I want to be Pearl E Gates.
By this reckoning, I'd be Bruce Foster. I wouldn't even have a wank, frankly.
My husband would be Enoch and Wilson Callaghan. Twins!
Everything is better than Bruce Foster, frankly.
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I want to be Pearl E Gates.Yep, I would be Tipsy Wall. Keep an eye out on your nearest top shelf purveyor of smut.
By this reckoning, I'd be Bruce Foster. I wouldn't even have a wank, frankly.Did you ever do that thing with your mates to find your porn star name? Take the name of your first pet and your mother's maiden name - Tanny Yates for me haha!
My husband would be Enoch and Wilson Callaghan. Twins!I want to be Pearl E Gates.
By this reckoning, I'd be Bruce Foster. I wouldn't even have a wank, frankly.
This is bloody brilliant, cheered me right up after a shit day at workYes to the Lozza magazine,
We could have a cookery section "101 ways with sweetcorn",
A beauty section "Polyfilla and you! the complete home guide to new lips"
A style section, "Polyester catsuits for all occasions"
A parenting section "When you noon goes boom!"
A relationship section " When your Only Fan becomes your only man"
Out on the town guide "From Sheesh to the backstreets, all the places to eat and be eaten"
Exercise advice "Yungel on the run, a new you and new body with these simple (Photoshop) exercises"
A special handiman section for Chaz, "Simple pipe handling techniques for your blocked sink"
A career section "#Busycunts get the job you want with no effort (the simple art of pretending)"
Oh god. I'm Shandy Booth.Did you ever do that thing with your mates to find your porn star name? Take the name of your first pet and your mother's maiden name - Tanny Yates for me haha!
Dear FacehuggerThis is bloody brilliant, cheered me right up after a shit day at workcan I pleeeease do the Lozza version of 'Dear Deidre'? I promise to send everybody a personal reply and not just an e-leaflet
Oh god. I'm Shandy Booth.Yep, sound like a 30 stone stripper from the arse end of Shoeburyness or somewhere
You lot are killing me
Dear LozzaDear Facehugger
I have a problem with my boyfriend. He says he loves me but I think he is gay. I've noticed phallic shaped fruit and vegetables going missing in the house and turning up in the bathroom sink. Also when I go visit Essex's best carpark I come home and a handsome boy is always leaving and my boyfriend always looks a little flushed, he says it's just a mate but I don't know maybe it's my strong hormones making me paranoid. There is this online chat site where busy cunts go to slag celebs off and they say they've seen naughty videos of him with his bum out and someone said something about a pokey bot wank, I dunno I'm just a bit confused. What ya think a shud do? Thanks
Lozza.
NutterDear Lozza
I think that sadly your fears are not unfounded. He sounds bent as a ten Bob note to me. Now it's up to you if you want to beard him, but if you want to stop an endless stream of botty boys in and out of your house, I'd suggest stocking up his bedside drawer with plenty of various phallic shaped plastic toys and lube. And packet of bum wipes, a tube of Anusol and a bin in the corner might come in handy.
You, while he's otherwise engaged, can #busycunt yourself staying occupied on your discount OF site providing wank material for mucky old pervs and sadsacks. My invoice for £7.99 will follow shortly.
Have Fun.
Hugger
I showed that picture to my wife. We shift between horror and laughing about it.That arse looks terrible. You could honestly use it as a shelf.
I agree with you 100%. What really upsets me is her arrogant behavior.I think it's just been hidden. My 76yr old mum (ex children's social worker) tried to raise a few points about his admitted cocaine abuse and her fictitious concepts of what a midwife is. No comments allowed. Then disappeared.
I'm sure she wasn't the only one.
Moleman must be choking on his own billious poisonous fraud now.
This is hypereallism gone crazy!
She is and has always been a slightly dowdy, somewhat overweight girl who appeared on a contrived 'reality' TV show. She was picked because her boyfriend was technically better looking than her.
A lot of young women related to that sense of being plain, ignored, a bit chubby and unloved.
She responded by turning herself into an absolute travesty of a woman.
Seriously, who wants to have a baby with a man serving a long sentence for violent assault against very vulnerable victims? With weapons?
