Wow scrunchies... i havent been online in a few days and she's really upped her game in the meantime. I missed:
- her changing Larose's name to Laorse, which knowing Laureen's inability to spell is clearly just a misspelling of LaHorse. What a pretty name change!
- her moaning yet again about being tired, despite having personally chosen to have two kids under 1 year old... makes total sense of course. Why should such a BYG, who clearly works very very hard all day, have to put up with such exhaustion! Luckily someone provided the much-awaited massages (and presumably didnt rush) so she has had some respite recently.
- Ch'Arg putting on a duck ton of weight. What a looker he is turning into scrunchies! Every time I see those teef on his massive spaceball head and that well-rounded gut hanging over his stained trackie-Bs I just melt and I know you do too.
- one of the greatest outfits ever stapled onto a whale outside of a dentists chair. In a week that has also seen the Met gala heavily featured in the press I am, as ever, very impressed, with our BYG's top notch fashion choices which keep her relevant and relatable.
- Lahorse being fed adult sized portions of food. She is just so advanced guys - I am so so impressed by her ability to scoff all that despite having no family history of such obesity...
- Lahorse being left to sort herself out in a high chair painted with pasta sauce, which we were able to deduce is probably full of the best stuff for for babies such as salt and sugar. Yummy. Laureen's ability to allow her child to fester in her own muck is something that I personally am unable to emulate but that's ok because we can't all be so virtuous as to allow our children to learn from a young age how it feels to be an actual hippo wallowing in mud.
- an interview in which we learned that
--- (a) Laureen wants to give birth in the outhouse just like the Virgin Mary, who she so clearly emulates in all aspects of life. The second coming is almost here guys - keep the faith. I don't know what happened to all the stuff she said was in the outhouse when she was trying to con someone into sorting it all out but maybe that's the equivalent of hay and she's really thought this nativity scene through?
--- (b) LaHorse will be asleep when Laureen goes "Into her zone" and gives birth like the expert that she is. Quite aside from the impressive ability of LaHorse to sleep at times allocated to her by an unborn sister, I am just so awed by how considerate the child really is. I'm sure it will all go as planned by Laureen and LaHorse will happily just sit and gurgle away or sleep soundly for 15 hours of labour. Luckily she can feed herself adult portions of very healthy food now I'm sure that'll kill a few hours.
--- (c) a name for the new messiah has been chosen. We dont know what it is yet but we can assume that it is a bewful homage to her parents like the last one. But even if we dont like it, never fear Scrunchies as she won't be able to spell it anyway.
- LaHorse's advanced skills don't seem to have extended to crawling or pulling herself up yet, which is a shame. But that's ok because such perfick children don't really need to walk anyway. The only skills such a celebrity like Laureen's kids actually need are (1) sitting back at a low recline in their filthy high chairs (2) getting naked in the bath and (3) not complaining too much when forced to wear gigantic headbands for hours at a time.
- The Bisto Kid gave us the low down on Laureen and Ch'Arg's relationship. I mean, she's obviously just jealous of our BYG and let's not forget that she shagged one of the weeble twins, but I can't help thinking there must be something in it...
Did i miss anything??
