liz through our parents being DM readers as teenagers

This woman is SO strange but I've not read anything about her in recent years. I remember reading about her breast reduction to remove her boobs purely to give her a completely flat chested look like a supermodel . She's really riddled with body dysmorphia isn't she? And I weirdly remember she would only ever have glass bottles of San pellegrino sparkling water in her fridge

I used to read her column years ago too. I think I remember this was right. He said she put their entire private life in the column and thats why he left her. And he did try and steal his sperm, but agreed he sounded horrible. Like he hated her but OTOH was using her to further his own career and for the status. They were as bad as each other. I'm not sure if a lot of it is made up for the column or if she is an utter fantasist.

I actually forgot about the sperm thing!!!

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

I think the ‘poor me’ columns are even worse than the ‘I’m catnip to men’ ones. ‘Why couldn’t the nurse have a warm smile?’ Has our Liz ever had a warm smile for anyone on earth??