NO HATE, KRUSTIES I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT, AND I WANT TO SHARE MY HEARTFELT LETTER TO KATIE
Kate darling, I think this new hairstyle is simply fabulous, and you should definitely go shorter on top. I heard that the mullet is making a comeback, and I know how much you like to be a trendsetter. My god you did Eurovision before anyone else with influence thought of it. I loved that song; you were amazing and could beat Celine Dion in a sing-off any day of the week. I have a whole new world as my number one song on Spotify and especially the artificially enhanced version. Who needs auto-tune?
When are you next adding to your wonderful tattoo collection? I think they look so classy, and you fortunately still have lots of room on your glorious body to add to your amazing and thoughtful collection. I can't wait to see the portraiture of your other four children to go with the etching of your mini-me, Princess. I think that is my favourite tattoo to date, along with the knickers - inspired, and I wish I had thought of a way to cut down on my laundry. I am a single mum of eight despite being just 27. Seven different fathers but the universal credits pay well and oh boy can I give you hints on how to throw the social off the scent. I get my nails done every week, botox every 12 weeks, plenty of tattoos, and I've still got money left at the end of the week to go searching for noo eggs. Never been better off in my life #singlemumsrule #universalcredit #moneyfornothing #livingmybestlife #whowantstohavenumber9 #fucksocialservices
I wondered what your plans were with your boobs. I think you should bite the bullet and go just a little bit bigger. The asymmetrical look is so cutting edge and you get the 'being different' memo. You have shown everyone that you can rock the big tit look (and to be fair, not many can carry this off like you, but then you have so much experience being a top model with so much invaluable experience). I have heard there is an amazing surgeon in Afghanistan that what offers the biggest boobs in the world in exchange for just two Instagram posts.
Please don't tell anyone yet, but I heard from the editor of Heat Magazine that symmetrical and slightly false-looking teeth (please don't take offence there is non intended) is past its sell-by date, and original teeth are much more sought after in the top modeling agencies in North Korea. I wonder if you plan to follow this trend and show all these ex-love island stars that they are old-fashioned and not moving with the times. I believe they call it the 'grunge look' which I can see you have been subtly working on for the past few months.
I also wanted to address the sad and distressing news that you are now single. Don't despair, Cole just didn't deserve you. He has been taking you for a ride for years, and I am glad you are rid of him. I heard on the grapevine that there is an amazing man with talent, charisma, and tit loads of money just waiting to make you his wife. His name is Rodney and he will ensure you never need to work again and has just picked up a bunch of Aldi roses that will put Cole's £10K roses in the shade. If you don't want him I will #babydaddynumber9
You are my idol and I love you forever XXX
to me, that tells me that she has no agent and is dealing with any ‘enquiries’ (if any) herself. Was FLF her agent? I know he’s her cling on, or at least he was, but wasn’t sure if he was ‘advertised’ as her agent. This confirms what we previously thought, that FLF has fucked her off. But what was the final straw?
