Lauren Goodger #28 Pregacy almost ending, covid rules bending, still not trending

[Clickbait]

Is it just me or does that column become more pointless and uninteresting every week? No wonder OK can’t be arsed to promote it - they were probably hoping for some scoops on her relationship, baby name etc. All they’ve got is a regurgitation of what’s been on her IG all week.

She is so unprepared for everything she does, and I think it must stem from laziness and a lack of foresight. Sees that the weather is nice for a few days as soon as we have a couple of sunny days and then just expects to be able to find somewhere (with a pool) to beg stay during half term.

As for her hilarious beach trip warranting a TV show - dream on Loz. It might be improved if Oddbod mistook an unfiltered Loz for a donkey and tried to ride her round the beach.

 

[AlwightDallin]

WTF why is she triangular? She has 50% more face than this, what must the hairdresser think when she's got her head on a backwash and she's doing a filtered selfie?! Why!? You can even see the line where her ears would be (where ARE her ears!?) where the filter is sucking her face in.

It's absolutely ridiculous, I'm astounded! She's blurred out her upper lip/nose area... Loz, please either stop using the filters or just stop posting, I'm sure the DM sidebar of shame will survive without knowing you had your hair washed.

 

[Katewinsletsknee]

The same face (don’t know what app) is used on EVERY BACKGRID photo ...

 

[Pom Bear]

Well he is bloody gormless, that's all you can say about him really. Who'd get entangled with that if they had any sense, never mind upduff it xx

That's true lol xx.

An old pic but thought I re add xx

 

[Facehugger]

We need some thread title suggestions soon guys, get your thinking caps on, I'm just off to get some food so here's my effort:

Thread title suggestion #29:

Python frock, face like Spock, Big Lozzie's now berthed back in dry dock.

 

[Userom]

Lozzas hospital bag -

selfie stick
Selfie ring light
Sweetcorn
Make up
Shovel (to apply makeup)
phone charger
Lip filler (in case top up is required)
Sexy underwear for OF content to be filmed in hospital
Doritos and dip

that’s it bag is full. Nothing in there for baby gel.

 

[Katie8ee]

I know someone posted it already but it's just MAGNIFICENT, this is the content I am here for! How on earth would you take this, look at it and think oh yes I look banging get that on Insta. I know we always say it but Charles has really gone to seed, that outfit is horrendous. I don't need to see men's ankles flapping about. Pair of absolute Weebles the two of them. This bump photoshoot which presumably is going to debut in OK? is going to be a car crash. I still cant believe that this absolute Muppet is going to be responsible for an actual human baby.

All of her selfies look like the sort of selfies you find on your phone when you have been wrecked and drunk you has thought oh I look amazing I'm going to capture this moment, in reality what is staring back is the face of a monster

 

[JakeM]

I think there was one even more bewful than that in all it's glory, from what I remember

I might’ve found it!

 

[AimlessShameless]

Maybe phone the garage you leased it from. The one that will be on the sticker on your car.

 

[Userom]

I am pregnancy glowing

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

I think you're all being really mean. I've actually managed to find a leaked script - MTV are in negotiation with Moleman as we speak...

'Alwight bbz'
'Gizza kiss gawjus'
'What you up 2 Chaz'?
'Just boilin' the water for tonight's broc and sweetcorn. Gonna give it a good 4 hours, get it nice and tasty'
'Bbbz can we 'ave a takeout n' all'?
'Course bbz. Dominos'?
'Great'
'Love u hunni
'Luv u 2'. Followed by awkward kiss.
'Bbbz, you gunna be the best dad evah when Laulie sauvignon rose cheryl Yungel bewty the first is born'
'You gunna be the best mummy. You are kind, bewefl, funni, luvly,'
'Will u hold me hand when babi cumz charlie'?
Chaz looks confused, has a sit down.
'Wot u meen hunni?'
'When bewfwl yungel pops out I will need my hairdryer and spray tan and you can hold my hand if it hurts a bit'.
'Oh. I fawt the stork leaves her on the doorstep.
'Oh Cahz you are so FUNNI.
Chaz smiles wanly and decides to phone his Mum.

 

[liar liar]

10 years ago we were living in France. My step-son came over for a visit with his girlfriend. We were totally unprepared for the idiot that turned up. I couldn't listen to her voice for more than five minutes without finding an excuse to check something in the kitchen, have a pee, empty the cat tray - just anything. I think she thought we lived in Paris not in some rural farm area with cows, horses, geese, ducks, llamas, wild board and bison. She squealed at everything to the point I wanted to brain her with our marble cheese board and chuck her remains in the septic tank. Lozza makes me feel the same way with her utter stupidity and childishness. She's mid-thirties not some ingenue.

 

[Blowup80]

She will be stood to the side with extra hair added, her chin cut in half, colour of ronseal, smoothed with not a pore in sight, size 8 to 8. Chaz behind her whispering in to her ear "wish you did look like this you fucking catfish". Chaz looking as gormless, dead behind the eyes and the captive he normally does.
" We so appy babes aint we Chaz"
Chaz thinking about what time the sink is getting unblocked.
True love innit

 

[Can't Help It]

Phone pings - hang on Charlie (heaves herself off couch) someone want's a pussy pic back in a mo

 

[SATCGOSS]

Lozza thought people would come knocking at her door because of a minor TV career that ended 7 years ago. She was conceited enough to believe she could be rude and/or abusive, turn up late (or not at all) and still have future work as a reality star.

I’m glad she has instead ended up with the life deserved by someone who is lazy and has a shitty attitude, unlike her co-stars who are raking it in with collabs, big houses, tv shows etc. They have proved if you’re a decent person and prepared to put the work in, there is life and money to be made after TOWIE.

What is most karma though is how she has fallen off the pedestal she put herself on. We know there is nothing wrong with being a working parent or a sex worker but she clearly thought these things were beneath her and was happy to spout off and try to shame other people.
Now she has ended up not only being a working parent but her job is flogging her body to anyone willing to pay. Chances are she is probably earning less money than the people she was judging (given how desperate she seems to be getting and the fact that she seems to own nothing of substance).

 

[abcdabcd]

...yeah, try the local skip love

 

[MunHun]

Thread Suggestion:

Lozza’s broke she’s got no cash, buy this lace it’s been in her gash.

 

[CentralLine]

Can we just talk about the fact that instead of walking to the ice cream van by the beach that they ordered one to be delivered via an app.

They are the gift that keeps on giving

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

If you have to ask how to contact Vip whatever, chances are they ain't taking your call

 

[Chi4]

I don’t understand these places giving people freebies , seriously puts me off when I see pics of it