Who would want to have a baby with a 23yr old half-appenathy worth who plays gay for pounds?
I honestly cant stand her.
Or her illiterate stupidity.
Her with that silly false filtered face that looks like something that crawled from the pretend wreckage at Roswell.
Lots of people are fat. Like her. Lots of people aren't academic. Like her. I'm far from perfect. But I know it.
Some other people might have bizarrely distorted, big, fat, trebble-chinned moon faces (with weird drawn on eyebrows and very piggy eyes) like her.
Or an arse that looks like they've not only had a very big accident in their designer gym wear but have also smuggled 15 refugees into the country inside their four sizes too small leggings.
But who cares if they can - at least - write a sentence, show compassion or - for just one moment - think about another person?
Her total lack of self-awareness coupled with her innate ugliness of soul boils my piss 100%.
Also, she never expressed an ounce of conviction for the vulnerable victims of her violent ex.
She is just plain nasty.
I agree with you 100%. What really upsets me is her arrogant behavior.I think it's just been hidden. My 76yr old mum (ex children's social worker) tried to raise a few points about his admitted cocaine abuse and her fictitious concepts of what a midwife is. No comments allowed. Then disappeared.
I'm sure she wasn't the only one.
Moleman must be choking on his own billious poisonous fraud now.
This is hypereallism gone crazy!
She is and has always been a slightly dowdy, somewhat overweight girl who appeared on a contrived 'reality' TV show. She was picked because her boyfriend was technically better looking than her.
A lot of young women related to that sense of being plain, ignored, a bit chubby and unloved.
She responded by turning herself into an absolute travesty of a woman.
Seriously, who wants to have a baby with a man serving a long sentence for violent assault against very vulnerable victims? With weapons?
Who would want to have a baby with a 23yr old half-appenathy worth who plays gay for pounds?
I honestly cant stand her.
Or her illiterate stupidity.
Her with that silly false filtered face that looks like something that crawled from the pretend wreckage at Roswell.
Lots of people are fat. Like her. Lots of people aren't academic. Like her. I'm far from perfect. But I know it.
Some other people might have bizarrely distorted, big, fat, trebble-chinned moon faces (with weird drawn on eyebrows and very piggy eyes) like her.
Or an arse that looks like they've not only had a very big accident in their designer gym wear but have also smuggled 15 refugees into the country inside their four sizes too small leggings.
But who cares if they can - at least - write a sentence, show compassion or - for just one moment - think about another person?
Her total lack of self-awareness coupled with her innate ugliness of soul boils my piss 100%.
Also, she never expressed an ounce of conviction for the vulnerable victims of her violent ex.
She is just plain nasty.
This bit of random straight hair definitely natural & not been added to cover her fat chops up at all!Well this photo clearly isn't shopped. Look at the bloke in the background.View attachment 590258
It gets worse.
View attachment 590265View attachment 590265
Oh god what is that on her stories?
View attachment 590264
Happy ending? They’ve only been together since October. Lets see if they’re still together in 10 years...WTAF is wrong with people .... how can anyone think like this .... bloody mental.
Drives me mad that people keep saying she got her happy ending, bloody pathetic idiots
In keeping with the magazine idea, shall we have someHappy ending? They’ve only been together since October. Lets see if they’re still together in 10 years...
He does dress like a 13 year oldWhat is he doing with popadom ? Is he 13
That poor baby
Not even been a year yet - Jesus ChristHappy ending? They’ve only been together since October. Lets see if they’re still together in 10 years...
EXCUSE ME!! Never mind the face - WTF is she wearing out in public? Tights and a pair of big knickers??? Who wants to eat anywhere near that and remember the actual public will be seeing the actual reality.Well this photo clearly isn't shopped. Look at the bloke in the background.View attachment 590258
It gets worse.
View attachment 590265View attachment 590265
Oh god what is that on her stories?
View attachment 590264
He looks utterly thrilled (like a serial killer) as usual.He does dress like a 13 year oldWhich probably also matches his mental age
Not even been a year yet - Jesus Christ
That’s actually quite a difficult questionIn keeping with the magazine idea, shall we have somemystic megSeptic Peg predictions of what 10 years time will look like for this deluded pair?
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